Well, the last chapter was pretty lame, a filler chapter, I thought, with an unnecessary flashback and a surreal scene of dirtiness that possibly or maybe never happened.
Don't worry; the madness is just going to increase, ruthlessly.
The only reason the last chapter was weird was because I wasn't in the flow of things yet, I'm back…soo…
Well, let's start the show:
Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or its characters. Gainax does, and they rock. Who else could create both Evangelion and FLCL!
The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan
Misato Katsuragi's Apartment
Shinji Ikari, a young man with a wretched mind, in a desolate world, struggled to understand himself and this world he lived in, and possibly created. He had shaped his reality, quite literally, or at least he believed he had. He couldn't remember anything, he had the distinct feeling that this entire thing was a joke. Life that is.
"As somewhere that is unknown to reality, a dream is within reality." "And reality is in your heart." "Because it is the human heart that creates your appearance". "And new thoughts will change peoples' hearts. Imagination... the power of creation. Open your own future, create it."
He clenched and unclenched his fists, his head a burning mess, he could vaguely remember last night, and he was convinced it had not happened, although he couldn't seem to define the thin line between what had happened and what hadn't. It all seemed odd. He needed sleep, he couldn't sleep. It was already morning. It had been morning for hours. Hours that seemed to last like years.
A hoarse yet soothing voice awoke him.
"Aren't you going to make breakfast, Shinji?"
Shinji quickly lifted himself up, startled and wary.
So…she calls me Shinji now…has it always been like this?
He stared at her curiously, and she shook her head.
"Are you brain-dead, Third Child, I asked you to make breakfast, dammit."
Shinji's eyes widened and he nodded, his mind a net of confusion only stopping to focus on this new task at hand.
Breakfast.
He walked slowly out of his room, as Asuka trailed behind, eying him with a glint of self-righteousness and confusion.
She turned back towards her room, leaving him with a parting comment.
"Leave it next to my door."
He nodded absentmindedly and stood by the stove, lighting it, and looking for the eggs he had discovered the day before. It was then he heard the loud snoring sound, almost like wheezing. It startled him, and almost made him drop the egg he had just found that second.
A strange man yawned, snoring and grunting on the couch, and then rose, eying Shinji weakly.
"Ah…Shinji was it? Good morning."
Shinji eyed him curiously.
Has he…What? He…Hmmm…Yesterday I found him…or was it the day before…
"Smells good."
Shinji chuckled hollowly.
"Thanks, I'm pretty good at cooking, I suppose."
The two males stood there in silence as the eggs began to fry, and Kariudo stretched, obviously uncomfortable from the awkward silence, and began to move towards the bathroom.
"I think I'm going to take a shower Shinji, thank you again, this isn't such a bad place, post apocalyptic or not…"
Shinji nodded absentmindedly as the strange man walked into the bathroom and shut the door. A few minutes later, the sound of the shower coming on entered his ears and he wondered as he prepared the fresh eggs, putting them on three plates.
The water still works? How is that?
He lifted the plate he had made for Asuka and slowly strolled over to her door, leaving it there, and then pressing his ear against her door. He could hear her vaguely snoring, and didn't want to bother her or incur more of her wrath, so he stood and walked back towards the kitchen.
Kariudo meanwhile had exited from the bathroom, fully dressed with a damp towel atop his head.
"Hrmm, what's the third plate on the ground for Shinji? Do we have a third person here? I mean, I'm sure privacy is important, but when we're the only people left on earth, I'd like to know if there are others."
Shinji remembered Asuka's request of privacy, and the night before, and the hallucination…oh if it was a hallucination, it must have been sent from Hell, or from Heaven perhaps, the line was so thin and blurred.
I have to think fast.
"It's in honor of a lost friend of mine…There's plenty of food in the world for only two people, and besides, I've been doing it for ages."
Kariudo cocked his head, noticing Shinji's blush. He raised his eyebrow.
"A girlfriend?"
Shinji could do nothing but slightly nod his head, hoping and praying that Asuka could not hear them through the door.
"Ah, I understand Shinji. Did she die some time ago? I mean, before this damned mess?"
Shinji tried to come up with the first thing that came to mind.
"Yes, she died before it happened…I think…I think I liked her a lot."
Kariudo nodded grimly at this fake admission and patted Shinji's shoulder warmly.
"I understand…I understand…this is a hopeless situation, isn't it…there isn't anyway to repopulate the world…but I'm not sure I'd want to even if there was…I'm not sure if I'd want to bring a human being into this horrible world. I guess we're the last ones."
Shinji nodded grimly, and the two last males on Earth sat down together, eating a pan full of fried eggs.
The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan
Shinji strode through the rubble alongside Kariudo. It made him feel quite strange to be in the ruins of the city that had been his home for what seemed like eternity, and even stranger to be viewing the ruins with another human being, other than Asuka.
He had insisted on Kariudo accompanying him to search for supplies, not truly because he needed to help, but because he wanted to get the man out of the house so Asuka could get some privacy alone to eat and enjoy herself alone. He certainly did not want Kariudo to intrude on that, and he figured there was always a reason to leave the house in this time of docile emergency, where the chaos had ended, leaving a quiet mess.
He turned to Kariudo, grinning confidently as they jogged across the tricky terrain of upended stones and debris.
He enjoyed the company of this newcomer, because it affirmed his existence, it was true what they had said, about others defining one's reality. It made Shinji feel confident when Kariudo was around, although he hardly knew the man, they were simply survivors, both far from the maddening crowds, since the crowds themselves had been wiped out en masse.
Shinji leaned back against the wall of a crumbled department store, wondering at its similarity to all the other buildings in the city.
Of course they look the same, it's all ruins…
Kariudo took out a cigarette and lit it with a match, smiling grimly.
"You're an interesting guy, Shinji Ikari, but I sense inner problems, my friend…You're pretty weird, but I guess you went through a lot, piloting at all."
Shinji raised his head in alarm, he had never thought about anyone remembering his significance, his purpose, for that time.
Kariudo waved his hand casually.
"Nah, don't worry man, I didn't lose a relative or something because of you, I was just curious, that's all…You're an interesting guy."
Shinji hung his head and scratched the back of his head meekly, but suddenly the scratching became erratic, digging into his skin, as the ground shook around them.
Shinji stumbled backwards and fell onto his back, his eyes open to the eerie sky. He could see the remnants of Lillith…her hand was reaching out for him, it would take him away from this misery.
No…No…I can't that would be running away…
Rei appeared next to him, kneeling, a pale hand on his forehead, and he smiled serenely, only to see the hand turn into a gruff, masculine grip, and Rei turn effortlessly into Kariudo.
The ground was continuing to shake violently, as if the earth itself was having a fit, as if the earth was trying to regurgitate its lost children.
Kariudo slowly lifted Shinji up, steadying the young man against him.
"D-D-Dammit, I think it's an earthquake, although I don't know why the hell it's happening. We've got to get…get out of here!"
Shinji nodded absentmindedly, but then his eyes opened wide as he saw the wall next to them crumbling, sending large sections of stone towards them.
Kariudo saw this too, and shoved Shinji away with a yelp, and then stumbled back himself, allowing the rocks to fall harmlessly between them.
The dust rose from the madness, clouding everything in a fine, unmanageable covering.
All was chaos, and Shinji stumbled back, shouting, looking for anyone, worrying, screaming.
He knew not what he screamed in his moment of weakness, perhaps even his father's name, but the last thing he remembered before he fell into darkness was his mother's face, smiling serenely at him.
Shinji let a large grin dance across his face as a large piece of rock hurtled towards him.
"You...bitch…what are you so happy about?"
Shinji Ikari smiled sadly as he peered at Rei. She was still so very beautiful, still so very apathetic.
His voice was laced with sadness.
"What is this, Rei? What is this darkness, this madness, this fear, this sadness?"
She spoke, a slight smile across her lips.
"This is your reality. The things that form you are your own mind and the world surrounding you."
"What?"
"Since this is your own world. The real form that you conceive. That is reality."
Shinji shook his head.
"No…No… This is the world of nothing, space with nothing, the world of nothing. The world with nothing but me, and Asuka, and misery! I am understanding myself less and less! I feel as if I'm going to disappear. My existence is fading away…in this darkness…in this madness…Why?"
Rei smiled sadly.
"Because there's nobody but you."
"Nobody but me? But…the others!"
"Because you have no existence outside of yourself, you can't figure out your own shape."
"My shape? My image? My feelings? For Asuka…and…mother…and the others…"
"Yes. You are getting to know your own shape through seeing others' shapes, others' feelings. Seeing others' walls, you imagine yourself. You cannot see yourself unless there are others."
"Because there are others, I can exist. If alone, I am always alone anywhere. The world is entirely from me…but even now, I cannot handle this…I feel like something is missing, like someone is missing…What is this Rei!"
Shinji reached out towards Rei, to at least touch the pale girl's face, but his hand went straight through her now translucent face.
Rei shook her head sadly.
"By recognizing the difference between yourself and others, you form an image of yourself. You form your image of yourself from other people. The very first other person is your mother."
Shinji could see traces of his mother's face in Rei Ayanami, and suddenly stiffened, stumbling back.
"Mother!"
"Your mother is a different person from you."
"Yes, obviously, I am I. Yet, it's true that others form the shape of my mind…I think I understand…"
"That's right…Ikari."
Shinji relaxed for a moment, but suddenly stiffened as he heard Asuka's shrill voice.
"You're too slow to understand, Third Child."
The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan
Shinji awoke from the deep darkness with a start, moaning in pain as he grew cognizant of his surroundings. He was coated in a thick layer of dust, and there was an aching, dull pain all over his body, but primarily in his legs.
He slowly pulled himself up, steadying himself against a stone wall and surveying the carnage.
Nothing…is different…I can hardly tell anything happened…
Indeed, the ruins were still ruins, one could not tell the difference an earthquake could do to an already demolished city.
But I remember Kariudo…I remember, he called out my name…I wonder if he's alright.
Shinji stiffened again, remembering Asuka, and suddenly feeling a surge of pain and worry for her safety. It filled him with a vigor he had not felt for weeks, it made him feel alive, and he sprinted back towards Misato's apartment with this new energy, hoping it still stood.
Maybe I exist…to find out why I exist…
The Ruins of Tokyo 3, Japan
Misato Katsuragi's Apartment
Shinji burst through the door, the energy drained out of him, causing him to limp from whatever injuries he had been dealt the last hour. He had been fueled by an energy that had come from his worry for Sohryu, but when he noticed the building that their apartment was in was perfectly fine, he relaxed, and in turn, lost that burst of energy.
He sighed and looked about the room, wondering in the back of his mind if Kariudo was still alive.
"Asuka? Are you here? I'm back."
Shinji's only response was silence.
"Asuka?"
Suddenly a grating, sniffling sound emanated from the back of the apartment.
Asuka's room…what happened…maybe some of the furniture got shook…no…
He slowly approached Asuka's room, but stopped by the door, spying a pool of blood flowing out the door and into the living room.
Shinji was toppled over by the sheer force of his misery, dropping down on his knees.
"Asuka…Asuka…Asuka…"
So you took her away…you hypocritical bastar…
Shinji stiffened, as he heard a whisper and then a whimper.
"Shinji…Shinji…help me…I need you…Shinji."
Shinji slowly rose, and clenched his fists, closing his eyes and entering the room, making sure not to step into the pool of blood.
He was horrified out of his mind, he could not open his eyes.
What am I so afraid of…the world is gone…and perhaps it is my fault…I have nothing to be…afraid of…
Shinji opened his eyes and the scene of chaos that was Asuka's room slammed into his brain, he could barely register it because of the shock.
Kariudo lay on the floor of the room, a kitchen knife embedded in his chest. Asuka lay curled up in a corner, apparently unharmed, her clothes ripped, sniffling and sobbing.
Shinji looked from the corpse to Asuka, and almost chuckled, he almost laughed from the pure madness of it all.
He fell on his knees and looked Asuka in the eyes, trembling, his eyes pleading with her to tell him what happened.
"Asuka…Asuka…Why? What…is this?"
"No…I can't tell you…I can never tell you Shinji…"
Shinji reached out towards the shivering girl, trying his best to make his voice sound soothing but failing horribly.
"Asuka…please, tell me, remember what I said…I'll always be here for you."
Did I say that? I'm telling her to remember…I don't remember that…
Suddenly Shinji was slammed back with Asuka's weight, falling on his back as she leapt into his body and gripped him tightly, shivering and shaking in chest.
"He…He tried to force himself on me, Shinji…I couldn't let him do it…not after all I've been through…not now…I told you that he couldn't know about me…but he opened the door…oh Shinji…his…hands…he…"
Shinji made a shushing sound, and his hands calmly caressed Asuka's crimson locks. His voice and hands were soothing, his body was sharing, mingling its warmth with Asuka's. But his eyes were staring past Asuka into the roof, pleading with some unknown being. They were practically unfeeling, cold irises now, a shade of their former blue glory.
He smiled grimly as he continued to slowly rub Asuka's shivering back, as Kariudo's blood continue to run free, as all was right with the world.
Is God really still in heaven? All…is right…with this hell…with…this…world…Oh…Asuka…
He whispered to himself, Asuka now sleeping peacefully on his warm chest.
"What is this madness, Rei?"
Well, that was the end of Chapter Five…This story will probably only have two or three more chapters left, probably only two more…It's not some massive epic of insanity like NGE: Madness, my other fic.
As for the next chapter…
Love, Pain, Lust, oh my!