CH12: What I Am After

"Every day a new deception

Pick your scene and take direction

And on and on I search to connect

Don't wear a mask and I have no regrets

I am focused on what I am after

The key to the next open chapter."

Fly From the Inside by Shinedown

Previous Chapter: Madame Bones actually smiled at this, an expression that looked out of place on the stern woman Harry had always perceived her as. She gazed out over the audience. "Mr. Potter?"

There were hushed whispers racing across the corrugation. Harry sighed softly.

Hermione was right. Lee was right. He wished he didn't have this damn hero complex as it seemed to bring him nothing but trouble. But he knew this was something he had to do.

Slowly, but confidently he stood, ignoring the shocked gasp from Jacob. "Here it goes," he said to himself and stepped out into the center aisle.

"Lee," Harry said, nodding his head in greeting as he reached the front of the courtroom.

Lee waved in return. "Hiya, Harry."

For the first time, Harry realized who Lee was seated with. The DA. All of them. Susan, Justin, Ernie, Lavender, Dean … they had all turned up to see the downfall of the person who had haunted them. Harry allowed a small smile to lift the corners of him mouth at the sight, before turning back to face the Wizengamot.

"It's good to see you again, Madame," acknowledged Harry, gazing into the eyes of the woman sitting high above him.

Madame Bones inclined her head, but their exchange was interrupted by Ellenton. "We need to ask you a few question now, Harry," he said smoothly. "Is that alright with you?"

Harry's teeth were immediately set on edge at the condescending tone, but he consented anyway. Slowly he stepped up to the stand.

"Mr. Harry James Potter, do you swear on your life and magic to tell the truth?"

"I do."

"Take a seat."

As Ellenton started pacing back and forth in front of the stand, Harry realized that the eyes of the entire room were on him. He swallowed hard; he never really liked being the center of attention.

"This past year," Ellenton started and Harry had to pull his focus back on the questioner. "There were rumors of an illegal Defense group operating in Hogwarts. Do you have knowledge of this group?"

"Yes."

"What was this group called?"

"The group was called the Defense Association, the DA, or, as we came to call it, Dumbledore's Army."

"We? Were you a member of this… club?"

"I… well, that is to say…"

"Speak up, Mr. Potter."

"I ran it." Harry uttered solidly.

"Interesting. How many members were in this association?"

Harry did a brief mental count. "There were twenty-nine members altogether."

"And how, pray tell, did this club start?"

Harry drew in a deep breath. "With Umbridge teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts and the Ministry's new revised curriculum, we weren't learning anything. We– that is to say, the other members of the club and I– weren't prepared for… well, anything. You couldn't possibly understand the situation unless you were in Hogwarts at that time. The Headmaster was fighting the Ministry; we were losing our classmates, our friends; and nobody was telling the students what was going on. We were about to enter the real world completely unprepared for the challenges that we had to face." Harry took a slow pause, eyes meeting Ellenton's firmly.

"The DA was our solution to that, the only thing we really had any control over. It was my friend Hermione's idea really." He chuckled. "She bullied me into. Word got around and soon we established the club."

Ellenton looked a bit unsettled. "What exactly did you teach them?"

"Some standard Defense charms," he shrugged. "Expelliarmus, Stupefy, Expecto Patronum-"

"The Patronus Charm isn't exactly what most people consider standard, Mr. Potter." There were titters from the crowd.

"We were just learning whatever we thought would help when faced with a Death Eater or Voldemort-"

The room gasped and Harry rolled his eyes.

"Kindly refrain from saying that name, please," Ellenton asked through clenched teeth.

"Why should I?" The crowd gasped. "Oh come on. Fear of the name increases fear of the thing itself."

"Still-" Whatever Ellenton was going to say was cut off by Madame Bones.

"I think that is enough, Mr. Ellenton. Mr. Potter, you may take your seat."

Harry stood to go, but a voice from the back benches stopped him.

"Hold on one moment. If I may, Madame Bones," a tall woman stood up. It was the frizzy haired witch who he remembered from his trial as being very pro-Fudge. "I have a question to ask of Mr. Potter." At Madame Bones' encouraging nod, she continued. "Who were the other members of the club?"

Harry shifted slightly in his seat. Something wasn't right, he could feel. "Well, they were …"

"It's alright, Potter," came the assurance of Zacharias Smith from the front row. "We don't have anything to hide." Several of the other members nodded exuberantly. Harry sent them a pleading look, but it was too late. The damage had been done.

The frizzy haired witch smirked. "Thank you very much." She turned back to the rest of the Wizengamot. "I believe we are ready to make our decision now."

Madame Bones began to stand. "Please return to your seat, Mr. Potter. We will be back out with the verdict momentarily."

Harry stood as he watched the Wizengamot shuffle out the back door of the room. He walked up to the rest of the DA and sat down. "I have a bad feeling about this," he announced without preamble.

"Cheer up, Harry," said Dean, slapping him on the back. "There is no way she could be excused of these charges. Not after what we all saw." He shuddered. "Did she really threaten to use an Unforgivable Curse on you?" Harry nodded somberly and there were sympathetic looks from his friends.

"Ah, Harry?" Susan asked, prodding him in the shoulder. "I know this might not be the best time, but…"

"What is it, Susan?"

She timidly pointed to the other side of the room. "Dumbledore is sitting over there and he isn't looking too pleased right now."

Harry groaned and Lee chuckled. "You aren't supposed to be here, are you." It wasn't a question, but Harry nodded anyway. "I thought not. Dumbledore wouldn't let Ron, Hermione, or Ginny come either."

Harry looked around. "Where are the twins?"

"Over there with their brothers." He motioned to the smiling Weasley bunch a few rows down from the glowering Headmaster.

Harry groaned as Dumbledore waved him over.

"Tough luck, mate," Seamus said sympathetically. "But you've got to face the music sooner or later."

Slowly Harry stood and winded his way through the crowd towards the Professor's seat, ignoring the many stares he was receiving. "Hello, Headmaster," he cordially greeted when he reached the bench.

"Harry," Dumbledore said softly, a hint of steel creeping into his voice. "What are you-"

"Can we have this discussion later?" Harry inquired calmly. "Perhaps when there are not so many reporters around?"

"Do not think you can avoid this, Harry. We will be speaking soon."

"I can't wait," he muttered under his breath and headed back over to sit with his friends.

"Happy birthday, by the way, Harry," wished Susan when he returned. Harry's eyes widened slightly. "Don't tell me you forgot you own birthday…"

Harry chuckled sheepishly. "I guess I've had more important things on my mind."

Lee gave a wry grin. "Well, Umbridge being locked up for a long time should make for a great birthday present. We'll have to celebrate properly later though."

"You don't have to-" Harry began, but Lee cut him off.

"Yes we do. It's not every day that a wizard turns sixteen."

It was nearly an hour and a half later when the Wizengamot shuffled back in, the frizzy witch at the lead with a triumphant look plastered on her face. The noise level in the room immediately dropped as they entered.

Madame Bones was nowhere in sight.

The frizzy haired witch took her spot at the podium. "It is at this time we would like to ask the 'Defense Association' to take a stand," she said loudly.

Not good, not good, not good not good notgoodnotgood, Harry repeated over and over in his head like a mantra as he and the rest of the group stood carefully.

"It is the decision of the council as a whole that while Miss Umbridge's action were deplorable, they were in full letter of the law at the time-" The rest of her sentence was drowned out by the angry objections of the crowd. "Silence! Miss Umbridge was using her powers against the anti-Ministry group that stands before you today and had every right to institute the measures she did. She is free to go." She turned her eyes to the DA. "As for you: one step out of line from any of you and you will be back in front of this court in an instant. Do I make myself clear?"

There were muttered affirmations from the group. Harry glared steadily up her.

She banged her gavel. "Court is adjourned."

Harry clenched his teeth as he pounded spell after spell into the dummy before him. These things really come in handy, he thought to himself, picturing Umbridge's bloodied face in place of the featureless dummy's own.

Deactivating the dummy, he leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, exhausted.

"Well, don't you just look so cheery today?" came a sarcastic voice from the doorway.

"Hullo, Snape," intoned Harry in a flat voice. When he didn't look up, he heard the professor utter a deep sigh and come kneel before him.

Snape eyed him critically. "You look like death warmed over, Potter."

"That doesn't surprise me." Harry chuckled ruefully, sliding a hand through his hair. "I feel like Hell."

"What happened?" he asked pointedly.

"You know I went to the trial today."

"I had assumed you would."

Harry took calming breath and broke the news. "She was pardoned."

"What!" Snape stood abruptly. "What happened? How could they– that woman broke more laws than-"

"In the words of our wonderful Ministry," he spat that last word out with such venom that Snape stopped in his tirade, "she was allowed to terrorize school children because we're all a bunch of criminals."

"Explain."

Harry looked up, his eyes as tired as his body. "We were working against the Educational Decrees, Professor. We were working, therefore, against Ministry law. Apparently this nullifies any and all wrong-doing Umbridge inflicted upon us as she was working for the benefit of the Ministry. I'm sure you'll get a more detailed and colorful version in the Daily Prophet tomorrow morning."

Snape paced back and forth in front of his weary student, muttering expletives that were too vulgar to usually come from his cultured mouth.

"There is nothing you can do about it," Harry said quietly. "The world is rarely fair; I learned that a while ago."

Snape stopped wearing a hole into the floor long enough for this message to sink in. Then, he took a seat on the floor next to the teenager.

"We need to have a talk."

Harry winced. "Can we have it later? I really-

"Don't want to deal with it? Like you said, Harry; the world is rarely fair. You have to deal with it sometime." Snape shrugged ever so slightly. "It might as well be now."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" he shot back without preamble, suddenly appearing harshly awake.

"Why does it matter so much to you?" Snape asked, heaving a sigh.

"Because," Harry murmured softly, "no one ever has before."

"What?"

"No one has ever been nice to me before if they didn't want something."

"Oh, Harry…"

Harry looked desperate. "So, please, answer my question: why are you being so nice to me?"

"Three weeks ago, at your Occulmency lessons… do you remember?"

"Yes." How could I forget?

"You have no idea what you did that day, Harry."

"What do you mean?"

"It is possible for some Legilimens to tap into their memories as a defense. But the memory you used..."

"I'm-" he started to apologize for that too, but Snape held up a hand to stop him.

"Wait. As that curse sped towards me I saw my whole life flash before my eyes. But I also saw yours."

Harry's eyes widened in alarm. "What?"

"I saw your childhood. It was so much like mine… I wouldn't wish my life on anyone, Harry. And when I saw you heading down the same exact path as me…" he trailed off, his words hanging between them like a stone barrier.

"Last year in 'Remedial Potions' that didn't matter to you," he responded bitterly. "You saw my life and didn't care."

"I thought those were only a few isolated incidents. I had no idea-"

"That's why you reacted to way you did when I joined the Agency!"

Snape nodded. "Now it's your turn."

"My turn to what?" But he knew.

"When did you use the Cruciatus Curse, Harry?"

There was silence for a few moments and Harry considered refusing to answer.

"Bellatrix Lestrange," he said finally. "In the Department of Mysteries. Right after…"

Snape closed his eyes. "And it didn't work?"

"No," Harry insisted vehemently. "Only for a second. She said something about how righteous anger wouldn't hurt her for long…"

"She would know."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Not now." He stood up gracefully, brushing invisible dirt from his crisp black robes. "Are you ready to continue?"

Harry paused, a black eyebrow rising towards his hairline. "Continue what, exactly?"

Snape gave a suffering sigh. "Your lessons, of course."

"You are still going to teach me?" Harry asked, surprised. "Even after what I did?"

"We all make mistakes, Harry. You just have to learn not to make the same one twice." He opened the door to the training room. "Let's get started."