Obscuring Tears

Chapter Twelve:

Breaking Point

Every time I close my eyes

All I see is rain

Drops slapping the ground

Silencing my pain.

She never took her eyes off him, not for one second. Anger was in her heart, leaving room for nothing else. And as he stood there, his hand just resting on the doorknob, she glared, daring silently him to step out that door.

Matt glanced over his shoulder slowly, feeling Ruthie's vengeful stare on his back. He saw her leaning up against the wall's corner looking as if she moved away from it she would fall over. She hadn't said a word to her, not since that night he had announced that he was leaving. Truthfully, she wasn't supposed know, but she had overheard. It was a curse.

He sighed, turning back to the door, subconsciously knowing that once he stepped outside, his relationship with his littlest sister could be destroyed forever. The door opened with a soft click, and bright yellow sunshine, as yellow as the walls, flooded into the room, just missing Ruthie's fragile frame and leaving her in the cold shadows.

Lucy followed him to his rented car that was parked near the curb in front of the house. She grabbed his arm just as he opened the door. Her grip was surprisingly tight, and Matt had to refrain from cringing.

With fire in her eyes, she hissed, "I can't believe you're doing this. I thought you knew better."

Matt yanked his arm from her grasp. "What can I do, Lucy? I've stayed an extra day for her, and she does nothing to show that me staying here is helping her. I don't think it will matter if I stay here or in New York." He paused. "What else is there to say?"

"It's not what you say; it's what you do," she replied. "I haven't been down to the church in weeks, even though there is still so much to be done since dad died. I have put my life on hold just for Ruthie – to be there for her – and it may not be something that she appreciates, or wants, but it's something. She needs to know that she's not alone."

"I'm not like you," he said shortly and got into his car. With one last look at Lucy's hurt and disappointed face, Matt shoved the key into the ignition and drove off, leaving his sister standing in the road…alone.

There is nothing left of me

God, I feel so cold

And you made me this way

You have taken hold.

When Lucy had gone back into the house moments later, her anger was still raging and instantly she found the courage to stand up to her sarcastic, I-think-the-world-revolves-around-me sister. She took no notice of Simon and the boys standing at the window, who no doubt saw the entire exchange between herself and Matt, and flew down the hallway, throwing open Ruthie's bedroom door.

There were tears in Ruthie's eyes as she looked up from her bed to see who had just barged into her space, but Lucy didn't care. She had had enough of this manipulation. She was tired of worrying about this teenager who acted as if she cared of no one but herself, tired of thinking that something bad was going to happen to her whenever she was out of sight. This had to stop, and it was going to stop right here.

"Get up," Lucy demanded, pulling a suitcase out of the crowded closet.

"What are you doing?" Ruthie asked apprehensively, swinging her legs over the edge of the mattress. She knew Lucy was crazy, but now she must have snapped.

Lucy began to throw clothes that didn't even match into the luggage, not really caring what went with what or even if it was clean. She just threw what clothing she could find into the bag and when it was full, she grabbed another green travel case.

"You're leaving," she replied shortly, not looking into the confused eyes that stared at her.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you going to live somewhere else," Lucy said, zipping up the last suitcase. "Obviously, Kevin and I can't do anything for you and you don't want our help anyway, so we are giving someone else a shot."

Ruthie scoffed. "Where am I going to go?" she insisted, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Maybe Aunt Julie's, or The Colonel's. And if they can't take you, you'll go to some rehabilitation center." Lucy threw the baggage out the door and into the hallway where it landed with a dull thump. "I don't really care."

"What's wrong with you!"

"For the past few months, Ruthie, you've been what's wrong with me! You don't even care about any of the rest of us. All we've done is try to make you see that you weren't alone, that we loved you, and you've just shunned us. So, now what are we supposed to do Ruthie? Just let you stay here and watch you continue to spiral downward?"

"Why do you care so much? Matt doesn't."

Lucy threw up her hands. "Why do you think he left, Ruthie? Because he knew he couldn't do anything to help set you back on the right track."

"So this is your solution?" Ruthie asked quietly. "To ship me off to possibly live with complete strangers or relatives that I haven't seen or talked to in months?"

Lucy nodded. "Yes, because I know that someone down the line will help you if you'll let them."

"What if I don't want to go?" Ruthie offered. "What if I'm not going to go?"

"Doesn't matter. You're going," she stated firmly. "Even if Kevin and I have to drag you there ourselves." She turned and walked out of the room. "I'll let you know where you're new home will be in fifteen minutes!" she called over her shoulder.

Ruthie glared at the spot where her sister had just disappeared. "I'll look forward to it," she spat under her breath and kicked her jewelry box that sat on the floor flying across the room.

If you could see me now,

Would you say you're proud?

Or would you turn your back

And say nothing to me aloud?

"It's time to go," Simon announced sullenly, poking his head into her room. You have a flight for Buffalo, New York in about an hour."

"So, it's the Colonel's then," she concluded.

Simon nodded. As Ruthie grew close, he wrapped his arms around her. "I love you, Ruthie," he whispered in her ear.

"I know," she replied, closing her eyes as her head lay on his warm chest. "I love you, too." She sighed. "I guess I really screwed up."

"Yeah, you did," he agreed. "But you'll redeem yourself. I know you will." He let her go and smiled down at her.

"So, you're not mad at me?" she asked a hint of hope in her voice.

Simon watched her for a moment and saw the weakness in her eyes. The old Ruthie was coming back, he could tell, but she wouldn't be here for a very long time. "No," he said. "I'm not mad at you."

Ruthie was silent for a moment, staring off into the distance with fixed, unblinking eyes as a blood-chilling thought ran through her. Her muscles tenses and she felt paralyzed by her instant and newfound fear. A particular musing had flashed across her mind, a musing that she thought would never bother her, but now it was the worst feeling in the world.

Simon gently touched her shoulder. "What are you thinking?" he asked, feeling the slightest bit uneasy.

"D-Do you think…" she stammered, unable to get out the words that she so desperately wanted to throw away and bury. "Do you think Mom and Dad will ever forgive me?"

With wide, frightened eyes, Ruthie caught his gaze and for seemingly endless seconds, they looked into each other's souls. She searched her brother's green eyes for answers to impossible questions, for comfort of some sort, or maybe, if not that, a lie that she truly believed; anything to calm her. But she found nothing but emptiness, and for the first time in a long while, Ruthie knew that Simon was as lost as she was.

He looked away, laughing nervously and dropping his hands into his lap, where he could then fidget with his fingers. She watched, awaiting his answer. Simon could feel Ruthie's eyes on him, making him even more uncomfortable and rack his brain even harder for the perfect lie.

Finally, he turned back to her and smiled. "I know that they were proud of you, and that they loved you unconditionally, so I'm sure that they would forgive you…considering the circumstances."

A hint of confusion and doubt lingered behind Ruthie's eyes and Simon instantly felt his heart jump into his throat. His reply hadn't been good enough. She didn't believe him. But, in no time, that confusion faded and once again, her eyes were barren as she found something else to focus on.

"What about Lucy?"

Simon laughed, thankful for a question that he knew the answer to, or could at least guess superbly at. "Truthfully, I don't think I've ever seen her this mad, but eventually, she will. She loves you, Ruthie. That's why she's doing this."

Ruthie forced herself to smile and act as if she believed him. "Sure."