Women Never Call One Another Sister Until They've Called Each Other A Lot Of Other Things First.

Oscar Wilde, The Importance Of Being Ernest

I walk through the woods, tears pricking my eyelids. I tell myself that I am dead, I should not feel pain. But it doesn't work. I wipe the tears away with my hand.

Yuri…oh, Yuri, I'm sorry. You should be alive. Not me. I'd give anything for you to be alive. Anything.

I gave everything, I think wryly. I already gave up everything to save him, I already died for him, and it wasn't enough. I am alive, and he is dead anyway. He is dead.

This pain is as bad as the first time, when he lay cold in my arms. I stop, leaning against a tree, and staring up at the sky. "Why?" I whisper. "Why try, why fight, why pray?"

Why live?

I explore the thought. I do not believe that suicide is a sin, but I do think that it is an evil.

As in 'the lesser of two evils'.

I sink down to the ground, resting my arms on my legs and bowing my head, creating a small, safe cocoon.

I do not know how long I remain there, locked in my thoughts, but the sun is lower in the sky when I finally look up. I head back to the place where Karin, and Margarite and I stopped.

I see that Karin and Margarite are there ahead of me, but as I approach, Karin runs away again, running straight past me. Margarite stays where she is. I follow Karin.

Eventually I come across her, staring into space. I startle her, I think, because she turns around suddenly when I tap her on the shoulder.

"Alice!"

"Karin,"

She turns away from me again, and sits down on the ground. I sit down next to her. We face slightly away and do not look at each other.

"Karin…did you mean it?"

"What?"

"That you…that you've loved Yuri ever since you saw him?"

"Yes," she says.

I do not reply. There is nothing I can say.

"I…I'm sorry,"

"Don't apologise," I say. "It's not your fault,"

"It's easy for you to be all charitable and forgiving," she says, angrily. "You got to spend time with him. You got to meet him,"

She sighs, and when she next speaks her voice sounds softer. "You…you got to love him,"

"Karin…I…yes, I was lucky to meet him. I was lucky to love him,"

She doesn't answer.

"But, you…you got to love him too,"

"That was another me! Besides…He never loved me. Margarite told you that didn't she? She told you that even then I knew I couldn't match up to you,"

I know what I have to say now, but I cannot get the words out. "I…you don't know that,"

"You believe that about as much as I do,"

I do not answer. She's right. I don't believe that either Yuri or I ever would love another. This is not vanity. I simply cannot imagine it happening. And I have a good imagination.

I honestly do like Karin. I consider her a friend. We have spent much time together, more than I have documented, and I…I – well, I am closer to her than to Geppeto, my uncle.

But Karin and Yuri…I can't comprehend it.

Karin speaks. "You know…I don't know what the other me was thinking…she knew Yuri longer, she had different experiences…but I believe she felt the same way I do,"

I do not reply.

"But, Alice, this me knows you. Margarite and Zhuzhen told me about you and Yuri, and, just now, Margarite told me how Yuri and I acted together. We were…best friends, yes, but…He didn't love me Alice. He only ever loved you,"

"Thank you," I say, closing my eyes. "I know how hard it was for you to say that,"

"Yes…you know, you probably understand me better than anyone," she laughs. "This is weird. I should hate you,"

"Do you?"

"I…no. How could I? Alice, you…" she turns to me. "You're my friend. Yes, I love Yuri, but I…Alice, I…"

I look into her eyes. "You don't have to say it," I tell her. "We probably should hate each other, but if there's one thing Yuri taught me – and, probably, you - it's that you should live your life the way you choose. Not the way you 'should',"

She hugs me. "I know," she whispers. "I know,"

Eventually, we head back to Margarite. I do not think of Yuri and Karin. I like both of them. When I think of them together, my feelings get very mixed up.

Did he love her?

If he had, he would have told her so, wouldn't he?

I should not doubt Yuri. I know, deep in my heart that I can trust him. And I know that I can trust this Karin. But the other Karin…She didn't know me. Even Geppeto did not know how in love Yuri and I were. How could the other Karin have known?

Did she kiss him? Did she comfort him? Did she…

Did she take my place?

I have made my peace with this Karin. But it was never her that I had a problem with. It was not her who may have taken my place. It was the other Karin.

When we reach Margarite she is not alone. There is a woman there, an attractive woman, Japanese, I would say. She is facing away from us, but turns as we approach.

"This is Saki," Margarite tells us as we draw closer. "Yuri's aunt,"

I study her. I can see a faint resemblance, but I do not know if this is wishful thinking. I am aware of Karin doing the same.

"Saki, this is Alice and Karin,"

Saki's eyes grow wide as she studies us. "Yes…" she says.

"What?" I ask. "What's wrong?"

"Oh…nothing. Come back to the village with me. I have something to tell you,"