A/N: I've been absolutely overwhelmed by the responses to this story. Thank you all so much. I will try to have the next chapter out within the next couple of days. (I have updated to change a couple of errors I noticed. That's what you get when you post a story with one hand while feeding a baby!)

Ch 3: Small Talk

"Hey, Jan, do you have a…" Sam started hopefully, poking her head into the infirmary.

"You get in here right now and answer a few questions, young lady," her best friend said in a falsely stern tone of voice.

Sam laughed and let herself into the infirmary. "Your office?" Sam asked.

"Yup. Good timing. I just finished giving SGs 10-15 their physicals and was about to have to come hunt you down. Come on."

They went into Janet's inner office, and Sam took a deep breath. "So, what have you heard already?"

"Well, let's see… the general consensus seems to be that somehow Thor caught you and Colonel O'Neill in bed together, and beamed you both down into the gate room to discuss the matter with General Hammond, and you were both practically naked. Then I heard that Colonel O'Neill was chasing you through the halls into the locker room in his boxers, your panties are bright blue today apparently, and all of SG-1 got called into Hammond's office to discuss the 'incident,' and the President is on his way."

"Wow. Well, apart from a few details, that's actually… not too far from the truth," Sam admitted.

"You're kidding? Why would Thor care if you were in bed with the Colonel and more importantly…"

"Janet, I was NOT in bed with the Colonel!" Sam interrupted, sure her face was bright red.

"Oh."

"You really thought that was a possibility!" Sam couldn't help but ask, shocked.

"Oh come on, Sam, it's not completely outside the realm of extreme possibility…"

"Janet, even IF I… I mean we… the regulations are very clear…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're starting to sound like a broken record on that topic, Sam. Could you just tell me what really happened today?"

"Oh. Yeah. Well, Thor beamed both of us onto his ship from our OWN beds, so we were in our um… pajamas. Only mine weren't very… didn't provide adequate… coverage. So while we were on Thor's ship Colonel O'Neill gave me his shirt. Then Thor beamed us into the gate room so he could talk to General Hammond. The rest is pretty much accurate."

"Oh. So what did Thor want?" Janet asked, looking rather disappointed at the less-juicy version of events.

"Well, you are about to get the inside scoop on that, Dr. Fraiser, and if you tell anyone I will personally see to it that the next time Daniel and the Colonel end up in the infirmary at the same time you are stuck there with them the entire time. Alone."

"Ooh, this must be good if it's worth the threat of that horror. Spill."

"Well, Thor wants our help."

"Again?"

"Yes, but er… specifically, my help and the Colonel's. With… their cloning problem," Sam hedged.

"What do you mean?"

"He seems to think that Colonel O'Neill and I need to… well… he used the words 'spawn' and 'procreate' a lot."

Janet stared at her in stunned silence for a while and then said, "You're putting me on."

"That's what Daniel thought too."

"Oh dear."

"Yes."

In the interest of friendship, Janet made a valiant effort to conceal her amusement at Sam's obvious embarrassment.

"So he's actually up in General Hammond's office right now trying to er… convince him?"

"They're waiting for the President," Sam added, slumping back into her chair moodily.

Sam had suddenly taken on the body language of Cassie when she didn't want to clean her room. That, combined with the thought that the Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet was up in General Hammond's office, waiting for the President, so they could discuss the possibility of Sam finally getting a sex life… it sounded like the beginning of a bad joke. Janet lost it. She burst into laughter and couldn't stop for nearly five minutes, despite the fact that the more she laughed, the grumpier Sam looked.

"Glad my life is so amusing to you, Dr. Fraiser," Sam finally said, scowling at her friend.

Janet finally got control of herself and said, "So… they're not really going to be able to order you to…"

"No, of course not. General Hammond has made it perfectly clear that whatever is decided they won't force us to do anything."

"What does Colonel O'Neill have to say about this?"

Sam stared at her hands and mumbled, "He mentioned the word 'ridiculous' several times, screamed at everyone, and stormed out of the room."

Janet studied her friend closely and said, "I'm sure he didn't mean anything personal by that, Sam. He's probably just as uncomfortable with this as you are."

"He's obviously uncomfortable with it, all right. Can we talk about something else now?"

"Sure. Let's go get some breakfast."

"That sounds good, I'm about ready to kill somebody for some coffee."

Janet looked up in alarm. "Oh good Lord, you've had to go through all this without coffee?"

xxxxxxxxxx

"You go," Daniel whispered nervously.

"Daniel Jackson. We have spent the last twenty minutes searching for O'Neill because you wanted to speak with him. We have found him. Speak," Teal'c said.

They both watched their friend from the doorway to the gym. He was attacking a speed bag like there was no tomorrow, already having worked up a healthy sweat.

"I'm not going near him when he's like that. You go."

"We will both go," Teal'c said firmly, not-so-gently shoving his bespectacled friend ahead of him. "You may stand behind me if you feel it is necessary," he acquiesced as they approached Jack.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Eminem? Really?" Hammond asked, leaning back in his chair.

Thor didn't respond verbally, but he did kind of narrow his eyes a little bit. Hammond wondered why all the different aliens they ran into seemed to rely so heavily on tiny barely perceptible facial expressions as a main form of communication.

"I would be happy to assist the President in reducing his travel time," Thor offered after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

"Thanks, Thor, I don't think his Secret Service would be able to handle it… plus this isn't a dire emergency or anything, I guess he'd rather stick to protocol. It would be pretty hard to keep something like that a secret from all the people who have access to the President but don't know about the Stargate program.'"

"I see."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Jack, I…"

"I really don't want to hear it right now, Daniel," Jack said firmly, not taking his eyes off the speed bag.

"Okay, well, I tried, Teal'c, go ahead," Daniel said quickly, trying to shove Teal'c towards Jack. Teal'c, of course, did not budge.

"Have you eaten breakfast, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.

"No."

"Daniel Jackson and I were about to eat. Would you accompany us?"

"As long as he doesn't try to make me talk," Jack agreed, looking at Daniel pointedly.

Daniel shrunk back behind Teal'c a little bit more and nodded in agreement.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Everybody's looking at me," Sam muttered as she grabbed her tray in the commissary and followed Janet down the line.

"You're being paranoid," Janet said quietly, selecting a bowl of mixed fruit carefully. She heard the doors open again and turned automatically. Quickly, she turned back around, hoping Sam hadn't seen them. She had. The boys of SG1 were joining them for breakfast.

"Well, this will be fun," Janet said under her breath as she headed for their usual table.

Daniel and Teal'c exchanged significant looks as they followed Jack to the food line. Well, this was certainly awkward. Jack and Sam had nodded an uncomfortable greeting to each other and were now concentrating on loading their trays as if it was a life or death situation.

Okay, so potentially it could be; the eggs certainly looked suspicious at any rate. And the cream of wheat definitely had the potential to take down a man Teal'c's size. But still. Jack and Sam were clearly trying to avoid each other, while not trying to look like they were avoiding each other.

Nobody knew what to do. If they didn't all sit together it would get people talking even more than they already were. But Jack and Sam clearly were now so far beyond embarrassed at the day's strange events that there wasn't even a proper word for it.

The five of them sat down together as usual. Jack just looked mad at the world. Sam was focusing on her bowl of cereal with the single-minded concentration usually reserved for fascinating pieces of alien technology.

Daniel and Janet tried to have a light conversation to cover the awkwardness. Just as it started to work, Sam and Jack both reached for the sugar at the same time. Their hands collided. Jack swore, while Sam jumped in her chair and spilled her coffee all over her tray and her hand.

Jack started pulling napkins out of the dispenser at a breakneck pace, passing them to her over and over until she finally said, "Thank you, that's ENOUGH!"

He stopped and looked at her in surprise.

"Sir," she added apologetically.

"Sam, let me see that," Janet said quickly, trying to get a look at her burned hand.

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked.

"I'm fine!" Sam snapped, wiping her hand off and getting up to go get a fresh cup of coffee.

Daniel glared at Jack. He rolled his eyes and got up, grabbing her ruined tray and taking it over to the sinks. He set it down and went to go get her a fresh one, but Teal'c was already doing it.

He went back to the Table of Awkwardness and slumped back in his chair, resisting the urge to sit on his hands. He settled for sticking one in a pocket and keeping the other firmly attached to his own coffee cup.

As he listened to Daniel droning on and on about some documentary he'd been recording all week, Jack had the feeling he was being watched. By a lot of people. He looked around the room quickly and everyone became suddenly very busy.

"Screw this," he said suddenly, getting to his feet. "Sorry," he mumbled in Sam's general direction before hurrying out of the commissary.

Daniel watched Jack go, uncertain as to what he should do. General Hammond had told them to watch him, but Sam was his friend too. "I will go, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c offered.

"You sure?"

"Indeed. When O'Neill is in one of these moods I am better suited to be with him. I know how to sit in silence. I will see you all later." He bowed slightly to Janet and Sam and left.

"So, Sam…" Daniel began cautiously.

"Daniel…" Sam warned, sounding much more like Jack than she meant to.

"Right. So, Janet, how's Cassie?" he asked with a winning smile.

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The President stared at Thor, then looked slowly to General Hammond, then slowly back to Thor.

"You want who to what!"