Feasibility Study
Written by: Ms Maggs / Edited by: KJT
Chapter 78: Losing It – Part 7
August 22, 2005 (Day 122)
The Blakes
7:14 p.m.
Wendy was in the kitchen putting the final touches on Nick's dinner while he played tea party at the table with McKenna. Across from them, Sean was embroiled in an Entomology text. "How's Uncle Nicky's tea cup, McKenna?" She cheerily inquired.
"All the stinky tea you poured him is gone."
Wendy laughed along with Nick and Sean. "Good!" She had filled it with Paul's best whisky. "Your delicious dinner of protein and complex carbs, will be ready in five minutes. The kids ate earlier before I dropped off Ryan at his friend's house for the night."
"Smells great." Nick finally eased up a bit. "Thanks for spoiling me, Wendy."
"Well…I know you're the baby in your family, so I figure you probably miss it every once in a while."
McKenna eyed him in disbelief. "I can't believe you were ever a baby, Uncle Nicky. Aunt Carrie can't believe it too."
Curious about her daughter's comment, Wendy asked, "What makes you say that, Sweetie?"
"Because I hear her tell you how big and strong Uncle Nicky's body is all the time."
Quietly laughing, Nick grabbed his pink plastic tea cup to get a refill. "Definitely time for seconds."
Little McKenna kept on talking. "Mommy, I know you and Aunt Carrie think it's silly 'cause one time I heard her tell you that Uncle Nicky is the biggest guy she ever had, and you both giggled real loud."
Sean buried his face in the large text trying not to show his amusement, or comprehension of the subject matter.
"McKenna, can you go peek in on the baby and make sure she's still sleeping!" Wendy hung her head in shame. "Kids…they hear everything except what they're supposed to. And they get the details wrong all the time. Carrie said you were the biggest sweetheart she ever had."
With a flushed face Nick poured another shot of whisky into his play cup and changed the subject. "You're sure you alarmed the house, right?"
"Yes, we're on Red Alert status and fully alarmed." She was glad to be moving along to a new disturbing conversation.
When the kitchen phone rang, Wendy grabbed it and noted it was Carrie calling…but she didn't tell her wound-up house guest. "Hi there. I need to talk to you but, hang on a second, please." Handing over a plate full of steaming stir-fry veggies and teriyaki Salmon she smiled, "Enjoy. My friend is on the phone about organizing a charity event. I'm going to take it in the other room. I'll probably be a little while."
"Thanks, Wendy." Nick took the plate and returned to the table.
Once his mother was gone, Sean tossed his book and pulled out the rope he had hidden under his shirt. "Okay, tie me up!"
Nick lowered his first bite of food before it reached his mouth. "Sure thing, Buddy. An easy one to start."
After she darted out into the living room Wendy spoke about her charity case. "Yes, your fiancé is here, and he is a bundle of nerves. He's staying the night too, so pack a bag. But look…you need to chill out before you get here. You need to show up and focus on calming down Nick, not making him tenser. He's in protection overdrive. Does the man ever stop worrying about you?"
"It's partly his personality, but it's my father's fault too." Carrie released a labored sigh. "Obviously, you're well aware how protective my dad is of me."
"Intimately, since your dad called here daily after you moved, making sure we were keeping an eye on you."
"When Nicky and I flew out there after getting engaged, Dad told him, that as my fiancé and future husband, he was now responsible for keeping me safe. Of course Dad went on and on about the past, and how too much has happened to me, to ever let something bad happen to me again. After an hour of seriously putting the fear of God into Nick, he assured my dad he would protect me at all costs…even die for me if the situation ever arose. Dad ended up crying, which choked up Nick. Then I see Nicky wiping a tear and start bawling my eyes out, because these two men love me so much. It was a scene, believe me. But yeah…it's safe to say Nick left Seattle twice as tense."
Sitting on the edge of her bed, Wendy sweetly said, "Paul was the same way with me because of my past with Mike Rodgers. You're going to have to do the same thing with Nick that I did with your brother years ago. Teach him it's okay to relax and decompress around you when he needs to let off some steam." She giggled slightly. "Here's the analogy I used with Paul…just like we take turns being on top in bed, we can take turns being on top mentally."
Carrie laughed hard into the phone. "You have no idea how timely that information is."
Wendy continued her lesson. "You need to make him understand that you can carry the mental burden for the two of you, while he takes a night off. He probably had his own way of decompressing after a rough day before you came along. Like Paul used to play racquetball several evenings during the week, but then he gave it up to babysit me. Finally I had to pack his gym bag and push him out the door."
"Nick used to grab a few drinks, find a loose woman, dump some of his stress on her, pound out the rest of his tension in bed, and then sleep it off."
"Oh." It wasn't the answer she was expecting. "You probably aren't comfortable pushing him out the door to do that."
"Hardly! But you're right, after hooking up with me, no matter how rough his day was, he'd walk through the door playing the part of Mr. No Worries, and then, after pretending nothing was bothering him all night, he'd sweetly make love to me before nodding off with me trapped in his arms. Not quite as stress reducing, huh?"
"No." Wendy sighed at the thought of these two tension-prone people cohabitating. "You need to make him understand that he can come home and dump his stress on you, without appearing weak in your eyes. Then, if you're up for it, volunteer to play the part of the loose woman. I've always found it highly enjoyable."
"Okay, I'm on the right track then." Chuckling into the phone she admitted, "We just started working on him knowing it's okay to be vulnerable in front of his future wife, and teaching me how to play the part of a loose woman."
Standing up Wendy instructed, "Well pack a bag and get over here to work on it some more. I have the guest room made up for the two of you. No need to be shy either, we won't hear you at the other end of the house."
"You're too much, Wendy!" She giggled. "I really couldn't have asked for a better sister-in-law. That reminds me! Sara and I are really looking forward to those cooking lessons of yours."
"I'm looking forward to being entertained while watching the two of you try to cook," She teased. "And even though you're about to get five more sister-in-laws, Carrie, I have no doubt I'll always be your favorite."
"Me either."
Ten minutes later when Wendy returned to the kitchen, she saw Nick and McKenna quietly coloring while her son was frantically trying to free his rope-bound wrists. "What's going on?"
"Mom!" Sean panicked while his sister answered the question.
"Uncle Nicky tied up Sean to teach him a lesson."
Shaking his head, Nick walked over and undid the knot. "Sorry, Pal, I know you wanted this between you and me, but we're going to have to fess up, or your mom will have me spending the night in County lockup and I'll be calling my mommy to bail me out…and the day I need my mommy to save me, I'm never hearing the end of it."
Greg's Tahoe
7:18 p.m.
Realizing he was rapidly cycling through a dozen emotions, Greg pulled his Tahoe into a mini-mall parking lot. Pulling his cellphone from his belt, he called his mom for a chat, because over the years she was the one person who could bail him out of these funks and make him feel balanced again.
Bev's cheery voice sang through the phone. "Hi, Sweetheart."
"Hi, Mom." He settled back in his seat, already feeling a little better from the sound of her voice.
"What's going on, Greg?" When her son didn't pipe up, Bev did. "I'll go first because I have a confession. I hope I didn't overstep my bounds since you haven't asked her to marry you yetbut Tawny and I exchanged I love yous today, and when we did, I told her she should start calling me Mom. I mean it seems a bit awkward having her call me Mrs. Sanders, when she's part of the family…albeit unofficially. I know it sounds cliché, but I feel so lucky to be gaining a daughter instead of losing a son. Exactly when are you going to propose, Greg?"
Since he had called to decompress he was a little bummed his mom was adding to his stress. "Uh… when I know the answer, I promise you'll be the second woman to know."
"As it should be." Bev chuckled sweetly. "Some days I'm so excited I can hardly stand the wait, and other days I'm stunned that thirty years have passed and my baby will be getting married soon and having a baby of his own."
"About that…" He gripped the phone tighter and cut to the chase. "What if I can't…what if I try and…what if I'm not any good at being a dad, especially if I don't feel anything for the baby because it's not mine."
"Is something wrong?" Her voice suddenly turned serious, "Are you having second thoughts about Tawny and the baby?"
Closing his eyes he confessed, "I'm getting scared."
"Greg, you were extraordinarily lucid when I was out there. You said you never would have told Tawny you loved her, if you couldn't deal with the baby not being yours. And Honey, I wasn't going to tell you this but…I accidentally saw what you wrote in her Algebra notebook. Those were some very heavy promises you made an extremely fragile girl, and you didn't make them contingent upon the paternity of the baby. She absolutely believes she has a future with you no matter what. You'll shatter her, if you change your mind."
Opening his eyes he stared at the people going to and fro at the mini mall. "I know that, and I'd never do it intentionally. I'm not going anywhere. I'm just afraid I'll feel that way and she'll see it. She saw it in my eyes this morning when I got tense about it."
"It's okay to be scared, Sweetie. She knows you're scared. She's scared too."
He pleaded in a desperate whisper, "Mom…it's been a really long time since I've said this to you but…I need you to pull me out of the hole." It was their secret code.
"Okay, Honey. Okay." After a brief pause Bev attempted to fulfill her son's plea. "Tawny told me recently that she fell in love with you the first time you were together. That you didn't just walk into her apartment that day, you walked into her life, and by the time you left that night, you were already in her heart. She loves you deeply, Greg, with the kind of love that lasts a lifetime. Do you have any idea how hard that kind of love is to find? Some people never find it. You've found it…now draw on it to conquer whatever fears you have."
Shaking his head he replied, "I've been doing that but suddenly it's not working, and I'm edgy and it keeps getting worse."
"Then you know there's something else on your mind. Talk to me and we'll figure it out."
Climbing into the back seat of the Tahoe, he took refuge from the outside world by reclining and staring at the truck's ceiling. "There's so much pressure. I've been avoiding the reality of a baby and it's catching up to me. I'm so unprepared, Mom. Funny, huh…since my being unprepared created the baby in the first place…at least I hope it did, and that's its mine…" He groaned, "See! One minute I'm worried I'm having a baby, and the next I'm worried I'm not having one. It's so screwed up…I'm so screwed up about this."
"Keep dumping, Sweetie."
While massaging his forehead he explained, "I was having lunch with Nick, and when I was listening to him go on and on about the responsibilities of a husband and father, I started to panic. I'm accustomed to being good at everything I do, mainly because I've only done things I'm good at. Now I'm in a job that's a challenge, I'm in a relationship that's a challenge, and in the future I know I'll be challenged trying to be a dependable and responsible husband and father. I'm so far out of my comfort zone…it has me completely freaked."
Bev's voice remained sunny. "You're so intelligent, Greg, you can figure it all out in time. You haven't had enough time…"
"I'm not gifted at any of this stuff, Mom. Chemistry makes sense…this stuff is terrifying. A couple of hours ago while at a house investigating a case, I held a baby for the first time. There was nothing there. Nothing, Mom…except me feeling helpless and uncomfortable." He pulled in a deep breath, held it, and then let it out along with his darkest fear. "After that, I was trying really hard not to freak out about it, so I focused on processing paint samples for the case. While I was doing that, something scary went through my head for a split second…I wanted to disappear. It made me nervous."
"That was seventeen years ago and I'm not worried. You're not really worried, are you?"
His voice cracked in a perfect compliment to his confidence. "No, but it made me uncomfortable that I could even think it for a second. I have an idea why it was on my mind though."
"Tell me, Honey."
His thoughts turned back to earlier in the day. "I think the memory was triggered when I watched a man arrive at the morgue to ID his murdered daughter this afternoon. When I saw how devastated he was, I envisioned how hard it would have been for you, if I hadn't pulled through. It was horrible watching that man, and then I heard him cry…I've never heard a cry like that in my life."
"Losing a child is devastating under any circumstance…under a senseless, horrific one it's worse. That poor man." Clearing her throat she asked, "Greg…have you told Tawny our secret?"
"No, because if she slipped in front of Dad and he figured it out, he'd never forgive you for the cover up. And I don't want her looking at me differently. That's why we didn't tell Dad, right?"
"Right."
"Right." Staring at the ceiling his voice grew distant. "So…you and I, and the cooperative ER folks at Mercy Hospital, will be the only ones who ever know it wasn't just alcohol poisoning from drinking too much my first time…and we'll be the only ones who ever know the alcohol was only to wash down the pills I swallowed."
"Greg…don't..."
"I'm okay," He confirmed in the strongest voice he used since initiating the call. "Really…it's helping to talk about it. We haven't spoken about it in years. Yeah…this is exactly what was stuck in my head making me crazy. When I saw that father…I couldn't believe I almost did that to you, Mom. You must have looked like that when you found me at home and thought I was dead."
"Why do you think I was so over the top after the lab explosion?" Sniffling into the phone she admitted, "You were so doped up when I saw you at the hospital, you looked lifeless and pale…it was terrifying. Everyone pegged me for being a hysterical mother; they didn't know what I was really thinking about finding my thirteen year old son in his room at death's door. I've almost lost you three times, Gregory…once when I was pregnant, once when you tried to disappear, and once when Catherine was irresponsible in the lab. I can't take another scare, Son."
Sitting up he vowed, "Mom, no matter how hard life gets, or how bad I screw up, you know I'd never do that again…not to you, or Tawny, or the baby…or myself. A fleeting thought isn't a sign of impending action. I just needed to let this out and confront it, so I could dismiss it. It's healthy."
"You're sure?"
"Absolutely!" He filled his lungs with new air. "I just needed to work it out in my head. I needed to say it to someone safe."
"I believe you, Honey. You do sound better all of a sudden."
"Because I just remembered how lucky I am to be alive and have a shot at this stuff." With conviction he stated, "Mom, I know can do it…I know I can." He nodded as he convinced himself. "Even if the baby isn't mine. I don't have to be the best at being a dad, I just have to try, right? And Tawny will love me even if I'm bad at it initially, because like you said…she loves me deeply…she loves me like you love me, right?"
"That's right…and you know if you and Tawny need help after the baby is born, I'll take a leave of absence from work, I'll be there in a heartbeat, and I'll stay as long as you need me. I'll get your father to buy a second home in Vegas if I have to. You're not alone in this, Greg. I promised Tawny the same. And Honey, once you can connect in a tangible way with the baby, the love will flow. You'll see. Now tell me…are you out of the hole, Greg?"
"Yes." He breathed easier. "I love you, Mom. Thanks."
"Greg…this is hard for me to say but…I won't be around forever." In a loving tone she directed, "You need to teach Tawny how to pull you out of the hole. She's got the right stuff."
The Fitness Den
7:27 p.m.
As the music slowed from a pulsating funk to a slow grind, Divine announced, "We're at the half way mark, so that means it's time to work on our routine! Now Sara we've been working on this routine for while, so don't feel bad if it seems like everyone knows it better than you. Your best friend Miss Kansas will help you out if you get lost along the way. Nobody does it better than her."
Heather glanced in Sara's direction, finding it quite surprising that she and Tawny were close friends. Perhaps that's how Tawny met Greg, she mused. She was also amazed at how good Sara was at exotic dancing. Then again, she knew first hand that sometimes the cold, silent types were the hottest and loudest behind closed doors. Watching Sara, she couldn't help but notice her long slender legs and imagined Gil liked having those clamped around him, because he certainly like the leg hold she had on him the night they took a tumble.
"Okay ladies, on your backs to start."
"I think you'll really like this part, Sara," Tawny advised as the wanton music of Prince's Gett Off filled the room. "And it's totally something you can show off at home. I did this routine for Greg when we were first dating."
"Arch up slow and back down twice."
In a sarcastic tone, Sara teased, "Let me guess…he loved it!" She rolled her eyes. "Really Tawny, couldn't you wear a flannel nightgown and turn on Chuckles?"
"Pop to a Spread Eagle!"
With her legs spread wider than nature intended, she casually replied, "Actually no, that's one of his big turn offs. Apparently it reminds him of his grandmother and squicks him out good."
"Okay…Eww." Sara cringed.
"Now bring those legs together nice and slow."
Tawny laughed. "That's the same face Carrie made when we were talking about her sucking Nick's toes."
"Use your hands, girls! No one should be afraid of their own body!"
"Remember…you want your audience to want to be your hands."
As Sara followed the instructor's call, she urged Tawny, "Please, no more kinky imagery involving my pseudo-brothers. Especially not when I'm being ordered to touch myself! It's very conflicting!"
"Flip to your stomach and crawl! And let's see those burning looks of desire!"
Feeling devilish Tawny deadpanned as she seductively snaked across the wood floor, "So talking about Nick and Greg wearing granny flannel nightgowns in bed, while sucking each other's toes, as Gil watches trying to decide which guy he wants to suck his toes first, is definitely out, huh?"
"OH! My mind's eye just went blind." Sara collapsed in a fit of horrified laughter. "That should be the dictionary definition of squick!"
"Now pretend you're slithering up your partner's body."
Heather's head snapped in Sara and Tawny's direction when she heard their hysterical laughter. It was strange to see Sara being so jovial when she always appeared so serious. Since Gil was such a staid individual she had assumed Sara was as well. Perhaps I should appeal to her humorous side, she pondered?
Divine teased into the microphone. "Looks like we got some girl on girl action going on over here between Miss Kansas and her friend. Care to let us in on the joke?"
"Just giggling about doing this later for our guys!" Tawny assured her.
Just then, Tawny heard her cellphone ring from its place on the floor in front of the mirrored wall. Anxious to see if it was Greg, she jumped up to grab it.
Divine chided her star student. "Girlfriend, unless it's a matter of life or death, you better tell Greggy to stop interrupting my class."
"Sorry!" When she saw it was Greg calling she pointed to the door and told Sara, "I have to take this in the locker room. Be right back."
Sara watched her friend flee, and then shifted her eyes to Heather, who she was shocked to find staring back at her smiling.
Moving her gaze to the instructor, Sara's tension simmered along with her active imagination…Heather was staring at me smiling. That probably means she has her plan of attack all figured out and she's daydreaming how wonderful it's going to be to cut me down again. I wonder if she's planning on carrying it out in front of Tawny for extra humiliation. That's what Suzie would do.
Meanwhile in the locker room, Tawny answered her phone. "Hey, Sweetie! You do remember I'm in the middle of dance class, right?"
"I do and I'm sorry, but I couldn't wait to talk to you. I needed to tell you I love you, and I wanted to ask you to do something with me. So…I love you!"
"I love you too, Greg." With a smile fanning over her lips she leaned against a row of lockers. "What do you want me to do with you?"
"Take a trip down memory lane. I want to remember our first date. I want to remember it with you."
"Right now?" Confused, she reminded him, "But you said you never wanted to think about it because you were too…"
"I do now. Please."
"Your mother told you what I said about our first date, didn't she?" Taking a seat on a bench she sighed.
"She told me. That's why I want to remember it with you, because sometimes when I'm stressed about something I push it down deep to forget it, or I remember only a sanitized version of the truth."
"Okay…why don't you tell me what you remember and I'll add to it as we go along."
"Perfect."
Sitting casually on the black leather couch next to Tawny, the most gorgeous woman with whom he had ever shared air, Greg was having a wonderful time. She looked incredibly sexy in the tiny pair of black shorts and tight white t- shirt she was wearing and with each passing second, he was increasingly grateful for her proximity.
For the last hour they had chatted non-stop while listening to the burned CDs he brought over along with Krispy Kremes and lattes. The situation was very familiar to Greg… reclined on a couch, shoes kicked off, laughing and having a good time with a beautiful girl. Unfortunately, in the course of his lifetime, more often than not, that's as far as it went. He was the sweet, funny guy girls loved to hang out with, but didn't want to date or bed. At the age of thirty he was an expert at cheering up women. An expert, because he had so much practice…first with Becca and then with various girls in college.
Every time Becca broke up with a hunk it was Greg's shoulder she sobbed on, and every time he restored her, it was he who watched from the sidelines as she dated her next stud. By the time he went to college it seemed girls could sense he had this special healing power and sought him out to platonically mend their broken hearts before moving on to their next heartbreaker.
So, when Tawny giggled and brushed her red-tipped fingernails across his lips, Greg didn't automatically assume she was coming onto him, and disappointedly remarked, "It figures, I'm sitting here trying to impress you and I have donut sugar or latte foam all over my mouth, or both probably. Very typical for me." Tossing up his hands he matter-of-factly suggested, "How about we cut to the chase. Go ahead and tell me it's great talking to me because I'm such a sweet, sensitive guy, and you hope we'll be friends for the rest of our lives because I'm such a good listener."
"Not what I was thinking at all." Sliding closer she enticingly curved her frosty pink lips. "I'm dying over here waiting for you to kiss me, so I was touching your lips to give you a hint." By now, most men would have pounced, and she wondered why he was so hesitant and what he thought was wrong with her. He was so different than the other men who had come and gone and since she was desperate to have him stay, she decided to take the direct approach. "Do you want to kiss me, Greg?" She lowered her voice to a sultry depth. "Do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?"
Still in shock that she wanted him so blatantly, he sat still, kissing her only with his eyes.
"Wow…I love the way you're looking at me." Entranced by the emotion in his chocolate brown eyes, she inched closer until her bottom lip grazed over his. "That's how I know I'll love the way you'll kiss me. Kiss me…"
The sweetness was instantly overwhelming as he granted her wish and Greg knew it had little to do with the sugary treats they had just enjoyed. Everything about the kiss was electrifying...the feel of her warm moist lips against his, the thrill of their tongues thrusting and meeting for the first time, the synchronicity of their moves, and the undeniable desire igniting between them as the kiss deepened.
Next their hands engaged. Hers gliding firmly around his body and coursing over his back. His wrapping around her waist, pulling her close, so he could savor the feel of her ample chest pressed to his body. For Greg it was a fantasy coming true.
When they finally took a breather from devouring each other with urgent kisses, Tawny panted in his ear, "I've never been so hot so fast. Did you put something in my latte?" She had been with great variety of men over the years, and Greg wasn't the hunkiest, smoothest or most skilled by a mile and yet…she never felt such a strong attraction so rapidly. It baffled her.
Stunned by her statement, not so much for its accusatory quality, but for the unabashed admission of desire, Greg gaped at her. "Absolutely not. I'd never do something like that," He assured her while still reeling from the knowledge she was incredibly aroused by him. "I can understand why you'd think it though, because I feel the same way. I…" His mind gave up trying to summarize his lusty feelings and instead he opted to express them with action. Driving his hands under her soft cotton shirt he was thrilled to find she had nothing else on underneath. In an instant, the garment was on the way to the floor and he was visually appreciating her assets through wide open and wild eyes.
"I can tell you like what you see, Greg." With a siren's smile she lowered herself back against the leather draping one arm over her head. "So how about losing your shirt and joining me."
By the time his black pullover hit the coffee table, Greg's body was covering hers. Gasping from the feel of her buxom breasts brushing against his bare chest, he sang her praises. "You're magnificent," He blurted as his mouth left hers to explore the most tantalizing flesh he'd ever been allowed to sample. "Fantastic." Like a kid set loose in a candy store, he savored the sinful flavor of her excess with zeal.
Tawny squirmed with delight as Greg devoted his attention to the exposed parts of her body. "Mmm…I love what you're doing to me," She enthused while running her red nails over his back and through his wild hair. "I know we just met, but…are you feeling it too? Our connection?" She hoped he felt it too.
"It's undeniable," When he returned to smother her lips with a kiss, Greg felt Tawny hastily working open his jeans. That's when he remembered he arrived only bearing donuts, lattes and music. "Damn…I didn't bring anything." He cursed himself for being so lax.
As she pushed his jeans and boxers down to his thighs and then used her foot to quickly shove them off completely, she replied in surprise, "You didn't!"
The swift trick floored him. "Whoa! How did you do that so fast?"
"Oh no! I just remembered, I don't have anything here." Sitting up, she couldn't contain her tremendous disappointment. "I really wanted to be with you, Greg. But sorry, I never fly without a net, and even if I did, I'm not on the pill. It would be too risky."
Greg recognized the only thing separating their bodies were Tawny's scant black shorts and the knowledge he was playing with fire if he took this any further. "Right. My fault. I'm an idiot."
"No…" His honesty incredibly refreshing, she smiled sweetly. "You just didn't show up here assuming this would happen. You have no idea how much that means to me." Most men would have several and plan to use them before running out the door.
Greg didn't have the heart to disillusion her by correcting her misperception.
As the next segment of songs on the CD began, favorites of Greg's by The Crystal Method, his fevered body urged him to push on with the pleasure waiting to be had. Returning Tawny's smile, he suggested in a puckish tone, "We could still fool around a little…if you're up for it?"
"I know you're up for it." A generous trust fund wasn't the only thing this adorable guy was endowed with, she thought as she boldly eyed him. "You're in luck because you've got me so hot and bothered I'm up for it too."
"Excellent." When he saw her lift her hips, he yanked off her shorts and then reclaimed her mouth.
Ready for Action was the song playing as they joyously acquainted themselves with each other's bodies for the first time. Minute after minute their attraction grew. "I know this will sound like a line, but…I've never wanted anyone more," Tawny murmured between uneven breaths against his cheek.
"Me either." Conscious they were hazardously close to merging, Greg searched for the willpower to stop. But every bump of their frenzied bodies sent a more powerful jolt through him and he knew with each passing second his resistance was weakening. "Tawny…I…" By the time the song was over, his resolve was nearly depleted. "I really…"
"Me too." She couldn't believe how focused he was on gratifying her body. Grabbing the stereo remote she upped the volume.
During the introductory notes of Eight Miles Back, Greg laced the fingers of his left hand through Tawny's golden mane, and when the first words of the tune filled the room, he was kissing her harder and deeper than before while caressing her thoroughly.
As time passed, it became quite clear that hands weren't providing adequate satisfaction for either of them. "This is…torture." Greg declared.
"How about we try something a little more stimulating?" Accenting her words with a wink she informed him, "I'll even take care of you first." With that she playfully pushing him against the leather.
"Uh…" As he watched her descend, Greg was certain his alarm clock would be ringing any second to wake him from this phenomenal dream.
And while the alternative activity was intensely gratifying for Greg, it wasn't quite enough to satiate his one-track mind. Tawny was the hottest girl he'd ever touched, and the thought of leaving without having her was unbearable…because what were the odds she'd want him twice?
No, he needed more.
Without question, he wanted it all.
"Tawny…" He gasped while coiling her hair in his fingers. "Please stop."
"You want me to stop?" She remarked quizzically, since it was the first time she had ever heard a man make the request.
"Would it be too risky?"
Now it made sense. "Oh…" While moving up his body and precariously straddling his hips she responded, "I know for certain I'm clean." With any other man she wouldn't have entertained the possibility, but Greg was so drastically different, it felt safe.
"I know I am too. His eyes consumed every delicious curve of her body while he waited for her to confirm the other important risk factor. "But what about timing?" When she didn't reply, he decided to prompt a response, but before he could, she unexpectedly joined their fevered bodies. "Is it a bad time of…OH!" He exclaimed out of shock and pleasure.
"I couldn't resist your charm, because you have so much of it," She teasingly announced while savoring the mixture of emotions on his face and the connection she had just made. "I was curious…I wanted to know what we would feel like together."
The pleasure more intense than he ever imagined, his mind went blank as she deftly took charge. "I'm so happy you have a curious mind." Gliding his hands up her thighs and over her hips he enjoyed the spectacular view and the excitement surging within him. It was the first time he'd ever gone without a condom and the exquisite sensation made the unparalleled experience even more irresistible. "Stay curious…don't stop."
Over the Line poured out of the speakers as he was swept further away from rationale thought. "Tawny…" Missing her mouth on his, he reached out and pulled her down on top of him. "You're amazing." After a gasp of air, he stole a hungry kiss.
While expertly maneuvering her body she pleaded in a whisper, "Do you want to take a turn on top, Baby?" She always asked even though they rarely said yes.
"Yes!"
"Really?" Surprise dominated her voice not only from the affirmative reply, but the fact that he genuinely appeared to desire it.
"Absolutely." ANY position was the right one in his mind, so he quickly complied, rolling their twined bodies until she was on her back. And although he knew he should stop this dangerous game, once he saw the ecstasy brewing in her eyes he forged on with a renewed intensity. "Is this what you wanted?" To overcompensate for his perceived inadequacies, he focused on making it as wonderful for her as possible. "Is this good for you?"
"Yes..." She sighed as she simmered. "Just promise me you'll pull away before it's too late. I'll be there to catch you."
"I promise." He would have promised anything to prolong the experience. Never in his life had a girl been so responsive to his moves and it drove his yearning to an extreme. If he didn't know about the thrill awaiting him in the final moment of bliss, he was certain he'd never want this part to end.
As the song ended Tawny dug her nails into shoulders, pleading, "How long can you wait?" By now most guys would have taken what they needed and she couldn't imagine he'd be interested in giving much more. "I just need a little more time."
He would have done whatever she asked. The fact that she all she wanted him to continue doing what he was thoroughly enjoying, was icing on the cake. "I can wait as long as you need me to wait." Then he cracked a huge grin. "But realistically…twenty minutes tops, because you have me so far gone already."
Her face exploded into a smile at the sight of his. "That should be plenty of time."
Curving his hand around her thigh he encouraged, "Tell me what you like, so I can help you out." In his limited experience with women, this particular position always seemed to please them the most. To confirm, while guiding her leg around him and angling his body differently, he asked in low whisper, "Does this work for you?"
Her eyes lit with contentment. "Yes…definitely yes!" It wouldn't have mattered what he did, the fact that he cared enough to ask drove her wild.
With each jagged breath she drew, his confidence skyrocketed.
She radiated with joy as he focused on her needs. "You're the best, Greg," He was the antithesis of Clive Braxley, the jerk who currently held the title of The Most Self-Centered Asshole I've Dated This Year. "You're so good, Greg! SO GOOD!"
The frenetic pace of Blowout filled the room and the combination of generous compliments and contented sounds from the outrageously sexy lady below him, made it impossible for Greg to think clearly. This woman…this scenario…it was the ultimate fantasy come true. It was as if he could do no wrong in her eyes.
As the pulsating music blared, the temperature between them continued to rise to a precarious sizzle.
"I love the way you're looking at me, Greg." Gripping his body, she heatedly exclaimed, "Keep looking into my eyes while you…YES…just like that. It's perfect. You're perfect!"
Tawny's intense reactions thrust him further out of control. "This is incredible." After pushing her hair off her face he kept his hand on her forehead and penetrated her eyes a little deeper. "You're incredible."
With their eyes locked as tightly as their bodies, the only encouragement he needed to hold out and give her more, was the impending crescendo guaranteed by her expression. And while some remote section of his brain screamed 'stop before it's too late', he firmly latched onto her and kept going. He kept going while watching her surrender to the pleasure he had fired within her, and when she was finished, he used the elation on her face to propel himself toward his own euphoria. "Tawny…" In the heat of the moment he clutched her tighter still. "I…"
"Greg…" Pushing against his shoulders with her open palms she implored, "Don't forget to…"
His mind went blank as he submitted to his desire and his satisfaction was expressed in a flurry of barely coherent exclamations until the very last wave of gratification washed over him.
A minute later a complete thought finally formed in his mind. "That was unbelievable," He breathed out as he tenderly brushed Tawny's damp hair from her face. "And so are you." Still fused with her he rode out each extraneous shudder and delicious spark, then finally his brain fully unscrambled. "Oh no…" He winced. "I forgot…"
"Yeah…"
"It felt so good…you felt so good…I…"
"It's okay," She replied in a nervous whisper.
"I'm really sorry. I never had to remember that before and…"
"It's okay," She repeated with a twinge of panic in her voice.
Softly he brushed a kiss over her lips. "It was…"
"…worth the risk I hope." She flashed a tense smile. "At least you have that trust fund so you can support a baby if something should happen, right? I mean I'm sure it won't, but just in case. Sorry, I'm trying not to panic here."
That's when reality started to sink in and finally Greg did what he was supposed to do a few minutes earlier…pull away fast.
"Oh!" Tawny's screeched as the remnants of him reminded her of the risk they had just taken. "I'm not used to having…I'm going to powder my nose. I'll be back in five."
As Tawny dashed off to the bathroom, Greg crashed against the back of the couch thinking...I can't believe I did that...what the hell was I thinking! And she's completely freaked out that she could get pregnant! Oh my god what if she does get pregnant! Okay stop…don't go there. Just block it. It's not gonna happen!
Jumping off the couch in a panic he grabbed his boxers and yanked them on.
Behind her locked bathroom door Tawny burst into a full panic. I can't believe I did that. But he was so cute and nice and then he was so into me and it felt so good. Oh my god what if I get pregnant! He was so freaked out when I blurted that. Oh my god! What if I do and he demands I have an abortion. I couldn't do that. Okay stop…don't go there. Just block it. It's not gonna happen!
A few minutes later, when Tawny emerged from the bathroom wearing a short pink satin robe she saw Greg dressed and stepping into his shoes. "You're leaving without even saying goodbye? I don't believe you! After what we just…after you just…you're a real bastard, you know that. At least the other guys who use me, kiss me on the cheek at the door before never showing their faces again. I really thought we…ugh! I get asked out seven nights a week. I don't need you! Get the hell out of here! GET OUT!"
"No! Wait! You don't understand…I really don't want to go. I didn't plan on rushing out after." He hurried over to her. "I wasn't planning on leaving at all…I mean was looking forward to lazing around with you and watching a movie with you, like you said when I first got here. Hell, I wanted to see you again tomorrow and the day after…" Averting his eyes he confessed, "But after what I did…and what you said about a baby and my trust fund…I have something I need to tell you and well…I know you're going to toss me out me when I do, so I got dressed." Returning his gaze he shamefully admitted, "I lied to you."
"About being clean!" Her arms instinctively wrapped around her body.
"NO!" His hands rushed up. "Not that, I swear. I lied about the trust fund…I don't have one. I said that I did because…" Sighing from embarrassment he confessed, "Honestly…you're the most gorgeous woman I ever met and I would have said anything to be with you. I knew you were into guys with cash because Grissom told me about your reaction to his Blvgari jewelry bag. And last night you propositioned him because he's loaded. I lied hoping it would get me a date with you. It's totally out of character for me." He shrugged. "Then again, so is getting a date with and having incredible sex with a woman who blows me away…and so is not wearing a condom when I'm actually lucky enough to have sex." He lowered his gaze to the floor. "I'm really sorry I lied. So now do you understand why I got dressed? Okay…I'm taking you up on you request and getting the hell out of here now."
Staring at the remorseful man in front of her Tawny softly replied, "Wait! I'm not kicking you out."
Glancing back he said, "You want to kill me first instead?" He opened his arms. " Go ahead…I deserve it."
"No." Reaching out she took his hand. "I have a confession too. I never would have invited you over if you didn't mention the trust fund. Totally shallow…I know. So how can I be pissed at you for lying? We're both guilty of being fakes."
Vulnerable from the candor he shyly asked, "But now that you know the truth are you sorry you did…that we…was that the only reason you were enjoying it…or pretending to enjoy it?"
"Not at all."
"Really?" He searched her eyes for confirmation.
Excitedly she told him, "Hey! You know what this reminds me of… that scene in Moulin Rouge when Satine thinks Christian is a Duke and she's all excited he came to see her. But later, after they kiss and form a connection, she finds out he's not a Duke, but only…"
"A lowly CSI One without a trust fund, who plays the sitar." He laughed at his own words. "I actually can play the sitar by the way. My mom is a music teacher."
"You've seen the movie!"
"Own it." He sheepishly admitted, "I wasn't lying about liking romantic movies. Plus that one is full of music and I'm really into music."
Pleased with his response she continued, "So just like in the movie, even though Satine finds out that Christian isn't rich, it doesn't matter because it's too late… she's already smitten." Her eyes sparkled as she confessed, "I'm smitten with you…I want you to stay."
"Really?" Surprised to hear it he curiously asked, " Why are you smitten with me?"
"Can't you just take my word for it?" She giggled from the clueless look on his face. "You're very talkative and inquisitive for a guy! Geez!"
"And you're not upset that I forgot to…" He pointed to the leather couch. "I took care of that by the way."
Covering her mouth she giggled. "You took time to clean up my couch when you were panicking that I was going to kill you?"
"Well…" Finally his smile returned. "I'm with the crime lab, remember? Leaving my DNA behind wasn't an option, because if you did kill me for lying, which I totally deserved, then it would be easy for them to catch you. I didn't want you caught. I was also going to advise you to shower thoroughly, dispose of my coffee cup, vacuum the entire place…remembering to toss the bag afterwards, and then depending on how you planned on killing me I'd give you additional tips."
"You're very strange."
He nodded. "I get that a lot."
"Come here," She tugged him over and slipped her arms around his waist. "Will you stay and watch a movie with me?"
"Will I stay!" Wrapping his arms around her he relaxed. "Are you kidding?Yeah! Be careful what you wish for though…you may never get rid of me."
Gleeful, she slipped out of his arms and flitted across the room. "Can we snuggle in bed while we're watching the movie?"
"If you twist my arm!" He disrobed immediately.
"The boxers stay on!" She warned. "Because you're armed, dangerous and not in control of your piece."
"Deal." He laughed and cringed simultaneously while following her to the bed in the far corner of the studio apartment. "So what are we watching?"
"What do you think?" She held up her copy of Moulin Rouge.
"Excellent." While sliding under the covers he asked a favor, "If you bump into any of the guys I work with, don't tell them I like romantic movies. And while we're on the subject, don't tell them about me not having control over my piece…could you um…not tell anyone that actually." Fluffing the pillows he anxiously awaited her arrival.
"Don't worry…" After inserting the DVD she strolled over to the bed grinning. "Have you forgotten what I do for a living? During lap dances vulnerable men tell me their secrets all the time. I'm a pro…even your deepest secrets are safe with me, Greg Sanders." Slipping under the covers she smiled. "Care to spoon me?"
Sporting a goofy grin he replied, "I'd be honored." Holding open his arms he invited her and when she burrowed against him he enveloped her. "I'm really glad you didn't kick me out," He informed her while enjoying the feel of her warm body in his arms.
"I'm really glad you stayed." She nestled a little deeper into the embrace. "Will you come back again tomorrow?"
"You want me to come back tomorrow?" He responded in shock. "You mean this isn't a mercy snuggle because I'm a hapless idiot?"
"HA! A mercy snuggle!" She turned so she could see his eyes. "No, it's a real snuggle and I really want to see you again, but don't say you will unless you're one hundred percent sure. I've been disappointed too many times by too many guys. Prove to me you're as different as I think you are."
Staring at her beautiful smile he finally answered her question. "Even though I already lied about something major, and even though I broke the first promise I ever made to you, please believe me when I say…I'm one hundred percent certain I'd like to come back tomorrow."
"I believe you."
They traded radiant smiles and then Greg offered, "Same time, same place, same breakfast order?"
"Same snuggling." She returned to her spoon position and released a blissful sigh. "Just remember to pick up some protection in case I find you irresistible again tomorrow. I don't want to tempt fate twice. Everybody gets away with it once in their life, but twice is asking for trouble."
"On the way home from here, I swear." He squeezed her tighter, grateful again for her clemency.
"Do you have to leave right after the movie?" She asked with a hint of desperation in her voice.
"I don't have to be anywhere until ten p.m.," He softly replied. "As long as I can get some sleep, I can stay all day if you'd like."
"I'd like that."
"Me too." As the movie began, Greg whispered a play on words from the film, in Tawny's ear, "So, Tawny, who gets asked out seven nights a week…do you think I'm going to be bad for business?"
"Wow. Is that your way of saying you want exclusive visiting privileges? A little bold for a first date, don't you think?" Turning to catch his eye, she whispered back through a smile. "Yes…I think you're going to be very bad for business."
"Do you want to kiss me, Tawny?" He couldn't tear his eyes away from hers while he parroted her question from earlier. "Do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?"
"Yes." She melted from his steady gaze and when he brushed his lips over hers, the tenderness of his kiss nursed her aching heart.
After growing concerned over Tawny's prolonged absence, Sara left the dance class and went looking for her in the locker room. "Tawny, is everything okay?" She called out into the seemingly empty room. Upon reaching her locker, Sara saw a note.
Sara,
So VERY sorry!
Had to rush home for Chuckles.
See you tomorrow at the townhouse!
Tawny
"I hope everything is okay," She remarked while staring at the note. Then she surmised if something were seriously wrong, Tawny wouldn't have taken the time to write a note, and she wouldn't be keeping their plans for tomorrow. With only ten minutes left to go in the class, Sara decided not to bother returning, especially since Lady Heather kept glaring at her.
Opening her locker she gathered her things quickly.
"You forgot something…" Heather's voice echoed into the empty room.
Sara froze as her foe's shrill tone sent a shiver up her spine.
"I believe this is your t-shirt." Heather walked over and dangled it from her fingers. "Or is it Gil's?"
Sticking to her promise not to let the woman get the upper hand three out of three times, Sara snatched the t-shirt and snapped, "Thank you, and unless you have something nice to say…move along."
"Nice wedding band." She smiled. "That's new since I last saw you. Last time it was a diamond ring." Before she could offer proper congratulations, she felt the heat of Sara's breath in her face.
"That's right!" Sara waved her left hand. "We made it official and to save you some time I'll answer your question from last time. Yes, he's wearing one too. Proudly and publicly...a matching one as a matter of fact, to represent the equality in our marriage. And you'll love this…we got married at the Little Chapel of the Flower's Victorian Chapel. Could that place be any more representative of the sweet normalcy you love to rub in my face as if it's shameful?" Oozing self-assuredness she blasted, "You can take your best shot at shaking my faith in Gil and our vows, but it's not going to rock me an inch, because my commitment…not slavery…not ownership…but a promise to love, respect, and trust one another is SO solid, there isn't a thing you can say to make me have doubts about my husband or my marriage. Although you'd love to make me believe it, my husband doesn't lie to me." Folding her arms across her chest, she snipped, "So go ahead…take your best shot."
After a calming breath, Heather replied, "I'm so content with what you've stated…I don't feel compelled to add a thing." With that she turned on a dime and headed for the dance room, but before she could force herself through the door, she paused, unable to resist the temptation to prove the smug woman wrong. "Sara…maybe I do just have one thing to ask."
"What?" Her arms clamped across her chest she glared at the woman.
"I'm curious." Heather sauntered toward her nemesis. "If a man purposely withholds information from his wife when she's asked for it and purports not to know the answer, is that the same in your mind as lying?"
"Yes." Sara stood firm.
"Would you say it's disrespectful?"
"Yes."
"A breech in the trust of the marriage?"
"Yes."
"And you're certain your husband doesn't lie to you?"
"Never." She snapped, "Why are you asking? Do you have a point you're trying to make? Or is all of this vague questioning just supposed to rattle me in a general way?"
"Like I said… I was just curious." Heather grinned uncontrollably. "Have a nice night." At the door she turned and tossed a wink in Sara's direction. "And congratulations on your perfect marriage."
"Whatever." Sara grabbed her car keys and bolted out of the locker room feeling much better having played offense than defense this time.
After a quick hustle through the gym and out the door, Sara made a beeline for her car in the far corner of the parking lot. Once there, she opened the door, tossed her stuff on the passenger seat and shoved the keys in the ignition. "Damn it!" She yelled when the engine wouldn't start. At home when she was having the car trouble which almost made her miss her class, the engine was at least making a noise. Now it wasn't doing anything at all. "It's totally dead!"
Reaching over she retrieved her cellphone and punched in her husband's code.
"Grissom."
"Hey…" Catching her breath she asked, "Can you swing by The Fitness Den and pick me up. My car's dead and I really want to go home and relax." She didn't bother telling him about Heather because she wasn't worth mentioning.
"It's 7:55 now, I should be there in five minutes."
Jim Brass's Apartment
7:55 p.m.
Noting the time, Jim grabbed his keys and headed out the front door so he wouldn't be late meeting Heather in front of The Fitness Den at eight. After a taxing day, he was really looking forward to a relaxing evening with his mystery lady.
Author's Note:
Next Chapter: Losing It - Part 8
Posting: along with this chapter - no waiting!
Sorry for the delay, parts 7 and 8 had to be edited to comply with the rules of this website. I didn't know for sure if anyone was relying on reading it here, since I haven't heard from anyone via this website, but HeartGSRcommentedasking if I would post itherebecause it is easier to access than the website. So, assuming others are in the same boat, Iwill try my best to get it up here at the same time as my website. On days where editing is required there might be a delay.
Thanks,
Maggs