-5-

"Look," Tama said, an' it was clear how fucking tired he was from the sharpness of his voice, "I understand that you don't have any rooms available. But if you could just give us somewhere to stay—"

"I told you; I don't have anywhere to put you," the innkeeper said, an' his ugly little ferret face actually looked kinda sorry. "With that storm going on out there, half of Konan is looking for a place to wait it out, and so we're all filled up."

"Couldn't you just let us stay…in a back room, or something?"

"I could, but unfortunately I've already promised every inch of space I have to other customers—paying customers, for that matter."

Tama looked insulted. "I told you I'd work off the debt."

"I believe you," the guy sighed. "And I don't like the idea of sending you back out there, especially when your wife is expecting, but I honestly don't have anywhere to put you."

I swore and leaned my back against the counter. It was bad enough that our cart got stuck in the mud an' we hadda fucking walk the whole way here, just 'cause I couldn't ride a horse in my 'condition.' But now that we were finally here, at the only goddamn inn around for miles, now this ferret-faced bastard was tryin' to tell us that we were gonna hafta go back out there and trudge some more through the fucking mud—

"Huh-uh," I said. "No way. No fucking way I'm goin' back out there. Sorry, pops, but yer gonna hafta throw me out on my ass if ya want me outta here, 'cause I ain't movin'."

"N-Now, look," the guy stammered. "I told you that I don't like this any more than you do, but—"

"If ya don't like it, then you go stay out in the fucking rain an' we'll take your room!"

The place got real quiet, an' suddenly everybody in it was starin' at us. Nosy bastards.

The innkeeper was lookin' pretty nervous, an' since I was glarin' at him like I could set him on fire just with the power of my mind, he turned to Tama for help. "S-Sir, if you could…calm your wife, and explain to her that I really can't—"

"Explain it to her yourself," Tama said, an' his voice was about as icy as it ever got. "She's standing right there."

"I-I realize that, sir, but if you could just—"

It was tough with my stomach bulgin' out like it was, but I still managed to lean over the counter, grab the guy by the collar, and drag him forward so his face was right in front a' mine. An' he still fucking looked over at Tama, like one word outta his mouth would make me back down. "All right, asshole," I growled. "Ya got somethin' to say, ya say it to me."

His eyes snapped back to me, all big and nervous, an' after I was satisfied that he knew who was callin' the shots, I let him go an' folded my arms over my chest. "Now what's this shit about not havin' any room? You tellin' me that in this whole fucking inn, ya don't have one room that ain't rented out to somebody?"

The guy spent a minute smoothing out his shirt, 'cause I'd rumpled it up pretty bad, an' then he sighed and leaned his elbows on the counter. "All right," he said in a low voice. "There is one place I could let you stay."

I flashed a grin at Tama. Nothin' like good old fashioned bandit intimidation to get things done.

"Aside from running this inn," the guy went on, keepin' his voice down so Tama an' me hadda lean in to hear him, "I also raise livestock. The stable's a little ways from here, up on the hill across the river. I don't normally let anyone stay there, but…" He sighed again. "But look, the truth is that it's pouring outside, business is booming, and I don't have time to get up there tonight to feed and water the animals. So if you do that for me—if you take care of my animals—I'll let you stay there. Just keep it to yourselves, all right? I can't afford to do this sort of thing for everyone."

I didn't want to, but I had to feel a little bit of grudging respect for the guy after that. I mean, he coulda just told us to fuck off, an' I sure as hell hadn't made it seem like he could trust us, but he was still gonna help us out.

"Thank you," Tama said, givin' the guy a real low, grateful bow. "We really appreciate this."

"Yeah," I said, "and, uh, sorry about roughin' ya up."

The guy chuckled and rubbed his throat. "No hard feelings. I understand completely. My wife was just as irrational and emotional when she was expecting."

That did it. Any feelings of gratitude I mighta had flew right out the window and I lunged for the guy, ready to haul him across the counter an' pound the shit outta him. Lucky for him, Tama got himself in front of me and wrestled me over to the door.

"Well, thanks again!" Tama called brightly, wavin' to the innkeeper like he wasn't a stupid fucking jackass of a bastard. "Have a good evening!"

Once we were outside, where it was just startin' to get dark and the rain was still pourin' down, I crossed my arms and glared at Tama. "Ya shoulda let me hit 'im," I growled. "'Irrational and emotional.' What a fucking bastard."

Tama looked like he was tryin' not to smile. "Yeah, the nerve of that guy, blaming it on your pregnancy. You're no more irrational and emotional than you've ever been."

"That's right! I'm no more…" I trailed off as the words sank in and narrowed my eyes at Tama, but he was all innocence, blinkin' at me like he didn't have a fucking clue why I might be glarin' at him. Shithead.

Anyway, so after a little bit of walkin', we came to the river the guy'd been talkin' about, an' the bridge that was s'posed to get us to the other side. An' hell if it wasn't the oldest, ricketiest piece of shit I ever saw. It was real narrow, with all these fucking gaps between the boards—an' down below it was a river full a' deep, churning water, raised up almost as high as the bridge thanks to all the rain.

"I don't know about this, Tama," I said, comin' to an uneasy stop an' listenin' to the creaky sounds the bridge was makin' in the wind. "That stable ain't gonna do us much good if we end up at the bottom of the fucking river."

Tama looked at the bridge for a second, an' I could tell that he wasn't too thrilled about it either—but I guess he also figured we didn't have much fucking choice. "I'm sure it's all right," he said, an' he almost sounded like he meant it. "But if it'd make you feel better, I could go first and test it."

I sighed. There was turnin' out to be way too much fucking water on this trip. "Nah, that's okay," I gritted out, an' started out onto the bridge before Tama got his ass in gear. "Let's just get this over with."

At least there were ropes to hang onto while we were crossin', but it was still pretty fucking dicey, creepin' our way across. The river was so loud I couldn't hear anything else, an' since I hadda keep my eyes down so I didn't stick my foot right through one a' the gaps in the wood, I got to look at the water for the whole fantastic trip over. Tama kept pretty far back from me while we were goin', makin' sure our weight was balanced enough so the bridge didn't sag right into the water, but it wasn't 'til I stepped back onto solid ground that I felt like I could breathe again.

Once I was there, I turned around, lettin' my shoulders slump as all the tension I'd been buildin' up started fadin' away…an' then there was this cracking sound from upriver, loud enough for me to hear it even over the roar of the water. Snappin' my head around to look, I was just in time to see this huge fucking branch splinter off a tree and slam down into the water.

Those first couple seconds, I was so stunned I could only stare, an' by the time I figured out what was gonna happen—by the time I realized the water was movin' real fast and so that big fucking branch was, too—it was too late. I turned back to Tama, seein' the shock and comprehension on his face an' thinkin' I'd dash out there an' pull him onto solid ground—but I just couldn't move fast enough. The branch smashed into the bridge, tearin' through the rope and rippin' right through the wooden planks…an' Tama fell. Disappeared into all that dirty gray water and didn't come up again.

For almost three full seconds after he went under, I just stood there, gasping like I couldn't get enough air and starin' down at the spot where he'd vanished. Tama was down there. Tama was down there in the water, in the river, an' the current was so fucking strong that even a guy like him might not be able to fight it. If he was even still conscious, which was lookin' less and less likely with every second he stayed under.

And what the fuck was I doin', just standin' here? I had to do something!

My hands were shakin', but I still managed to get the knapsack off my shoulder and start diggin' through it. We'd got it from inside the cart, an' I was pretty sure I remembered seein'—there! A coil of real thick, sturdy rope.

The ground was muddy, slidin' out from under my feet, but somehow I managed to make my way downriver. I don't know what I was thinkin' about doin'—pretty hard to throw a rope to somebody who's half-drowned and unconscious—but Suzaku musta been on my side, 'cause all of a sudden I saw Tama.

There was this rock in the middle of the river, almost completely covered by the water, an' Tama was sprawled on top of it. He wasn't movin', an' from the way the current was tugging at him, he wouldn't be there for long…but he was there. I could save him.

All I'd hafta do was go into the water.

I started shaking.

Fuck. Maybe I could go for help instead—get that innkeeper, or somebody else who could—

Shit, Tasuki, think! The fucking bridge is gone! How the hell're you gonna get over there to get help?

No. I hadda do this. I was the only one who could.

There was this big tree right alongside the water, so I went over to it and wrapped the rope around its trunk. My fingers were freezin' from the rain, so the rope kept slipping, but finally I got it tied an' turned back to the river, terrified that Tama wouldn't be there...

But he was. He was still there, an' so I knotted the rope around me, under my armpits but above my belly, tied the thing as tight as I could…and waded down the flooded banks and into the river.

My feet went out from under me right away, and suddenly I was underwater. I almost lost it right there, my whole body freezing up with this choking panic that was so sudden, so terrifying, that I came this close to sucking in a breath. I fought the urge, though, and after what felt like hours instead of seconds, the rope finally stretched taut and I could try to get my feet under me again. The second my head went above water, I gasped in a lungful of air. My heart was hammering in my chest, and my breaths were sounding a little too much like sobs, but I couldn't waste time calming myself down; I had to get to Tama now. Seeing that the river'd dragged me pretty close to where he was lyin', I swiped the wet hair outta my eyes and started towards him.

I hadda fight my way through every step, choking when the water splashed into my nose an' mouth, shaking with cold and paralyzing fucking terror, barely able to see 'cause the rain was still pourin' down and it was gettin' dark out. But I kept going, 'cause Tama was in trouble and I was all he had to save him.

I just kept repeating that to myself. Tama's in trouble an' I'm all he has. Tama's in trouble an' I'm the only one who can save him.

Finally, I reached him. I didn't even check to see if he was breathing or if his heart was beating or anything; I just got my arms around him and heaved, thinkin' I'd deal with that stuff once we were outta the water. Only problem was, the guy was heavy—deadweight—an' no matter how much I pulled and fought and strained, I just couldn't fucking lift him! I tried again, puttin' all my strength into it, but I just…couldn't—

I slumped against the rock, gasping for breath and tryin' not to cry from the frustration of it all. What the fuck was I gonna do? The river was gonna drag him off, and all 'cause I just didn't have the strength to—

Tasuki, you DUMBASS!

For fuck's sake, I was so scared the river was gonna carry him off—why not let it?

Since I'd come upriver some, the rope wasn't stretched taut anymore; there was enough slack for me to loop it around Tama, tuggin' on it 'til it was pulled tight around his upper chest. Once I had a good grip on it, holding it tight against me so there was no loose rope between us, I grabbed onto Tama an' pushed him in the same direction the river was pulling—

And it actually worked. Tama slid into the water, got caught in the current—an' the rope yanked me along after him, ripping my feet out from under me an' sweepin' both of us downriver. By the time I got my feet under me again, we'd been dragged down as far as the rope could stretch, but I wasn't about to complain.

Now that he was in the water, Tama was a hell of a lot easier to move. I had my arms around his chest, lettin' the back of his head lean on my shoulder while the rest of him floated out in front, the river carryin' most of his weight. When I was sure I had a good grip on him, I started inching my way over to the shore, takin' little backwards steps and tryin' not to think about how still he was, how I should definitely be able to feel him breathing against me.

Think about that later. Just get him outta the river.

Time seemed to blur, and before I knew it, I was dragging him through shallower water, where the current was still a bitch but at least there were flooded bushes and weeds and stuff to give my boots some purchase. It was real slow going, hauling him step after step up the hill, an' the lower the water level got, the heavier he got. Finally, though, I was heaving him up onto solid ground and slumping onto the grass beside him, my muscles burning, my whole body shaking.

He looked dead. His skin was gray, cold, and I knew he wasn't breathing. I was almost afraid to check for his pulse, but I knew I had to, so I pressed my fingers against his throat, forgetting to breathe while I felt around, tryin' to find the spot—praying I hadn't already found it and he was just dead. Where the fuck was it?

There! It was weak, but I could feel it. His heart was beating. There was still a chance.

Leaning over him, I tilted his head back, pinched his nose, and covered his lips with my mouth. They were freezing cold, barely human—but now wasn't the time to fall apart, so instead I focused on what I was doin' and breathed. I just kept doin' it over an' over, pushin' the air into Tama's lungs, prayin' to Suzaku and any other god who was listenin' that any second now, he'd start breathin' on his own…any second now…

Suddenly, he twitched. I breathed into his mouth again, nothin' goin' through my mind but please please please please…and the twitch turned into a watery coughing fit, and just like that he was breathing. He didn't open his eyes yet, but hell, I was fine with that. The guy could sleep for a week as long as he kept on breathing!

I laughed, even though it came out soundin' more like a sob, and I was so fucking exhausted and glad and scared that I collapsed onto Tama's chest, restin' my head there and listenin' to the strong sound of his heartbeat and the rhythm of his breathing.

He was alive.

I did it.

I laughed again, and for once didn't care that there were tears streamin' down my cheeks.

I fucking did it. Even though I was pregnant and couldn't swim and had trouble walkin' down a muddy road without fallin' on my ass, I'd saved Tama. I'd gone into that river and pulled him out, and now he was alive 'cause of me.

Tama coughed again, makin' me sit up—and after a second or two, his eyes slid open, an' he blinked up at me with this confused look on his face.

"Tasuki?" he whispered. "What…"

I watched the understanding come into his eyes, watched 'em get real wide and suddenly flick over towards the river…and then back to me.

"You…pulled me out?" he managed, soundin' somewhere between awed and grateful.

I gave him as much of a grin as I could manage. "Shit, ya think I'd let ya get yourself drowned? Miaka'd fucking kill me. Not to mention what Nuriko would—"

All of a sudden, my stomach seized up, gettin' all weird an' tight. I clasped my hands over it, wonderin' what the fuck was goin' on—and then the pain started, not too bad but real uncomfortable, like somebody had a good grip on my insides and was twisting. It faded after a couple seconds, but not before I felt this warm, sticky liquid on my thighs. The hell? I was damn sure I hadn't pissed myself, so then what—

The pain hit again before I figured it out, clenching and twisting, and I felt another gush of sticky fluid comin' outta me. I started wonderin' if maybe I had pissed myself, but no, it didn't feel right for that. It felt more like…

My breath caught.

…like blood.

The baby. Oh, Suzaku, I hadn't even been thinkin' about that, but what if goin' into that freezing cold water and doin' all that stuff…what if it hurt the baby? What if it…broke somethin', and now the kid was dying and that was what I was feeling?

I couldn't help it—I started cryin' again.

I'd killed him. I spent all this time tryin' to protect the little guy and keep him safe, and now he was gonna die. He was gonna die.

"Tasuki…Tasuki!" I suddenly figured out that there were hands on my shoulders, and opened my eyes to see Tama sitting there in front of me, lookin' at me with this helpless, worried expression on his face.

But fuck me, I just kept blubberin'.

"Oh, shit, Tama, I killed him," I sobbed, an' fell into him, cryin' into his shirt. "I killed him…I killed him…"

Tama was movin' kinda slow, but after a second his arms went around me and I felt his hand on my hair, smoothin' it back from my forehead.

"Shh," he said, an' I tried to stop cryin' but every time I started calming down I'd think about that baby inside a' me who was dying or dead an' I'd start up again, 'til I could hardly breathe an' there was nothin' Tama could do but hold onto me.

"Tasuki…please," he said after awhile, soundin' real confused, like he didn't know what to do for me. "Please talk to me. What do you mean, 'you killed him?' Who do you—" He sucked in a breath. "The baby? Do you mean the baby?"

I coughed and rubbed my eyes; my voice was rough from cryin', an' was shakin' so bad I could hardly understand it myself. "Of course I fucking mean the baby!"

Tama went real still. His voice was weird; soft. "Why do you think you killed him?"

"Because I felt it! There was this pain down there, and I-I think I'm bleeding…"

"Bleeding? But you're not— Oh, Suzaku," he breathed suddenly. "Tasuki. Tasuki, look at me. You didn't kill him." He swallowed, and for the first time, he looked afraid. "You're going into labor."

To Be Continued…

Notes: First off, let's have a round of applause for the reviewers: Emmi-chan, Daluci, Kei-chan1, x Belles Reminisce, Skittles1, Roku Kyu (and thanks for the con-crit! helpful and entertaining), and Everqueen. Your reviews are very much appreciated, especially for what was essentially a transition chapter.

Second, the usual bucketload of thanks heaped upon Roku Kyu for her beta-reading job. This chapter in particular took a lot of work due to the river sequence, leading to poor Roku having read this thing at least seventeen times by now. Now that's a committed editor! (Roku: Or one who needs to be committed…)

And now, for a preview of chapter six, to be posted next Monday, May 23!

Chapter Six: Birth

Finally, the contraction started fading—and this time, I didn't even get six seconds break before the next one came rollin' in. My body curled up, bending towards my knees, and it was right about then that I knew I was in trouble.

"Oh, shit," I gasped. "Oh, fuck. Tama, I can't fucking do this! Tama—!"

I couldn't help it; I screamed. Screamed like I was dyin', 'cause it sure as fuck felt like I was. I mean, I've been beaten an' stabbed an' a million other nasty things, but right hand up to Suzaku, I never felt pain like that before. An' knowin' that I wasn't gonna get a break from it, that the pain was just gonna keep comin' and comin', faster an' harder 'til my body just couldn't take it anymore—it stripped me of all the hope an' control an' sanity I had left, an' I screamed until my throat was raw and my voice gave out.

An' just like that, I knew: I couldn't do this.

Shunyata Ryuen