Author's note: from the last chapter- "What is the airspeed of an unladen swallow?" is a Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference. Whoever can tell me what the last question on the bottom of this page references wins… a big mental hug from me!

Clark wanted to curl up into a tiny ball and hide when his father came into the loft that night. His parents had respectfully not asked about what had happened that day. It wasn't as if they didn't know. Chloe had told Lana, who was overheard by his mother who just happened to be in the Talon at that moment. Who knew who else in Smallville now knew that Lex had tried to molest him?

"Son, can I talk with you for a moment?"

Are you there, God? It's me, Clark. Kill me now. Please.

"I heard about what happened at the Luthors' today-"

Preferably with a burning pillar of fire.

"Can we not talk about that?" Clark grumbled, pulling his knees up to his chest. "It's embarrassing enough as it is."

Jonathon sat next to Clark. He looked like he too had just asked God to kill him. "Son, sometimes when two people are attracted to each other-"

Oh, hell. Was his father trying to have The Talk with him? Now? "Look, Dad, I know all about sex. I don't need you to tell me anything." Please, dear God in Heaven, shut up!

"Son, what I'm trying to say is, well, your mother and I have been talking, and we've noticed a few things about you lately. And we just want you to know that, no matter what your… uh, sexual preference, we will always love you." Now Jonathon looked as if he were praying for a nice bout of Ebola to claim him.

"Dad, are you saying you and Mom think that… I'm gay?"

"And we're OK with it." His father nodded once to assure himself that he was in fact all right with it. "Just as long as you don't date Lex Luthor."

"Jonathon!"

"Mom! Are you listening in?" Clark squeaked. "What makes both of you think I'm gay?" Not that he was gay. Well, maybe a little gay. But what man didn't think about having sex with another guy? It was perfectly normal to be a little curious about those kinds of things.

"Well, Clark, we've noticed you staring at other boys, and then I was looking on your lap top one night and saw the websites you've been visiting-"

"You were snooping on my computer?" Clark shrieked. Don't panic. Don't panic. "I was just… I mean I'm…" The phone started to ring in the house. "I'll get it!"

Clark knew he shouldn't have read all of those slash stories. Now his parents were getting the wrong idea. He wasn't gay. Really. He wasn't! "Hello?"

"Ah, Clark, just the person I was looking for."

"Lionel," Clark said breathily. But I'm not gay. Nope. Not me. So I made out with this man earlier. Doesn't mean I'm gay. "What can I do for you?" Like bend you over and make you scream- NOT GAY! I'M NOT GAY!

"I was wondering if you could come up to the house for a few minutes. I need to talk with you about what Lex did earlier, and I prefer to not do this over the phone. Oh, and I would prefer for your parents- especially your father- not to know about this."

"Sure, I'll be right there." Just because I kissed a man doesn't make me gay.

The two hung up. Clark grabbed his keys and rushed into the truck. His parents tried to talk to him, but Clark would have none of it. He just torn out of the driveway and drove to the mansion.

I'm not gay. I can't be gay. I'm not gay. Then why did you kiss Lionel? the naughty part of his brain taunted him. And you liked it! No I didn't! I was just… curious. You're gay. No I'm not. Yes, you are. No I'm NOT. When is that last time you thought about a girl naked? Ew! Ha! That proves you're gay. Wait, no! I just…

Clark drove up to the front door where Lionel was waiting for him. Hair flying in the wind. Perfect cut of suit.

"Crap, I'm gay," Clark admitted to himself.

Lionel opened the door for Clark, nearly hauling the boy out of his truck. "Clark, why don't we take a walk in the garden? The flowers look lovely this time of year." Lionel's eyes darted around, looking for anyone who could potentially overhear. He placed his hand on the small of Clark's back, pushing him toward the garden.

"Look, Mr. Luthor, I'm really not going to cause any trouble because of Lex's behavior-"

"Clark, Lex is not himself, and it seems we have a bit of a problem on our hands." Lionel looked over his shoulder again. "If you believe my soon to be former secretary, Lex is under some kind of spell."

"To make him molest me?"

Lionel snorted. "Apparently. I'm not buying the magick theory; I just believe that Lex has lost his mind. Stress from work. He always was such a weak child.
It only figures that his mind would be weak as well."

"Sir, I think you underestimate Lex-"

"So he hasn't been trying to… molest you for the past twenty four hours?" Lionel asked with a raised eyebrow.

Clark stared at his feet. "So, now what?"

"I'm thinking that perhaps you should come to Metropolis with me for the weekend. I can't get him evaluated by a decent psychiatrist until Monday."

"Go into hiding? Why not just keep Lex locked in his room for a few more days?"

This boy could be dense. Because I want you all to myself, naked and writhing underneath me. Because I want you to give me head under my desk. Because I want to fuck you senseless in my shower, then make you beg for more. "Clark, I'm doing this for your own safety. I'll just take you to my apartment in Metropolis for two days. You'll be safe there. No more chances for the rest of Smallville to find out what is going on here. It would be just the two of us for the weekend. Will that be a problem for you?"

Realization spread quickly through Clark's brain. Yes… two whole days alone in an apartment with beds with Lionel… His parents would never go for it. "My parents will never let me go if Lex is safely locked away, even if it is in his own home."

Lionel's eyes caught his. "Of course, if Lex were on the loose, that would be a different matter," he supplied. He slipped one hand around Clark's waist. "Do you want to come to Metropolis with me for a few days, Clark?"

"I think I would like that very much," Clark smiled. "I think it would be very educational."

"Oh, it most certainly would be," Lionel promised, running his other hand up Clark's chest to rest on the side of his neck. "I think it would be very enjoyable for both of us."

Clark caught Lionel in a swift kiss. "I can only imagine what you have to teach me." He gasped when Lionel's hand slid between his thighs and moved slowly, painfully, wonderfully up to the top of his jeans.

"Perhaps we could fit in a quick lesson right now," Lionel murmured. The boy whimpered beggingly, grinding against him. He deftly undid the top button of the interfering jeans, pushing down the zipper. Lionel looked up into pleading, desperate eyes. "If you don't want this-"

"God, no… yes! I mean-"

Oh to be young and virginal again. "I know what you mean, Clark."

"Sir?"

Is the entire world out to keep me from getting what I want? Lionel looked angrily over Clark's shoulder at the security guard who had just noticed how interesting his own shoes were. Nope, there is nothing at all interesting at all about an employer with his hand down the pants of the produce boy. "What is it?" Lionel snapped.

"Your son is loose."

Carmella knew she shouldn't have done it. But Lionel was with that… that… that boy! In the garden, probably looking to deflower him between all of the flowers! There was a twisted irony in there somewhere.

When Clark and Lionel went into the garden, Carmella ran to Lex's room where he was shouting to be let out. "Clark! Help me! I know you're out there! Anyone? Just get me Clark and everything will be all right!"

Carmella felt a flash of guilt. This was all her fault that Lionel's son was losing his sanity. But how else could she convince Lionel that they were meant to be together if he was doing… things with the Nasty Boy? The Nasty Boy had brought it all upon himself. He never should have even looked at her Lionel.

"Hello, again, Carmella."

"Oh, what do you want?" she snarled at the voice. "Lex was supposed to take the Nasty Boy away, instead all he's done is drive Lionel and the boy closer together!"

The voice tsked at her. "You lack imagination Carmella. Just let Lex do the dirty work for you."

"How can I? His father has locked him in his room and I don't have a key."

Two objects landed at Carmella's feet: a key and a green rock. "Give the rock to Lex, use the key to open the door. Have fun, Carmella!"

Carmella picked up the two objects. She opened the door. Lex nearly bowled her over in his haste to get out of his room. "Clark?" he panted hopefully.

"No, your father is seducing him as we speak," Carmella purred. Where is this coming from? These aren't my words! Let me speak for you, Carmella! What are you doing you… voice? Trust me. "Like everything else you've ever loved, your father is trying to take Clark away. They're in the garden. Take this rock, Lex. It will help to clear Clark's mind of the spell your father is putting him under."

Lex eagerly grabbed the rock. "Thank you." And he ran off in the direction of the garden.

"What are you doing?"

Carmella turned, stammering babbles at the security guard who was rushing towards her. He pulled out a two-way. "Lex Luthor is on the loose. Try to control him as quickly as possible."

"Stop interfering!" Carmella roared, punching the guard. Why are you making me do this! This isn't me! Stop it! Carmella sobbed in her head, unable to stop the Voice from making her hit the guard repeatedly in the head. This is what you want. I'm just the part of you that realizes it.

"No!" Carmella yelled, taking back control of her body.

"Fine," the Voice said huffily. "It doesn't matter anyway. It's your body on the security tape not mine. Must be you're as crazy as your father, Carmella!"

"No! I'm not crazy! Do you hear me? I'm not crazy!"

There was only silence in the hallway.

TBC

What will Lex do with Clark once he finally gets him alone? Is Lionel destined to remain forever sexually frustrated (at least where Clark is concerned)? What is the answer to the question of the universe?