Obscuring Tears

Chapter Seven:

Perspectives

It hurt to not be trusted,

Especially by you

So believe what you want

My words were nothing but true.

Ruthie Camden sat on her bed and pouted. She was so angry with her mother she couldn't even look at her. It was a startling revelation to learn that Annie didn't trust her, especially when it was her own body that was involved. She was old enough to make her own decisions, even decisions about sex, which was having none of.

Annie knocked on her daughter's door and went in without permission. She wasn't coming in to grovel for her daughter's forgiveness, or even to apologize. All she wanted was to talk about the incident, since things between her daughter and Peter had begun to heat up.

"I want to talk about what happened," Annie stated bluntly. There was no use of beating around the bush here. Ruthie knew that what she was doing was inappropriate. Now all there was to do was get her to admit it.

Ruthie rolled her eyes and looked away, clearly not wanting to talk about anything.

Annie sighed, frustration already rearing its head. "I know you don't want to talk about this, but we have to. What you were doing with Peter tonight was completely unsuitable."

Ruthie scoffed and glared at her mother. "What were we doing, Mom? Huh? We were only kissing. If it had gone farther than that, wouldn't you have trusted me to stop it?!"

"It's not that I don't trust you," Annie argued. "But when people get caught up in the moment, things have a greater possibility of going too far. You may not have noticed, but things were well on their way!"

"No, no. You don't trust me. You don't think I'm capable of making responsible decisions. I can't believe this." Ruthie pushed herself off the bed and whisked past her mother, locking herself in the attic bathroom.

"Ruthie," Annie called, knocking on the door. "You can't just run away from this. We need to talk."

The door swung open, revealing a red-eyed Ruthie. "Fine," she spat. "We'll talk. Now that we've gotten you're take on things, I'll give you a little piece of my mind."

An expression of warning appeared on Annie's face, but Ruthie ignored it. She knew she was crossing the line, but she couldn't hold back.

"I think you should just leave me alone. If I wanted to have sex with Peter, I could. I don't have to be under your supervision – or even in this house – to do it. I thought that you trusted me, and that was the only thing holding me back. I didn't want to disappoint you or Dad. Now that I know the truth, I couldn't care less."

Annie looked disgusted, looked as if she wanted to disown this young woman in front of her.

"You know better than to talk to me in that matter, Ruthie Camden. I am your mother, and you are to respect and obey me, no matter how trustworthy you may or may not be!" Annie yelled. "You are not to see Peter Petrowski until your father and I say otherwise."

Ruthie sneered. "Of course I'm not. It's always the same thing! God, I hate you."

Annie had only heard her daughter say that she hated her once before, and back then, the little girl didn't even know what she was doing. Now that Ruthie was older, she had a wider range of vocabulary, and Annie was sure her daughter knew what she was saying. That's part of the reason it hurt her so much.

"Get out," Ruthie said, her voice low and angry.

Annie obliged, just stepping out of the room before the door slammed behind her. She spotted Mary at the foot of the stairs, and instantly she knew her eldest daughter had been listening.

"How much did you hear?" she asked, descending the steps.

Mary smiled sympathetically. "More than enough," she replied. "Don't worry about it, Mom. I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"Sure she didn't," Annie whispered, heading to her own room.

Mary sighed, and walked away, leaving well enough alone.

"Ruthie, Mary's on the phone. She wants to talk to you," Lucy said, bringing the cordless phone to her sister in her room.

Ruthie gave Lucy a suspicious look, trying to decipher if she had put Mary up to something. Coming up empty-handed, she took the phone.

"Hello?"

I'm torn between choices

Am I silent, or do I squeal

Truth is, I'm frightened

By what I should reveal.

Simon and Matt sat on the grass in the middle of the park while the twins played on the bright yellow jungle gym. Simon ran his fingers along the soles of his shoes, needing something to do with his hands. Matt knew there was something going on, but he decided to wait until his brother brought it up, and knowing Simon, that could take a while.

Absentmindedly, Simon picked at the grass, tearing then tossing it aside. He was disturbed by all those slits on his sister's wrists, some of them not so thin and graceful. Truthfully, he was worried about how far she would go, or had gone. Was she doing drugs? Was she thinking of suicide? Simon knew what he had to do, and it wouldn't be easy. He either had to try to talk to Ruthie himself, or jump to the chase and tell Matt. If he told Matt, it would ultimately be easier with the not having to talk to Ruthie. He had taken the easy way out before when his parents passed, and that had proven to be a mistake.

Ruthie was his sister, and he had to do something, make a plan and get prepared. This wasn't going to be easy, for she had shot him down before. Her tongue may have been fast and harsh, but he would come out victorious this time. He had the knowledge that would cut through her sarcasm as if it was butter. There was no more room for messing around. Recess was officially over.

Things I took for granted

I wish I had them back

The comfort that we had

We now severely lack.

Lucy picked up the baby book of Ruthie's once more, and sat down on the couch with it, a cup of much-needed coffee by her side. She had remembered the night when her mother gave this to Ruthie. The twins had just gotten home from the hospital and everyone was miserable. She and Mary had tried every way possible to get out of the house, to no avail on her own part. Mary, however, had gotten out, but was grounded the second she got back home with Lucy to keep her company.

It seemed like yesterday when every Camden offspring was still just a child or a struggling adolescent. She never thought she would miss those days of waiting hours for the bathroom, or having a sibling barge in on you when you wanted your privacy. Now she realized those days were precious; you can never get them back.

The front entrance to her home opened and her brothers stepped over the threshold, Simon bringing up the rear. Straightaway, Matt took Sam and David to the bathroom to clean up, leaving Simon to converse freely with Lucy. Her brother allowed himself to fall into the spot next to her, as she smiled.

"Look," she said, smiling as she pointed to a photo of Simon rocking a baby Ruthie on the porch.

"That was such a long time ago," he replied distantly. "Things were so simple then."

Lucy studied her brother's face, sensing something was not quite right. She closed the book, setting it gently aside, and patted Simon's knee in a way of comfort.

"What's the matter?" she asked, truly curious. If she couldn't fix anything with her sister at the moment, she was sure she could help Simon.

Simon plastered a smile on his face. "Nothing's the matter. I'm fine," he lied.

"Simon," Lucy said firmly. "You're forgetting that you come from a long line of people that cannot lie. I can see right through you. Just face it: lying isn't going to help you right now." As an afterthought she added passionately, "We suck."

The college boy chuckled. Glancing down at his lap, he felt his laughter disappear as quickly as it had come. Ruthie's wrist had once again crossed his mind, and it was impossible to be happy when someone you hold close to your heart is in overwhelming pain. Simon sighed, trying to find the right words to say as he realized that he couldn't confront Ruthie alone. He would be even stronger with someone else on his side. Lucy wasn't a Matt, she wasn't going to medical school, but she was his sister and a good listener. His mother had pointed that out before, he recalled. A Lucy was just as good as a Matt.

"I'm worried about Ruthie," he admitted. "She's scaring me."

Lucy's frown deepened. "I know," she agreed. "It's like she's not even our sister anymore. She's isolated herself to the point where she's lost whatever sense she had of who she was before any of this happened."

"She sure isn't afraid to speak her mind," Simon sourly remembered.

"She never was," Lucy mumbled softly.

He shrugged. "Just the same, she's right about a lot of things. It might be painful to hear sometimes, but she's right. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't run away."

Lucy cleared her throat. "Simon, I thing Ruthie only said those things because she was trying to divert attention from herself. It shouldn't be the issue if they were true or false. You did the best you could for who you were. She's having a hard time right now, and the only thing any of us can do, is tell her that we love her and will always be here."

Simon agreed, "Of course, but that wasn't what I was getting at. Something needs to be done before she hits rock bottom because she is getting dangerously close. She's cutting herself already, and we need to stop her before she goes another step further."

"Wait," Lucy said, confused. "Ruthie's cutting herself?"

Slowly, Simon nodded. "I don't know how long she's been doing it. I only found out just last night when I saw her arm for myself."

"Is that why you were so weird at the park today?" Matt asked, coming into the room just in time to catch what was being said.

"Something has to be done," Lucy stated. "She cannot keep that up. It'll consume her, if it hasn't already."

A door opened down the hall and a moment later, Ruthie appeared, glancing from face to face. She suddenly slowed her pace, soon coming to a complete stop. No one in the room seemed to move, or even breath. Everything was entirely still, the only sound coming from a passing car outside.

Becoming increasingly uncomfortable with each wasted second, Ruthie asked, "Wow, I just walked in on a conversation about me, didn't I?"