Author: This is the third Chapter. Now up as you can see. Please R&R, I'd love to know your thoughts. Many thanks to my Beta Reader. ;-)
I don't own any of the characters etc, just the story. So don't steal. :-)
The Zip
The rain was really pouring down now. She couldn't believe Alex. He just left her a note, which she found when she got home. 'Going to Josh's. No school tomorrow, boiler broke down. See you in the morning. Alex xxx' He could have at least phoned me at work. I could have done overtime.
Sam felt a huge drop go directly down her back. Great. Stupid friggin' coat. She was trying her hardest to keep the rain from soaking her clothes inside her coat, but she couldn't keep her hands in her pockets and hold the coat closed at the same time. The zip had chosen one hell of a day to stop working. The teeth had been worn out so much that it no longer kept together. She loved this coat. She'd had this coat for years. It was her much-loved denim one, with the fur around the hood. This was the coat Luka had so carefully tugged off her on their first night together.
The coat mirrored their relationship; perfect and loved, but too worn out too work any more.. Well then, maybe we need a new zip. Sam thought. Absurd as it sounded it was the logical solution. But what is the zip? Now that was the question. A zip. What in the name of the universe could a zip represent in a relationship. Wait, she thought. A zip, keeps the coat together. So... we need to find something that keeps a relationship together and we need to renew it. But what the hell is it? What keeps a relationship together? Love? Security? A Family? Communication? Sex? She'd hit a rock wall. What was the key thing that kept a relationship together? Love? They definitely had that. Security? Luka's apartment was secure. Family? Alex and Luka were her family now, she and Alex were Luka's family. Communication? Well they were working on that one Sex? now they certainly had enough of that. Sam smiled as she ticked each one off in her head, smiling at the thought of the latter comment about their love life. Their love life was certainly colourful, more exhilarating than anything she'd ever experienced in her life. He seemed to just know what she was thinking, how to please her. Mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, he was like her angel, sent to her. Sent to reawaken her faith in life. After everything she'd been through...hell she deserved some happiness. Only she was too scared to accept it, too scared to succumb to the heights of bliss. So she ran. When her past finally caught up with her as he always did, she did the only thing she knew. She ran. I have to; I can't let him drag us down anymore. I won't let him do that me. Leaving behind her angel, the bliss and tranquillity of a normal life. Telling herself, that this is what she does, and sometimes there's a little 'collateral damage' along the way. But who did this collateral damage belong to? Him? Her? Alex? What she didn't realise was that he wasn't only HER angel, she was his too. She was the one person who reawakened HIS faith in life, the only one who gave him back the zest for love, lust and everything that went with it. She hadn't known that before; not until he had come after her, brought her back to Chicago, fought for her. How long had she been running? Hiding under the tables so the monsters wouldn't find her. Could she ever stop running, stop hiding? Could she change the way she'd been living her entire life?
As she walked down the cold Wintery Chicago street, she looked up. She could see nothing but clouds. Great. I can't even look to the stars for guidance. Thank you very much. She didn't know where she was going. Her feet seemed to be leading the way, or more like it; her heart. Seen as though Alex was at a sleepover. Maybe this was the time to sort everything out. She couldn't go on like this. The silent stares, awkward silences whilst treating a patient, him avoiding her all day. She couldn't work like this.
She turned the corner into the wide alleyway which held the door to his apartment, and the others on the opposite side. She walked up to his door apprehensively, still fighting within herself as to whether she should go up. She stood there for a good few minutes. Closing her eyes and opening them again. What am I doing here? Is this going to sort anything out? Why can't it all just go away...? That the rain would melt her down into nothing, pull out all the negative feelings she'd harboured for the past few weeks. There was no denying it. She was drenched through. The rain had somehow defeated her coat and had managed to soak her clothes too. But she didn't care. Screw the damn coat. It was useless at keeping my dry anyway.
She was determined to leave, hoping that everything would blow over, but her feet wouldn't move from the spot.Why should this time be any different? She'd done it so many times before; run further than she would tonight. She'd left cities, states ... lives behind. Why couldn't she do it now? Just turn around and leave; go home. Not to start over again, but to get on with her life. Go home to her two new friends; Ben and Jerry.
But she could not just forget all the feelings that bubbled inside her. She thought she was pregnant, all those weeks ago. But she wasn't. Did she wish she was? She didn't know. She didn't know whether she'd be ready to have another child, whether she could cope. She was half glad she wasn't pregnant. The relief that had spread through her body when she saw the test come out as Negative. That was what she was hoping for. She half knew already, that she wasn't, it was just a precaution, to make sure, to rest her mind. But the look on Luka's face when she told him and the therapist that she 'thought she was pregnant' was heart-breaking. His eyes losing their sparkle they held, filling up with tears. She hated seeing him like that, but she had to get that out. She couldn't not say it. Just let him think she was fine. But there was also the niggling thought in the back of her mind that she did want the baby, that part of her that was subconsciously wishing for her to be holding a baby inside her. The part that always mattered. The part that she never listened to. The part she ignored and shoved to the back of her mind. Her heart.
She knew full well that she would be overwhelmed to be pregnant, that she would take it in her stride and be proud. But her head told her no. Told her that it would be a bad idea, that her and Luka were going through too many problems to deal with something like this now. Something like this? What's that supposed to mean? Something like bringing up a child? Her head always ruled her heart. That was how it had always been with her. When she had settled into a city and began to like it, she uprooted everything because her head told her to. She never listened to her heart. Like the time she ran away from Chicago, her head was in charge then, not her heart, as much as it screamed at her she wouldn't listen to it. Although I should have. She did the only thing she knew how to and she ran. But this time someone outsmarted her. The one person she thought she couldn't trust, as much as she wanted to, but she couldn't, because there would be too much 'Collateral Damage'. But this person was the one person who she could actually trust. And it was up to him to try to persuade her head to believe him. Her heart believed him 100. But it was her head who ruled.
He tried and succeeded to persuade her head to follow him back to Chicago. Her heart won that battle. But the war raged on. Her heat was slowly overpowering her head, letting her true feelings be felt. Like the time Steve made his appearance again. She told Luka she wasn't going to run away, especially not this time. That it was her problem. She was wrong again. He reassured her that he thought it was their problem. After all they were together then. Unlike the present moment. How could she let things get hat far? Why did she? She guessed her head won that battle.
The defining moment it started came when she read her first ever pregnancy test 10 years ago; when she found out she was pregnant with Alex. Her heart ultimately won that battle. Her head told her to abort him, her heart told her no, she should keep him. But her head came so close to winning. So close. She went to the Clinic twice. Both times failing to go through with what her head wanted her to commit. But after that she vowed to herself to make every next decision with a logical reason behind it, to use her head. And there were few times when she disobeyed this vow. But recently this vow had been abolished, her heart was the ruler. And that was how she liked it. She no longer had to hide it, conceal it, make it a secret. Hide in her room hoping it would go away, along with a fresh bruise. Those were the times she wished her heart could batter her head to a pulp. After all it was being done physically, but not by her heart. Now however, she was free to feel every emotion she wished to. And she had someone to share it all with her. Someone who had been through the exact same torment of watching, feeling their heart being battered by their logic, she had someone she loved to share it all with her. But because of the past weeks she could no longer do that. Damn it. Why do I let that happen? This wasn't how she liked it, wasn't how she wanted it...at all. But it was the way it was. And as much as her heart pined, she had to deal with it, for Alex's sake. As much as it hurt her so badly to look at him, hear his voice, smell his scent across the lounge, as much as she loved him so badly it hurt, she had to deal with it. She'd dealt with things before, why was this any different? Why was her heart being torn every passing day?