I was in a very angsty mood when I wrote this. So have fun reading the results of what happens when I get depressed for no reason whatsoever ; in this chapter I address an important issue: Lucrecia.

'...' is Cloud's thoughts as is /italics/ but the italics are for the side of Cloud's consciousness that is insecure, doubtful and cynical. I based it on my own.

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Chapter 5

I flicked through the book, noting that Hojo's smart hand turned into a madman's scrawl as I progressed towards the end.

Shivering at the obvious account of Hojo's final descent into madness, I tried to block out the harsh lines. Photos dropped out of an open page, and I picked them up, trying not to bend them. There was a formal portrait of the entire Science Research Dep. of Shinra, with Hojo in the middle.

The other photo was a close up of one of the only women scientists, a remarkably pretty one. I recognised her immediately, from Vincent's description. Lucrecia Sonnenfeld. Her coppery hair and unusually gentle brown eyes stood out from the stark white of her lab coat.

I shot a look at Vincent, who was in the doorframe with his back to me, 'looking out' for monsters. He was lost in thought, Death Penalty held loose in his hand. I whistled to get his attention, and I looked down as he glided over, as silent as ever. Not looking up from the book, I handed the picture of Lucrecia to him.

"You said you had no photos of her" I murmured, still not looking up, lest I saw something in his face that would hurt.

"Lucrecia" It was said with a sigh of nostalgia and a note of love. I felt a pang of something, but I couldn't put a name to it. Annoyance? Jealousy?

'Why would I feel jealous of a dead person?'

/She has more freedom then you. A long-gone woman holds his heart still, and you never will. You'll always come second best next to his beloved Lucrecia/ I glanced up and winced inwardly at his expression. It was completely open, but not for me. Sadness, admiration, love. He had told me she hadn't loved him, but had done nothing to dissuade me from the idea that he still loved her.

"Vincent?" I asked, keeping my voice as soft as possible. Despite the fact I could hear a small mental voice ranting about me being second best, at the time I couldn't care less. My resolve to snap him out of it wavered when his eyes softened.

I let him be with his memories, turning back to the barely legible writing. I found a part of interest and stopped scanning the page and read, noting the diagrams. I nearly shot across the room when a cool metal hand rested on my shoulder.

"Are you trying to give me a premature death, Valentine?" I thought for a moment "Even more premature then the one I'm going to get?" He said nothing to contradict me, only giving me a me a bitter smirk.

"I forgot how much history I had here" I looked up from my position on the floor. I took his proffered hand and I was pulled to my feet.

"It's all dust and memories now, Vincent. Nothing more".

/His Lucrecia is just dust and memories, isn't she Cloud? And she still holds sway over him/ I sighed softly, running my hand over the worn spine of the book as I thought. The cynical, doubtful voice had grown in strength 'But for now, I'll manage'

"Did you find anything?" His smooth voice cut in. His eyes were slightly concerned, while the rest of the face remained blank.

"Mostly about stability, though I don't see how that helps" I shivered again "We'll find something. We always do. Now let's get the hell out of here" He nodded, planting a kiss of my forehead before taking the lead. The gesture, albeit small, lifted my spirits greatly.

"Cloudy-chan!" Yuffie tackled me to the floor as we came out of the mansion "Vincent-chan!" She was warned away by a glare. Only Yuffie would have the guts to refer to Vincent like that and then attempt to hug him. She retreated, still smiling like a 1000-watt light bulb. Unable to resist teasing her, and not wanted to let anybody on to my own personal fears, I covered my eyes with my hands and staggered back.

"The light is blinding me!" I exclaimed, pointing at her smile. She got the idea of what I was talking about and jumped on me again, attempting to pull me to the floor.

"Mean" She whined, letting me up "Serves you right for worrying us, Cloudy-chan". Tifa jogged up, not looking apprehensive at all from the 'stay away or die' look I was giving her.

"Did you find anything?" She asked, clinging to my arm. I noticed Vincent shift; fixing the oblivious Tifa with a look that would've frozen hell.

"It was mostly things about stabilizing the victim" I told her, prying her powerful grip off my arm. My head was standing to pound and it wasn't just the result of the two screeching women. She huffed and turned away, storming into Nibelheim's inn.

My thoughts were elsewhere, though. They centred on Vincent and Lucrecia, and their history. If he discovered a way to bring her back, would he leave me to go to her and stay by her side?

/Probably/

Even if that meant leaving me to die alone?

/Most likely/

We had been together little more than a few weeks; he had loved her for years. All rational thought and knowledge of Vincent's character deserted me, and I turned back to him, hoping that he would convince me otherwise. His soft whisper almost made me cry.

"Lucrecia…"

I shut my eyes, blocking out the sight of Vincent, and tried to do the same to my ears. I tried to block out the sound of my breaking heart.

-

Vincent is such a baka. Don't worry kids (and non-kids) it all comes right in the end. I hope so anyway. Even I don't know what's going to happen next, and I'm the author!

(And yes, I've decided that they DO measure energy in watts. I'm having fun thinking up similes for Yuffie. I've also decided that they have a concept of hell too).