Disclaimer: I do not own SH1, SH2 or the world.

I'm Not The Man I Used To Be So Why Should I Have To Pay Off His Debts?

Gary Apple

We arrive in Rouen a day early. Again, I head to the back of the church. Margarite offers to accompany me, but I tell her not to worry. We already dealt with the Yamaraja.

I know what I am looking for and straight away I find it. My mother's cross. It is so covered in dirt and blood that I cannot make out the details. I take it back to the hotel room and wash it.

When it is clean, I sit on my bed and hold it in my hand. I have never seen it close up before. I frown. It looks like…

Well, well, well.

I sit back and look up at the ceiling. I frown. There is something dark, something evil…and it's growing. Faster and faster. I open my mouth to scream, but it engulfs me before I can take a breath.

I awake and stand up. I walk forward. There, in front of me are the four masks. I remember them from when…when I was in Yuri's mind. I did not see them up close, but they are unmistakable. The sword, the staff, the gold and the grail. All waiting for me. The sword mask sneers as I reach it.

"Atman will like this one," it says.

"Hohoho!" Says the staff mask, spinning around. "Yes, she will be perfect,"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You're ours," says the grail mask, a gleeful look on its….self.

"What?" I demand. "No! We defeated the Yamaraja!"

"The Yamaraja was our servant little girl," says the gold mask. "We still claim your soul,"

"Why! You already took Yuri! What gives you the right to claim me!"

"That necklace,"

I look down. There, around my neck, is Yuri's necklace. I have worn it so long now I had forgotten about it. But…but surely it never used to be this bright? Surely it was never this shade of red? A cold feeling of horror stalks over me as I remember. The necklace used to be blue, I'm sure. Then…it turned red. Just before…The memories trip through my mind, so sharp now where they were once blurred with time.

"You remember?" Asks the sword mask. I have a sneaking suspicion now that the masks were in fact, forcing me to remember.

"Once you put on that gem, we could claim you," says the staff mask gleefully. "Everyone who wears it is promised to us,"

"But…I…I -"

"Think of all those monsters you killed," says the grail mask. "All those people,"

"They're waiting for you," says the gold. "They want you to die like they did,"

"You wear the necklace. You took those lives. You owe us yours," says the sword mask.

"You already took Yuri," I say again.

"That boy wanted to die," says the staff mask. "He didn't want to live anymore. Just like you,"

"I…I want - "

"You wanted to die, remember? You begged to die, deep in your heart. We just want to make you happy,"

"We just want to grant your wish little girl," says the sword mask, an unpleasant expression on it's face. "We just want to grant all your wishes,"

"Yes," says the gold mask grinning. "Do you want the boy back? Do you want us to bring life back to his body?"

I look at them, thinking. "No," I reply.

They laugh. "Heartless little girl. You don't want him back? After all that? You would deny him life?"

"Leave me alone!" I scream. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

The world begins to swirl. The mask spin around me. "We will come for you," they whisper maliciously. "We will come for you…you will not escape us,"

Suddenly, I am sitting up, back in my hotel room in Rouen. I am panting, still clutching my mother's cross in my hands.

Perhaps I should have let the masks revive Yuri. But no. I do not trust them.

You see, when they asked if I wanted life brought back to Yuri's body, I realised what they meant. They would bring life to the rotting body beneath the ground. The…the corpse. Perhaps they would bring back a monster. Or perhaps, they would have returned Yuri's own soul to that body. That body with the flesh falling off it buried six foot deep.

They could not have meant to return him in perfect health with no ill effects. Could they? No, of course not. They would not. But…

No!

I sleep. Tomorrow I will meet Koudelka again. Tomorrow she will help me. I will not think of what I may have turned down. No.