A/N Sorry for another long wait, but I've been suffering from a horrendous case of writer's block. Enjoy the new chapter and PLEASE REVIEW!!! Read the A/N at the bottom... It's IMPORTANT!!!

Sandy

I know that you're going to want to know exactly what's been going on, but if you didn't already know, I don't exactly have a way with words. I left you my old journal, so if there's anything you need to know about, it's probably in there. I went for a walk; I'll be back later.

Ryan

Sandy read and reread the note that had been left along with the journal, which he recognized as the one Seth had found in Ryan's book bag the day before. Ryan had been gone when Sandy had checked on him, but he had left a note for the lawyer on the kitchen counter. Sanday had meant to speak with the distraught teen that morning, but maybe, just maybe, the journal would offer better answers to his probing questions. Sandy sat down at the counter and ignoring the warning scrawled on the cover, he flipped open the battered notebook.

I've never kept a journal before and I don't know exactly what to write, but Trey took the time to lift it for me, so I'll do my best... Um... My name is Ryan Atwood. I'm 14-years-old and I'm about 5'8. I've got blond hair, blue eyes, and finally decent sized muscles because I've been working out with Trey, Eddie, and Arturo this summer... I was born in Fresno, California, but I live with my mom, AJ, and my brother Trey in Chino now because we moved when my dad got arrested five years ago. I've got a girlfriend, Janine, and I've been with her for a year already. Theresa is my other closest friend... Considering my age, I've got a great sex life, but I'm not going to elaborate on that just in case someone is reading this... Yeah... I can't think of anything else to write, so I'm gonna go down to the park with Janine... Later

Sandy raised his eyebrows as he read the part about the 14-year-old's sex life, but didn't stop to think about it; he just turned the page to read the next entry.

Hmm... this entry should be interesting... I'm too stoned to remember the exact date, but it's about a week since I last wrote in here... What's new with me today? I've got two black eyes, and three cracked ribs because AJ thought that I was the one who stole his cigarettes (it was Trey). I really feel like writing, but I can't think of anything good to write, so how about a list of my bad habits...

Smoking (all kinds of things...)

Drinking...

Not always being... careful... with Janine

Talking back to AJ

Agh! I'm just upsetting myself by writing what's wrong with me, so I'm gonna go. Bye.

Again, Sandy raised his eyebrows when he read the parts about drinking and smoking, but that was just his parental alarm going off. He'd already know that things had been different in Chino. The next several entries were short and basically just talked about the different moods Ryan had been in that day. Sandy didn't find anything useful in them, so he skipped ahead, looking for the days surrounding Janine's suicide.

Journal, it's officially been two weeks and I'm finally able to write this because I'm in a good mood. Trey gave me a few happy pills, so I figured that now was as good a time as ever to write this. Janine's gone and she took the baby with her. I was... upset... I... shit, even now, when I'm fucked up in a good way, I can't write about it. After the doctor took her away, I left... Got wasted, straight vodka, and didn't sober up until Trey locked me in the bathroom all day yesterday; I stayed oblivious for two whole weeks. I can't remember much of what happened between two weeks ago and now, but Theresa filled me in on a few on the details. Apparently, I ran out on Theresa after the ambulance had left and showed up at her window, completely wasted, about two hours later... I've been told that I fucked her and she said that it was the best sex she'd ever had... I think she'd been taking a few happy pills too... I dunno... Maybe lying is just her way of coping, or maybe it was good... nevermind. She probably just needed someone to be there for her and I happened to be... I remember a few other one night stands from those two weeks... Cassie, Jori, Aubrey and Amber (the Carlson twins). God, it's horrible how easy it is to get sex in this town... I spent a long time wondering why mom didn't notice that I was gone, but Trey told me earlier that she and AJ are on another binge... She's been gone for a while... Well, Theresa's knocking at the window, so I've got to go...

There were more entries to follow, but they basically went the same way... Ryan drunk or stoned and hooking up with random girls... It was almost surreal, but Sandy figured that sex and drugs were probably Ryan's way of coping... That wasn't right and Sandy was about to call a therapist when he noticed that the last journal entry was actually two... the pages were sticking together. Putting down the phone, Sandy carefully separated the pages and began to read.

Journal, I went to school today; my teachers almost had heart attacks because they were so surprised. I've been different lately. Theresa helped me realize that I couldn't keep doing what I was doing. I was only hurting myself and that's not what Janine would have wanted for me. I've cut back on the drinking; I haven't used drugs in a while; I still smoke a lot, but the more I smoke cigarettes, the less I crave the joints, so I'm choosing my battles. It was a long time before I admitted to myself that Janine and Tory were gone, but now that I've accepted that fact, it's a tiny bit easier. The sex is different now too... I was 'with' Theresa for a while, but that didn't work out... She's been dating Eddie for a few weeks and they seem happy. I'm usually pretty sober when I'm with the girls; I still don't stay the night, but at least I'm lucid enough to remember what happened... This is the first entry I've made in a while where I've been thinking clearly and for some reason it feels good to get it down on paper... I'm cleaning myself up and I'm doing a damn good job of it. Well, I've got to go now, Trey said he wanted to 'teach' me something... whatever it is, it's probably a bad idea, but he helped me earlier, so I'm going to learn something new tonight... I'll write later.

Sandy knew when the last entry had been written. Trey wanted to 'teach' his little brother how to steal a car. Sandy couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for Ryan to get his life mostly back on track; the kid was such a strong person. The journal, while it didn't give much detail as to what had happened that fateful night or the days after, really helped Sandy connect with Ryan. The words made him feel as if he was the one who had experienced it. Sandy didn't know why, but the journal entries made everything seem so much more... real. Shutting the green notebook, Sandy took a deep breath. He still had to talk to Ryan, but knowing that the boy was strong enough to have stopped himself when his life was spiraling out of control helped comfort Sandy. Yes, therapy was probably a necessity, but the lawyer somehow felt more... connected.

Settling down on the couch in the living room, Sandy patiently waited for his foster son to return. He would propose the therapy, but above all else, Sandy wanted to let Ryan know that they were all there for him; they were a family and family means that no one gets left behind or forgotten. Sandy had only been waiting for a few minutes when he heard the door quietly open and close. Ryan walked in looking not at all drunk, but smelling strongly of smoke. Sandy motioned to the chair across from him.

"Sit down kid; we've got some things to discuss."

A/N I'm not particularly proud of this chapter, but I just wanted to post something because I haven't updated in sooo long. If you think the chappy's okay how it is, please tell me, but if not, I'm going to try to revise it eventually... Please R/R!!!