The Past And The Present

For the next three days Bosco didn't do much but go out to his workshop and make plans for the new bench that would go in the hallway. I very much doubted that he had started it, and my suspicions were confirmed when I went outside to the garage and saw that nothing had been worked on. I never mentioned it to him, knowing that he would open up to me when he felt he was ready.

I did all I could to try and bring him back from the doldrums, but it was no use. He was quiet, moody and sullen, barely speaking two words to me. He was having a hard time dealing with the fact that he had met his birth father. I couldn't blame him for it, though. I probably wouldn't have done much better. In fact, I would have been in bed, crying and wondering how this could have happened to me. He was always the strong one. Or at least that was the way I saw it. I knew that he would come around eventually and I thanked God for letting me know him so well. He would, in an instant, snap out of his reverie and ask me what he should do. It had been that way for years.

It was Wednesday afternoon and I was planning on taking Little Faith to the park for her late stroll when the phone rang. I expected that it was Emma, telling me that she was going to be late picking the baby up. It was fine by me; where else did I have to go?

I had been cutting up carrots, turnip and potatoes to go into a stew that I was making for supper. I set down my pairing knife and wiped my hands on a dishtowel and walked over to answer.

"Hello?"

"Ma? It's Brett.."

"Brett! How are you? Is everything ok?" I asked.

"I'm fine...look...I wanted to know if you'd fly out here to be with Carly. She only has three days before her due date and I don't want to leave her alone." His deep voice asked.

"Where are you going?" I asked, feeling my stomach tighten up into knots.

"Uh...I'm leaving." He stated. "I know you have heard all of the details and no, I don't want to discuss them with you. I'm going to Japan to teach English. I'm leaving tomorrow."

I couldn't talk...I couldn't even breathe, but why I was surprised was beyond me. After all, it wasn't like it was any big news. After Mike slept with his brother's wife, it was surely just a matter of time before Brett left her. But it hurt, nonetheless. I tried to swallow back the tears that threatened to break lose at any moment.

"Ma?"

"I'm...here." I managed to say. My heart was thumping, thinking about everything that had happened in the last few months.

"Can you come?" He asked softly.

Could I come? That was a question that I preferred not to answer at this point in time...could I come to Carly and give her comfort, knowing what she and my second son had done? I felt torn in two, stretched out, from one end to the other. What would Bosco say? Could I leave Bosco at a time like this and what about Little Faith? Who would watch her if Bosco couldn't?

On the other hand, if I agreed to go to Carly I could make Brett sit down and talk to me, I thought to myself. I could tell him that if he wants me to go to Boston that he would have to let me in on what was going on. It was blackmail, but it was motherly blackmail and that didn't count.

"Alright...I'll come on one condition." I said, starting to pace around my enormous kitchen.

"And what would that be?" He asked dryly.

"I'll come if you tell me what is going on with you. With the..." I almost said 'gambling', but remembered that he might be angry with Carly for having spoken about their problems behind his back.

"with you and your brother." I finished.

"For one..." He stated firmly, his voice taking on a crisp tone. "Don't refer to him as my brother...because he's not. Any brotherly relationship that we had was gone the moment he slept with my wife. And two, my personal life, what has happened with him and me is my own business. If you want to know then you can ask him."

Again, I was stunned by his coldness, his complete detachment from me as my son. I knew that the relationship I had once cherished and needed was not real. He never wanted me to know him, or anyone else for that matter. He had been gone so long that he had reinvented himself, either that or I had never known him at all.

"I...just want to talk to you. I love you and I want to be here for you." I said softly, hoping to appeal to his sensitive side. I heard the back door open and Bosco came inside, completely ignoring my presence and walked into the laundry room to rummage around for something. I didn't want him to hear the conversation, so I headed around the corner and went into the hallway.

"Talk to me? About what? You just want to do what you always do, mom." He accused brokenly, "Lecture me and tell me what you think I should do. Well, what do you think I should do now? Keep living with her after she betrayed me? Or pretend that this child is mine and not my brothers? What, exactly, is it that I should do?"

I couldn't help myself. I put my hand over my mouth to cover up the sound of my sobs. I closed my eyes and tried to will the tears to stay behind my lids, but they spilled forth and then I was bawling, really bawling.

"I'm sorry...I wanted...to...help...you. You're my...my son...and I don't want you to be hurt..." I cried harshly, through ragged breaths.

"He's here, you know. Staying at some hotel. I saw him yesterday."

"Who? Mikey?" I gasped, knowing how much that had to hurt my son. "He's in Boston?"

"Yep. He came on his vacation claiming that he wants to make sure that Carly's baby, his baby, arrives safe and sound." He said bitterly. "The bastard had the nerve to ask me if he could stay with us."

Oh damn him. Double damn him! How could he do this to Brett, to Carly, to us? I didn't know that he was on vacation, and it wasn't like I could have stopped him even if he'd told us, but it hurt to know that there was so much more going on in my children's lives than I knew.

"Please stay! Don't go yet...I'll fly out the next flight they have...just meet me. Please, Brett. I'm dying here...please." I begged, pacing the hall until the cord wouldn't go any further and yanked me back a bit. "I want to see you...if you're going to Japan than please let me come and see you before you go...me and dad. Just tell me that you'll wait."

I made my way back into the kitchen to see if Bosco was around. He wasn't. The silence on the other line was eternal and I could hardly breathe as I waited to see if Brett would wait for me. It was only an hour by plane and we could be out the door in five minutes if we had to.

"Brett?"

"What?"

"Will you wait or not?"

I held my breath as I waited.

"I dunno...I guess I could. I'm gonna be gone for eight months at the least." He said reluctantly, as if it really were a chore to set aside a day for his parents.

"Eight months! Are you serious? How could you..." I started to yell, and abruptly closed my mouth. If I had a chance in hell of him talking to us I couldn't blow it now, before we were even off the ground.

" Are you coming or not?" He practically barked through the phone.

I decided right there and then that if I wanted to let Brett know how much I cared for him that I had to do this. "Yes. I'll come."

"What about dad?"

"I havn't asked him yet...I havn't had the chance." I said a little irritated.

"The next flight leaves in an hour which means you'll be here by eight or nine. I'll pick you up at Logan." He said and hung up in my ear.