Chapter five! Last chapter! I think… if the first part becomes so long I might just extend it to another. Actually, I will make a last chapter. Bet you can't guess what's going to be in it! But don't guess in reviews, for the people who really can't tell.

Cybergurl: Thanks!

Refloc: Huh. I thought auburn was brownish. I guess its brownish-reddish then. Hard to understand is better than impossible to understand, though. Yes, I loved your story!

Disclaimer: Haven't done this in a while… I don't own Artemis Fowl. Or Dove Chocolate, which I have made into a store.

Sorry I didn't update on Monday! I'm doing courses in ALG 1 and 8th grade science which I am skipping, and it's so time-consuming! Great way to spend a month… but I'll update the last chapter… before the end of the week! Hopefully…

Passing through Insane Lane

Chapter Five: Investigations

I rushed downstairs, hardly able to contain my joy. I was normal again! Not in good physical condition, but still, normal. I saw Arty walking down the hall, and stopped short of hugging him.

I realized I had to act normally. I wasn't supposed to have seen that…dream-type vision I had. I just woke up one morning, and I was better.

"Hello, Arty."

He turned around, surprised to see me there. Then he gave a half-smile, and I had a feeling he knew something that I didn't. Or at least thought he knew something that I didn't.

"Hello, Mother."

I smiled back, and rushed off to try and make breakfast before he said anything else. If I still remembered how to make breakfast…

Luckily, I did. Kind of. I knew how to make cereal, though. And that's what everyone sat down to eat, at our table. I felt like grinning evilly, as I thought of the plan I had cooked up while pouring the milk.

A mediocre plan, perhaps, but still enough, or so I thought.

Once we were all gathered at the breakfast table, I started conversation.

"You know, Christmas is in a few days. We should get some decorations, like perhaps holly?"

The reactions were all different. Juliet's eyes darted up to me, and back to her cereal. Butler's spoon hit the bottom of his bowl a few times. Artemis merely stiffened for a moment, and then came back with a reply.

"Why holly, mother?"

"I think it's rather nice. One of my old friends that I remember had boughs and boughs of holly for decorations; he was a Captain of his own ship."

Artemis looked a little startled at the emphasis I had put on the words 'holly' and 'captain'. But after a little thinking, he seemed to calm down.

Then the ice was broken by Butler.

"So… Mrs. Fowl, you, ah, aren't bedridden anymore, I see."

I grinned. "No, I'm as fresh as a daisy! Wonderful, really, and completely miraculous! I really am sorry for any… misunderstandings that might have happened between us when I was… not myself."

Arty was quick to react. "No, mother, that's perfectly fine."

Silence took over once again.

"Well, this isn't how a family breakfast should be! There should be talking, and laughter! So, Arty, how has school been? And that skiing trip, I suppose it was fabulous?" I said happily. My plan was forgotten, taken over by the joy of having a family again.

"School's been fine, Mother. The skiing trip was also mediocre." Why couldn't my own son ever call me Mom? I accept that he's too old for Mommy, but why Mother? It sounds so… formal.

Juliet suddenly stood up, and placed her bowl by the sink. "Well, I'm going ahead to my room to… uh… crash. See you all later."

Before long everyone had followed suit, before politely finishing their cereal. I suppose that they are used to having extravagant breakfasts.

But I still was curious about that creature, and Artemis. Apparently he had bargained or the like for my sanity. If so or not, I had to figure it out.

I wanted to get into Arty's room. But there were so many cameras!

My son was a genius, you have to give me some credit. Even as I was humming contentedly and washing dishes, an ingenious plan was forming in my mind.

I dressed up in my most 'normal' looking clothes. Just a simple green two-piece outfit— rather dusty and old-looking, but it would have to do.

Sighing as I looked at my frail and bony frame, I examined myself in my broken mirror. I had to get this place fixed up.

"Butler!" I called out for the bodyguard. He stumbled down the stairs.

"Yes, madam?"

"I need you to take me somewhere."

"Right away, madam."

Soon we were at my favorite chocolate store, Dove. I remember how I used to go there almost every week.

I bought a box of chocolate from my old friend the manager, who commented on how happy he was that I was better and how skinny I looked.

I stared at my chocolate on the way home. My plan didn't seem so ingenious anymore. I would take the chocolate to Artemis, and if I knew him as my son, I know he wouldn't want the chocolate. Then he would take it downstairs and give some to Butler and Juliet, because it's just not polite to ask me to go take the chocolate to them myself! Then I would have a chance to look around his room and computer. And if he catches me, I'll say I'm looking for some pictures of him. And seriously, my baby photos of him did disappear!

I pondered my plan over and over again on the way home, while talking to Butler to make sure he doesn't suspect that I am sick or something like that. Overprotective bodyguard—he most likely expects that since I am finally out of insanity, I will chatter my head off, asking what's been happening and the like. So, that is what I did.

I asked him how he's been, what's been going on, how Juliet was dealing, her latest interests in wrestling, if the gardener had been paid his weekly dues, et cetera. As I half-listened to his short replies, I realized that Butler was indeed very reliable. He'd practically taken over as the man of the house. I blinked back tears as I remembered how responsible Artemis I was.

And finally, we were back. I carried my chocolate upstairs, and knocked on my son's door.

He opened the door immediately, and was at first looking astonished to see me, but momentarily was back to normal. I stared at him for a moment, reminded of other people in other times, but then regained my composure.

"Arty, dear, I bought you some chocolate!" I grinned lovingly at him, and he seemed a little taken aback.

"Yes… thank you, mother. I will… eat it in my room." He lightly took the box from my hands.

My heart sank. I knew that in this perspective Arty was like his father—stubborn to the max.

But then by a sheer stroke of luck, Juliet came by. I realized then that this was the time that she normally comes by to drop off my food… she must have been on her way.

She halted in her tracks as her eyes locked with the chocolates.

"Hello, Mrs. Fowl. Hey, Arty." She said, purposely using my pet name for him, and her eyes never once left the box.

She blushed once she realized that we both were watching her with amusement, and stood up straight.

I could practically feel Artemis's brain moving like clockwork. Arty believed that chocolates were very fattening, unhealthy, and high in many different unsanitary, unwholesome chemicals that companies put in. So did Artemis I. I always loved chocolate; I didn't really care what was in it. Maybe my plan would work after all.

"Juliet! I can see that you would like some of these chocolates…" He smirked at her at this point, and she only stared at her feet, slightly smiling. "…Let's go down and eat them; we can also give some to Butler." Just like Arty to make the semi-colon apparent in a sentence he speaks.

He handed the box to her, and she skipped down the rest of the hall, energy restored. He stood there for a moment until he realized that I was still there, and tentatively followed Juliet down the hall.

Also like Arty. Both Artemis's could be the meanest, most stubborn beings on the planet, but they care for other people's feelings, and then they get annoyed with themselves for it. How sweet, he didn't want to make his recovered mother feel bad about chocolate.

I wondered what Arty had possibly gotten from me, and wondered if he thought about the same thing. He seemed like an exact clone of his father.

But time was wasting. I slipped into his room unnoticed by all but the camera, and just to fool it even more, said out loud, "I wonder if my photo book is in here—maybe Arty borrowed it!" Maybe a little corny, but it would do for now. I moved behind the bed, where the camera's blind spot should be. There was only one camera in Arty's room, he liked his privacy. I pretended to look around a while, then I moved to his computer.

"I hope there are some more of Arty's baby pictures in this computer." I muttered, while really hoping the camera heard that. I really doubted Arty would get so suspicious that he would check the cameras, but just in case, I moved over so my body blocked the computer from view. I searched around until I found it. Pfft. Instead of 'Journal' or 'Diary', he had 'Testimony of Precedent Dealings'. Ha. Probably his way of making sure nobody knew it was his diary. But unlike most other people, I could read Fowl.

I knew I couldn't read the whole thing as I loaded the document; Arty was responsible enough that he would write down almost every day, most likely from around kindergarten. When it asked for a password, I knew exactly what to type. What else than the family motto?

When it finally loaded, I could tell I was running out of time. A box of chocolate couldn't take much longer to eat. I decided to print out the last two pages of entries, and rely on luck to give me the correct date.

I waited impatiently for the pages to print. And when they were done, I closed the file, and opened up My Pictures, while grabbing the pages and stuffing them in my purse. I browsed through the images while trying to calm my furiously beating heart.

Artemis came in only a few seconds after the printer turned off. Once again, he was surprised to see me.

"Mother… what are you doing here?"

My answer came out fast and rushed. "I'm looking for some baby pictures of you—mine seem to have disappeared. By the way, how were those chocolates?" I asked, fully aware that he most likely didn't eat anyway.

He stammered, trying to formulate an answer to both of my sentences. I whisked myself out the door before he could say anything, letting my feet catch up with the rhythm of my heart.

When I reached the sanctuary of my room, I pulled out the pages with trembling hands, trying to remind myself of my motivation. I was despaired when I realized that I had only gotten the last three and a half sentences of the diary entry that I needed. It read:

gave up half of it for her sanity. I could not believe it at first, indisputably I could have bargained better. But still, I am obliged to remind myself that it is all for profit… to act contrite for taking Mother's sleeping pills. It will unquestionably be a remarkable morning when she wakes up.

More riddles. Joy. Now I was really stuck… with only this and what that creature said to work with. Half of what? I pondered it for a while, but exhaustion was consuming me—it was my first day out of bed in a long time. I managed to stuff the papers under the bed for later use before falling off to a calm sleep.

Maybe tomorrow things would go better.

END OF CHAPTER FIVE

Finally over… at least it's over two thousand words! I saw Madagascar and Phantom of the Opera today… POTO songs are now stuck in my head for eternity… I am now writing another story! The title will be 'Stand Up'. Not giving any clues what it's about… yet!