Note: Yeah, I admit it – I'm lazy… I can't quite blame it on school… add that to a writer's block, and you've got one friggin slow author… authoress… So I'm going to try to make this a big chapter… well, big compared to what I normally do to make it up to all of you.

Note on names: I figured out it was Ginevra after this fic started, so… we're just going to leave it at Virginia, ok?

Umm… yeah, I can't exactly remember what the stupid snake's name is and want to get this chapter done, so I'm just going to go with 'snake' and have old Voldy call her 'my precious' (wow, can we say 'LotR?')

I have random nicknames pulled out for Voldemort in this that are pulled from random places throughout the series – and then some… Be warned, lol

Disclaimer: I own nothing, notta, zip.

Forbidden VII: My Life is So Screwed or Need a Tic Tac?

Ok now, let me see… I'm engaged to Draco Malfoy, who has got to be one of the best wizards in the world (to me, at least). I've gotten on the good side of at least one of my future in-laws… which thoroughly amazes me, because in-laws never get along. I mean, hello, you should see Dad around Mum's mum. I honestly thought he was going to Avada Kedavra her into next century. Good Merlin, I've got a life like one of those crazy pregnant women on the feletision… oops, I mean television channel. Hermione made me watch that stupid Lifetime channel over and over during the summer. It was quite hilarious, to say the least.

Sheesh. If it weren't for all that, my life would thoroughly be sucking hell right now. That is to say, minus the CPW-on-television thingy. How would YOU feel if some creepy snake-dude wanted possession of YOUR baby? My life is so screwed. Now I'm held captive in my fiancé's house (that's so screwed over)! Add to that the déjà vu feeling concerning my near-escape.

"So, Lestrange, Parkinson," Crabbe (or Goyle) Sr. said, "fancy meeting you here." Wow, you know that you really can't tell the difference between the two of them? Both are big and stupid. Basically, they're complete lunkheads. "You wanted to help this little rat escape, eh? Oh, we know everything," he added, smirking as their faces went pasty white. "Spy."

"Bite me!" Pansy growled.

The other lunkhead licked his lips and leered at her. "Don't mind if I do." Ew. A Crabbe or Goyle with sexual innuendo? Now that's just plain nasty. "But that's beside the point. You fed Dumbledore and the lot of them lies – all lies."

"Oi, Vince! Weren't we supposed to take these ladies back to Master?" Ok, now at least I know who's who.

Narcissa coolly interrupted here. "No, you great gits. Don't you remember he said for you to take us back to Virginia's chambers?" They gaped stupidly at us. "Hello, you just said it five minutes ago. I don't know how you could forget already." Funny, the look on her face clearly stated that she thought they couldn't even find their way out of a hole.

Crabbe Sr. looked at her. "Well, if you say so, Na'Cissa. Come on, Greg, let's go tell Master that they are up in their rooms."

"No, you fools!" We all stared at Narcissa. She cleared her throat and gave them a winning smile. "My dear boys, you told us that he didn't want you to return to him afterwards. Could you bring us a tray of tea? Oh, and, while you're at it, don't tell anyone where we are."

"Why?"

"Err…" I was all BUT ready to go bang my head on the wall.

"Everyone should know where we are, and you forget that they hate being reminded of such things." Was it just my imagination or was Narcissa starting to develop a tick in her right eye?

"But we-"

"NOW!" Nope, definitely not my imagination. They scampered off. "Oh, and don't forget the tea, boys!" She called sweetly. I raised an eyebrow at her. "Hey, if they think you're having menopausal mood swings, they'll do just about anything for you and leave you alone." She winked at me, and then ushered Aunty Bella, Pansy, and me down the hall.

I'll have to keep that in mind. When Draco gets out of hand, I'll just have to fake some serious mood swings on him. I giggled and everyone looked at me.

"You know, Weasley," Pansy drawled, "If it wasn't for the fact that we're trying to save our butts here, I'd probably be laughing right along with you. Now stop; you're probably going to get us killed."

As Narcissa led us into 'my room,' I saw a silvery-blonde head. "Draco?" I whispered. How did he get here so quickly? And right as Lucius Malfoy turned to look at me, I suddenly wished that I had decided to be smart and keep my mouth shut.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" I tried not to flinch as he looked smugly at me. "And, my dear little wife. I'm so happy that you've been following the plan perfectly. At first I'd thought that you'd be causing problems by trying to help this… thing… escape, but now I can see that you've been absolutely faithful to our Master."

"Lucius, don't you dare say that ever again! I wouldn't worship that pathetic excuse for a wizard even if you paid me – all you're basically saying to the son of a bitch is, 'here I am, come and get me; Crucio me now!'" By the end of this, Narcissa was shouting at the top of her lungs.

Suddenly, the room turned cold. "CRUCIO!" Umm… I officially hate déjà vu.

"Oh my… Dear Merlin, Narcissa… NARCISSA!"

:SMACK:

"Get ahold of yourself," Pansy hissed into my ear as she pulled me to a behind the window curtains in a corner. "She can handle this, alright? It's not like he hasn't done it to all of us before."

"Well, Narcissa," a voice hissed, "are you finally ready to bow to me?" The only answer that Voldemort was given was Narcissa's endless screaming. As he let released her, she fell to the floor gasping, tears threatening to flow down her face.

Narcissa weakly tried to stand. "Fool!" Pansy muttered next to me. I opened my mouth to ask her something, but she merely covered her hand over my mouth.

Where the hell is Bellatrix in all of this?

"Lestrange!" Old Voldy barked.

"Yes, Master?" Out came Bellatrix with her head held high.

"I have been made aware of the fact that you have been a spy for Dumbledore. Is this true?"

Bellatrix gulped visibly. "No, Master."

"Good." She relaxed visibly. "Bellatrix, you are such a wonderful… LIAR! My precious, take her." He stopped petting the snake and let it loose towards her.

Wow. That snake of his seems to keep popping up out of nowhere. Where does he keep it stashed all the time?

Before that blasted snake got halfway to Bellatrix, she stopped.

"So it seems that your baby has found yet another delicious snack," Lucius mused. I could practically SEE the venomous honey dripping off of his voice.

"And? What are you waiting for, you windbag?" Moldy Voldy snarled at him. "Go see what's behind the damned curtain!"

Pansy and I held our breath as footsteps came closer to our hiding place. I bit her hand; she pulled my hair… I guess that makes us even for all the times we crossed each other in the hallway. Let's just hope that I don't have a bald spot after this – my head is really starting to hurt.

"Let's see what we have behind curtain number-"

"Oi, Na'Cissa, we bought you that tea that you called for!" Wow. I can't even tell which of the two that is, but I really love him right about now.

And from me, loving a Crabbe or a Goyle is saying a whole lot.

I let out a sigh. Pansy pulled my hair harder. Suddenly our vision was filled with light and… Lucius' pearly white teeth.

"Shit, man, get a Tic Tac or something," I muttered.

"You ass!" Pansy glared at me.

"Oh, my beautiful little Virginia, how lovely to see you again!" Ok, next time Lord Thingy calls me beautiful, I think I'm going to be sick.

'Aunty Bella' was muttering something at me. What? I can't understand a thing she's saying! "What do you want with me?" Bellatrix slapped her forehead. "Am I really so 'necessary' that you need to kidnap me? And why exactly is it MY baby that you want? I mean, you could always get your man-whore over here-" I jerked my head towards Lucius, praying that he wouldn't kill me later, "-to go find some scarlet woman or whatever in a whore-house or brothel or whatever… I'm sure he would mind 'making a couple of babies' for his 'Master!' And quit calling me your 'beautiful Virginia' or whatever… I think I'm going to hurl."

"Oh, my pretty, I've been waiting for you to ask me that question."

S'excuser pour un moment (excuse me for a moment). :gag:

"Didn't I just tell you not to call me that!"

"I didn't. There IS a difference… Now quit being such an insolent little wench and listen to me if you want to know how this will work." Yes, people, I actually shut my mouth. I think the world's going to end. "Better. Now, bitch, I need your child's body. Mine is growing old and withered-" Hell, I could've told you THAT! "-and I need a flexible, energetic body to be able to survive out here… But it couldn't be just any body. Oh no, definitely not just any body. I need the intelligence of a Slytherin." He grinned smugly to himself. "Of course, I already have that. But, above all things, I need the stamina of one of you bloody Gryffindors. How else am I going to be able to defeat Harry Potter? He keeps coming back stronger every time we meet, and what happens to me? I lose more power each and every time. Unfortunately, though, that also means I'm in the body of a mudblood-lover, but we'll see exactly how long that will last. See, the thing is… If I lose to Potter this time, it won't be my body that will be severely incapacitated. It will be that of your baby."

"Listen, you sick and twisted little freak-"

Oh, of course I didn't get a chance to finish my sentence. Right as I was all ready to get going with my 'speech,' he snapped his fingers and ropes from out of nowhere came up to bind my arms and legs.

"Listen, sweetie, I don't think you realize exactly how much trouble it is that you're getting yourself into. I don't want to have to hurt that lovely little face of yours – or that luscious body, which you decided to marr with motherhood, but if you don't cool it, I might have to be forced to do something. It won't be very nice, either."

I stared at him with wide eyes. Did he just call me luscious? Ew. Then I noticed the ropes slithering around my throat and abdomen.

Wow. My life is so screwed. (You all notice I seem to be saying that a lot?)

I REALLY hope I made that chapter worthwhile for everyone. I'm going to try to get the next chapter out in the next couple of days, and the same thing goes for 'Baby, Oh Baby.' If I don't, feel free to flame my mailbox just make sure to leave your name so I can thank you for telling me to get off my butt, lol.

Oh, and I apologize if I completely butchered my French translation thingy.

V