Disclaimer: As if I owned CC…heh…wishful thinking is far from accommodating, no?

Author's note: Warning…this is a little…scary? Heh, but not as scary as my soon-to-come addition to my hordes of fictions. The hordes only exist on my comp, so don't get excited people. They'll probably never make it here anyway.

Currently listening to: Stuff that's probably pushing my health to its limits.

Warning: Suicide, angst

Summary: Chrono is faltering from severe depression and suicide attempts, so Rosette handcuffs herself to him to keep from losing him, and to help him recover. But is that wise? Especially when Aion comes into the game?

Reminiscence of regrets

Chapter 1: Blade

The breeze drifted through the small breach in buildings, carrying the scent of the summers will with it. Flowers were in bloom all around, gracing the surrounding area with their beauty that claimed the gentle gust as their own. The feathery scent of powder-soft blue saint blossoms scattered the tender flower arcs all around.

The breeze played at his velvety pools of violet, swirling it along to dance merrily on the wind. The small figure was perched upon the brick rimming to the fountain, precariously listening to nature with his crimson red eyes shut tight as he hummed a long-forgotten song of time. He was lost deep in his thoughts, trying to sift through the many thoughts that were demanding his attention.

"Chrono! Watch out!"

"Huh-ah!-" He yelled as he was hit with a rubbery red ball squarely in the chest, sending him sprawling backwards into the stone base. "Ow…"

"Dang Chrono, even Joshua could've dodged that." Rosette stated as she watched him. He rubbed the middle of his back, particularly the spine, and remained silent. There he was again…Joshua, Joshua, Joshua. That was all that she ever talked about these days…

He felt a hand grab his and looked up. She wasn't really smiling at him, but she wasn't frowning as she pulled him to his feet. Claire, Anna, and Mary were snickering behind them, but he didn't care. His soul was too broken to care much right now…

"You should be more careful, Chrono. How will we save Joshua with you being so dazed?" He felt his heart constrict in his chest slightly. There he was again…Joshua… He looked down at the ground, trying to blink away the tears that had formed so suddenly.

He pulled his hand from hers and took a few steps back, making her watch him curiously. He sat back down on the stone wall by the fountain, looking away from her. His heart was searing with pain in his chest, begging for him to let his emotions go. The 4 girls resumed their kickball game without much ado, though he sensed Rosette's lingering curiosity and caution. She considered him weird right now…with a tinge of fear. He took a deep breath of the flowery wind, trying to calm his aching heart. How much more could he take?

The sun had finally gone down in the west, and the fireflies had claimed the duty of keeping the light. They flickered their lights in a passionate daze as they circled the field.

He stood up. He had held his emotions back successfully, though, not without pain. Rosette and the others were chirping happily about the game as they walked inside for dinner, as he trudged slowly behind.

He turned off towards his new room in the main hall, skipping dinner for the 6th time in a row. Rosette hadn't noticed, thankfully. He enjoyed not eating. It felt like punishment for him existing, and he liked it. It gave him the cruel pain of knowing he was hurting himself, and that he deserved it.

Chrono walked into his room, keeping the lights off as he locked the door. He pulled his clothes off, changing into pitch-black clothes with straps and a thin chain through the belt loops. It was suiting, he found, for his nature. He crawled onto his bed, falling backwards into the pillows quietly. He had become amazingly lighter in a mere 6 days… He rolled over onto his side, using his arm as a pillow.

Before he could stop his mind from trodding on painful memories, he found himself engrossed in them. The pain in his heart re-opened full-force, slightly cutting down his breathing from the emotional pain. Rosette…laughing about Joshua and telling silly tales about his wild imagination. Rosette…chirping about how Joshua had tricked her earlier that day. Rosette…it seemed like she was constantly stuck over Joshua. Even when he was hurting, both inwardly and outwardly, it seemed she was always focused on her brother. Couldn't she see his pain?

Then there was Aion. Now that struck a deeper pain than he was ready for, and he curled suddenly, twisting in the agony the memories brought him. His own brother…the one he trusted completely with his life…his own brother that had labeled him worthless. Had labeled him a burden and had tried to kill him, nearly succeeding. He had used him as a tool, then thrown him away quicker than he could realize it. The pain made his vision blink, and his lungs start freezing up. His heart seared with a strong pain, begging him to relieve it.

He didn't know what had happened, but he suddenly found himself standing at his dresser. He pulled open a drawer and rustled through it, finally finding the object he had searched for. A slim, sharp knife that had been given to him by Aion long ago. It was 1 of 2 things that Aion had given him. The other was a thin, strong chain that he currently wore on his pants.

He walked back over to the bed, the painful memories emphasizing the most painful parts and whispering his sins over and over to him as he sat down in front of the bed on the floor, back against the mattress. He slid the leather sheath off the blade, revealing the shining silver that sparkled in the moonlight. Aion had always said 'Polish it with blood'…

He held his wrist out in front of him, observing it. He saw all the thin bloodlines that was now so easy to see. He was so frail right now…it angered him that no one had noticed. There it was, a small point where all the thin veins crossed. A small point…though easy to cut with this blade. He set the knife down on his skin, testing its weight and seeing how much pressure he would need. It felt accustomed to his skin, and he liked it. He removed the blade from his chosen blood point, moving the blade on down his arm.

He pressed slightly on the handle, feeling the blade enter and leave his flesh smoothly, leaving a narrow trail of blood behind it. It felt so good. He slid the knife deeper into his arm, feeling the beautiful pain that it brought. It pulled his aching soul closer, seemingly to protect it from more harm as it released the pain he had suffered from for so long.

His mind plunged deeper into the painful memories, making his chest constrict slightly. By now, his arms and legs were littered with cuts, deep and small. The pain was so strong…

"I should get it over with…then no one would have to see me for much longer…"He thought as he moved the blade back up to his wrist point, feeling the blade that had been made hot by his blood. It almost seemed to quiver as he brought it up slightly, preparing for the final cut.

Suddenly he felt pain concentrating in his wrist. It pulsed with pain as the new wound on it surged with despair. Blood seeped from the deep gouge, pooling on the wooden floorboards and starting to seep through them. The darkness rushed around him as he suddenly felt an impulse to look up. He saw himself in the mirror…a sad, fallen figure that had finally given up on the pain that had tortured him. He had given up…

As the darkness swarmed around him, easing the pain in his heart and body, one last thought dared venture forward.

Rosette still cared…why couldn't you see that? What have you done, Chrono…why did you do it?

His cold body hit the floor, his breath escaping his lungs and his beating heart slowing down. The pain was subsiding, and his sight cleared for a second. He saw the moon outside the window. It was gorgeous and golden, almost begging him to hold on. But he had lost the will and the strength to try, and thus, the darkness claimed him with a cold thud as the knife hit the floor.

The end of Chapter 1, Blade

So here it is. I wrote this as a reminder for me. It hasn't even been a year since I got that mark on my wrist, and I am considering doing it again. This was written from experience people, so please be nice to me. I know how fast these decisions can come to you, and how sudden you can find yourself at the brink of death. Please review. It gets happier, and eventually turns into a humor fic. In chapter…3, I believe. Yeah!

Next Chapter, Why: Why did you do it Chrono…why? Why couldn't I see that you were in pain? If I did…would you still be here? Would you still be beside me, offering me your warmth when I was cold? Why couldn't I stop you…why wouldn't you let me?