Into Dust
Summary:She waits for salvation on a beach, and finally hits the rock bottom she's always been bracing for. Marissa's Story
Rating: R for drug use and language, and sexuality.
Disclaimer: We've been on the run..driving in the sun...The OC isn't mine.
Author's Note: So I am thinking this isn't going to be just a one shot, but i am not sure. I have this little story planned out, but i guess i'll just have to see. I need some feedback majorly for this one, so if you review that would be just fantastic. This story is really attributed to our favorite could be fuck up drug addict Marissa, and takes place a little bitinto the future if you can't tell. Also the story is named after the Mazy Star song "Into Dust" which is pretty much the theme of this story. So tell me what you think biatchs!
She smokes a cigarette and lean up against the cold cement wall. Sand's in her shoes, and it kind of tickles, but all she can really think about is the drag she keeps on taking know she looks delicate with it, placed in between her fingers instead of tough. Sad eyes and bony shoulders are nearly impossible features to make you look anything less than delicate, anything less than scared. Because that's just it. She's something she'd never admit to be… scared, and always have been. In spite of the few moment's he madeher feel safe, despite those few times, her life has been nothing but lies. She grew up in that. And it's something that has become a part of her. Screaming in her mind, she tries to forget how she ended up so low. So alone.
Then she sees it. Salvation. Dark eyes and baggy jeans. She wipes her mouth, and inside she lets a little bit of excitement build up. He's pathetic, and scary looking. His eyes are tough and hard, and she knows he's probably seen everything. She can only pretend to have seen everything, because you can't see much looking out from the world she's always been trapped in. Always been suffocated with. The way he walks amuses her, like even here, on the beach, it is necessary to be careful of every step you take. Every drag he takes of his cigarette is so planned out precisely, like everyone is watching him, and his hard eyes, and dark skin.
"Well, well, well…" he says kind of mockingly as he reaches his destination.
"Shit, who ever knew I'd ever become a supplier to Ryan's ex-girlfriend. What's the matter baby, daddy didn't buy you the new Mercedes?"
"Fuck off." She growls. And despises herself even more for turning to him. She begins to pick at the dry sand around her ankles, and can barely look at him.
"Hey baby, I ain't gunna lie, you were a nice lay though." He smiles. His yellowed out teeth and blistered skin mock her. She reaches for the enevelope, hoping soon he'd just fucking give it to her and be gone. She wishes he didn't insist on pushing her and grinding her even harder into the rock bottom she'd hit. Pushing her harder into the concrete wall, she wished the sun wasn't in her eyes. She wished her cigarette wasn't almost gone. She wished maybe he could take a little bit of pity on her.
"Fuck you Eddie, just give me the fucking package." She says barely above a whisper.
"Aww baby, don't worry I ain't gunna tell Ryan, you don't gotta talk so quiet. From what I hear he's doin' alright. Hitting the Ivy Leagues, shit, that boy has it made."
He laughed to himself. If she had anything right now she'd kill him. Because she hated him, almost as much as she hated herself.
"You embarrassed to be here? Talkin' to me? Shit, look at you. You ain't no better than me now." His condescending laughs starting to get to her. The way he did it after every sentence. "You weren't to embarrassed when you were fucking me." The cornor of his lips turning up into a little smile. He looked at her and suddenly she felt naked. Suddenly she felt more used than she ever did. She crossed her arms and tried hard to cover up her overwhleming weaknesses.
"We had an agreement Eddie, I sleep with you, I get the drugs, so hand them the fuck over." She says, even then she's pleading. Even then she was begging. Because all she'd come to is desperation. Like a child begging for candy. Sheisn't in charge, and that's all she has to give. But she can't let him see how weak she is.
"Yeah, shit your right." He says throwing the burning cigarette mercilessly to the ground. Burning it out with the help of the sand, and his shoe. Right near her thigh.She sat there like a doll against the cement wall, praying he'd just leave her with what she needed.
"How can I not? To someone who was as good as you, Princess." He throws her the square familiar dark paper. She touches it, feels it, and for a moment she thinks that maybe everything might be alright. Her dark blue eyes light up in delight, and in anticipation. She runs her hands over it. She holds the cigarette in between her hands and sets it in her lap, running the other through her hair.
"You can get the fuck out of here now." She says looking up, now that she got what she's wanted. Now that she's made her arrangements. She didn't know what she wouldn't do anymore. She'd like to know just one thing she wouldn't do in her grinding cement paradise. Running her slim hands over the package, tracing it. Because it was the only real beauty she had anymore. When everything looked grey, and everything was hard. When everything you touched cut you, yetnothing could make you bleed.
"I said get the fuck away Eddie," She screamed now at the lack of his disappearance. That's the way she played these days. She didn't like unpleasant reminders. And she certainly didn't need anything other than herself.
He just laughed at her. At the mess she was. At this skinny girl with bony shoulders, looking as jaded and imperfect as ever. But so untouched. Her little screams made her seem like she still thought she was better. He kicked the sand by her and wiped away emotion. He walked away laughing. Salvation leaving the beach.
She knew then it was empty. She wouldn't be saved tonight. She was too weak to find him, too weak to scream. Too weak to think back. She was stretched as thin as possible, and the sun was starting to set in her blue eyes. When darkness would come she'd find someplace…somewhere…but not yet. For now she just stared into the fading light, her hair sticking to her face. Her hands digging into the sand she hugged her knees and sat against the concrete. Breathing into the smoke everything was still. She was fading in the stillness, wasting away into nothingness. And no one or nothing was there to save her.