Obscuring Tears
Fading Strength


Just living without you
Is a challenge within its own
Each day that passes by
I feel more and more alone

The colorful spots that had been dancing before Ruthie's eyes, began to slowly fade until they were no more. With the fierce sunlight as his backdrop, Ruthie could no longer hold her gaze on the familiar penetrating, blue eyes. For a few seconds, she felt guilty, for she had allowed her dear friend to be lost in her past.

"Ruthie?" he called out to her, his voice sounding miles away. "What are you doing?"

Ruthie took a much needed breath and sighed, "Moving passed the painfully obvious, I could ask you the same thing." Ruthie stared at nothing, her eyes forward. She saw nothing.

"Oh," he chuckled nervously. "I just brought some flowers for your mom and dad." He set the artificial lilies gently on the graves.

"That was nice of you." Her voice was toneless; emotionless.

"Yeah, I guess." He dusted his hands on his jeans and sat beside her. Silence had settled in, but was abruptly broken. He covered her hands with his. Her rich, brown eyes jerked to match his blue ones, but her hands stayed still.

"Ruthie, are you okay?" he asked her, though he felt he already knew the answer.

Her voice dripping with sarcasm, she retorted, "What do you think?"

He let his head drop as he exhaled. Then, ready to try again, he studied her face.

"I know that we've been broken up for about a year now, but I want you to know that I still care about you. I always will. You know that I love you and I would do anything for you." A pause. "Look, I know this place....You don't have to talk about...things...if you don't want to. I won't push you. Just come and relax. Allow yourself to be distracted. Only for a while."

Just when he thought she was about to say no, she wrapped her arms around him. When he was released, she got to her feet and collected the few things that she had brought along with her.

"So, where's this place?"

I used to think it was easy
Letting me leave, even for the night,
Now I realize how hard it was
I want you to be holding me tight.

Seeing that Lucy was in no condition to play "leader," Kevin quickly took on the role himself.

"Okay, so, Simon and I will do a sweep around the city. You and the boys should stay here. If we can't find her, then I'll report her to the station." He turned to Simon. "Meet you in the car?"

"Sure," Simon agreed and glanced at Lucy.

Lucy was nodding rapidly, her eyes still wide in shock.

The boys had scampered off somewhere, leaving Simon and Lucy alone in the room. Once last time before moving, Simon glanced out the window. Kevin was getting in the Explorer and Simon knew he should hurry.

As he brushed past Lucy, he heard her whisper, "I can't do this."

Simon stopped and without looking at her, asked, "What?"

Lucy gave an incredulous scoff as she turned to face him. "This. I can't do this. I can't take care of Ruthie, when I can't even take care of myself."

Tears spilled down Lucy's tears. She had been trying to be strong - for Ruthie - but she just couldn't keep her true emotions in the closet anymore.

Simon embraced her, whispering in her ear that he loved her and that they would talk later - after they found Ruthie.

I thought I could do this
This thing that was you.
Yet, you're the only one,
That's proven to be true

Hours had passed and Kevin and Simon still weren't home. Lucy was in the backyard, busying herself with pruning the red, yellow, and pink roses. She had allowed herself to break down for a second, but pulled herself together, afraid that the boys would sneak up on her and get scared. So far, they had taken what had happened the best out of any of them. Of course, they were young still, and probably thought that when their parents had "rested" enough, they would come back.

Lucy set the pruners back in the shed. She was slipping the gardening gloves off when Sam and David came through the sliding glass doors.

"What are we doing?" Sam asked, his eyes big and innocent.

Lucy smiled and felt the sharp sting of tears. She had remembered when Ruthie was their age and when she used to say that. That was always her cute saying. Lucy was sometimes grateful for those precious memories because back then, everything back been great. Now, the days were long and miserable.

"Nothing. I was just pruning the rose bushes. Do you want to help me plant some flower seeds?" Lucy asked, leaning down to them, her hands resting on her knees.

"Okay!" they replied in unison.

Lucy chuckled to herself and took one of each of their hands. She led them over to a small patch next to the plastic doe that lay on it's side. She released the boys' hands and set them loose. "Start diggin'." She, instead of digging, pondered the doe before picking it back up again. This had to be the work of Ruthie.

While Lucy and the boys were out in the back, the phone had rang and the machine had come one.

"Luce, it's Mary. Is Matt there? Sarah told me that he was coming. Have him call me. Love you. Bye."


The mistakes that we made
Seem innocent now
I hate to hurt you
This is my grave vow

Back in the apartment in New York, Sarah raked a hand through her brown and curly hair. She was huddled over an open school book with scribbled out notes off to the right. The pen, with a chewed-on cap, was gripped loosely in her writing hand and lightly touched her pink, full lips.

Although she looked like she was studying, all those words that she read meant nothing to her. They were merely words printed in a book that her eyes scanned, understood, and moved on to the next. No sense was made out of the endless sentences or paragraphs. Sarah could only think of her husband, who she had stupidly sent out to Glenoak alone to be there for his family - her in-laws. Her words, those harsh words, replayed through her mind.

You don't have my support, even though I'm your wife.

She hadn't said that in so many words, but that was the general message that was sent. Sarah was afraid that Matt had absolutely no trouble comprehending that. If he hadn't sprung the news on her so quickly, maybe she would have had more time to think things through and choose words more carefully. Sarah was a straightforward woman when she wanted to be. Sometimes she would be so straightforward with things, it got to the point where her words hurt. Like rusty nails driving into the sole of your foot.

Sarah sighed and gave up attempting to study. Nothing was getting accomplished except wasting away valuable time.

The woman chucked her pencil and grabbed the cordless phone out of it's cradle. Quickly, she dialed a number, letting it ring once before hanging up. Feeling like an idiot, she redialed Lucy's number, forcing herself to not hang up once more. When the ringing stopped, her heart skipped a beat. Thinking someone had picked up, she readied herself to speak.

No one had picked up, except the answering machine.

Like with Mary's call only moments before her own, Lucy had not heard the phone way in the backyard where she was straightening her plastic decorations.

No message was left. Only the dial tone on the machine after Sarah had hung up.

She sighed. Deciding that she couldn't live feeling like this, Sarah called her childhood home, hoping that one, or both, parents could help her.

"Dad? I've done something stupid."