Feasibility Study
Written by: Ms Maggs / Edited by: KJT
Chapter 81: Losing It – Part 10
Desert Springs Hospital
ER Waiting Room
10:17 p.m.
His job done, Grissom took a seat in the corner of the cheerily decorated ER waiting room. With tired eyes and an overtaxed mind he surveyed the area. Although the colors in the room were sunny, everyone sitting in it looked the opposite and he knew he blended.
Looking back, the entire day was one dose of tension after the other. The latest being the unexpected phone call from Sara…
With all personal thoughts blocked, Grissom sat at his desk concentrating on Brittany Thomas' autopsy report while sipping a fresh cup of coffee. He was so focused, that when his cellphone rang he absently answered, "Grissom," without even checking the caller ID.
"Gil!" Sara frantically shouted into the phone.
Ripping off his eyeglasses he shouted back, "Sara! What's wrong? Who's screaming?" Jumping up from behind his desk he grabbed his keys ready to meet here wherever she was.
"It's Tawny. I need you to find Greg, but don't tell him anything in the lab. Wait…hold on."
With the phone pressed to his ear he listened while rushing out of his office to track down Greg.
I don't want to lose the baby! Help me! I need Greg!
Tawny, please calm down.
This can't be happening! There's so much blood! There's blood running down my legs!
Listen to me. Getting hysterical won't help the baby.
Help me, Sara. Please help me. I need to save the baby.
I'm trying to help. I don't have a car. I need your keys. Where are your keys?
I…I can't think right now. Um…um…
Are they on a hook? In a drawer? In your purse?
My purse! On the kitchen counter. I'm shaking.
Wait here and I'll get you a blanket from the bedroom.
Wrap this around you, Tawny
I'm so scared.
Take my hand.
I have blood on my hands.
I don't care. Take my hand and come with me. We're going to the ER.
I'm really scared.
I'm right here. I've got you.
What if I lose everything Sara? You know what it's like to lose everything. I don't want to be the loser again. I'm always losing. When do I get to win?
You won't lose everything. Greg's not going anywhere and neither am I.
Grissom lowered the phone when he saw Warrick. "Have you seen, Greg?"
Glancing up from his file he answered, "He was heading to Trace a few minutes ago. His hair is extra messed up tonight. You won't be able to miss him. Hey, Gris I need to ask you something about …"
"Not now, please." When he returned the phone to his ear he heard Sara's voice.
"Gil! Are you there?"
"I'm here. Sorry, I was asking Warrick where Greg is. He should be in Trace." He hurried down the hall. "I'm a minute away."
"Remember what Brass did to get you to the hospital after Dales Trail?"
"Yes." He momentarily shivered from the memory.
"Do the same thing Brass did for you for Greg. I'm on my way to Desert Springs. Hurry!"
"I will." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Sara…I love you."
"I love you too."
Sitting in the waiting room he closed his eyes and thought of the only good memory he had of the day.
"Why do you get to be a smart ass, but not me?"
Staring at him like he couldn't figure out two plus two Sara replied, "Because I'm most likely gestating your progeny."
"Ahh…" He grabbed his birthday watch from the dresser. "So I'll be living this way for nine months."
Coming up from behind she slipped her arms around his waist and whispered in his ear, "And then I'll be able to say…I gave birth to your progeny. That should carry me for oh…a decade or two. Dontcha think?"
"Depends on the number of hours you spend in labor."
Her hands went to his shoulders and she gave a big squeeze.
"Damn!" The muscle pain was excruciating.
"Yeah…you can't handle that, but I'll be pushing the equivalent of a bowling ball out of my body." Giving one more squeeze she taunted, "Still not sure of your answer."
"At least two decades."
Sara…she was the good part of the day…of his life. The thing with Heather and Brass seemed ridiculous compared to the serious issue Greg and Tawny were facing…one he and Sara could just as easily be faced with one day. Life is fragile. Brittany Thomas' parents found that out that morning. Life is precious. Greg and Tawny were learning that right now.
Grissom lowered his head in his hands. Having wasted so many years of his life already the thought that he had just spent two hours mentally apart from Sara saddened him.
Once again Heather's question vibrated in his head. Tell me…were you merely suspicious that your wife might react badly if she found out you didn't tell her the truth, or did you know without question that she'd feel hurt and betrayed? The answer was a resounding yes. And yet you chose to keep the truth from her. Again the answer was yes. Why? I was protecting her and helping Jim. It just wasn't the right time.
Then he recalled another scene from the traumatic day.
"Sara!"
When she heard his voice she stopped in her tracks. "It would have been better if you were honest with me instead of avoiding the issue."
"You saw the dress?"
"Look…I appreciate the concern, but I'm a big girl and a professional on the job. I don't need to be sheltered. You know how I feel about shelters. Shelters leave you unprepared for the real world and you end up blindsided and shocked. That's what happened to me in there."
"I'm sorry."
That's when he realized the real issue wasn't Heather and Brass. It was the feeling the scenario stirred within her.
Another memory assaulted him. Sara telling him about Brian Anderson's betrayal…
"I'm ticked that they were deceptive and showed total disregard for my feelings but I wasn't in love with him if that's what you're thinking. They were laughing at me behind my back and then when I walked in on them that day they laughed in my face. It hurt. It still does. You heard them…they're still laughing."
That's when he understood why she was especially hurt over his laughing about Brass's mystery lady in front of her at the party. It hurt. It still does. You heard them…they're still laughing.
Another exchange from the opera house flickered in his mind…
"You see one opera and now you're trying to write your own? Why do you need to play this game, Sara? What's really going on here?"
"I'm wearing this beautiful dress and I have a wonderful man who loves me on my arm and for the first time I have a chance not to be the big loser in front of the fun pretty girl."
Tonight, when she was the only one of the four not in on the 'joke', she had to feel like the big loser in front of the fun pretty girl. Heather was another Miranda to Sara. Someone who always had the upper hand and didn't have qualms flaunting it.
On the surface it would be easy to say Sara had reacted out of jealousy or self-centeredness, but anyone who knew her…especially her husband, who knew her darkest secrets, and deepest vulnerabilities knew it was so much more.
Now it was Tawny's desperate words that rang in his head… What if I lose everything Sara? You know what it's like to lose everything. I don't want to be the loser again. I'm always losing. When do I get to win?
ER
10:19 p.m.
As he approached curtain ten of the ER, Greg could hear Sara trying to calm Tawny…
"I'm so scared, Sara. I don't want to lose the baby and I don't want to lose, Greg."
"He loves you, Tawny. Everyone at the lab knows how much he loves you. He talks about you non-stop. He's crazy about you. You're not going to lose him. And you don't even know for sure you're going to lose the baby. You need to calm down and stay positive."
"Where is he!"
"I'm here!" Greg yelled before darting through the opening in the cotton wall to find Tawny clad in a hospital gown and sitting under a sheet. One glimpse at her anguish and his heart ached. "Sorry I took so long." He replayed Grissom's supportive words like a mantra… You can do this. I know you can. Just think of it as your responsibility to stay calm for her.
"Greg…" Holding out her arms and whimpered, "I'm so scared."
Sara moved to the side, not sure if she should go or give them privacy. Then, after considering Greg and Tawny were both overemotional people and might need her help, she decided to stay.
Remembering Tawny's concerns, he tried to allay them as he took a seat on the edge of the bed. "It's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Gently he brought her tear-soaked face his chest. "Sweetie, you need to calm down so they can examine you and get you and the baby some help." The intense tremble of her body fired his emotions and he struggled to keep them under control.
"I don't want to lose the baby." In between gulps of air and harsh sniffles she rambled her deepest fears. "If I lose the baby everything could end. We could end. The baby brought us together. Maybe it's not real between us. Maybe we just made it happen for the baby. If the baby disappears, maybe what we have will disappear. I don't want to lose the baby." Gripping him she sobbed, "I don't want to lose you. I love you, Greg. I need you."
Sara covered her mouth with her right hand when she felt her emotions catching up. The shock of the incident had thrust her into survival mode but now, listening to the despair and thinking about Gil and the baby they might have, she felt her cheeks flush as she fought back her tears.
Swallowing all his emotions with a deep breath, Greg peeled Tawny far enough away so she could see his face. "Look into my eyes." When she didn't look at him, he framed her face with his hands and forced her. "You know you can see everything in my eyes. Look into them."
Tears pouring down her cheeks she squeaked, "I can't stop shaking. I'm scared."
"Me too, but for the baby, not because I'm worried we'll lose our love for each other if things don't work out here." In a futile effort he attempted to dry her face with his shirt, but a new stream of tears dampened her cheeks immediately. Finally he thought of a way to center her. "Ask me how much I love you, Tawny." He forced a smile in the midst of dealing with his turmoil.
In a tiny voice she complied, "How much do you love me, Greg?"
"So much," He replied with conviction. "Ask me for how long."
After a choppy breath she managed it. "How long will you love me?"
"Forever." His thumbs acting like wiper blades, he swept away every tear raining down. "I never would have shared my darkest secret with you if I didn't plan on forever. And you know I was thirty seconds away from proposing before we got interrupted earlier." With conviction blanketing his voice he confirmed, "I said forever, and I meant it."
"No matter what happens…even…" She pleaded with her eyes.
"No matter what happens, Tawny." As his bravery faded, his voice changed to a whisper. "You say you need me and don't want to lose me, well guess what…I need you…and losing you is something I never want to do…ever. Do you understand?"
Lifting her hands to his face she nodded.
"I've been waiting my whole life for you, Tawny." His eyes were welling, but he held his tears in check. "I love you. My mom loves you. My dad thinks you're great. I know it's not official yet, but we're a family. My mom said the same thing on the phone earlier. That's why she asked you to call her Mom from now on, right? So please stop worrying, because you're loved unconditionally. Nothing will change that. Do you believe me?"
Seeing only honesty and love in his eyes Tawny nodded. "I believe you." A new batch of tears flowed, this round fueled by overwhelming relief.
Bringing her to his chest he kissed the top of her head. "Now take some deep breaths with me for a minute and then we'll deal with this together. We'll get through it." When he felt her inhale he praised, "You got it…just like that."
After clearing the emotion from her throat, Sara placed a hand on Greg's shoulder and whispered, "I'll go tell the nurse you're ready for her."
Upon exiting the curtain, Sara looked for Nurse Juana Torres, a motherly Hispanic woman in her late forties wearing a peach nurse's smock, and when she saw her emerge from another curtain she walked over. "Tawny is calm now, so whenever you're ready."
"Excellent! Tell them I'll be right there." She made a beeline for the nurses' station.
"Nurse Torres…" Sara had a burning question so she followed her. "I read in one of my pregnancy books that about twenty percent of all women experience bleeding of some variety during pregnancy. So even though Tawny is bleeding, it doesn't necessarily mean she's miscarrying, right?"
"That's right." The nurse smiled at the tense woman and continued on her way.
After hurrying back to curtain ten, Sara announced her arrival without stepping inside. "The nurse will be here in a minute. Do you need me to stay here or can I sit at the end of the hall?"
"Come in for a sec," Tawny answered in a voice coarse from screaming.
"Okay." Sara slipped through the crack and saw Tawny lying on her back with Greg standing at her side holding her hand. "I hope you don't mind that I stayed before…I wasn't sure if you'd need me. I didn't know what to…I hope it's not awkward that I heard what…" Gripping her forhead she admitted, "Now I'm overtalking. I do that when I'm tense. Greg, you know I…you've seen me do this…I'm doing it again."
Tawny sniffled, "I just wanted to say thanks for getting me here so fast and being such a good friend."
"Ditto for me," Greg added. "And for calling Grissom at the lab so he could get me out of there without me freaking out. That's what you had Brass do after Dales Trail when you didn't want Grissom to flip out at work."
She nodded. "It worked then so I thought I'd give it another try."
"And hell no, I don't care what you heard, Sara," Greg assured her with a smile. "I trust you with my life every day. I certainly trust you not to blab my secrets."
"Right." She smiled at both of them while hoping everything would work out. "Try to stay positive, okay? I just confirmed with the nurse that bleeding happens in about 20 percent of pregnancies and everything can turn out fine." Pointing over her shoulder she advised, "I'll be at the end of the hall if you need me."
As she left her traumatized friends behind, Sara walked past the other nine curtained rooms, catching snippets of tense conversations.
Can't they do anything to stop the pain?
Pain was what she thought she felt a couple of hours ago when she found out she was the odd one out and her husband had been keeping a secret from her. Now she realized that wasn't pain. Irritation…yes. Frustration…definitely. Disappointment…absolutely. But not pain. Pain was what she heard in Tawny's voice when she screamed I don't want to lose my baby. Pain was what she had seen in Greg's eyes when he took one look at Tawny and realized he may not be able to fix this for her.
It hurts a lot.
Hurt was something she knew first hand…and she knew there were two kinds. The first kind was intentionally inflicted. It was what she watched her father do to her mother. It was what vicious kids at school sought to do to her. It was what callous boyfriends inflicted when they thought only of themselves.
The second kind of hurt was accidental. It was what she had done to Gil when she tried desperately to keep him from finding his father in the living room. It was what he had done by keeping a secret to protect her.
I love you.
Love was the cure for both pain and hurt. It was what she heard in Greg's voice when he spoke to Tawny pleading with her to trust him. It was what she saw in Tawny's eyes when she clung to the hope that this time she really could believe she wouldn't lose everything. And love was what she knew was in her husband's heart at all times…even when he said the wrong thing, or did the wrong thing. It was there in Tahoe the first time when he flew away. It was there in the living room when he lost control of his temper. It was there on the street tonight when he fell speechless from seeing the hurt in her eyes. It was always there.
Curtain 10
10:37 p.m.
"I love you, Tawny." Alone behind the curtain, Greg leaned over and smoothed his hand over her hair. Softly he queried, "Does it hurt?"
"No. I don't have any pain." With her hands over her uterus she shook her head. "That's why I was so shocked. Do you think it's a good sign it's not hurting?"
Just then Nurse Torres entered wheeling a small cart with a laptop on it. "You look much better, Tawny." While grabbing the blood pressure cuff she remarked to the young man in the room, "And you must be Greg."
"Yes." He held out his hand. "Greg Sanders. I'm the baby's father."
Returning the handshake she commented, "I'm Juana Torres. We heard a lot about you while we were waiting for you."
He gave Tawny's hand a squeeze. "Sorry I wasn't here from the beginning. I would have been home if I wasn't working a priority case."
"Sara told me you work for the Crime Lab. My husband is a cop. I know you guys had a busy day. That must be why we're having a quiet night." As the nurse engaged the automatic pressure cuff she began her speech. "Now that you're here, Greg…" Glancing down at her patient she winked. "And now that Tawny is calm…I'll start from the top."
With a vice grip on her significant other's hand, Tawny nodded and braced herself.
As Juana entered information in the laptop she relayed the standard information unemotionally. "These are the facts. Bleeding during pregnancy is common. It can mean nothing, in which case the baby is fine. It can be a sign of infection or a physical issue with the mother, in which case we treat the symptoms and more often than not the baby is fine. And sometimes it can be the start of a miscarriage."
Hearing the word made Greg wince and focus on the more optimistic scenarios.
"A threatened miscarriage before twenty weeks isn't something we try to stop. If we determine you are miscarrying, you will lose the baby. I'm not telling you this because I know it's going to happen, or because I'm uncaring and trying to scare you, I'm telling you now, so it can sink in. That way, if miscarriage ends up being the diagnosis, you will know exactly what to expect."
Greg nervously replied, "I can see where you're coming from. If that's the diagnosis we don't have to ask a million questions and waste time hoping because we'll know upfront there won't be anything you can do. So we can focus on accepting it."
"That's correct. But stay cautiously optimistic."
Tawny and Greg exchanged faint smiles and hand squeezes.
When Juana was finished typing in Tawny's vitals, she looked up and smiled. "Okay, now for the questions we couldn't get out of you before. How far along are you?"
Tawny fielded it fast. "About nine weeks. My due date is April 12th based on plugging in the conception date on this pregnancy website we found. We only slipped up once so we know the date it happened. Not that we're not happy it happened. We are! We want the baby."
"Gotcha." The nurse kept her eyes on her laptop. "Were you ever pregnant before? Had any miscarriages, terminations or births?"
"No."
"Any medical concerns? Past or present? Conditions, injuries, surgeries?"
Greg answered for her. "She had her appendix out when she was ten. She has a tiny scar."
Tawny glanced up, smiling that he remembered the detail from their first date…her asking about the burn scars on his back, and him asking about the one on her right side. "Nothing besides that surgery."
"Do you take any medication?"
"No."
Juana continued to run down her checklist. "Any pain in your abdomen? Like cramping as though you're getting your period. Or any back pain or pains shooting down your legs?"
"Nothing. I stood up to go to the bathroom and felt a little gush." Shuddering from the memory she lost the strength in her voice. "When I got there and pulled my shorts down…I saw blood."
"This next question is for both of you and pertains to your sexual histories. If you would prefer to answer individually in private let me know now." When they didn't protest she continued, "Any history of sexually transmitted diseases? Or potential concerns that have not been tested?"
"None," Greg answered immediately.
"Greg…" Tawny pulled him closer. "Can you sit with me?"
He glanced at the nurse and when she nodded, he took a seat on the bed. Knowing what was coming, he scooted Tawny close. "Better?"
"Much." She clutched him tighter and answered the question. "Um…almost three years ago I was raped. I got tested every month for two years and then every three months. Nothing has ever shown up."
It tore up Greg every time he thought about it. "That's plenty of time to answer none."
The nurse concurred. "I know this may bring back painful memories but, in the interest of the baby I need you to be strong and answer it. Did you sustain any injuries to your cervix, uterus or vaginal region during the assault?"
Noting Tawny was slipping, Greg took a deep breath and fielded it for her. "No, because it wasn't a vaginal assault." He placed a tender kiss on the top of Tawny's head.
"Understood," The nurse somberly replied as she entered in the information. "Now this next question usually makes the guys nervous. So, Greg, listen to what I'm saying very carefully."
"Uh…okay." He snuggled Tawny a little closer.
"I need to know if you had intercourse in the past week, how often and when was the last time?" Acknowledging Greg's immediate panic she stated, "At this early stage in the pregnancy, if it's a miscarriage, sex did not cause it, but if it's not a miscarriage, then sex could be the harmless explanation."
Tawny answered while she watched the blood drain from Greg's face. "About an hour and a half before the bleeding started. It was the first time in six days."
"What you describe it as vigorous intercourse with deep penetration?"
"Wait…" Panic rioting within him, Greg blurted, "I didn't mean to hurt her or the baby."
"Greg…" Nurse Torres used her tone to caution him. "That's why I told you to listen carefully. I said sex would not cause a miscarriage at this stage of pregnancy. However, due to the increased levels of pregnancy hormones, changes can occur that can make a woman more susceptible to bleeding during intercourse. That's all I'm looking for here. There's no blame."
Tawny answered, "Yes to both."
Greg massaged his forehead with his fingers while he beat himself up for…every dirty song lyric that he had selected to make their romp as frenetic as possible…for the zeal with which he had enjoyed the lustiness…and for every ardent move he had made that might have done this to her. "I'm really sorry."
"I swear you weren't hurting me, Greg." Tawny implored him to listen to her by tugging on his hand. "I would have told you if you were. And I think it was pretty obvious I was feeling great at the time. Please..."
Blowing out a breath, he mumbled, "It's just hard to hear I could be responsible for making you bleed. Especially after what I saw at work today and after talking about you getting assaulted."
The nurse handed him a cup of ice water. "The nicest guys take it the hardest. I saw it coming with you a mile away."
"Thanks." He accepted the water and gulped it down, wishing it had come with a valium.
"Okay." The nurse moved her cart to the side and donned a pair of latex gloves. "Nothing invasive…all I'm doing is lifting the sheet to evaluate if the discharge flow has changed and then I'll freshen you up. After that, we'll move you to our GYNO room for more privacy. There, the doctor will do a pelvic exam and a vaginal ultrasound."
Anxious to know how bad the situation really was, Greg slipped off the side of the bed to watch.
"Are you sure you can handle this?"
"I'm a CSI," Greg countered in the strongest voice he could muster. "I can handle anything." He stood a little taller. "It's my baby and I don't want to be in the dark."
"Very well."
Greg stood at the foot of the bed with his arms clamped firmly across his chest to remind himself to hold it together.
When the nurse lifted the sheet, Greg's eyes focused on the dried blood streaks running down Tawny's thighs and the stains on her hospital gown. His mind swirled as images, sounds and words bombarded him…the snap of a camera, the pool of blood between her legs, she's approximately five years old, the stains on the dress, the snap of a camera, Coccinellidae, Nick's blood curdling scream, the smell of the morgue, what caused the damage, the snap of a camera, maybe he wanted to rape a doll, the dried blood on her tiny thighs, with a body this small the damage from an adult can be...
"Greg!" Tawny shrilled as she saw him clutch his head and bolt backwards through curtains. "Oh my god! How much blood is there? Is the baby dead!"
"No!" The nurse held Tawny back. "It's less than before, and there's no sign of tissue."
"Greg!" She screamed when she heard a crash from behind the curtain. "Is he okay?"
On the floor with an overturned cart of medical supplies scattered around him, Greg finally snapped out of it. "How…" Looking up he saw Sara rushing over.
"What happened!" She bent down and took him by the arm while hospital personnel swooped in to clean up the mess.
"The blood…" He paused to shove air in his lungs. "She has blood on her legs just like the little girl and I..." He let her get him to his feet. "I don't know why…"
"You're understandably stressed today, Greg." When she heard Tawny calling for him she brought him back through the curtain and announced. "Just a little work-related PTSD from a rough case. Everything's okay."
"Really sorry," He announced as he walked over and took Tawny's hand. "Didn't see that coming."
Juana decided it best to delay the rest of her plan. "I'll be back in five."
"Thanks again, Sara," Greg was still trying to shake off the fright as he clutched Tawny's hand. He decided to take his mind off it by switching gears. "Hey, Sara, I was wondering, do you think you could do me another favor?"
"Anything."
"Grissom is out in the ER waiting room. Would you mind giving him an update and letting him know that I've got it under control. "He rolled his eyes. "Well, except for those sixty seconds."
Knowing what Greg was doing she smiled. "Sure."
"And hey, Sara?" Sitting on the edge of the bed he cradled Tawny. "Don't you think life's too unpredictable to stay pissed for too long? Look at today for example…it started out normal and it's been non-stop drama since we showed up for work." Feeling powerless over his destiny at that moment he remarked, "One minute you're up and the next you're crashing. It's much better to have someone there to catch you when you crash, and since you never know when you're going to crash…"
"Don't stay apart too long." Sara nodded. "We'll be out there waiting for you to give us some good news."
ER Waiting Room
11:09 p.m.
His adrenaline rush dissipating, Grissom stood and walked to the back of the room to grab a cup of coffee from the courtesy table.
Having been there nearly an hour without a word from Greg or Sara he expected things were going badly. He was grateful Greg and Tawny had Sara with them. She had been a good friend to Greg since she helped him through the shock of finding out Tawny was pregnant. And tonight, when he heard his wife over the phone, he knew she was a good friend to Tawny as well. They couldn't ask for a better friend. Neither could he. She was loyal, dependable, trustworthy, compassionate, empathetic and patient…well, except when it came to getting pregnant. A smile found his lips as he thought of her unbridled enthusiasm. Then it disappeared when he realized how awful it must be to watch the nightmare Tawny and Greg were going through.
"Hi."
When he heard his wife's voice he spun around, spilling hot coffee on his fingers. "Ah."
"Careful." She grabbed a few napkins and handed them to him. "You're in the right place for an injury, but really, there's been enough stress for one day."
He placed the Styrofoam cup on the table. "Sara…" His eyes spoke all the words trapped inside.
"I know."
In a heartbeat their arms were around each other and the words I'm sorry were simultaneously exchanged and then followed by I love you.
En route to the ER Gynecology Room
11:22 p.m.
Greg held Tawny's hand as the orderly, Saul, a white-haired sixty-seven year old who worked to keep busy, wheeled the stretcher through the bustling hall. "Just one more turn and we'll be there," The kindly man advised. "It will be nice and quiet too."
"I need to use the restroom," Tawny announced.
"You're in luck." Saul backed in the stretcher. "You've got a private bathroom in here."
Recalling the horror of finding the blood the last time she confessed, "Greg, I'm scared to go."
"No problem, I'll take you," He informed her. Then trying to cheer her up he teased, "I figure I'm due since you walk in on me peeing everyday. I just hope you don't get stage fright like I did the first few times." He felt compelled to tell Saul, "We live in a very small apartment with only one bathroom and the lock is broken. I never do it to her, but she does it to me all the time."
Saul commiserated, "I hear you, kid. My wife has interrupted hundreds of good magazine reads on the john over the last twenty-nine years."
Relishing the momentary escape from stress she joked along. "Since inhibited usually isn't used to describe me, I don't think stage fright will be an issue."
"Here we are." Saul locked the brake on the stretcher when he pulled it next to the bed and then snapped on a pair of gloves. "I'll take her left arm, you take the right. Once she's on her feet you take it from there."
When she stood, Tawny felt the floor move. "I'm a little dizzy."
"I've got you. It's fluctuation in your blood pressure from all the stress." Greg slipped his arm around her waist. Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Saul removed the pad from the stretcher and was relieved to see much less blood. "There wasn't much on the pad," He whispered in Tawny's ear.
"I don't want to get my hopes up but, it seems to be going away." She held on for dear life.
"Best of luck to you." Saul released the brake on the stripped down stretcher. "Take care, kids."
"Thanks," Greg answered for both of them as he guided Tawny to the door. "I've never taken care of anyone when they weren't feeling well. I've always been on the receiving end." He shook his head. "I'm thirty years old, and my mommy is the only one who has nursed me back to health, and the only thing I've even tended to is a hamster. Do you know my mom actually flew out here when I had pneumonia two years ago? And I let her baby me! Can you imagine Nick having the sniffles and letting his mom fix him chicken soup? God, I'm pathetic."
At the bathroom door she was quick to remind him, "Just be happy your mom cares you're breathing. Mine doesn't."
Grimacing from the lingering taste of his foot in his mouth, he apologized, "I'm sorry, I didn't even think of that."
Stepping into the bathroom she gripped the railing on the wall. "I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. I was just reminding you how lucky you are."
He helped her take a seat then leaned against the wall ready to catch her should she start to sway. "Is the bleeding still happening?"
"I feel a little, but not like before." She flashed a smile. "Maybe it really is going to be okay."
ER Waiting Room
11:28 p.m.
Sitting in chairs in the corner of the room full of tension, Sara and Gil nursed each other with their loving gazes while they worried about their friends and no longer about the strength of their marriage.
"How much longer do you think until we know something definitive?" Sara asked, her anxiety rising with each passing minute.
"I don't think it's been an unreasonable period of time." He glanced at his watch…the one Sara had given him for his birthday and as always was reminded of her loving words on the back of it. "It hasn't been that long."
"I want to know," Sara blurted.
"I suppose I could ask the nurse to…"
"No…" She took his hand. "I want to know if I'm pregnant. I don't want to wait and do the test at home. If I'm pregnant I want the happiness to start as soon as possible just in case…" Without warning her eyes filled. "Just in case it doesn't last."
"All this focus on trying to achieve the result, we never spoke of the possibility that we could get our dream and have to deal with losing it."
"No." She swatted away a tear. "After tonight that will always be in the back of my mind. But it's okay. You have to enjoy what you have while have it. That's what I'm going to do."
"Okay." He brought the back of her hand to his lips. "We won't wait."
ER Gynecology Room 2
11:34 p.m.
"I'm Doctor Beckman." The energetic forty-one year old woman looked studious with her dark brown hair cinched in a pony tail at the neck and sporting bookish glasses and gave off an air of confidence. "Sorry for the wait."
"I'm Greg Sanders and this is my girlfriend, Tawny Cooper." He held out his hand for her to shake. "We're glad you're here, and hoping you can give us some good news."
"Hi Tawny." The doctor extended her hand. "I've gone over your chart. Are you feeling any different since you answered the questions? Any new pain?"
"No."
While Juana prepped the equipment for the pelvic exam, Greg thanked god for the thousandth time that he was born male.
As the doctor reached over and grabbed a fresh pair of gloves she explained to her patient, "I'm just doing a quick pelvic exam to see what's going on. You know the drill. Scoot to the end…feet in the stirrups…you'll feel a little pressure….keep breathing." She flipped a switch to raise the bed while the patient complied.
Juana noticed Greg watching the scene as if he had been dropped on an alien planet. "Doc...just so you know, while I'm sure Greg knows what the drill entails, he has never watched the drill."
"Thanks for the warning." The doctor grabbed the speculum. "I'll watch my descriptives."
"I've got it together, Juana. That was a one time thing." He took hold of Tawny's hands while being eternally grateful that the doctor had draped a sheet so he couldn't see what was going on.
As the exam began, Tawny inhaled sharply and tensed.
"Are you okay!" Greg panicked. "Are you in pain?"
"That thing is always way too cold," Tawny explained while trying to relax and think positive.
Although only two minutes passed, it seemed like it was taking the doctor forever and Greg was getting increasingly paranoid.
As soon as the foreign object was removed, Tawny breathed a sigh of relief. "That's better."
Dr. Beckman stood and placed her hands on Tawny's blanketed and spread knees. "Okay…step two." She moved over to the ultrasound equipment. "Hit the lights, Juana."
The dark room, illuminated only by the glow of the monitor, suddenly made everything scarier, and the nervous couple clenched each other.
The doctor grabbed the condom-covered wand. "Another quick invasion. But not as cold."
Unable to see the screen, they watched for five minutes as the doctor went from typing with one hand to staring at the screen and back again.
"Lights." Dr. Beckman removed the probe and then her gloves. "Do you have her labs?"
"Not yet." Juana opened the door. "I'll go light a fire."
"What's wrong?" Greg felt a black cloud of doom forming above. "Is something wrong with her labs?"
"It's not a miscarriage," The doctor cheerily announced. "Everything will be fine."
Since they had been preparing for the worst, it took a second to switch gears, but when they did they made up for lost time by adding volume.
"Everything's okay!" Greg rejoiced. "Did you hear that!"
"We're still having a baby!" Tawny celebrated.
They embraced tight enough to threaten each other's air supply.
Having allotted as much time as the HMO czars running the hospital permitted her to waste on joy, Dr. Beckman cleared her throat ten seconds later. "Sorry, I know how relieved you are, but I have diagnostic information to relay."
"Sure…sorry." Greg sat on the bed next to Tawny pulling her close.
"Tawny, you have what we call cervical erosion. It sounds scary but it's harmless. It doesn't affect the functionality of the cervix. The condition is seen often during pregnancy because it is brought on by the increase in hormones."
"I've not heard of that." Greg prompted, "What is it exactly?"
The doctor provided the missing details. "Epithelial cells…I'm sure you know what those are since you're wearing a CSI ID."
Not realizing he still had it on he tucked it inside his t-shirt.
"The epithelial cells grow out of the cervix and form an inflamed red, velvet-like area over the top of it. With wear and tear, it can become choppy. Picture ground beef on top of a cervix."
"Yuck," Tawny remarked while looking at Greg. "Wow…I bet you're sorry you slept with me after hearing that detail."
"I was just getting to that part." The doctor chuckled. "The bleeding resulted when the inflamed cervix was repeatedly and forcefully struck during vigorous intercourse, which you said you had around eight this evening. The bloody discharge looked more significant because the blood was mixing with both of your fluids and…"
"So it is my fault!" Jumping off the bed Greg freaked, "Dammit! I just had to insist on changing the music and playing some nasty Prince."
Tawny covered her mouth to hide her laughter.
"Cut yourself some slack, Loverboy." The doctor flashed a reassuring smile. "You had no way of knowing this condition had developed since the last time you were intimate. And it wasn't your fault, it was a combination of circumstances…she's petite with a severely inflamed cervix. You have naturally good range and a healthy libido."
Tawny giggled. "She's complimenting you, Honey." No doubt in an effort to make him feel better. "And don't forget to factor in that I was really hormonal and cheering you on."
Mortified, Greg declared, "There's no way I'm having sex again until after this baby is born. No way!" He shook his head with conviction. "I'll just pretend I'm in college. I went two years without sex there, so seven months will be a drop in the bucket."
The doctor laughed at the typical guilt-ridden nice guy reaction. "While you do have to wait until she's healed, I wouldn't advise holding out that long because you'll have a significant drop in alone time after the birth. Just stick to positions with shallow penetration and Tawny, you control the depth. If that's too limiting, I always tell my patients that pregnancy is a wonderful time to start thinking outside the traditional intercourse box. And active imagination comes in real handy around month eight."
Tawny assured the doc, "Don't worry, I'm a very creative person and Greg is a genius. We'll come up with something."
Feeling the walls of the room closing in, Greg begged, "Can we be done talking about this?"
"We're moving on right now." Typing her findings in the laptop the doctor remarked, "The ultrasound measurements resulted in an estimated due date of April 5th, which is earlier than the date of April 12th you stated."
"What!" Tawny's stomach flipped. "No! That's too early." In a panic she looked to Greg. "That means…" Her tears activated. "I can't believe this is happening. Ninety-nine percent in my favor and I still can't win."
The doctor looked on puzzled while Greg returned to Tawny's side and embraced her.
"Tawny…" He focused on her glassy drenched eyes. "Remember what I said…so much and forever, no matter what happens, nothing changes that." When she nodded he smiled. "And it's my baby, because I was the one holding your hand when you found out you were pregnant, I'm the one holding your hand right now, and I'll be the one holding your hand when you give birth. It's my baby."
"I love you, Greg." Sniffling hard she threw her arms around him. "Thank you for that."
Closing his eyes he smoothed his hands over her back and dealt with the impending reality. "I love you too."
Now Dr. Beckman got the picture. "You should know there is an error rate of plus or minus seven days."
"Really!" They both shrieked while snapping their necks to look at the doctor. That's when they noticed Juana had returned at some point and the doctor was holding a piece of paper.
"Yes, and there's something else you should know." After setting down Tawny's lab results, she yanked on a new pair of gloves. "Juana, hit the lights again." Grabbing the ultrasound wand she prepped it. "One more quick invasion, Tawny and then I promise you're done for the night."
"Is something wrong with her lab work?" Greg asked in a wavy voice.
"Hang on for one second," The doctor calmly advised.
"I'm really starting to get nauseous from this rollercoaster ride." He gripped Tawny's clammy hand with his sweaty one.
Smiling, the doctor turned the equipment so the couple would have a view. "Watch the monitor."
Sitting on the bed in each other's arms, with the sides of their heads touching, they watched the fuzzy screen as the doctor manipulated the picture.
"To answer your question, Greg…" The doctor froze the frame. "Tawny's labs did show something irregular…a significantly elevated level of hCG for her gestation date."
Tawny whispered, "What does that mean, Greg?"
"Uh…" Mesmerized by the image on the screen and the terror rising within, he couldn't reply.
The doctor continued, "The due date presented earlier than anticipated because the measurements were larger than normal. Now that I've redone them, the new estimated due date is April 16th…plus or minus seven days." Having recorded all she needed, the doctor removed the ultrasound wand.
"Yes!" Tawny shrieked and shook Greg. "There's no doubt you're the daddy! Oh my god! I'm so relieved!" When he didn't emote she noticed he was in a zombie-like trance. "Why aren't you excited? It has to be your biological baby, because even if we subtract the seven days it's not in range for the other guy. And if you factor in that was only a one percent chance based on contraceptive malfunction, there's no way it could be his! It's your baby, Greg! Aren't you happy! Why aren't you happy!" When he still didn't respond she looked at the medical professionals for help. "Is he in shock?"
"Definitely!" Juana laughed as she moved around the bed to stand behind Greg. "Because he's figured out what your lab results indicate."
Grinning, the doctor formed a V with her index and middle fingers and placed the tips of them strategically on the screen. "Your hCG levels are elevated and the measurement was larger, because there are two viable babies in there…not one. Check out the tiny blips, Mom and Dad. Those are your babies' strong little heartbeats. Congratulations…twice."
"Oh my god!" Tawny screamed as her hands clutched her chest. "Twins! Two! Us! But we're scared shitless about having one!"
Juana caught Greg as he passed out and slipped off the edge of the bed. "I saw that coming." She sat him gently on the floor and worked on rousing him.
Panting from a mixture of shock and excitement, Tawny stared at the two tiny images, and although they looked like nothing more than blurs with a flicker of light in the center, she remarked in a dreamy voice, "They're beautiful."
"I'm printing out a few pictures for you," The doctor announced as she gathered her notes. "I'll be back in twenty to discharge you."
Tawny lost track of how many minutes passed as she gazed at the monitor.
"Look who's back." Juana guided Greg to the bed and plopped him down. "Think you can handle him while I get your discharge paperwork ready?"
"Yeah." Tawny slipped her arm around his waist. "I've got him…forever."
"I'll leave the lights off so you can spend some time with your kids and regroup before we hand you an enormous bill and kick you out."
Once they were alone he apologized, "Sorry…I…" Taking Tawny's hand he turned to the freeze-framed image on the screen. "Wow."
When she saw his eyes lock on the monitor she whispered, "Those are our babies, Honey." Tawny patted his hand. "Your babies."
As he stared at the picture with his head tilted ever so slightly, his mother's words echoed in his head… Honey, once you can connect in a tangible way with the baby, the love will flow. You'll see. "Those are my babies. Our babies."
"Yes." Joy had already replaced all the fear in her mind.
His whole face spread into a smile. "I have unprotected sex once in my entire life and I don't just get a girl pregnant, I make twins. Yeah…I can't wait to see my dad's face when I tell him that. What do you think about this approach? Hey, Dad…remember when you bought me a box of condoms and said the most irresponsible thing I could ever do is get a girl pregnant? Well guess what, I proved you wrong again! The most irresponsible thing would be to get her pregnant with twins! How do you like them apples!"
"I love it." Relieved to see Chuckles returning she started joking. "Yep…it appears you're gifted in areas besides music, chemistry and math."
"Right…apparently I'm also exceptionally talented at screwing and screwing up." He beamed as he continued to bond with the blurs on the screen. "I think the one on the left has my hair."
Tawny collapsed into a giggle against his chest. "Oh no…Chuckles Jr. We'll have to paint polka dots on his diapers."
Amazed by the feelings he was experiencing he sighed, "In less than eight months I'm gonna be a dad…twice over." Hearing the words out of his own mouth stunned him. "You're holding me, right? Because I'm feeling a little dizzy again."
"How about we lie down and you spoon me while we keep an eye on the kids?"
Breathing deep, he followed her down into position. "I've never been so excited and so terrified simultaneously."
"Me either." She snuggled tighter into his embrace. "Have you ever changed a diaper? Because I've never changed a diaper."
"Never in my life. You didn't babysit when you were a teen?"
"Nope…I had too many extracurricular activities to have a job. Plus, I never wanted anything to do with kids because I couldn't stand them. I never thought I'd have any." She teased, "Until you knocked me up."
"Twice! Because I'm an overachiever."
"That's my man."
After kissing her cheek he whispered, "So much and forever, Tawny."
Lying in a hospital bed staring at her future babies, while in the arms of a man who loved her unconditionally, Tawny felt at peace for the first time in eight years. "I love you too."
ER Waiting Room
12:15 a.m.
Sara's head was on her husband's shoulder when she heard him say, "Sara…wake up. Greg's on his way over and he looks happy."
"Huh?" When Gil grabbed her hand she rose to her feet.
"Greg…" Gil's eyes brimmed with hope. "Everything's okay?"
With a smile bright enough to challenge The Strip's brilliance at night, he informed them, "Not only is the baby okay, based on the due date, we know without question I'm the father."
"That's terrific!" Gil exclaimed loud enough to make him feel guilty for being so jubilant in a room full of stressed people.
Now fully awake, Sara threw her arms around Greg. "Congratulations! I was so worried for you guys."
"It was quite the rollercoaster ride. A hypercoaster…with dark tunnels and serious curves." Greg generously returned the hug. "I have one more thing to tell you…a big surprise." When he and Sara parted, he held out the ultrasound photo. "Gris, not including high card, what's the lowest hand you can have in poker?"
"A pair."
"NO!" Sara snatched the photo. "Unbelievable! Twins." Shaking her head she remarked in honor of Jim Brass, a man she was no longer pissed at, "Shocking!"
"Not really," Gil chuckled. "Greg has always been an overachiever." The curious scientist in him forced the next question. "So what caused the bleeding?"
"A condition called Cervical Erosion."
"Ah." Gil, the biologist, nodded knowingly. "And the inflammation was irritated by a certain activity engaged in while a certain CSI was taking a break at home."
"Yeah." Greg winced. "It's going to take me a while to get over the guilt."
"Don't be too hard on yourself." Gil teased, "You pulled a double. You deserved that hour break."
The threesome laughed until Sara excitedly inquired, "So when do we get to see Tawny?"
"Besides sharing my great news, that's the other reason I had to find you. She needs something to wear home because her shorts were trashed. Do you have a jumpsuit in the back of the Tahoe we could borrow?"
Gil handed over his keys. "See what you can find. It's parked in the ER lot."
"Oh and before I forget." Sara burrowed in her pocket. "Here are Tawny's keys."
"Thanks, Sara. Hang on to that picture for me. I'll be right back."
While Greg was on his way out the door, Sara and Gil embraced.
Glancing at his watch again Gil remarked, "It's after midnight. Let's hope this positive news is an indication that this day will be a hell of a lot better than the last one."
"Is that Gil Grissom?" A man's voice called from the middle of the room. "And his overly concerned wife, Sara?" Dr. Manny Ortiz, dressed not in scrubs but a trendy black suit and open azure blue shirt, strolled over grinning. "How are you? Gil…you look like you've dropped ten pounds. She must be riding you hard."
Gil held out his hand. "Nice to see you again, Manny. Eleven pounds actually. Your prescription was exactly as motivating as you said it would be."
"Hi, Dr. Ortiz," Sara warmly greeted. "Except for a piece of birthday cake, he hasn't faltered. And he even hired a personal trainer."
"That's fantastic."
Gil politely asked, "Have you transferred here from Boulder City Hospital?"
"Nah." He checked his watch. "I'm here to pick up my girlfriend. She's an on call nurse and her shift just ended. We're headin' to the Venetian for the next thirty-six hours." He winked. "I prescribed myself a little R& R. Actually…" Chuckling, he told them, "I met her…and a bunch of other women after that press conference on the cave in. I owe the two of you for a lot of good times."
Gil smiled. "Don't be.."
"I know how you can pay us back," Sara blurted.
"How's that?" Manny stuffed his hands in his pockets.
While staring at her husband she asked the doctor, "Does your girlfriend have lab connections here? Because there's a little blood test I need done ASAP."
Next Chapter: Losing It - Part 11
Teaser: There will be screams in the middle of the night.
It's back to the casefile!
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!
Maggs