Scully watched the man fiddle with his glasses for a moment. She watched his face intently as he contemplated how to respond to her statement. Finally he raised his gaze to meet hers and calmly replied;
"As you so aptly put it before, it can he hard to understand the people we are closet with, therefore it must also be hard for them to understand us. Yet I think it can be even more difficult when you are close to someone to admit certain things to them, for various reasons, making working things out difficult as well."
"Talking out the problem can help. Have you tried that?" she countered him.
"Things can be complicated even further if people are stubborn or unsure of where to take the situation," he answered.
Hypocrite! She thought to herself. Talk things out? Have I even tried doing that with Mulder? Stubborn? I think Mr. Grissom and I are both in the same boat.
She thought to herself."So are you the stubborn one?" she blurted out.
He gave her an odd look.
"I'm sorry, that was incredibly rude of me," Scully apologized, trying not to blush.
"No, I guess it's a valid question based on my statement," he started.
She gave him a look as if to say, go on.
"I think both Sara and I have been stubborn about things from time to time. I don't think it's one of us more than the other. What about you? Are you the stubborn one?" he challenged.
Scully thought about this for a moment. Was she the stubborn one? Mulder would probably say so. But hadn't he been the one that was being so pig headed during this case?
She took a moment to contemplate her response, fiddling with her napkin.
"Mulder would say I am the stubborn one, and I guess there are times when I have to agree with him to a certain extent. But then there are cases like this one, where all I want him to do is listen, and it proves that he is just as bad some of the time," she answered.
"So we both want to blame our partners for being stubborn like us. I guess we are in the same boat then," Grissom said.
"We're unsure of where to take the situation," replied Scully.
Damn! Scully thought to herself. I've gone and said something stupid again! What is it with this man and me telling him everything? We are in the same situation, that must be it.
Scully thought to herself."How much exactly did you hear of the conversation in my office?" he asked quietly.
Well there's no sense in lying now, she thought before answering,
"Umm….everything. Look, I'm sorry, I really am. I shouldn't have."
"It's not your fault. The door should have been shut…" he trailed off.
They sat in silence, now both unsure of where to take this situation. Finally Grissom spoke;
"Well then I have a confession to make as well. I overheard most of your conversation with your partner. So now we're both guilty of eavesdropping if that makes you feel any better."
Scully looked up to meet the older man's eyes and smiled. She got a quizzical glance in return.
"So I guess we can both speak frankly now," she said slyly.
"About what?"
"About how we both have feelings for our co-workers, but are to stubborn to admit it."
Scully blushed at what she had just said, realizing how bold she was being. But she knew perfectly well now that he had overheard her and Mulder, and figured out their situation, and she had told him that she knew his. There was no sense talking circles around the topic anymore.
Yet when he remained quiet after her statement she wondered if she had made the wrong assumption. She was about to apologize for the umpteenth time that day, but was stopped when he spoke first.
"Yes, I do have feelings for Sara, strong ones. But the truth of the matter is Agent Scully, that even though I want to, I can't bring myself to tell her. If I do, I risk so much. I risk her job and mine, with me being her supervisor and all. I know it seems selfish, but all the years of work I've done and everything she's worked for could all be thrown away if we were to ever be together. I know I am hurting her, pushing her away, but it's because I don't want to hurt her, and I don't want to be hurt."
She was stunned at his confession and how he had suddenly become an open book for her. But what shocked her the most was that what he said was so similar to what she was feeling. She was aware that talking to this man was like playing a mental game of chess.
"I understand exactly what you are saying Mr. Grissom. As much as Mulder drives me insane, he's also my best friend, and the best relationships are rooted in friendship. The only thing is, there are so many things that could go wrong if we were to be together. Not only could we get into trouble at work, but we have enemies that would surely use it to their advantage. Yet is it worth it? Is it worth the pain of denying yourself love and hurting someone you care about over your career? I ask myself this question all the time. I wonder that if I ever act on my heart's desire instead of my rational mind, that it will be to late…"
Grissom nodded in response.
"I ask myself the same question, but look at me. I might be too late if I ever decide to take a risk…"
"Then why don't you risk it? If you've denied yourself love for this long, why don't you take the chance?"
"Why don't you while you're still young?"
Both starred at each other for a moment, considering the challenge presented by the other.
I am still young. Do I really want to grow old and not know what it would have been with Mulder? But so many bad things could happen if we got together! Yet so many good things have happened since we have been partners. He loves me too, I know it. Are him and I both denying what we want for the same reasons? Scully thought to herself.
Like it? Love it? Hate it? My muse is back and I have more to come soon! Hope you like this chapter.
A BIG thank-you goes out to everyone who has reviewed "Tell Me." I didn't think it was my best MSR angst, but thanks to your wonderful reviews, you have made me really happy with it! Thanks so much! (Hugs for all who reviewed.) And another BIG thanks is to everyone keeping up with this story! You are all so nice to keep coming back even though I am horrible with keeping it up to date! Thanks again!
Reviews make me so happy! Byes for now, L