Notes: I am shocked at how fast I was able to get this one out. It occurred to me that at the rate this story and my stomach are growing, I'd better try to step up production here so I can have this thing finished before my next (and last!) child is born. I am going to try very, very hard to speed this story up significantly, hopefully without sacrificing any quality.

I really appreciated all of the feedback on the last few chapters especially. I particularly enjoyed those like SG1Fanfic who are liking the references to other episodes... hopefully you'll spot the one I've buried in here! The X-Files reference in a previous chapter, for whomever was asking, was from "Arcadia," where Mulder and Scully go undercover as "Rob and Laura Petrie," and "Rob" tells a neighbour that he and "Laura" "spooned up and fell asleep like little baby cats."

Last but not least, I recently accused my sister of living vicariously through one of her stories that contained an excessive amount of running and drinking, which she is no longer able to do as she is having a very difficult first pregnancy (she is having twins, which run on both sides of our family.) She correctly pointed out that I'm doing the same thing here with coffee and hot baths. Also, from the last chapter probably through the end of this story, I owe tons of credit to her, as I plan to take plenty of inspiration from conversations we've had recently. I also stole Sam's dress from her, although for Kate they were the bridesmaid's dresses, and they were dark red.

Ch 19: Small Ceremony

"Major Carter? O'Neill? Do not be afraid, I…" Thor called as he let himself into the bathroom.

Thor stared at Jack and Sam in the tub. Jack and Sam stared at Thor. Finally, Jack muttered, "He has worse timing than Daniel."

Sam giggled at that and glanced down to make sure she was still covered by enough bubbles. Jack crossed his arms over his chest, which was of course a completely unnecessary gesture, as he was covered in bubbles already, but more importantly didn't exactly have anything to hide in the first place. Particularly from a naked asexual alien.

Jack cleared his throat and said, "Hey, Thor. Buddy. Pal. Listen, let's just keep this between the three of us, all right?"

"As you wish, O'Neill," Thor said, recovering from his surprise and turning to Sam.

Suddenly remembering why he was there, she exclaimed, "Finally, Thor! I spoke to you days ago…"

"I apologize, Major Carter. I arranged everything as quickly as possible."

"So… everything is… ready, then?" she asked with a smile.

"It is. I will wait in the living room while you explain the situation to Colonel O'Neill."

"Thank you." Thor tilted his massive head at both of them and left, shutting the door gently on his way out.

"What's going on?" Jack asked as Sam practically jumped out of the tub and grabbed a towel. "We getting out of here?"

"Out of the tub, yes. Out of here here, no," Sam said absently, holding out a towel for him.

She was in Carter-has-a-new-project mode, so Jack just pulled the plug and got out of the tub, waiting for her to continue explaining.

She pulled on her robe while he dried himself off and started talking really fast. "Days ago I asked Thor for something. He couldn't do it, but he had another solution. This is it."

"This is what?" Jack asked.

"This is… well, okay. If you don't want to I understand. I just thought about how much you wanted everything to be normal and granted, the situation still isn't normal, but it's as normal as I could make it under the circumstances, and for us it is relatively normal, I suppose, so…"

"Sam?"

"What?"

"What are you talking about?"

"What? Oh. Er. Well. Thor's here to… to marry us. If you want to. That is. Of course."

"He… he's here to… marry us?"

"Yes."

"To each other?"

"No, to himself!" she replied sarcastically.

"Cute."

She shifted nervously on her feet, worried she had made a completely incorrect assumption. "So, do you… I mean is this… what you want?"

"Of course! It's awesome, Sam, I just… I'm just surprised."

"That was sort of the idea, Jack."

"Very clever."

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Dry and bubble-free, Sam and Jack sat down on the couch across from Thor, who was perched on the edge of the arm chair. Behind him, in the chair, were two large shopping bags, and two garment bags were draped over the back of the chair.

"Greetings, O'Neill. I assume Major Carter has filled you in on the details."

"What I knew, but… that wasn't really very much beyond the original idea…" Sam reminded him.

"Of course. I have with me the things you requested, as well as what I learned you usually require for a marriage ceremony on your planet."

"And this is… legal?"

"Yes. You will sign the certificate after the ceremony. Your witnesses will be watching remotely. When you return to the SGC you will of course be given the certificate."

"And you're… authorized to do this?" Jack asked.

"Yes," Thor said, in the tone that indicated that was the end of that particular conversation.

"Okay then."

"I have studied your customs. I believe if you dress quickly we will be able to perform the ceremony outside as your sun 'sets.' According to my research this is an appropriate setting for such an occasion."

"Where'd you get your research, daytime TV?" Jack quipped. Sam elbowed him in the side as Thor prepared to answer.

"Never mind, Thor. We'll get dressed. Thank you."

Thor handed them their respective things, and they headed off to change.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Sam? I mean, I know it's your idea and all but…"

"Well, honestly, we probably should have some other type of ceremony later, so that Dad and our friends can be there… most of them have been waiting for this nearly as long as we have, I think…"

"That's for sure."

"Are you okay with it though, Jack? Because honestly if this isn't what you want…"

"It is, I swear!"

"Okay. See you soon then," Sam called, heading into the guest room to get dressed. For some reason it seemed weird to get dressed together. It felt more formal this way.

Slightly concerned as to what sort of clothing Thor had provided, Sam immediately hung the garment bag on the open closet door and unzipped it, subconsciously holding her breath as she did so. She let it out in relief as she saw her dress. It was her size, first of all, and it was very pretty without being ridiculously complicated. The white satin actually looked a bit more like a really fancy nightgown than anything else, and as she studied the thin straps, nonexistent back, and thin material she realized she should get dressed as quickly as possible so that it wasn't too cold outside.

Putting on more makeup than she had worn since Thor had first brought them to the cabin, Sam worked as quickly as possible. Her hair, which now came just below her chin, provided more of a challenge. She finally pulled it back away from her face with a thin barrette, frowning at the girly way it was slightly curly from the humidity of their interrupted bath. Hair and makeup done, she hurried over to the shopping bag Thor had handed her, curious as to what was inside.

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"O'Neill, are you nervous about your upcoming union to Major Carter?" Thor asked, watching his best human friend pacing around the coffee table in the living room.

"Huh? No, not at all. I just don't see how the woman can be completely geared up for a mission, P90 and all, in ten minutes, and it takes over half an hour to…" he trailed off as Sam entered the room, fiddling with something in her left hand and smoothing her hair down self-consciously with the other.

"To what, O'Neill?" Thor prompted, but he followed O'Neill's gaze and quickly realized he was no longer the center of attention.

Sam finally slipped the ring she was carrying onto her thumb, curling her hand slightly to make sure it didn't fall off, and looked up. Jack was standing in the middle of the room in his dress blues, looking at her like… well, she had never really seen that look on his face before, to that degree of intensity. One minute he looked rooted to the ground; the next he had eliminated the space between them and was kissing her desperately, one hand sliding over the cool fabric of the dress and her warm back while the other curled around her neck, ensuring that she not push him away and remind him that Thor was standing there watching them.

That fleeting thought only lasted about half a second as her own fingers tangled in his perpetually messy hair and she returned the kiss, relieved and happy that she had apparently made the right call on the 'surprise wedding' idea.

Eventually, Jack became aware that someone was calling his name. And since he was still quite busy eagerly exploring as much of Sam's mouth as he possibly could, he was reasonably certain that it wasn't her.

Listening harder, he realized it was Thor, who sounded alarmed and kept insisting, "O'Neill! You are supposed to wait until I give you permission to kiss the bride!" over and over.

Forcing himself to end the kiss, Jack took a small step back and stared at her while he got his breathing under control, and she did exactly the same, staring at him and breathing heavily.

"Hey," he finally said.

She returned his slightly-dazzled smile and said, "Hey."

"You look… unbelievably… perfect. Way too good for me!"

Blushing slightly, Sam said, "I don't know about that, you look pretty unbelievable yourself."

"This old thing?" he joked, waving a dismissive hand. "Had it for years."

"Exactly," Sam insisted, absently running two fingers along the line of medals on his chest. "You look… just like the day I met you, only… more. Better…"

"Older," Jack grumbled, always uncomfortable with honest compliments when they were directed at him.

"Better," Sam repeated, kissing him firmly. "Maybe without the lipstick though," she added, using her thumb to wipe off what she had smeared across his mouth.

"O'Neill, are you nearly ready…" Thor asked.

"Hold your horses, little buddy! We're ready!"

Thor, looking concerned, turned to Sam and said, "Major Carter, you did not mention horses. I have not brought any…"

"It's just an expression," Sam assured him.

"I see. Then let us go outside and begin."

Exchanging grins, Jack and Sam followed Thor out to the dock. He had been right about the sunset making the whole thing seem more… real, somehow. Sam was glad, because as 'normal' went, she had to admit that having half an hour to prepare to be married at an isolated cabin by a three-and-a-half foot-tall alien was still a far cry from most people's definition of 'normal.'

Thor had clearly done his homework, or had very good tutors. He quickly took over the situation, positioning Jack and Sam where he wanted them near the edge of the dock. He dragged the chair out of the way and stood in front of it, facing them.

"Do you have your rings?"

"Yes," they both said, smiling at each other again. It was a good thing Thor was in charge at this point, as they were both more than a little overexcited, still rather shocked at what they were about to do.

"I will begin then. I understand there are many different marriage customs on your planet, within your own country as well. This will be very simple, of course, since there are no other people present. I will skip the part about gathering the dearly beloved, since you have no guests… and I was told neither of you had strong specific religious convictions to adhere to, so…"

"Thor, whatever you say will be perfect," Jack assured him. Sam nodded, smiling at Thor.

"Very well. You have stated your desire to marry each other. O'Neill, would you like to say anything further to Major Carter?"

"Uh, sure. Write your own vows type of thing? That uh… usually works better with a little notice…" he trailed off, turning sideways so that he completely faced Sam. He smiled at her fondly and said, "But in this case I don't think it would make a difference, because no matter how long I had to think about it, the right words don't exist in any language I know. Any language Daniel knows, for that matter."

Sam laughed, trying to calm down her hair. It was windy outside, and her dress and hair were blowing sideways, back towards the cabin. As they were outside, Jack was wearing his hat, so he looked completely unruffled as he kept speaking.

"I can't tell you how much you mean to me. How important you are to me. How much you've affected me. I love you more than I thought it was possible to love someone."

Sam's eyes filled with tears but she absolutely refused to let them fall, ordering them to disappear.

"I… I'm finished," Jack added to Thor.

"Very nice, O'Neill. Major Carter?"

Laughing quietly at the exchange between the two, Sam took a deep breath and said, "You don't think you have enough words to convey what you mean, and you get uncomfortable when people try to tell you what you mean to them. And I'm essentially the same, despite my tendency to prattle on about scientific, impersonal things. For years that didn't even matter, because we weren't allowed to say anything anyway. But the feelings grew anyway, all by themselves, without acknowledgment, or reciprocation, or cultivation… even when we actively tried to stop them. So now that everything is out in the open, it doesn't matter that you think you don't have the words, even though you really do much better than you think. Nothing needs to be said except I love you."

Jack leaned in to kiss her, but Thor quickly said, "Not yet, O'Neill!"

Rolling his eyes, Jack turned to the alien and said, "All right, hurry up then."

"Thank you," Thor said pointedly. "Now. You have stated your purposes here today. On behalf of the Asgard High Council, with the support and endorsement of the highest offices of the United States of America, we wish you many years of happiness. May the love you have for each other continue to grow. Now I will ask you once more to confirm what you have already said. After you say 'I do,' place your rings on each other's fingers, and wait until I have finished speaking before kissing."

"Okay, okay," Jack mumbled. Sam laughed and wondered if this was being filmed. Jack and Thor were so funny together.

"Now. Colonel Jack O'Neill, do you take Major Carter to be your wife?" Thor asked.

Jack paused, waiting to see if Thor was going to elaborate with the usual laundry list of having, holding, and all that. When Thor just blinked at him, Jack cleared his throat and said, "Yes. I do." He slid the ring onto her finger, beside its partner.

"Very good. Now. Major Samantha Carter, do you take Colonel O'Neill to be your husband?"

"I do," she repeated.

"Are you certain, Major Carter?" Thor asked as Sam slid the ring that had appeared with her shoes and things onto Jack's finger, hoping it would fit. It did, luckily.

"Hey!" Jack mock-objected, while Sam laughed. "Thor! You only asked me once!"

"I thought I would give Major Carter one final chance to change her mind."

"Very funny, Thor. You've been on Earth too long, buddy."

"Thor," Sam interrupted. "I'm not going to change my mind."

"Good," Thor said. "Then you are now husband and wife. NOW you may kiss the bride, O'Neill."

"About damn time," Jack muttered.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hammond shook his head and smiled. That was by far the weirdest wedding he'd ever witnessed. Yet it was oddly appropriate for Jack O'Neill and Sam Carter. Mainly to distract himself from the display he was watching, as he still found it more than a little disturbing to watch his two best officers be so… 'openly affectionate' was probably the politically correct phrase… Hammond turned to the woman seated to his right.

"Dr. Fraiser, are you… crying?" he asked, alarmed.

"No, sir," Fraiser said quickly, wiping her eyes hastily with the back of her hand, trying to remember whether she had used waterproof mascara that morning or not.

"Remember, Dr. Fraiser, you cannot breathe a word of this to anyone."

"Yes, sir. Thank you for letting me be one of the witnesses, sir."

"I'm sure Major Carter would have asked for you specifically if given the option, doctor…" his eyes were drawn back to the display. Thor was standing on the lawn chair, taking pictures. "He better not hurt himself," Hammond muttered.

"Wow. I mean, it's one thing to think of Jack and Sam as being together in the abstract sense, but… that's a little strange to see," Janet commented, still studying the Asgard display screen. From the second Thor had given them permission, neither one of them had come up for air.

"Yeah, you think it's bad on this tiny display, imagine Thor blind-siding you with it on a fifty-foot display on his ship," General Hammond said dryly.

Janet looked at him and laughed when she realized he was serious.

"I'll be the first to admit the way they ended up together is more than a little weird, but I think it was probably a good idea. Maybe they'll have enough 'alone time' at the cabin that by the time they get back here they'll be a little bit more… in control of themselves," Hammond stated.

"One can only hope, sir," Janet commented, thoroughly amused by the whole situation.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"O'Neill, your hat has blown into the lake!" Thor yelled suddenly.

Sam, who had completely disregarded proper protocol and knocked his hat off his head to keep the bill from poking her forehead long ago, pulled away from her new husband (okay, that was going to be harder to get used to than 'Jack') and looked around their feet for the hat. Sure enough, it was gone. She spotted it on the lake just in time to see it slowly disappear beneath the surface.

"We'll just tell Hammond that was your fault," Jack said with a smug smile.

"Good idea. He likes me better anyway."

"A little sure of yourself there, Sam… now that I think of it, you're the one obsessed with swimming in that petri dish of bacteria, why don't you go fetch it so you don't get in trouble?"

"Jack, it's way too cold now!" Sam objected.

"Are you sure? Come on, it's not like you to back down from a challenge…"

Suddenly realizing how close to the edge of the dock they were, she tried to back away. Hugging her from behind so he trapped her arms to her body, he swung her towards the water, pretending like he was going to throw her in.

"Okay, okay, I was kidding," Jack said between laughs as he spun her away from the edge and set her back on her feet. She was half-struggling to get away from him, but was impeding her own efforts by giggling uncontrollably. "I wouldn't want to have to sleep on the couch on the first night with my wife, would I?"

"O'Neill, look up!" Thor interrupted.

Jack looked at Thor, still smiling, and burst out laughing at the bright flash. Only then did he and Sam notice that Thor was standing on top of a chair with a camera.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking photographs so you can have visual representations of this day. I stood on the chair so that it would not be obvious the pictures were taken by someone much shorter than yourselves."

"Thank you, Thor," Sam said, quickly disentangling herself from Jack's arms and hurrying over to him. Without thinking about it, she picked him up under the armpits and set him on the ground, saying, "You've got to be careful though, that chair isn't sturdy. Colonel O'Neill already fell out of it once. You could fall and hurt yourself and… what is so funny, Jack?" she interrupted herself, turning around to face him.

Jack was laughing too hard to speak. Thor's face when Sam had picked him up… he looked so surprised.

Finally he got control enough to say in between laughs, "It's just the first time I've seen you acting so… maternal… towards Thor. Now I understand why the Asgard wanted you so badly for this little science fair project. I mean, you told me about your big hug with Thor but I had no idea you had such strong maternal instincts towards him…"

Blushing bright red, Sam turned to apologize to Thor. "I didn't mean to be disrespectful, Thor, I just… overreacted a little and…"

"Your apology is unnecessary, Major Carter. I appreciate your concern and am sorry to have alarmed you. Now that the ceremony is finished, I am sure you would like to be left alone."

That made her blush more, especially because Jack took the opportunity to shoot her a particularly suggestive leer and rock on his heels.

"If you would follow me inside, you can sign the certificate and I will leave."

Thor started walking up towards the cabin. Sam glanced back at the lake as Jack tried to steer her after Thor. "What?" he asked.

"Just thinking. Now you've got something to fish for. Maybe you can catch your hat."

Once back in the living room, Sam signed the marriage license after Jack and automatically started to fill in the date. "Wait!" Thor said, startling her. She looked up at him. "You only need to sign your name," Thor said, gathering up the document quickly.

"Why can't I…"

"Enjoy your honeymoon!" Thor interrupted, quickly beaming himself away.

"What the heck was that about?" Jack asked casually, his tone saying plainly that he really didn't care either way.

But Sam continued to stare at the spot where Thor had just been, thinking hard, wondering…

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Thor was pacing Hammond's office as the General and Dr. Fraiser signed the license.

"I believe she will figure everything out now," Thor stated for the third time.

"From one tiny little…" Dr. Fraiser started, trying to calm Thor.

"It doesn't matter," Hammond said firmly. "Everything will be fine… Dr. Fraiser, I believe you have a lot of work to do. And Thor, why don't you drop this off on the President's desk? It'll get there a lot faster that way."

"Yes, sir," Fraiser said quickly, getting to her feet. She knew she would spend the rest of the day coming up with excuses for the giant smile on her face.