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Follows: The Perfect Place

On The Eve

I keep trying to insert the hotel key card into it's slot so the damn door will open, but with a drunken Delko, who's about to pass out, now leaning almost all of his weight on me, I find it's next to impossible to complete this simple task. It doesn't help the situation any that he's got a couple inches on me, not to mention quite a few pounds, or that I've consumed my own share of alcohol tonight. Finally, I get the card to work and the door to open, pushing Delko inside in the nick of time because I can hear people coming down the hall and I don't want to imagine how this looked, him on top of me as I struggled to get in, all the while he's murmuring, and not softly, about how much our friendship means to him. Just not something I want to have to explain.

After much cajoling, I manage to send Delko into the bathroom for aspirin and water, while I pull the spread off his bed, knowing, as I do, how filthy that thing is and not wanting him to fall asleep on top of it. Moments later he's sprawled spread eagle on the bed, fully clothed and out like a light, probably to awaken with a nasty hangover in the morning. Delko's muffled snores are now the only sound in the room save for the hum of the air conditioning.

I can't help but chuckle at the sight of him and hope his headache's not too bad in the morning, I need him to be at his best. Tonight he wasn't the only one extolling on the virtues of our relationship, I recollect telling him how much our friendship means to me, which is unusual because there's only one I share my feelings with and it isn't him. Ah, the power of alcohol. No matter, there's no one else I'd rather have standing by my side tomorrow and I wanted him to know that.

My gaze wanders from my slumbering friend to the open closet, where my eyes take in the two identical, rented, dark suits hanging in their garment bags, above the dress black shoes, reminding me why we're here tonight, as if I could possibly forget. Despite my growing anxiety, I feel a smile creep on my lips and linger for a moment while I shake my head at the sight before me.

Not having consumed nearly enough alcohol to to send me into the same drunken slumber as my friend, I find I'm too keyed up to sleep, anxious about the day ahead and unable to will my doubts to stay locked up inside of me. My own mind refuses to give me peace, refuses to allow me to believe what I know in my heart to be true and insists instead, in letting all of my doubts surface, driving me crazy in the process.

Raking my hands through my hair, I look around the room taking inventory and making a mental list of everything that needs to be done tomorrow, actually later today, making sure the alarm is set and grab myself a beer from the mini bar. What I really need, I decide, is some air. Opening the drapes, flooding the room with moonlight, I look at the small balcony in front of me and notice there are a couple of chairs out there. Perfect. I need to get my head together and I can't do that trapped in here with the distraction of sleeping, snoring Delko, no matter how much he means to me.

. Quietly, I open the sliding door, not that anything would wake him, but why risk it and make my way outside, careful to slide the door closed, keeping both Delko's snores and the cool air trapped inside. Plopping down in the uncomfortable metal chair, I take a long drink of my beer, grateful for the feel of the cold liquid rushing down my dry throat and prop my feet up on the other chair. It's a beautiful, star filled night, muggy, with just enough breeze to make it bearable. I slump in the chair, lean my head back and close my eyes, there's only one thing on my mind right now, and that's Calleigh, the woman I'm going to marry in, I open my eyes and check my watch, a little over fourteen hours and I still can't quite believe it's really going to happen.

If anyone would have asked me six months ago if I thought there was a chance I'd be getting married today, I would have told them they were crazy, I never intended to marry any one, ever, it just wasn't in my plans. And if anyone suggested I would be marrying Calleigh, I would have told them that just wasn't possible. But I am. I want to spend a lifetime with her and no longer can I imagine not wanting to be married.

It all happened pretty quickly and I think that's why I'm feeling this anxiety tonight. There's a small part of me that doesn't quite believe that the woman I have loved from a distance for so long really wants to marry me. Sometimes I wonder if I've dreamed these last few months and I'll wake up tomorrow to find none of it is real.

I love Calleigh so much it scares me and the realization that one person can become so necessary to one's happiness is a bit overwhelming. She's the best part of my life and I can't even begin to comprehend what she's doing with a guy like me. Will I be a good enough husband for her? I know in my heart that Calleigh loves me completely and realizing that with the clarity that I do eases my mind a bit, but still, does she want me for a lifetime? That's a long time to be stuck with me. I don't want her to make a mistake.

Checking my watch, I note the time, it's 1:30 in the morning and I contemplate my options. I can't go to her, she wanted time apart before the wedding, something about heightening the anticipation of seeing each other on our wedding day, not anything I understood or thought necessary, since I always look forward to seeing her, but I figured 72 hours in a hotel wouldn't kill me if it was that important to her. That leaves the phone, although I'd hate to wake her if she's already asleep, I know what that can be like, she's not always cheerful, perky Calleigh. She had plans to go to dinner with her friends earlier this evening, but that would have ended hours ago, so she could easily be asleep by now.

I stare at the cell phone I've retrieved from my pocket. I decide I can't sit still any longer and I get myself out of the chair, first needing to stretch out my back and legs before I can move. I begin pacing the few available feet of this balcony thinking that moving will somehow settle me. As much as sitting still wasn't comfortable, this is helping me even less, there's not enough room to move, it wasn't the brightest idea. I look out over the city, still bustling with activity despite the hour and all I wish for is to be home in bed with Cal, but that's not going to happen tonight. Maybe I should go for a walk. I nix that idea immediately, it's late, I'm a little tired and if I leave this building, I'll go to her. Lack of options forces me back into the uncomfortable metal chair again and I sigh heavily as I drop myself into it.

I really want to talk to her, I gotta clear this up in my head. I don't know whether it's the alcohol, being apart from her, nerves, some inherent insecurity of mine or what, but this doubt won't leave me. I just have to make certain that marrying me is what she truly wants and not something she got caught up in, like an errant wave that crashed to shore pulling her with it on it's return journey to sea, me, of course, being the errant wave.

The last five months have been a blur and our relationship was quite unexpected, by both of us. I close my eyes, lost in the memory of the day Calleigh Duquesne entered my life and changed it forever. What a sight she was.

Brought to Miami from Louisiana by Horatio, for her expertise in ballistics, she confidently sauntered down the hallway to meet me, her five feet couple inches made taller by her high heeled boots, although what really struck me was all that white blonde hair, worn loose and wavy down past her shoulders, a smile that could light up a room and the most beautiful green eyes I'd ever seen. I thought I'd get lost in those eyes. She spoke with a honeyed drawl so pleasing to my ears I could listen to her all day, even if all she did was read from the phone book. Her personality radiated warmth and cheerfulness, exactly the kind of sunny disposition that always annoyed me in the past, but somehow it fit her and didn't bother me so much, not that I would ever tell her.

I don't believe in love at first sight, but something happened to me that day. Around Calleigh all my senses were on alert. I felt things I had never felt before, or ever expected to feel, no woman had ever had that effect on me. Everything about her captivated me and at the same time made me uncomfortable, because those weren't feelings I wanted to have, about anyone, especially a coworker.

Calleigh made numerous attempts at friendship, but I held back as much as I could, I wouldn't let myself get close to her, because even though I didn't want to admit it, I knew friendship wasn't what I wanted from her, would never be enough for me. That just wasn't a road we were meant to travel, not only because we worked together, but we seemed, at least on the surface, too dissimilar. I honestly never thought she could feel about me the way I felt about her. Not only was she one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen, she was also kind, compassionate, intelligent, capable and possessed a perfect blend of humor, confidence and sass. I could never be the guy for her.

When Eric Delko joined our team, I watched with envy as the two of them developed a close bond. They had a natural chemistry and exchanged friendly, flirty banter with ease. For awhile I worried their relationship might develop into something more serious, I couldn't have handled that, but those fears went unfounded, they remained close friends only. I knew I could never develop that kind of relationship with her, for me, she was all or nothing and since I wouldn't pursue her, I loved her from a distance, kept it to myself and expected nothing in return.

I remember well the day I realized I was falling in love with Calleigh, just thinking about her now puts a smile on my face. I was passing her in the hallway while she was walking with her father, she put up a good front and smiled at me in greeting, but I could tell by the slope of her shoulders and the forced smile on her face that something was troubling her and I suspected it had to do with him. Her eyes, though, that's what got to me, there was a sadness in them that she couldn't hide from me, I knew her eyes too well, I had spent enough time gazing at them. All I wanted was to take her in my arms, the desire was so strong and came from deep within, but instead, I merely acknowledged her and kept on my way. I couldn't stop thinking about her for the remainder of the day. My feelings had been taking root for awhile, after that they flourished on their own, all I could do was keep them hidden.

So how did I end up asking her to marry me if I wouldn't even admit how I felt about her? Simple, she asked me on a date and I said 'yes'.

That was a strange night. For reasons I don't even remember, I ended up at work on a Saturday night I had nothing better to do and Calleigh was there as well. My first reaction when she asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with her was that she just wanted someone to dine with, but the way she was acting clued me in to the fact that this was not just two colleagues grabbing a bite, this was a 'date'. She was tense, nervous and uncertain, like she couldn't believe what she was doing and wasn't sure what the outcome would be and she was completely adorable. Her eyes did me in, I looked deeply, saw the pleading, yet hopeful look she gave me and knew this was about more than dinner. Shocked as I was and I can't stress enough how shocked I was, I was no fool, I was being given a chance with Calleigh that I never expected and I was not going to pass it up. Besides, I could never say 'no' to her, no matter what she asked me and that remains true to this day.

We went to dinner that night and one month later she had a ring on her finger. I might have continued to love her from afar if she hadn't asked me on a date, but I worked fast when given the opportunity. We melded together like two people who had waited a lifetime to be with each other, everything just clicked, like it was meant to be. I'm not a sappy romantic, but there's just no other way to explain it. One kiss was all it took for me to be certain I wanted a lifetime with her. It took her just a bit longer, but she did fall in love with me. She answered 'yes' without hesitation when I proposed.

That's why I'm so confused now, can I be certain this is what she wants? Maybe I rushed things. Maybe she should think about it more. Maybe she never had a chance, I unleashed a couple years worth of pent up feelings on her in one night. But I know Calleigh, I know how she feels about me, so why am I doing this to myself? The phone is still in my sweaty palm when I decide once and for all to call her. This can't wait till morning. My body tenses as I turn the phone on, push the button that connects me to home, sigh heavily and wait.

"Hello." She answers brightly after one ring, like she was expecting a call, which surprises me because I thought she'd be asleep and I was starting to feel badly about waking her.

"Uh, hi, it's me. I was afraid I'd wake you." Obviously I haven't woken her, she sounds a bit too wide awake and cheerful for 1:40 in the morning and she's not usually a late night person, but this isn't an ordinary night either. Hearing her voice reminds me how much I miss her, three days is a long time to be apart.

"Nah, you didn't wake me, I got home a couple of hours ago and I've just been puttering around and packing. I was waiting for a call and I wanted to be awake," she says eagerly and I know she's smiling on the other end of the phone.

"Oh," is all I can manage, wondering who she was expecting since I told her I wouldn't call tonight. I take another slug of my beer, it seems to have gotten muggier outside.

"From you, silly, who'd you think I was waiting for? You held out longer than I expected, I thought I'd hear from you long before this. Did you get my message? I called you awhile ago, I was hoping you would call soon, I really miss you," she informs me, which is music to my ears, but it's not enough to make me forget why I called.

"No, I never checked my phone, I wasn't expecting any calls. I shut it off I guess. Sorry. I thought I wasn't supposed to contact you tonight, since it's the night before. I miss you too, a lot. But Cal, that's not why I called." I stop, not sure exactly what to say next.

"What's wrong Tim?" she asks, clearly picking up on my current state of anxiety. I hear the worry in her voice which makes me sorry I spoiled her good mood. My body tenses up even more and in all this humidity I start to sweat more.

"Calleigh," I hesitate, worried I'm gonna somehow screw this up, "we've, um, moved this along, well, rather quickly, maybe too quickly, and, uh, I just want you to know that if you need to think about this more or if you want to back out... if you decide you don't want to go through with this...well, I'll understand and I, uh, won't hold it against you, it would be OK," I manage to stammer, but as I hear the words come out of my mouth they sound all wrong.

There is a silence that is deafening and seems to last longer than our courtship. Now I'm really worried I have screwed this up.

"Tim." Her voice is clipped and sharp, not a good sign. "Are you telling me... that I can walk away right now and you would be fine with that because we have, what did you say?" She pauses here for what seems like a very long time before continuing, "oh, I remember, moved this along rather quickly?"

"Uh, yeah." I think...no wait, that's not quite right, I seem to be digging myself in a hole here. "Well, that's..." I start to speak but she's talking at the same time and no longer listening.

"I see." She sounds upset now and as I picture her face in my mind, it pains me to think I've made her unhappy on the eve of our wedding. What was I thinking? I have to fix this.

"No Calleigh, I wouldn't be OK with it, I'd be devastated, but I want you to be happy and if that's what you want..." My voice trails off, what am I saying? I don't think this is going the way it was supposed to.

"So, you're telling me I should walk away so I can be happy? I don't understand where this is coming from." There is so much emotion in her voice, I never wanted to upset her and I think I have, as well as pissed her off. I shouldn't have done this on the phone, I shouldn't have done this at all.

"That's not what I'm saying. I hope you don't want to..." again I'm unable to finish my sentence before she cuts me off. My frustration is growing along with hers and now the heat is getting to me because the breeze has died down, making it unbearable, but I can't go inside to finish this, not with Delko there, even though he's passed out.

"Do you want to walk away Tim, is that what you're trying to tell me? Do you have doubts about whether we should get married? Have you changed your mind?" She sounds close to tears. God, I hope she doesn't cry, she almost never cries, I couldn't handle that on top of everything else. I have so screwed this up, I just keep digging myself deeper and deeper.

"Of course not Calleigh! Please don't ever think that. I want to marry you more than anything, I love you. I just wanted to make sure that you wanted to go through with it, I didn't want you to feel like you made a mistake and you couldn't get out of it," I plead, rubbing at my temple with my free hand, wondering if I sound as desperate as I feel. "Your happiness is all that matters to me."

There is another long silence during which I can hear the sound of my blood pumping in my ears, rapidly, I might add.

"Tim, at any time have I given you any indication that I'm not happy to be marrying you, that this has all been a 'mistake' and that I've been hoping you'll give me an 'out' clause?" She still sounds close to tears.

"No," is all I can manage before she starts up again and I have a feeling I may have succeeded in giving her a reason not to want to marry me.

"And, I ask you, in light of the fact that you have been completely uninterested in planning our wedding, have I ever implied that marrying you is some sort of hardship I'm being forced into?" she continues, now sounding more pissed than upset, but I'm not sure if that's an improvement.

"Calleigh, that's not completely true, I was always interested in our wedding, I just wasn't interested in all the details, there's a difference." I think.

"I'm sorry the details were unimportant to you Tim, you made that clear, the eye rolling did not go undetected, but I'm only having one wedding and it is important to me. Forgive me for thinking that maybe it would matter to you as well. Unlike you, City Hall after work wasn't quite what I had in mind," she states defiantly.

Oh, she's definitely pissed. She is right about that, I did suggest City Hall after work and as soon as the words were out of my mouth she shot me a look of disbelief and let me know, in no uncertain terms, what she thought of that idea. I wasn't opposed to the idea of a nice wedding, I just didn't think it was necessary, City Hall was fine with me because I was only interested in marrying her, I didn't care about flowers or what people wore or even if other people were present. Flowers, especially, proved to be a topic of endless fascination. I didn't get it and may have been guilty of rolling my eyes a couple of times, but it was never my intention to upset her. I didn't bring up the City Hall idea again and I went along with whatever she wanted because it was important to her, but maybe I could have been more attentive.

"Marrying you is important to me, the kind of wedding we had was more important to you and I just wanted you to have the day you desired," I try to explain.

"Furthermore," clearly she's not finished or interested in my feeble explanation, she's on a roll now, I just close my eyes, finish my beer, "have I given you some sign that I no longer want to marry you, even though for the past five months you've decided I'm no longer capable of handling any situation in the field, without your protection, when I was always perfectly capable of taking care of myself before you came along?

"I know you are, I can't help it if I worry about you." This is hopeless, at this point, I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to marry me, I have been a bit, OK, a lot, over protective and I do tend to forget that she is capable of taking care of herself. I slump more in my chair, it's just plain miserable outside right now, same as I feel inside and I wonder what else is going to come up.

"And now Tim, you call me the night before our wedding offering me the chance to walk away, for 'my happiness', since you seem to think this isn't what I want, when I've never given you any reason to question my commitment." She's back to sounding upset. "You do this without considering how it would make me feel and still, I want to marry you. Do you know why?"

Lord no, I do not. I wouldn't want to marry me. There is nothing I can say. With my elbows resting on my knees, I place my forehead in my free hand, I've got the beginnings of a headache. I don't know why she puts up with me, I certainly don't deserve her.

"Because Tim," she sighs heavily, "I understand why you do the things you do and I understand how your mind works, although I wish you'd quit cluttering it up with doubts and questions that don't belong there." She pauses, her voice is softer, gentler now. "I know how much you love me and I never doubt it. I love you with all my heart and marrying you is what I want more than anything. You should already know that. This isn't something I have any uncertainties about. I was positive when you asked me, that's why I said 'yes', and not, 'how 'bout I think about it'. You are the one I want, your arms are the ones I want to wake up in every morning, you don't have any reason to question that."

I can't see her, but I can imagine the look she is giving me and I hope she will forgive me because I can't imagine my life without her. I do love this woman more than anything. I can be such an idiot and she loves me anyway.

"Calleigh I love you so much. I am so sorry, for hurting you and for being, well, insensitive for starters. I hope you can forgive me. I don't doubt you, I know you love me, it's just sometimes, it's hard for me to believe my good fortune, so I had to make sure you were really certain, because forever is a long time to be stuck with me."

"You can believe it Tim. I'm happy with you, forever sounds good to me, I want to be stuck with you for that long. And don't worry, I forgive you. I know you can be an idiot sometimes and drive me crazy other times, but everything else about you more than makes up for those times. I love you, I think sometimes more than you even realize and I always will." I can hear the smile in her voice again and I imagine her eyes are shining right now, they do that when she's happy, this, I know. I am a lucky guy

"No more doubts, OK?"

"No more doubts, I promise." I would do anything for her. "You've planned a

nice wedding for us, Calleigh, I'm sorry I wasn't much help. I'm sorry if you thought I didn't care."

" I understand, I know it wasn't that you didn't care, it's just not your thing. I didn't really expect you to care about some of that stuff. You've planned a nice honeymoon, so we're even," she laughs, it's a wonderful sound.

"True." This is true, it's going to be a nice week, a very nice week, one she's not likely to forget. There are some things I'm quite good at.

"About being overprotective, I'll try to lay off, I know how capable you are, that's one of the things I love about you." Even as I say this, I know how hard that's going to be, I'll probably always worry about her.

"No you won't, not completely anyway, but I understand and I'll have to get used to it. I worry about you, too, you know," she informs me.

"I love you Calleigh." This is the truest thing I know.

" I know you do, and I love you, more than anything. Now that we got all that cleared up, tell me, did Delko give you a nice bachelor party?" she asks, reminding me of the earlier part of the night.

"Yeah, it was so nice he passed out after we got back here," I tell her.

"But you were OK?" she questions.

"Yeah, I'm OK, I didn't drink as much, I didn't want to be hung over." I think everyone else who attended the party will be, but I don't tell her that.

"Good thing." She laughs again.

"Don't worry, I won't disappoint you, " I laugh as well.

"Oh, I'm not worried, you never disappoint. So Tim, anything I should know about?" she quizzes slyly, but I know what she's asking.

"No, Calleigh, we just drank, ate, drank some more and played poker, no strippers or anything like that, it was just the guys. Delko didn't want you pissed at him." He was probably afraid she'd come after him with her gun. This elicits a fit of giggles from my future wife. "What's so funny?" I innocently inquire.

"We did." She's still laughing.

"Did what?" I'm curious, I thought she just went out to dinner, maybe I don't want to hear this.

"Had a stripper, well a male exotic dancer, who kind of stripped. It was all Valera's fault." She's still laughing. I wasn't expecting this, it was supposed to be an innocent dinner out with friends. Obviously Valera had no such worries about me coming after her.

"I see. This must have been some restaurant you went to, figures Valera had something to do with it. And did you enjoy your stripper Miss Duquesne?" I can only imagine, my blushing bride to be...and a male stripper.

"Not as much as Val and some of the others did," she giggles some more. "Don't worry, I barely looked and didn't touch. He had nothing on you Babe," she tells me reassuringly.

"Good thing. Now I can rest easy," I tease her.

"I did get some very nice gifts I think you'll enjoy, but you have to wait till the honeymoon to see them." Now I have a pleasant image in my head to replace the one of Cal and her stripper. I'm going to enjoy this honeymoon.

"I like the sound of that, I'm only sorry it doesn't start right now. I miss you Calleigh, I can't wait to see you." Guess she was right, being apart does increase the anticipation, make the heart grow fonder, and all that. Smart woman I'm marrying.

"Me either. I love you. I miss you a lot, I don't like sleeping alone. I don't want to hang up, but we should both probably get some sleep. I'll see you later, OK? Make sure Delko gets you there on time, I don't want to be kept waiting."

"I love you, too. I don't like sleeping alone either. Don't worry, we'll be on time. I'm sure Delko will be on my case all morning, he can be a real nag when he wants to be and he'll be hung over as well, a fun combination. "

"Yeah, but you love him anyway," she reminds me.

"I guess," I grudgingly admit. "Night Cal, sweet dreams."

"Hey Tim?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't forget to listen to your message, I think you'll like it. And Tim... make sure you shave in the morning."

I sigh, I knew that was coming. "I will Calleigh, I will. Get some rest. I love you."

"Me too. Night Babe, sleep well."

I hang up feeling a lot better. I wish I could say 'goodnight' in person, but that will have to wait till tomorrow. I push the button to retrieve my message. As I listen a smile forms on my lips, she was right, I do like this message, and more and more I know it's going to be a hell of a honeymoon. I should've checked my messages before I called her tonight, it would have saved us both a lot of heartache. With honeymoon thoughts in my head, I decide it's time to hit the sack. I pick up my empty bottle, take one last look at the starry night and wander in for some shut eye. I'm gonna get married today.

the end