Author's Note – Wow! I am really proud of all of you guys! I got so many wonderful reviews, and thankyou everyone for your support involving 'that' issue…:-) Give yourselves a cookie!

Also,

This is especially directed to Lola and Morningraindrops, (you know who you are evil grin), but really, for anyone who reviews or will review my work. If you review, or ever talk to me, please don't start guessing plots as if they are just so predictable. Please? :-) lol

Chapter 10

Chino Flashback Session

When I arrived back at the Cohen's house I quickly went into my bedroom, took off my shoes, put on my headphones and sunk into my bed, beneath my clean sheets. How could I ever think that nothing like that would ever happen again? I sighed and started reminiscing about the old days. Coming to the Cohen's house didn't just save me from poverty, it saved me from my own self destruction, in more ways than one…

START OF FLASHBACK

"So, you know, I was thinking, it could just be a secret you know. We don't have to tell everyone that we're dating."

When Eddie had said 'dating' I could see the smile cross his face. He was happy about this definitely. We couldn't tell everyone for obvious reasons. I mean, I was 13 and he was nearly 18, a senior. Or he would be a senior if he hadn't dropped out. But as he said, what use was school if he couldn't make money from it? He just wanted to be able to buy me nice things.

He saw my mom and how there was always enough money for whisky or marijuana, he just wanted to help me out a little bit.

"Of course it can be a secret," I sweetly replied and as he bent lower to give me a kiss, I placed my hands around his shoulders to steady myself.

Ok, so in an alley, or behind a wall somewhere, or in his beat-up car weren't really romantic locations, but Eddie took care of me and when we did go out, he would always be so sweet, and all the horrible thoughts and memories I had were just blown out of my head.

If people found out that we were together, it would cause so much of an uproar. I mean, people wouldn't be able to see that our relationship was real, that we loved each other and that Eddie was not going to take advantage of me. He told me, he promised, that when I was ready, and only then, that we could have sex.

I really trusted Eddie, he had my heart, soul and all my love. I fantasized about our wedding day. We'd get married as soon as I had left school. I'd have a pure white, strapless dress, covered in intricate patterns of clear glass beads. Four bride's maids and I'd have a diamond ring. My hair would be perfectly done and then, the whole world would know how we felt about each other.

Then we'd go on a honeymoon to Tahiti. Oh, how I love Tahiti. It has been my fantasy destination since forever.

And we'd live happily ever after. Or at least, that is how I had imagined it to be…

END OF FLASHBACK

I opened up my eyes again and saw Ryan standing at my door.

"Hey Chelsea. Are you alright? You seemed a bit distant on the way home. Did anything happen at school that I should know about?" He played the perfect part as 'protective older brother', he really did.

This was not the right time to tell him about what I was thinking about. I don't think I'll ever tell him. I guess he has just accepted who I am. There is no need to bother him about it. I'll get over it. I know I will…One day, I guess…

"Hey it's nothing, really. The whole 'first day' shock thingy has just been going on. I seem to be experiencing many firsts lately." I said, looking down at the floor.

By now, it was about 6:30 pm and Seth, Anna, Ryan and I were just lounging on the couch watching TV.

I heard Kirsten unlock the door and enter the house.

"Hey everybody." She said as she put down some bags onto the kitchen bench and walked for the living room where on our faces we wore morose looks of boredom.

"Mooom!" Seth whined dramatically. "We're booored!"

I giggled at Seth's melodramatic display.

"What are we having for dinner Kirsten?" I asked.

"My specialty," She replied happily.

The thing about Kirsten's cooking, is that it is a well known fact that it is…bad, to say the least. I have been lucky enough not to ever have to try her burnt microwavable porridge, or her sunken, uncooked souffle's but it was common knowledge around the Cohen household, never to let Kirsten cook anything, ever. And I, was becoming more apart of the Cohen household every day.

"Don't look so discouraged Chelsea," said Seth, "Mom's specialty consists of ordering Chinese food. Pork Moo Shu here we come."

We continued watching the TV show that I wasn't really paying much attention to until the food came. Anna left and Sandy came, that was the 10th hour. I really hadn't been to church in a while.

I know it would seem strange that I am rather a devout Catholic, but when I was 13, I realised that this was exactly what I needed to do. God had helped me through my darkest hours ever and He continues to help me.

A little while later I crawled into bed, turned off my light and stared at my ceiling.

Why couldn't I escape all this shit? Why did I have to be constantly reminded? The scenes replaying over and over in my head. I was so humiliated, so deeply scarred.

I started weeping into my pillow. Not weeping because of my loss, or weeping out of self-pity, weeping out of the constant reminder that was set off every so often, like an alarm, to start shaking my whole body, and breaking me down to a quivering mess. How can I be so weak?

I lay in silence for a while. My thoughts grew to become slightly more positive ones and I got over my depression.

Clayton, how I long for him to come and hold me in his arms. Just to hold me and take me forever. He is so kind, so sweet and smart. Just so, Clayton. I'm not sure exactly what my feelings are, but I know that they are definitely strong.

CLAYTON'S POV –

Do you know what her hair smells like? It smells so sweet, so pure and innocent. It smells of fruit. I have to force myself not to glide my hands through them.

It's hard. Keeping away from her. Not being able to see her at every waking moment. Not be able to hear her. The silence in the classroom, the droning, monotonous, repetitive voices of whichever teacher we may have, just prevent her from talking. Her voice, it is so lovely. I can't touch her either. English today was the worst. I was sitting right next to her and the closest I got to her was 'accidentally' brushing my knee against hers for a few seconds.

I know, I am definitely sad. If anybody were to know these thoughts in my mind right now, I would definitely be severely mocked.

But she just seems so, so perfect, and I want her. I need her. But I'm too afraid of rejection. Why do I have to be afraid?

People say that if you're tall and bigger than everybody else, that people find you more intimidating, but really, compared to me, a short girl was the most intimidating person I've ever known.

It's like when she walks into a room, she takes everybody. She grabs you unexpectedly, shakes you then lets you go again, as if nothing ever happened.

But though she intimidates me, I sense an innocence, a longing deep within her. Like, though things may be going well, there will always be a great longing for something more. Love? Warmth? Protection? Happiness? I'd like to think that I can be the fulfiller of all those things for her. Because I know, that I love her.

I may have only known her for a little while, but I know that I want to be with her. If only I can make her see.

I hope, I sincerely hope that she doesn't change for the worse. I want her to stay, the wonderful way she is. I really hope that she can accept me too.

Because on the outside, I may seem collected. But only my thoughts know the true feelings inside of me, behind my exterior.

It was so sweet how she watched me play guitar today. She seems genuinely interested. Interested in what though? Me or my guitar playing? Hopefully both, but I'd settle for the 'Me' part too.

How long will I wait though? I know that I will have to make the first move if she doesn't within the few weeks or so. I want her that badly. I want to hold her and be her rock in times of trouble. Be her friend.

I was so pissed off at Jack for doing that to her today. When they were telling the story I got so worried that she actually accepted the date with him. But I guess, the way she brought herself past the superficiality of him, kind of proves that she isn't as easily taken over to the 'dark side', as I like to call it, as I thought.

I guess I just need to have more faith in her. In everyone.