Disclaimer: Akira Toriyama leveled up! Gained new ability 'Rights to DBZ'
-
A sports car was careening down the streets of West City, causing many a person to jump out of it's way. As the unlabeled car careened in and out of oncoming traffic. A helicopter flew overhead, shooting lasers down at it. Lasers are very trendy, you know. The driver simply smiled and gained speed, eventually losing the helicopter. The driver laughed maniacally he looked at the round ahead of him, there stood. NINJAS! THOUSANDS OF THEM!
"What the hell?" The driver screamed as he spun out of control and into a nearby building wall. Causing the entire skyscraper to collapse on the car.
"Hahaha!" Another figure walked forward, from the army on ninjas. "You just bought yourself 10 years in jail"
"He's dead sir" One of the ninjas pointed out.
"Huh? What killed him?"
"I believe it was the Skyscraper."
"What?" The man stomped over to the building and chucked a pair of handcuffs on it. "You are being arrested on the order of manslaughter"
"God. What a fucking twit." The ninjas mumbled in unison.
The man quickly spun around. "You fools! I am Frieza, everything I say is law! Do not disobey my pants!"
"You don't have pants."
"SILENCE!"
-Frieza: The World is a Robot!-
"Y Helo Thar... uh.. Zarbon!" Dodoria stuttered, having no script does that to an actor. "What a lovely day"
"A comet you say? When will it hit?"
"Zarbon, wrong page."
"Oh.. Right... Shit!"
-
"Mr. President" Nappa ran into the room as fast as his little legs could carry him. Well, actually his legs were quite massive. But that's not the point right now. "A comet is heading towards Earth"
"Yes, it is a lovely day" Zarbon grinned, before his was overcome with confusion. "Wait a minute..."
"Uh.." Nappa scratched his head for a moment, before deciding to just continue. "The comet will arrive in exactly nine months"
"Nine months? Surely you don't mean.."
"YES! The comet is.." Nappa paused before spinning around to Cell. "His child"
"What the fuck?" Cell stood up quickly and flipped through his script. "Hey! You never informed me of this!"
"Hey! Don't make me come over there" Frieza called out off screen.
"So.. uh.. what do we do to stop the comet?" Zarbon asked.
"We must ask our scientist"
"The white house only has one scientist?"
"Apparently."
"I see.."
-
"Oh scientist" Zarbon called out when he entered the lab,
"KAKAROTTO!"
"Oh, hello Professor Brolly. How goes your study of Quantum Physics?"
"KAKAROTTO!"
"Lovely, glad to hear it. Anyway, there is a comet inside Cell's womb..."
"I HAVE NO WOMB, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
"Yeah, Cell's womb.." Zarbon continued. "Anyway, is there any way to stop it?"
"KAKAROTTO!"
"Oh my god! That's just crazy enough to work. Thank you professor Brolly!"
"KAKAROTTO!"
-
"Hello, Vegeta. Long time no see!" Raditz walked up to the prince.
"Raditz. I have something I need to share with you."
"What is that?"
"That truth is..." Vegeta sniffed. "The comet is my baby!.. Wait, WHAT?"
"Oh god.." Raditz backed away, ready to throw up.
"Me.. and Cell.. having a comet love-child?" Vegeta sat there nearly having a brain hemorrhage
"We needed a love-story" Frieza yelled.
"Oh yeah! Well this movie needs some explosions as well" Vegeta screamed as he turned Super Saiyan and fired a Big Bang Attack at the camera.
-
"I say, fellows" King Cold spoke to his group of friends at the gentleman's club. "It seems we are all buggered."
"I say"
"I agree, old chap"
"Quite." King Cold swirled his wine-glass. "Now what are those ruffians up to?"
-
"Okay.. it took us five months.." Zarbon sighed. "But we have finally built a ten mile wide "KAKAROTTO!" in the desert, only using green pebbles"
"And that's meant to stop the comet?" Ginyu asked.
"That's what Professor Brolly says, and he's a genius" Zarbon pointed to Brolly, who at this point was knawing on the rocks. "God damn it"
"We're screwed"
"Well, Cell was anyway.." Raditz burst out laughing.
"Oh shut up!" Vegeta and Cell screamed in unison.
-
"Okay, so the pebble plan didn't work. Anyone else have any ideas?" Zarbon asked, before a group of pirates burst through the window and decided to do a merry jig on the table.
"Uh.. Anyway, I have a uh.. line?" Dodoria whispered to Vegeta. "Oh right. I have a wang! ...Wait... VEGETA"
"Okay, anyone have any decent ideas?" Zarbon asked before being whacked in the head as Cooler's arm went flying across the set.
"Damn you take-maker! Damn you to hell"
"DOES ANYBODY HAVE AN IDEA?" Zarbon screamed as the room went quiet. Well, except for the pirates. They were still dancing.
"I have an idea" Turles called out.
"What is it?"
"I say we kill Cell. Thus the comet can't be born."
"But none of us are strong enough to kill Cell."
"I AM" The door burst open as Janemba walked in dramatically.
"It's Janemba" Raditz called out. "The badarse aussie crocodile wrestler with only one eye"
"That's right" Janemba laughed. "Now where's this Cell follow, so I can gut him?"
"Over there." Zarbon pointed to Cell, who was busy prodding his stomach."
"Wait.." Janemba scratched his head. "How can that be Cell if he escaped before we filmed this?"
"It's a robo-Cell." Frieza shouted.
-
"Awright" Janemba said as he stood over Cell. Who at this point was strapped into a hospital bed. "I am now going to gut him"
"Wait. Stop!" Vegeta stood in front of Janemba, before pulling out his script. "I LOVE HIM!" Raditz and Nappa stood silent for a moment before bursting into laughter. It took Vegeta a moment to realize what he had just said. He stood there silently as a trail of blood slowly leaked out his ear. And with that, Vegeta's eye twitched a moment before he slammed into the ground.
"Vegeta?" Nappa stood up and asked the prince if he was okay.
"I think his brain finally exploded." Zarbon commented.
"Cooler! Get Vegeta off the set" Frieza screamed.
"I can't! I don't have any limbs left"
"Oh don't be such a wuss"
"I. Have. No. Limbs. You. Twit"
"Anyway! It's time for me to cut him" Janemba smiled and sliced the creature's gut open. In which the comet quickly flew out and started laughing.
"You fools! It was a trap!" The comet laughed. "And now, I will destroy mankind"
"There must be something we can do. Mr. President?" Raditz shaked Zarbon.
"No, sorry. This is the end of Earth."
"OH SNAP!"
-
"Well gents" King Cold continued to swirl his wine-glass. "This is the end"
"Indeed"
"Quite"
-
"Nothing can stop me now!" The comet laughed. Until out of the shadows. A Manticore surprised and killed the comet!
"Well that was certainly unexpected." Zarbon sighed.
-
"Father" Kui ran up to Zarbon.
"What is it, Vice President?"
"I have something shocking to tell you"
"Yes? What is it"
"I have.. AMNESIA!
-THE END!-
"Well" Frieza stood up and bowed. " What did you think of it?"
"I'm confused." Jeice raised his hand. "What was the movie again?"
"It was about how it turns out that Zarbon is actually dreaming in a VR machine which simulates a drug trip while he was high. The resulting images caused him to see a man dreaming about a VR machine in his sleep. Which is the cause of every drug-trip we see today.. In VR"
"Uh-huh, you don't say."
"It's all very subtle. You wouldn't of seen it coming. I didn't even mention it in the script"
"Then how are we meant to find out?" Lord Slug asked.
"Using your brains. DUH!" Frieza slapped his forehead. "Idiot"
"So is that the end?"
"Yes. That is the end of my fantastic story"