Chapter 11

Orange County Morning

The mornings are too predictable in Orange County. Ok, so I've only been here for three days, but each day, I wake up to the same sun, shining in the same position, through the same window. I also stumble around my room looking for my grounding, and bump into the walls in the same places too.

But today, the sun doesn't shine. It is 4 am and I can't sleep. I can't wait out the next few hours.

So this morning, I'm going for a walk. By myself through Newport, to see an unbiased picture of the town in which, one day, I hope to call home.

I changed my pyjama pants into sweatpants, slipped some socks and my Converses onto my feet and wrapped a jacket around my PowerPuff Girls pyjama tank top.

I silently slipped out of the house and started slowly padding down the street. Only the streetlights were on, everybody was asleep, like I should be.

Was I meant to leave a note? I'll probably be back before anybody decides to check up on me, so I guess it wouldn't matter much. And I'm sure that 4am on a Tuesday morning is a really peak hour time for thugs to come take 15 year old girls.

I set my more logical thoughts aside to experience the early morning. It was too warm for a jacket so I removed it to reveal my bare shoulders.

I kept walking down the streets of Newport until I reached the beach. It was so beautiful at night. I loved the fact that the waves still crashed when nobody was around. They gave up for nobody and for nothing. They were so defiant and strong. They represented everything that I wanted to be.

I walked along the sand and went to the docks. I could see the fishermen coming in from a night out in the ocean. Some successful and some not so successful, but each one has tried. It was comforting to see them. They worked honestly. They worked earnestly, and sometimes you forget that when you get caught up in the superficial things, the things that don't actually matter that much.

I looked up at the moon. The exact same moon that I saw at home. I sat myself down on a huge rock about 2 metres away from the ocean and tears started streaming down my cheeks. I wasn't crying out of sadness or happiness, but of pure nostalgia.

I brought my knees up to my face and buried my face into my jacket that had been scrunched up on my knees. After a few minutes I brought my tear streaked face up to look at the ocean again.

The sun had started rising. I could see the orange-ness emanating from the horizon.

"Did you come out for the sunrise?" A voice said from behind me. I knew that voice.

I turned around to face him.

"Clayton…no, I just wanted to see Newport, and I figured that if I went at a normal hour, that there would just be too many people around."

"Well, the sunrise is really beautiful around here." He said looking out at the horizon.

"Why are you here then Clayton?" I asked him smiling.

"Oh, I couldn't sleep really. Just something on my mind you know."

"Anything I can help you with?" I asked, trying to be a good friend.

"No, not really, not at the moment. It doesn't matter, it will pass soon enough."

"Oh well, if you ever need to talk or anything, you know I'm here."

"Thanks, and me to you."

"So, you said that the sunrise is beautiful around here, where else have you seen the sunrise? Are you not from Newport."

"No, I moved here from Connecticut. I've lived in Newport for about 2 years now. I used to live here until I was about 10 but then we moved."

"Wow, that was a big move. Do you miss your old friends?"

"Sure, I mean, of course I miss all the people that I've lived around but I wouldn't want to leave this place, all these friends I've made around here, I wouldn't want to give it all up."

"See, I don't get that. I get this 'outcast' vibe from you all." I smiled. "I don't mean that to offend you guys in any way, I mean, it is good, but I've seen the way people treat Seth, and look at Ryan-"

"I get what you're saying," he said laughing to himself. "I know, we are basically all socially rejected, for our own reasons I guess, but what I have here in Newport, it is just so much more real. In Connecticut, I had lots of friends, and you could say that we were one of the popular groups around the school. But when I look at the relationship I had with those people, and the relationship I have with my friends here, it doesn't matter that I'm somewhat of an 'outcast' now."

I started mock-applauding him and laughing. He did that sweet smile again that nearly brought me to tears, but I controlled myself and finally spoke.

"Nice Oscar-speech Mr Clayton…ummm, what is your last name?" I asked laughing.

"Hoffman. It is Clayton John Hoffman." (AN – The last name Hoffman, is subject to change at any time I think of one I like better. Clayton's last name got changed from Gilmore, to Taylor, to Goldwyn, and is currently set at Hoffman)

"Well, Clayton John Hoffman, tell me," I became serious now, "Why have you been outcasted?"

CLAYTON'S POV

She looked at me with those sincere, blue eyes. How could I lie to her? I can't lie to her. If I did any chance of us, would go down the drain.

But… But… Wait? What am I thinking? She hangs around with us. Her brother is like us. She had it worse off than me. I can't believe I'm so stupid to think that she would even care about that. Why would she let my whole situation interfere with the relationship we have, or lack thereof.

"Well," I cleared my throat, "It is simple really. I may go to flashy, up-market private school, and hang around rich kids from Newport, but really, I'm not."

"You're not what?" she asked puzzled.

Gosh, even when she was confused she was pretty. She still made me go crazy, she made me feel like I needed to touch her, to taste her lips against mine. No, they weren't all libidinous feelings that I had for her. Somehow, she just made me love everything about her.

Yes, love. I love her. At least, I think that I love her. But my feelings make this whole situation much more complicated. Why would she even look at me in ways that would mean that she didn't see me as her brother's friend? I've never laboured under the illusion that I was some heartthrob.

"I'm not rich like them," I said, throwing my arm out towards the city to point out all the wealthy people inhabiting the enormous houses.

"The reason why I go to such an expensive private school is because my parents work hard to pay for it. My mom is a receptionist at a doctor's office and my dad is a mathematics teacher at Newport High. They basically work longer hours than they need to, and have skimped on holidays and extras just to give me a good education."

"That's so cruel. They've rejected you because you haven't got an excess in the cash flow?"

Yes! She was taking this well. I stood up and let my hand out to her to help her stand up too.

"Well, you may not be rich in money, Mr Hoffman," she said, taking my hand, "but I think that you're rich in talent."

She gave me one of those smiles that nearly made my knees buckle. How can I keep doing this to myself!? I need to tell her how I feel. At this point in time, I seriously don't care if she rejects me, I'm in my moment of madness and I better take advantage of it before I chicken out.

I opened my mouth to say the words that were forming in my brain.

"Anyways, I better be off. If I don't go back to the Cohen's house soon they'll probably send out a search party. It was really nice having this conversation Clayton. See you at school."

She walked off and looked back to give me a smile and a small wave and I just stood there glued to my spot.

Damnation! This sucked. Why did she have to go right when I was about to tell her how I felt about her?

Maybe she could sense what was coming on and decided to make a getaway before I made a fool of myself. She is just so perfect that I bet that she does have the ability to do that. She also was too nice to let me say things that would just embarrass me so she left.

Damn this, this sucked and I sucked.

I started walking home and the logical part of my brain started to function again, so of course, I was back to my pining puppy state.