Wow, I am so sorry everyone! When I first wrote this, I had every intention of making another chapter. But then the writer's block hit….hard…I'm serious, it was a huge slab of granite! Very pretty, but not good for writing when the story you're working on is stuck under it…Anyway, I chiseled away and got this. So, I hope you all enjoy it and thanks for waiting!
Caution: I wrote half of this when I was hyper, so don't be surprised if it doesn't make much sense!
And now…Back by popular demand…
Waking the Idiots: Part Two!
Once upon a time, not long after the first chapter of this story was posted, the new pretty-boy of Yu-Gi-Oh, the ever so evil Dartz, was pacing back and forth in front of a chalkboard that was covered in squiggly lines, x's, o's, arrows, and little dead Kaiba stick-figures, the latter compliments of Alister.
"But the plan!" he muttered. "The plan! It should have worked! Three good guys! Three bad guys! We were even!"
Something small hit the back of his head. "Ow!" he cried, spinning around to face his new opponent. When he saw the red head, he pouted. "Easy!" he yelled. "My head still hurts form the last chapter!"
Alister rolled his eyes, then bent down to pick up the small object, an apple. "Yes, but they were three good guys," he said, ignoring Dartz's complaint and referring to what hesaid before."And in Yu-Gi-Oh, good guys always win in the end." He took a bite out of the apple.
"Well, it's not fair!" a familiar accent-laden voice said behind them.
Alister thought about throwing his bitten apple at Valon. He didn't, but he thought about it and that's what really counts, right? Besides, it would have been a waste of food…
"I'm suing!" the Aussie continued.
"Suing who?" Alister asked around a mouth full of apple.
"Your mother!"
"Those aren't funny."
"What's not funny?"
"Your mother jokes."
"'course they are!"
"No, they're not."
"Yes, they are."
Dartz shut his eyes and massaged his head. Why oh why did he have two arguing buffoons as henchmen, er, buddies…?
"Well, at least I don't wear a sports bar…"
"We've been over this. It is NOT a bra and you know it…"
Finally, Dartz could take no more. He did what any person would do when caught in a situation such as this. He screamed and ran away.
The two arguing 'buddies' blinked and looked up as their girly looking leader ran away screaming. They turned to each other, shrugged, and continued with their fight.
Dartz, meanwhile, had burst onto the streets of Domino. How did he get from his secret island hideout to Domino City? With his magical powers, of course!
Ok, so here's what really happened…
Finally, Dartz could take no more. He did what any person would do when caught in a situation such as this. He screamed and ran away.
"I can't take it!" he cried, shutting his eyes as if that could block out the sound of Alister's and Valon's (well, mainly Valon's, that fake accent does get annoying after a while) voices. He continued running until he couldn't feel the ground under his feet. Dartz remained still for a moment, knowing that the second he looked down and saw he was standing over open air, he'd fall just like Wile E Coyote in a Warner Bros cartoon.
He fell anyway, and landed on his face on a Domino sidewalk.
"Stupid plot-hole," he muttered as he stood up and brushed the dirt from his clothes. "This is dry-clean only!" he cried. "This is so going to stain!" He stood and pouted for a moment before he saw someone who caught his eye.
Both eyes, actually.
"You!" Dartz cried, striding over to the white-haired teen.
"Me!" said white-haired teen cried back. He eyes the man addressing him, with both eyes. "Oh no!" he said, changing his tune. "You!" He turned tail and fled.
"Not so fast!" Dartz ran faster and would have caught the fleeing tomb robber, had he not tripped over his hair. "Curses!" he cried to the skies, pounding his fists to the ground and throwing a mini temper tantrum.
A car drove by through a puddle and splashed Dartz, getting the man's robes completely covered with mud.
Dartz began to cry.
"What are you doing?" a voice admonished from above.
"Crying!" Dartz sobbed.
"Hmmm…Sounds more like sobbing to me…"
"Oh, shut up!" Dartz cried, curling up into a ball. "Leave me alone!"
"I can't. It's my job to motivate you!"
Dartz sat up and rubbed his eyes. "W-Who are you?" he asked, looking around for the voice.
"I'm your shoulder-angel!"
Dartz looked down at his shoulder. What he saw was a mini version of himself with little angel wings, a halo, and a harp. "So you are…"
"And I'm your shoulder-devil!" another voice chimed in. Dartz looked down at his other shoulder and saw yet another mini version of himself, this one with demon wings, horns, and a trident. "Go steal something!" he yelled.
"No, you must do what's right!" the shoulder-angel yelled back.
"No! You have no idea of the power," he pronounced it 'powa,' "of the Dark Side!"
"No!"
"Shut up, you pansy! Join the Dark Side, Luke, uh, I mean, Dartz!"
Dartz looked down at the two, very confused.
The shoulder-devil rolled his eyes. "Well, at least steal something. You are a villain."
"You're right!" Dartz said, standing up. "I'm a villain! I'll say it loud, I'll say it proud!" He spun around, suddenly inspired. "I'm going to steal the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle! I don't really need it, but I'll steal it anyway, to prove that I can succeed where others have failed!" He pumped a fist in the air. "Yes, Dartz is the man!"
"But," the shoulder-angel protested.
"Oh, go string your harp!" Dartz muttered, brushing the angel off his shoulder. The angel fell to the ground, where a Boston Terrier was sniffing around. The dog snuffed the angel, then carried it off in its mouth.
"Yeah, you showed him!" the devil exclaimed.
"Go sharpen your stick!" Dartz yelled, punching the devil. The devil fell to the ground where a Chihuahua picked him up delicately and carried him away. "You'll pay for this!" he cried. "Mark my words! With a marker!"
"Consider them marked!" Dartz yelled back!
"…are you talking to the voices again, Dartz?"
Dartz spun around. "Pharaoh!"
"That's me!" Yami said.
"I'm going to steal your Millennium Puzzle!"
Yami sweatdropped. "Why bother? Everyone else who's tried has failed."
"Yes…" Dartz said. "But the show needs a villain. And the villain needs to be villainous. And as I cannot think of any especially sinister schemes, I shall steal your puzzle, as that is what most uninspired villains do." Dartz paused to take a breath. "Unless you've got any better ideas?"
"Well…" Yami thought. "I thought you'd, I don't know, have your posse challenge my posse one at a time, trying to steal their souls while your homies are systematically beaten by my homies. Dawg."
Dartz stared at him. "Ok…Now you're starting to sound like Raffie. Where'd he go, anyway?"
"Well," Bakura stepped in. "If you'll remember back in part one, Alister and Valon tossed him through a tear in the fabric between this world and that of shadows, trapping him there to this day."
"Oh…" Dartz said. "Well, could you at least translate for all of us who don't speak gangsta?"
"Well," Bakura said again. "Basically, the Pharaoh's suggesting you send your henchmen-"
"Buddies," Dartz corrected.
Bakura sweatdropped. "Buddies go and take out the Pharaoh and his two homeboyz, er, his little friendship group and defeat them one by one, when actually, they'll be beating your…buddies. There. Savvy?"
Dartz snapped his fingers. "Brilliant! I'll do that!"
And so Dartz and his buddies regroup at their not so secret headquarters, leaving the Pharaoh and the tomb robber alone.
"It's my job to try and fail to steal the Millennium Puzzle," Bakura said possessively.
Yami sweatdropped.
Meanwhile, back at Dartz's not so secret hideout…
Alister and Valon had put their differences aside and were currently dancing to "Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer.
"Hammertime!" Valon yelled. They both proceeded to break it down.
Dartz strolled in all dramatically then fell down anime-style when he saw what his buddies were doing. "Just what are you doing!" he demanded.
"The MC Hammer dance?" Alister suggested.
"Well, stop!"
"Can't touch this!" Valon said fiercely.
Dartz twitched and unplugged their toons. Both pouted. "Now, on to business!" Dartz continued, pulling back the chalkboard. "Right, Alister, you're up first. You take Seto." He paused. "Hey, wait, didn't we already cover this in the previous chapter?" They all looked at each other for a moment then shrugged. "Right. Valon, you get Joey. Raffie-" He looked up. "Raffie?"
Bakura once again randomly popped in. "Yo. Shadow Realm, remember?"
"Oh yes. Well, you'll just either have to take his place and duel the Pharaoh or go and get him back right now."
The tomb robber paused to consider. "No!" He shook his head violently. "I don't want to have to deal with that Seal of whatever card again."
"Then here." Dartz pushed what looked like a crumpled paper cup into Bakura's hands. "It's the Millennium Paper Cup. Now go get my buddy!"
Bakura crossed his arms over his chest. "And just why should I?" he demanded.
Dartz also crossed his arms. "Well, it's either that or go back to trying and failing to steal the Pharaoh's Millennium Puzzle."
"…" Bakura didn't say anything for a moment, for he was deep in thought.
Just go get the stupid henchman.
Bakura jumped. "Ah! Who said that!"
Inside his soul room, Ryou sweatdropped. It's me. Baka. Now go! I'm sick of being embarrassed at you because you suck at stealing Millennium Items!
"…" Bakura shrugged. "Why not? Ok, I'll do it!"
"Wonderful," Dartz said sarcastically. "Now go!"
Shrugging, Bakura held up the Millennium Paper Cup. "Now how do I work this?"
Ryou shrugged. I don't know. Maybe you have to say some magic words or something.
"Hmmm…Magic words?" Bakura cleared his throat. "Can't touch this!"
Nothing happened.
"Umm…Homies? Dawg? Yo? Why won't you work, you crumpled piece of crap!"
Still, nothing happened.
"A CURSE! A CURSE UPON YOU AND YOUR FAMILY FOR ALL ETERNITY! MAY THE GODS SEE FIT TO SEND DOWN A BOLT OF LIGHTNING FROM THEIR HEAVENLY ABODE AND SET FIRE TO YOU SO THAT YOU MAY BURN FORVER IN THE LAND OF THE DEAD! THE DEAD!"
Ryou sweatdropped again. He slammed the door to his soul room and proceeded to blast the song, yes, you guessed it, "Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer.
"Yeah!" Bakura said, dancing and singing along. "Stop! Hammertime!"
Suddenly, the air turned cold. A small tear in the very air itself began to open before him, revealing the darkness and shadows beyond.
Bakura pumped a fist in the air. "Yes! I rock!"
You're welcome, Ryou called sardonically.
The tomb robber stepped into the shadows…
TBC
Yes, I really do mean it! It may take a while, but I WILL get the next chapter posted!...Eventually…If the zombies don't get me first…Or my history teacher's evil robots of doom…
Oh, and the whole MC Hammer thing is because my friend has been making me watch this awesome DBZ amv (and I never watch DBZ amvs) called Vegita's Attitude Show, done to that song. And it's hilarious. And because the song is just plain funny as well...
Review! It makes me write faster knowing that if I don't I'll get a ton ofthreatening reviews in my mailbox…