TITLE: Lost and Found
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: A search for Vincent brings Shannon closer to Sayid.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.
As Shannon sank down onto a rock in the caves, tears burned her eyes. Three days had passed since Sayid and Charlie rescued Aaron from Rousseau, and the castaways' situation calmed down, as it seemed the "others" weren't actually coming for them. Sayid had unwillingly been named the leader while Jack remained out in the jungle with Locke. Shannon hated sharing Sayid with the rest of the castaways, especially now that she needed him. She hadn't seen Vincent all day, and she was worried. Normally, she would have searched a little on her own, but the threat of the others, though gone for the moment, and the unknown that Jack and Locke had released into the jungle by blowing up the hatch scared her too much.
She knew Sayid would help her search for the dog, but part of her felt guilty asking him to do something that seemed so trivial. He was making sure that everyone was safe, assigning jobs, and listening to everyone's concerns and problems, he didn't need to search the jungle for a dog. Yet, she knew that all she would have to do was ask, and he would drop everything else. Even after she had been so horrible to him after she had tried to kill Locke, he still wanted to be with her. She couldn't say she understood. Ever since he had expressed an interest in her, she didn't understand it. He was so much better than her, and deserved someone better than her, but it seemed that he wanted her. She was glad, because she had already given him her heart. A fact she hadn't realized until she thought he wouldn't return from the jungle with Aaron.
She jumped when Sayid sat down on the rock beside her. She had been so lost in her thoughts about him, that she hadn't noticed him.
"What's the matter?" he asked softly. His shoulders sagged in exhaustion.
She began to pick at her nail polish, unsure if she should really answer him. Would he laugh at her if she told him she was worried about Vincent? Sayid placed his hand on top of hers, preventing her from playing with her nails. She looked up slowly, and found him watching her with concern in his eyes. He had enough to worry about; he didn't need to start worrying about her as well.
Shannon moved her hand so she could intertwine her fingers with his. He squeezed her fingers gently, and she began to feel better.
"I can't find Vincent," she admitted.
"Why didn't you come find me?" he asked, surprised.
She had known that Sayid would have dropped everything for her, but she was amazed that he would have wanted her to come to him.
She shrugged. "I know you're busy."
"Not too busy for you," he whispered. He reached out and caressed her face, his hand lingering against her cheek. "Would you like to go look for him?"
She nodded as her eyes filled with tears again. She had promised Walt that Vincent would be safe with her, and she needed to prove that she could keep the dog safe.
"Do not worry. He is probably chasing something in the woods."
Sayid stood, tugging her hand gently to bring her with him. He put on his backpack and motioned for her to follow him.
They walked for a while in silence, listening for any sounds that would tell them that Vincent was nearby. Shannon watched as Sayid observed the different footprints on the ground, searching for Vincent's. She was glad that Sayid had found her and decided to help her. She needed him more than she thought he knew. And it wasn't just because Boone was dead, and she was alone on the island. It was much more than that. He made her feel things she hadn't felt in such a long time. The walls she had built around herself were slowing breaking down, and she was beginning to feel as she did when she was younger. Back when her smiles lit up her face and her heart wasn't heavy with grief and guilt, when she could have spent hours talking and laughing with other people instead of finding ways to push them away and insult them, back before she became an ice cold bitch. Sayid reminded her that she could be so much more.
She started to chew on her lip as she realized that she still hadn't apologized to him for her behavior after Boone's death. Since Sayid had returned that night with Aaron, there had been an unspoken agreement that those events were behind them. But guilt still weighted heavily on her heart, and since she had never apologized to Boone, she felt she needed to apologize to Sayid.
Taking his hand to stop him from walking, she said, "I'm sorry."
He turned to face her, confusion written on his face.
"I know you just wanted to help me," she took a deep breath. "I never should have said what I said to you, and I never should have pushed you away."
"You do not need to apologize to me. I understand." He turned to continue their search for Vincent.
"What do you mean, you understand?"
She watched as his stance slumped as if she had just placed a weight too heavy for him on his shoulders. He slipped his backpack off and pulled out a water bottle. After taking a few sips, he hand the bottle to her. She knew he was stalling. She hadn't meant to push him, but she was curious. He sat down on a fallen log, and she sat beside him, handing him the water back.
"Revenge seems the easiest way to erase the pain, but it does not work."
She knew now that he was right. Everyone probably thought that she was just crazy, they probably even felt sorry for her for trying to dull the pain like that.
"You're right, everyone would have hated me, if I killed Locke."
He ran his fingers through his hair. "That is not why I stopped you. You would have started to hate yourself, and I could not let that happen."
She turned to face him, but he refused to look at her. She had known that Sayid was a solider, but this sounded much more personal to her, not that he had ever shared anything from his past with her before. She couldn't imagine Sayid ever going after anyone the way she had gone after Locke; he seemed to logical and smart to do anything as rash as that. Then again, he had tortured Sawyer. She began to realize just how much she didn't know about the man who had stolen her heart.
"My brother," he hesitated, "Nasir, my brother, was killed by insurgents. Against my mother's wishes, I joined the Guard to find who had murdered him"
"Did you ever find them?" she asked, slipping her hand into his.
He pulled away as he stood up, his back to her. "I told myself that each person I dealt with was the person who had killed Nasir, but there was never proof."
Shannon rose from the log, her heart breaking for the pain she could hear in his voice. She wished she knew what she could do for him, what would make him feel better.
He continued so softly, she had to step closer to hear him. "After a while, the guilt begins to grow, until one day, you do not even recognize yourself anymore."
"What did you do?"
"Ignored it, pretended that I had always wanted to be that person. Then an old friend reminded me of what I used to be." He turned to face her, tears pooling in his eyes. "I could not let that happen to you."
Shannon closed the small distance between them, and wiped away the one tear that fell. Sayid reached up and placed his hand over hers. There was so much she wanted to say to him. She wanted to thank him for sharing that with her, to thank him for stopping that fate from falling on her shoulders as well. But most importantly, she wanted to thank him for thinking she was worth saving. Before she could say any of those things, she heard a dog bark, and Vincent leapt out of the woods.
Sayid quickly moved away from her and grabbed Vincent's leash before he could run away again. Shannon walked back over to the log and picked up Sayid's backpack, and slipped it on her back. It was heavier than she had expected.
He looked over at her, as Vincent tried to pull him the other way. "You do not need to carry that."
"You helped me with my bags, I want to help you with yours," she said softly, as she took his hand.
Sayid squeezed her hand in understanding, and she knew they were on their way to finding the way back to the relationship she had thought had been lost.
The End