Hey i know i haven't really updated this, but i got a new review for it which reminded me, and i felt bad for not updating sooner so i decided to update. I don't know what you think. I feel it might be taking the route of a lot of mondler/hospital fics, so i would like your oppinion. Thanks please enjoy. Read and Review!

The cool water splashed over his face. He looked up into the mirror. His eyes were red and swollen from crying. His tears still lay upon his cheeks. He looked at his reflection. In his head he could here a voice saying 'All your fault, all your fault' and no matter how he tried to stop it, it carried on.

"Chan?" Joey pushed open the men's room door.

Chandler looked around at Joey.

"They're taking Monica up to a ward now" Joey began "They said she's stable enough to be transferred"

"Okay" Chandler croaked, his throat was still sore from the shouting.

Chandler followed Joey down the corridor, they passed different rooms all with different patients and different cases, Chandler wondered how many of those people were in here because of their other half.

"Monica" Chandler ran towards her bed as he saw it being wheeled out the room.

"She's still heavily sedated Mr Bing" Dr. Crawley explained "She won't be awake for another good 4 hours yet, so why don't you go and get some rest"

"No, I'm staying with my wife" Chandler said firmly

"Maybe he's right, maybe you should go get some sleep," Rachel said placing a hand on his shoulder

"No, I'm fine, Monica needs me here" Chandler said walking along side her bed

Rachel was about to protest when Ross stopped her

"Just let him do what he has to do" Ross whispered in her ear and she nodded understandingly.

As the hours slowly ticked by Chandler sat on the bench with his head in his hands, I prayed for all it was worth that his wife would be okay. Joey watched as his best friend tortured himself with his thoughts, he wanted so much to do something but he knew it was best to stand back and let Chandler deal with this himself.

"I'm going to see her," Chandler said standing up

"What's the point man, she's still asleep" Ross asked

"I need to be with her," Chandler said walking through the double doors into Monica's room.

Her skin was pale and the constant beeping of the machines made a tear roll down his cheek. He pulled up a chair next to her bed and grasped her cold hand.

"Please Mon, wake up, I love you and we can get through this" Chandler sobbed as his teardrops fell down onto Monica's skin.

Monica's eyes slowly began to open.

"Monica" Chandler whispered as her eyelids opened

She was silent, she thought about what she had done. She had totally freaked out, all of her life she had wanted to be a mom and then he had told her she couldn't be. She didn't deserve to live if she couldn't even have a child. 'I shouldn't be here, I should be dead.' Monica thought to herself. She looked up at her husband, his eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks were stained. She had put him through all this. Maybe she should have died, and then he could move on. She continued tormenting herself with these thoughts until Chandler said "how you feeling?"

Monica looked at him, it was a pretty stupid question considering, but then what else do you ask in a situation like this?

"I'm sorry" she managed to mutter

"Don't be, I'm just so glad you're alive" Chandler said his voice croaky.

"I shouldn't have done this to you, you deserve someone better" Monica said not making eye contact with him

"I don't even deserve you Mon, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me" Chandler whispered stroking her hand

"Don't lie to me Chandler, don't say things you think I want to hear," she said her voice was strained

"I'm not lying, I love you Monica," he whispered as she began to drift back to sleep "I love you"

Monica's eyes were shut again. Chandler stood up and left the room, his eyes streaming with tears, he felt as though this wasn't the woman he had married, he felt as though she didn't love him anymore.

"Chandler?" Phoebe stood up as he entered the waiting room. He looked at them all before turning and running off.

"Chandler!" Joey shouted chasing him.

The fresh air hit Chandler as he exited the hospital doors. He went over and sat on the wall.

"Chandler?" Joey said from behind him.

"Go back inside Joe" Chandler muttered

"Only if you come back inside with me," Joey replied

"What's the point, she doesn't love me anymore, she needs someone who can give her a baby, that's not me" Chandler shouted, "I can't even give her what she always wanted and as much as I want to I can't! There is no amount of anything that can make me magic up a baby" he sobbed "I want to, but I can't" he whispered between sobs

"You'll get through this" Joey said hugging his best friend.

"We won't, there will always be no baby" Chandler replied

"What about adoption, you could adopt a baby" Joey asked remembering a show on TV where a couple had adopted three kids.

"It's still not our baby, its someone else's" Chandler said, "Monica dreamed of her own baby"

"Chandler, Monica dreamed of being a mom, she can still be a mom," Joey said half wondering where he was getting this knowledge.

Chandler stood silently, Joey did have a point. But was it too late, had Monica given up on her life. It certainly seemed that way. People don't OD for nothing. How could she look after a baby when she couldn't even look after herself?

The guys stood quietly before going back inside the hospital.