Chapter Four: Veritas
The rumpled, brown sheets strewn over the rather uncomfortable mattress were kicked to the end of the bed that Alex sat in, her knees in the air and her forehead resting on them. Loose brown curls hung down the sides of her face, clouding her peripheral vision. Not that she wanted to open her eyes and look around at the dreary room. She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and forget about all of this, especially the man that hadn't come back to try and talk her out of leaving since she had ran out on him at the coffee shop nearly a week prior. So she sat there, knowing she would have to leave soon, knowing she could wait no longer, knowing he was not going to come and try to sweet-talk her into staying with him. So she sat there tormenting herself, torn between leaving and desperately wanting to have some reason to stay.
Just a few more minutes. That's what she told herself. She would wait a few more minutes, and if he didn't come, she would leave. She would have to; it had been a month. Tonight was the full moon.
If only I knew where he lived… she thought, willing herself to come up with an address. But she only knew he was on Grimmauld street. Maybe I should just go wander around over there until I find him. I can ask him if he'll forgive me, if I should stay here. If I should give up my 'job'…
But no. She could not give it up. As much as her heart yearned to stay with Remus, she knew she could not. She could not forgive herself if she gave it up. She owed it to her parents… to Rachel.
As she lifted her head from her knees and blinked her bleary eyes to sharpen her view of the room, she saw them again. From clumps of dust packed into the corners of the desolate room, their forms arose, unbidden, taking shape before her very eyes. One was a towering man, well over six feet tall, with neat, short black hair. He wore a starchy navy blue suit but had a smile so warm that it melted his stiff exterior. Beside him was a woman, significantly shorter than the former; her hair fell in loose brown ringlets, much like her daughter's, and her eyes were slightly squinted and sparkling, as if the sun were constantly shining in them. The last was obviously the shortest of them all, being only thirteen years old. Her strawberry hair was frizzy and untamed, and her oval glasses made her seem slightly nerdy, but her eerie ghost of a laugh echoed through the room with an ethereal quality that was, if possible, both endearing and disconcerting at the same time.
Alex rose from her position on the bed, half-wishing these visions that had manifested themselves out of the dusty corners of her mind were truly in her motel room. She swallowed as she took a step toward them, afraid to reach out to her parents and best friend of so long ago. But before she got a chance, her father spoke up in a slightly disappointed voice.
"Don't tell me you're seriously considering giving all this up?" he asked her, frowning and folding his arms.
Alex simply stared. "W-what?"
"Oh, sweetie," her mother gushed as if talking to a child, practically in tears. "You can't let a simple man get in the way of your destiny. You're meant for wonderful things, honey. You're meant to continue your noble quest of ridding the world of those terrible beasts."
Alex felt her heart tearing as it slammed against her ribcage. She felt her eyes burning as she stood there, at a complete loss for a reply, when Rachel scurried over to her and tugged at her baggy T-shirt.
"Alex, you're the only one of us who can do this. C'mon, you can't just sit by and pretend that nothing happened. How can you just go on with your life and forget about us?" she prodded, frowning up at her now grown-up friend.
"She's right," her father cut in again. "You need to avenge us. You need to avenge our deaths."
Alex's hand trembled slightly as she placed it over her eyes, backing up until her shoulders came into contact with the wall behind her. "I know," she whispered to the imaginary figures that her guilty subconscious had created. "I'm trying."
"Well, you're obviously not trying hard enough," Rachel piped up, leaning on the decrepit table and fingering her earring, as she always used to do when feeling let down. "It's the day of the full moon and you haven't even looked at your list in over a month! You can't let those creatures continue to live, allowing what happened to us to occur again and again."
Her mother didn't seem to notice that Alex was breathing heavily with regret as she listened to her best friend's earnest words. "Please, Alex. You're the only one that managed to survive… You're the only one that can avenge us…"
Alex squeezed her eyes shut and found herself back in that horribly sterile, white hospital room. She had only been thirteen at the time, sustaining minor cuts and bruises and waking up in an unfamiliar room. And then the nurse came in and told her the horrifying truth: her parents and best friend were dead…
She'd reviled hospitals ever since.
When she opened her eyes, she could see her parents and Rachel still standing there, watching her expectantly. At last, she spoke in a choked voice, "It wasn't my fault you died." Her eyes were burning again, and now her throat was too. "I didn't ask to be the only one that lived! I didn't ask for this life!" her voice was scratchy as she became hysterical, pounding a fist helplessly on the wall behind her.
"But you're the only one that can avenge us," her mother murmured softly.
Alex didn't want to hear it. She slid down into a sitting position in the corner, her knees curled up to her chest, her face screwed up in agony. "Go away," she pleaded in a hoarse whisper.
"You're the only one that can avenge us," her father repeated.
She cupped her hands over her ears as if to mute the words that were irrevocably imprinted on her mind, and had been since that fateful summer day. "Go away!"
"You're the only one that can avenge us!" Rachel nearly shouted, slamming her palms down on the table in frustration. "Don't let us die without the murderers paying for it!"
"GO AWAY!" Alex leapt to her feet and seized the lamp from the dresser, chucking it to the three people across the room. A deafening crash resounded as it soared through the dissolving figures and collided with the opposite wall, exploding in a shower of glittering glass and bits of ceramic.
Dizziness overcame Alex as she turned around, searching for where her three mysterious visitors had gone. The world spun around her as she toppled over onto the lumpy mattress, blackness engulfing her before she returned to the memory she wished she could erase from her mind forever…
It was a warm summer's evening, the sun gradually descending into the west. Its light caused the trees before it to become mere black silhouettes against the sea that went from blue to pearl to gold to coral pink on the horizon. And Alexandria Cain was seated next to her best friend, Rachel, on the huge lawn that stretched through the backyard of the Cain residence and rushed all the way to the forest that lay on the south perimeter. Alex's parents were on the back porch, reading the newspaper quietly.
But the tranquil scene was interrupted by a troubling howl some distance off in the forest. Alex's dad frowned but assumed it was some kind of animal far off in the woods; after all, there were many that roamed that forest, but none so far had actually emerged onto the premises.
Of course, had he seen the pale light of the rising full moon overhead, he might have thought twice about ignoring the fatal omen.
All at once, the beast exploded from the woods, snarling and drooling and howling at the placid face of the impassive moon. Alex could hear her mother shouting to the two of them, "RUN!" Not needing to hear twice, Alex and Rachel leapt up from where they sat talking and began to sprint across the huge lawn in the direction of the house. As they did so, Alex's father was running out to them at full speed while her mother screamed and ushered them closer to the house.
The house meant security; the comforting glow of the porch light in the growing darkness of the night was a beacon of hope, a safe haven. And that made it all the more terrifying when Alex's shoe slid against the dewy grass, skidded on a rock, and flew out from under her. That was when Alex tripped.
Rachel instantly stopped and spun around, but she was already a good fifteen feet ahead of her friend. Her eyes were wide and horrified, and her voice tore as she cried out her best friend's name. The wolf, however, did not share in this moment of friendship and personal sacrifice; it did not care what would happen to these poor teenage girls, nor would it feel remorse after it had ripped them both to shreds. The only thing on its mind was to feed, to kill…
Thus, when the wolf bounded closer, Alex did the only thing she could- she flattened herself on the grass and covered her head with her arms. Miraculously, the wolf vaulted right over her. Alex knew what would happen a split second before it actually occurred.
The werewolf made a dive for Rachel. At the same instant, Alex's dad rushed for the young girl and grabbed her around the waist to get the girl, who had been frozen with fear, to the safety of the house.
But Alex did not see what happened next.
Alex realized that as long as the wolf was running in the direction of the house, she had a clear path to escape from it. So she pushed herself to her feet, turned, and dashed back in the direction of the woods, survival instincts kicking in and overcoming all other thought. She ran so hard that the muscles in her legs felt like they were on fire, ran so hard that her feet cramped up, ran so hard that the only thing she could hear was the heavy panting of air entering and exiting her lungs rather than the bloodcurdling screams echoing behind her…
She ran so hard that she reached the woods in a matter of seconds, latching onto the lowest branch of the nearest tree and yanking herself up so hard that she was literally airborne for a brief moment before she caught the branch again and went scrambling frantically upward until she was completely shielded by the dense leaves. Nobody could see her; and likewise, she could see nothing of what was happening back at the house.
Alex clung to that branch for what seemed like hours, not daring to move, trying to slow down her quick breathing and pounding heart. At long last, she spotted the werewolf tearing back off in the trees and vanishing into the woods behind her. But still she hung there, paralyzed. Her brain was too numb to even process what might have happened to her parents and best friend.
After a long while, she felt her brain slowing down as exhaustion took hold of her. Her muscles ached from her tight, strained grip on the branch, and she tried to ease herself into a more comfortable position to no avail. The trauma that had just befallen her hadn't even kicked in to her sluggish brain, and she found herself unable to hold on any longer. Letting go, she felt herself slip off the branch and suddenly knew what it meant to freefall. The impact with the ground was sharp and painful, but just as her head connected with the dirt, everything was already black.
The next thing she remembered was waking up in a hospital with the news that would plague her and haunt her for the rest of her life. Her mother, her father, her best friend… She had run away and left them all for dead.
"NO!" Alex screamed as she jumped so badly that she toppled off the bed and landed painfully on the hard floor. Rubbing her elbow, she tugged herself back onto her bed and leaned against the pillow. As she did so, her eyes wandered down to her watch, and her stomach gave a jolt. The sun would be setting in less than an hour.
As if to compound to her already taut nerves, a sudden rapping at the door caused Alex's heart to skip a beat, and she pressed her palms over her eyes for a moment before rolling over and trudging to the door, wondering who on earth could be on the other side. She stopped on her way and picked up her wand, twirling it around in her fingers pensively before tucking it in her back pocket, figuring it might come in handy. Shaking loose locks of messy brown hair from her eyes, she unlocked the door and pulled it open, peering through the small crack into the hallway.
The face staring back at her was one she hadn't counted on ever seeing again.
"Remus?"
His brown eyes were frightened, full of doubt. The way he clasped his hands in front of him told her that he was worried she might turn him away again, worried that his decision to finally go back there would give him poor results. But when he saw her familiar face staring back at him, his eyes widened in relief, and for a moment he looked as though he might throw open the door all the way and embrace her. As always, however, reason clouded his judgment and he made no such brash move.
"Hi."
A moment of silence squeezed Alex's stomach until she had to look away from his imploring face, feeling awkward, and at last she swung the door all the way open and stepped aside to admit him. He hesitated only a moment before stepping in. Alex couldn't help but notice how pale and drawn his features were, as well as the bags under his eyes, and wondered for an alarming moment if her running out on him at the coffee shop had anything to do with how ill he looked now. An unwanted wave of guilt washed over her as she closed the door and stood with her back to it, afraid to move.
Remus cleared his throat. "I'm sorry I didn't come over sooner. I just didn't know if you wanted to see me ever again. I- I was hoping you hadn't left yet," he fumbled, scratching the back of his neck to give his hand something to do other than hang limply by his side.
"What do you want me to say?" Alex inquired softly after a moment. As the words tumbled from her lips like an avalanche, she instantly regretted the fleeting look of pain that flashed across Remus's features. She furrowed her eyebrows as she scrutinized him, from his graying hair to the look on his face that told her he wanted to vomit. But his eyes held the same innocence yet experienced wisdom as they always did, and they reached out to her, telling her that there was goodness in the world. Telling her that he was the unconditional goodness she had searched for all her life.
And then, like one of her own sharply fired spells, it hit her.
The only fair thing.
She had to tell him the truth.
He opened his mouth to say something, but she held up a hand to silence him, and he obeyed. "There's something you should know before you waste any more of your feelings on me," she began, each word a wrench to her gut. "I don't just move around to move around. I live what you might call… a double life, you could say."
"Alex, what-?"
"Please. Let me finish." Her words were coming out forced and unnatural, sounding more like a prewritten speech than anything. "When I was thirteen, my parents and best friend were murdered. By a werewolf."
"Oh," Remus murmured softly, pityingly. Then his eyes darkened in realization, and his voice lowered as he repeated himself grimly. "Oh."
Alex swallowed. She hadn't any idea what was going on in his mind, but she had to plow on. She couldn't leave a sentence like that dangling over Remus's head without an explanation. "That's when I was put in an orphanage. All through my last five years at school, I busied myself attempting to construct a revolutionary spell that could be used in defense against such attacks. I was always fond of experimental spellwork, and quite good at it as well. I tried a lot of things, but the one that worked was a combination of a destruction spell and a silver- well, you don't care about that," she thought out loud as she realized that this wasn't the direction she had intended to go in. At least she sounded slightly more natural, now.
"Anyway, I got it right in my sixth year and practiced it up until I graduated. And I made a vow to myself that I would do anything I could to get revenge for my parents'- and Rachel's- deaths. I swore to myself that if I had to search and take out each werewolf in the world, one by one, so help me I would do it; I would do it if it meant I could prevent future werewolf attacks and deaths and situations like mine. I'm a werewolf hunter, Remus. I'm nothing but a lowlife wanderer, seeking revenge. That's why I had to leave," she muttered, finding that she had walked from her place in front of the door and was now standing by the table, avoiding eye contact.
She didn't see the horrified expression that Remus quickly wiped off his face before commenting distantly, "I thought you said you were leaving so you wouldn't get close enough to have trust issues with anyone."
"Yes, but how can I trust anyone when I know there are murderous beasts walking among us, pretending they don't turn into savages each month, putting on a façade to trick people into thinking they're normal?" Alex pointed out. "Anyway, you know the truth about me now. I was planning on leaving sometime before today, but I…" She didn't want to tell him that she had been waiting for him to come and convince her to stay because now that he had come, she realized that she couldn't stand looking into his sweet face and lying anymore. "Once a month I'm not a pretty sight- and I don't mean that particular monthly phenomenon- and, well, today's the lucky day."
Remus's head shot up so fast he got a crick in it, and he had to rub it and twist his head from side to side to get rid of the cramping feeling. "What do you mean, today's the lucky day?" he queried anxiously.
"I mean in about five minutes when the sun sets, there will be a bad moon on the rise, and I'm not talking about the song."
Apparently, Alex had just said something Remus didn't want to hear. She watched him curiously as an odd succession of reactions crossed his face. At first it looked as if he had forgotten something very important; then panic swiftly took over his features; finally, he looked as agonized as a person on the Cruciatus Curse, and gazed around frantically as if searching for an escape.
"I- I'm sorry, but I have to go," he told her, quickly moving toward the door. Alex bit her lip, having expected a reaction of disgust, perhaps, but she hadn't expected him to be so repulsed that he had to get away from her ugly, homicidal figure.
"Wait, please-" Though she had been intent on parting with him at several points in the past, at the moment her heart ached to see him running away from her so. And she realized, with a cruel sense of irony, that this was how he had felt at the coffee shop. But she wasn't about to just sit there with her cold cappuccino and watch him walk out of her life for good, and she wasn't going to run away- not this time. She felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders when she told him the truth, however troubling the truth may have been; she only hoped that Remus might see past that despicable part of her and recall her for the cynically sweet girl he had met at St. Mungo's.
She hurried out into the hallway after him, almost not bothering to slam the door shut, and raced to the nearest exit after his fleeing footsteps. When she burst into the cool night air, she noticed how dark it had gotten, and her eyes rolled inexorably heavenward. A circular pearly orb hung in the relatively clear sky, shedding pale light over the navy world, a mystical silvery shine from some otherworldly force.
Remus was about twenty feet ahead of her, but he had halted, and out of instinct, so had she. The moon out before him, his back was encased in shadow, and his form was hunched as he staggering slightly. Alex opened her mouth to call out to him, but her voice caught in her throat as she saw him slip to his knees and let out an unearthly cry of anguish and suffering, a cry so full of pure torment that her spine tingled and a chill ran over her body.
His silhouette lurched and molded, his arms growing as he bent over. She could not see the fur sprouting all over his body, nor the glistening lethal fangs tearing through his bleeding gums, nor the talons growing from his newly formed paws. But she knew what had happened as soon as his pained shouts transformed into long, eerie howls. She knew what had happened as soon as the beast turned around on all fours, allowing the moonlight to fall over its ragged features as it slowly turned its coal-black eyes to Alex…