AN: Thanks and praise to the wonderful Frostfire17, who beta-ed this for me. Without her help, this would have been a sorry collection of words that made little of no sense. Any mistakes are mine, and mine alone, as I was probably ignoring her advice.
Tonsil Hockey
Major Sheppard was late. No, Rodney thought. Late passed over an hour ago. Almost two. No, John isn't late, he's a dead man. He just doesn't know it yet. But he will. When I get my hands on him-
"Dr. McKay? May I ask you a question?" The soft voice drifted in from the doorway of the lab, cutting through his thoughts, dragging him back to the here and now. There, in the doorway, stood Teyla, wearing her usual combination of Athosian and Earth clothes. Though, rather that her usual blue shirt, she had on her workout top instead. Must have just come from another round of 'Beating Major Sheppard with sticks Rodney mused.
"Huh? Oh. Hello, Teyla. What did you say?"
"I was wondering if I might ask you a question?" Rodney couldn't help himself. Really he couldn't. If she was going to walk into it like that, well, then it was her own fault.
"You just did." Rodney had to admit, flustered was an interesting look on Teyla.
"Well- yes, but that isn't the one that I wanted to ask in first place."
"Oh, Rodney, leave the poor girl be." From his position across the table, Radek shot Rodney a glare for teasing the younger woman, which he answered with one of his own. "Ask away... If he won't answer you, perhaps I can be of assistance." Teyla nodded.
"I was wondering what the human phrase 'Tonsil Hockey' meant. I overheard some of your people saying they would like to play that game with me, but when I tried to ask what they meant, they suddenly had places they needed to be. And since Major Sheppard has said that you like to play regular hockey, I was wondering if you could explain the rules of this version to me."
It took every ounce of self-control Rodney had in his body to keep a straight face. He could hear Zelenka across from him wheezing through his nose as he buried his head in his arms on the table before him, trying to mask his laughter
Kicking the bespectacled scientist under the table none too gently, Rodney had a truly devilish idea. And besides, it wasn't like the man didn't deserve it. Rodney had given him fair warning about what would happen if he was late after the last time. The least he could have done was sent one of his men with a message that he was going to be late. Or unavoidably detained.
"I'm unfamiliar with the term, Teyla, but then again, were the people talking American?" He had a good guess who it was that was making such comments, and when Sheppard found out what the Marines were up to, they were so going to be toast. Seeing Teyla's nod, Rodney smiled.
Radek, having finally started to catch on to what it was that Rodney was doing, managed to turn his laughter into a choking cough. Rodney's elbow whapping into his ribs might have had something to do with it.
"You might want to try Major Sheppard. While Canada and America are on the same land mass, there are days I wonder about us speaking the same language. If anyone here would know what that phrase meant, it would probably be him."
A bright smile was her reward for his advice. If we could figure out how to turn that into energy, we could power the entire city, ZPM be damned. Turning, the young woman was just out the door when Rodney called out to her. "Teyla, do me a favor, will you? When you find the Major, let him know that he's over an hour late in helping in my lab today."
"I will do so, Dr. McKay. And thank you for your assistance." A whirl of brown and gold, and she was gone.
The look on Rodney's face could only be described as pure delight. "No, Teyla, thank you."
"When Major Sheppard hears that, he will be angry with you. Pissed even." Shooting a look at Radek, Rodney nodded.
"Perhaps. But then again, I did warn him that it would be a very bad idea to be late again when I specifically asked him to be here. Even went so far as to have Elizabeth request it. He is the best at activating these devices." Rodney tossed the one he had been holding onto his desk. "It's not my fault he chose to ignore me."
"No, but will be your fault when he comes here, frothing at mouth like angry dog."
"An apt description, given his name." Radek just sighed and threw his hands in the air, but Rodney saw a smile on the smaller man's lips before he turned away. Yes, Sheppard would be pissed. And yes, he would come barging into Rodney's lab, frothing at the lips like a rabid dog. But you know what? Rodney could deal with that. His only wish was that he could be a fly on the wall when Teyla asked her question.
It was well past dinner when the door to the lab slid open. More scientists had come in around noon-ish, and with their help, Rodney and Radek had discovered what the little device was. Some sort of hand-held communication device, like a radio. Instead of just radio waves, a screen slid out of the side, allowing for video feed as well. The science team figured it was wired directly into the city's communication system when they heard Grodin's strangled shout come over their ear pieces. Seemed the Brit was a little startled when McKay's face quite literally appeared out of thin air above one of the consoles.
They spent the next few hours testing the device, relaying images to and from command. The pullout screen acted like a touch/video screen. If the device was relaying images, they were shown there. When receiving anything, it also showed up there as well. And when McKay thought of where he was in relation to command, a tiny map showed on the screen. The cool part was, when you touched it, that area of the city became magnified. All search teams were on orders to look for more of the devices. They were up to ten now. Next time through the gate, Rodney had permission to take the device, see if it would relay through. That would help immensely when teams ran into something they didn't understand off world.
"McKay." The word echoed through the silent lab, so low as to almost be called a growl. Looking across the room, Rodney watched as Zelenka's head snapped up, eyes darting to someone behind him, widening till the whites showed, before dropping back to the table. But he didn't need that confirmation to know who was behind him. The voice was a dead giveaway.
"You do realize when I said I needed you in my lab at eight, I meant in the morning, not at night." A snarl was his only answer.
"Did you have a problem, Major, or are you here for a reason?" Play it cool. Don't laugh. Whatever you do, don't laugh.
Sheppard moved from his position from the doorway. Rodney didn't think, given the Major's current mood, that it would be wise to point out that Teyla had been standing in the same place when she asked her question hours before. "A problem? Do I have a problem? You bet your Canadian ass I have a problem. You want to know the cause of my problem? It stands about five feet, ten inches, wears blue shirts, tan pants, and goes by the title of Chief of Scientific Personal."
"Really? Sounds like an interesting problem, Major." Try as he might, Rodney just couldn't keep his lips from twitching. Of course, Sheppard saw.
"Damn it, McKay! This isn't funny!"
"What isn't funny, Major? That I asked you, hell, practically begged you to show up in my lab this morning? I even had Elizabeth get involved, because I know how much you love playing 'lab rat'", Rodney all but snarled out the last word. It gave him no small pleasure when Sheppard winced slightly. Oh yes, Rodney knew all about the American going to Weir, telling her that he hated being treated like a piece of equipment, there for Science's disposal. It hadn't helped the man's mood when she had pointed out the entire reason that Sheppard was even on this trip was because of his gene. In the end, Rodney had agreed to stop hounding the Major every five minutes to help in the lab if the American agreed to come when Rodney asked. Not demand, ask. And there had to be at least a day's warning, so Sheppard could clear his schedule. As the current head of Military Operations, the man had to spend some time with his men.
So Rodney had asked, two days in advance this time. And he had even done so in front of Elizabeth, so that Sheppard couldn't claim that he didn't remember Rodney asking, like he had last Monday. Seeing Sheppard open his mouth to reply, Rodney continued.
"Or perhaps, Major, funny would be us spending five hours poking and prodding a device that you could have possibly turned on in five seconds? Perhaps funny is-"
"All right, I get the point. I should have at least sent someone to tell you I was stuck in meetings all morning." Seeing Rodney's disbelieving look Sheppard sighed. "Disciplinary matters. You can only tell someone to do so many push-ups before the threat gets old."
Rodney shrugged. He knew all about keeping his people in line. Hell, look at what he had to work with. However, he had devolved a surefire way to assure order in the labs. And thus-far, it hadn't let him down. "Send them down here, to me. I'm sure there's something I can find for them to do."
"McKay, while my men are the best of the best, that's referring more to their military skill than knowledge in whatever it is you have a degree in."
"Astrophysics, to name one. And that's not the point. One doesn't need a degree in rocket science to enter data into the system. Look at half my science team." A 'Hey!' drifted over from the bench where Zelenka was working. "I said half, not which half or who fell into what division. You are one of the few that I will admit has more than two brain cells to rub together. Kavanagh, on the other hand..." Looking only slightly mollified, and not a little amused, Radek muttered something in Czech before leaning back over his table.
Sheppard actually cracked a smile, nodding his head lightly. "I'll keep that in mind next time some of the Marines decide to open their mouths before making sure the area's clear."
Rodney snorted in amusement. "I was wondering, what did you end up having them do, anyway?" The smile got a little bigger.
"Let's just say that Command, and the gate room, will shine like they haven't since the Ancients lived here. And don't think I've forgotten that it was you who sent Teyla to me. You're just lucky you aren't under my command here at base, or you'd be there with them, mop in hand."
"You can try, Major. But remember, I warned you not to miss another session in the lab. I've taken time out of my day for weapons training, as you requested so I can accompany you off world. I asked for you to meet me in the lab. Any action I took because you didn't show is your own fault." Rodney paused, a stray thought running through his mind.
"What did you end up telling her anyway?" The very tips of Sheppard's ears turned slightly pink, and a strained expression crossed his face.Oh, this was going to be good.
"None of your damn business."What? Oh, he did not just do that. He did not just.. Wait a minute. Was he, or was he not a genius level IQ? Surely he could out-think one measly Air Force officer. Besides, perhaps Teyla didn't tell him I told her I didn't know.
"But Major, how am I supposed to confirm or deny what you said if I don't know?" Sheppard just smiled.
"You told Teyla you didn't know what the phrase meant in the first place. You can't confirm or deny anything, so there." Rodney paused. Well, there went that idea. And, damn it, the Major was right. Judging by the shit-eating grin on his face, the other man knew it too.
"He has you there, Rodney."
"You know what? Shut up! When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it."
"Now, McKay. Don't pick on Zelenka just because he's right." If looks could kill, both Sheppard and Zelenka would be smoldering piles of ash on the lab floor.
"You know, Sheppard, I could just go ask Teyla what you told her." And didn't that just wipe the grin off Sheppard's face. Not so much Radek, whose smile grew wider, backed by a light chuckle.
"All right? What is it going to take to keep you from talking to Teyla?"
"Sheppard, you don't have nearly enough pull to keep me from talking to Teyla. However, if you agree to spend the next week in the labs, no bitching at all, I will agree to not ask her what you told her for a definition." For a moment, Sheppard made a more than passable impression of a landed fish, before nodding once, a scowl fixed on his features.
"Excellent. I expect you here, in the lab, at seven tomorrow morning." Sheppard started to nod, then stopped part way through.
"Wait, today it was eight. Why seven tomorrow?"
"Because, Major. We had planned on having you here today to help, and had lined up a number of projects we believed needed the gene to activate. Since you weren't here, we have gotten way behind. Ergo, tomorrow, you show up at seven." Rodney held in a smile as Sheppard's eyes narrowed, before the other man nodded again, before performing a one-eighty on the balls of his feet with military precision and storming out of his lab, muttering something under his breath about 'damn Canadian know-it-alls'
"No bitching, Major. See you bright and early!" Footsteps paused just out side the lab doors. There was a rather large sigh, the kind that shook you from head to toe, before the footsteps resumed, fading out down the stairs at the end of the hall. "Scientists two, Military zero."
"You enjoyed that, didn't you?"
"More than I can put into words." While not on his face, the smile was more than evident in Rodney's voice. Which was soon replaced with annoyance as he barked at Radek to get back to work. Leaning back in his lab chair, Rodney snorted softly in amusement. I think I may have found a new pastime. Major baiting.