Disclaimer: I own nothing... yada yada yada... I make no money... blah, blah, blah.

Author's Note: Because if I DID make money I'd throw any shite on the screen every day of my life! By the way, this isn't a HG/SS fic really... at least I don't think it will be.

Yes, Portugal, Severus!

Chapter 3: London; Muggle style

Hermione dragged him all around muggle London for what seemed like hours.

Snape spent the whole time standing in the corners of shop praying that he would die soon so he could get off his aking feet.

'I'm so bored,' he thought. He followed Hermione into another shop and just stood there with his arms folded over his chest (he had decided hours ago that nothing short of an apocalypse would speed up the process of her choosing clothes, so he always waited by the door).

"Well?" she tapped her foot impatiently.

"Well what?" He was confused.

"This is the MEN'S department. Start looking," she ordered. "I'll be in another shop so I'll come and get you later. Bye."

"But, but-"

"Don't worry. I'll be back later." She waved and left him standing alone in a weird muggle shop.

"This is bad," he muttered to himself.

ZZZZ

Snape wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. He stood in front of a mirror and fiddled about with a long thing around his neck. Personally he thought this thing known as a 'tie' looked quite queer but those model dolls had them and he supposed it was part of the suit. Then again he considered this whole shop to be queer.

"Can I help you with your tie, Sir?" a shop assistant asked.

'No! You can feck off and leave me alone,' he thought. But since he was in dire need of help, he settled with "Please."

The woman was actually very helpful. "This isn't really your colour. How about this black one instead," she asked. Snape smiled. 'She's not so bad,' he thought.

"I'm Becky by the way," she thought but was thinking 'He-is-HOT.'

"Severus." He put out his hand and she shook it.

"Pleased to meet you, Severus. If you could sit on this chair I can show you how to tie a tie." She indicated to a chair by the mirror. Snape hadn't noticed the chair before.

"Thanks." He sat down.

"It's been years since I've had to show a man how to tie a tie," Becky laughed.

"I... eh... don't have much use for them."

"Ah. That explains it." Becky stood behind Snape as he sat down. She lifted his collar up and put her arms around him to tie it, whispering instructions in his ear as she did it up. "Now you try," she said suductivly and stood up.

When he put the tie into a knot and nearly strangled himself, he gave up. "Will you show me again?" he asked.

She smiled and nodded. When she put her arms around him for the second time, all thoughts of Hermione were gone from his mind. Snape was infatuated with this woman already. Becky smelled nice. It wasn't and overly sweet smell that attacked your nostrils. It was pleasant but he couldn't place it.

When Snape had mastered the tie he chose two more with Becky's advisory. As he paid for the ties and suits Snape and Becky got chatting. They'd been talking for a while when Snape happened to mention that he was going away.

"You're going to Portugal?" Becky exclaimed.

"Yes. We're leaving in two days."

"Oh wow. How long will you be staying in Portugal?" she asked.

"Not sure. It's my... eh... friends holiday home. We could be there for ages. Why?"

"Well I'm going to Portugal in a week. I was... I was wondering if... that is ... if you want..."

Snape got impatient. "You were wondering if we could meet up?"

"Well, yes," Becky said a bit embarrassed.

"Really? You want to see me again?"

"Only if you want to."

"Sure. That would be great," Snape smiled.

Becky scribbled down a number on a sheet of paper. "Here's my mobile number." She handed him the sheet.

"Your what?"

"It's my mobile phone number. I would give you my house number but I wont be at home much during the week."

Snape pretended to understand what she was talking about. He figured a 'mobile' was like a portkey or something or like floo powder. Then he remembered she was a muggle. 'Shit. A hot woman wants to meet up with me and she's a muggle. That's just great, how am I supposed to hide all forms of magic on her in a place owned by Albus Dumbledore?'

He was pulled out of his thoughts when Becky spoke again. "Sorry. What did you say?" he asked.

"I asked if I could have your mobile number?"

"Oh... eh. I don't have one actually."

Becky sighed. "If you didn't want to meet up you could have just said. You don't have to make an excuse."

"I do want to meet up... it's just that I really don't have a mobile number."

"Seriously? I thought everyone carried a mobile in their pocket."

'Pocket. That's the ticket' Snape thought. "Well I did. But I lost it. Must have fallen out on the train."

"Oh. Okay. Give me a ring Wednesday week. I'll be settled in the hotel by then. That is unless you change your mind."

"I seriously doubt I will change my mind. I rarely do."

She laughed and they talked about other things.

"Have you seen Emmerdale lately?"

"No. I haven't seen it lately," Becky said. Snape had moved the conversation into safer ground. Becky had started talking about movies he never seen before. True, he had a TV. The owner of the Hogshead can be blamed for that. She had a magically powered television set on one day and Snape had been hooked ever since. He only sew films when they were on the television.

"What's happened with Den and Dennis?" Becky asked.

So they talked about that and a number of other things when Hermione walked in.

Hermione was greeted by the sight of Snape's well toned ass in trousers that fitted snugly around him. He was leaning over a counter, bending so the slacks stuck more closely to him. She stood there staring at him (his ass that is) with a smile.

'Wait... he's leaning over the counter. She is SO flirting with him' Hermione thought angrily. She walked quickly up to them. "Ready?" she asked him, cutting the woman off.

"Oh, Hermione. Yes I'm ready."

"See you later, Severus," Becky smiled.

"Bye, Becky," he waved.

'Severus?' Hermione thought. 'He never tells strangers his name. I can't believe he could fall for a hussy like that.' Then Hermione realised that her whole theory of why Snape was mean was completely wrong. He just didn't like her then. 'But he'll go all googly eyed over some tramp he'll never see again.'

"Hey, what's the rush? You didn't go this fast when we were in the ladies department." He didn't like being dragged like that. It was so undignified.

"Oh sorry. I'm... eh... hungry. Are you? I know this great Indian place."

"I'm not really hungry."

"Well we should just get back to Hogwarts then," Hermione said.

"Yes. I have to finish packing since we're all leaving tomorrow for the holidays."

"Yeah. Let's just go."

Next chapter they away to Portugal.

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