DISCLAIMER: Tolkien owns all characters you encounter here.

WARNING: Slash! Or I suppose rather the actions leading up to slash.

Chapter 5: Bathing Woes, Part II

The Last Homely House was usually a beautiful place, full of wonderful sounds, sights and scents. Erestor's study was currently not one of those places. Elves (being Elves) did not usually smell. However, even an Elf would start to smell a little after not taking a bath for an entire week (due to unmentionable experiences). Especially if said Elf had begun to make a habit of going down to the practice fields in the dead of night to swing large and heavy wooden swords at defenseless straw dummies he painted with large 'L' runes for 'Lindir' on their chests.

There was also 'G' runes for what most assumed to be Glorfindel, and 'P' runes that stood for the collective Peredhil family. Glorfindel's patrol found this infinitely amusing after finding the hacked-up remains of G-covered dummies. Whereupon Glorfindel ordered Elladan to go and inform Erestor that he must stop using the workshop's best paint and wasting straw that was best left to the horses. It wasn't as if his guards hadn't informed him who was behind the mutilation, of course.

Erestor had at least learned to some extent to control his blushing. He had made quite a project of it, and was very good at this point. He distinctly remembered learning to do exactly the same thing many centuries ago, however, and since this was ghastly humiliating, tried his hardest to ignore that fact.

But he really did stink, as Elladan blatantly informed him upon arriving in his study and flinging the door open dramatically.

Erestor looked up from his paperwork. "Please make it quick, Peredhel," he said shortly. Elladan suddenly recalled that there had also been a dummy with a bright orange 'P' rune painted on its chest. There had been an arrow or two stuck in it, he remembered. He made a note to hide something nice and slimy in Erestor's bed the next time opportunity presented itself. Preferably something painted orange, or a lovely shade of crimson, he thought wickedly.

Then, he sniffed the air and grimaced. "Erestor, you stink. This whole room stinks." He grinned. "You need a bath. I am sure Glorfindel would agree."

Erestor slammed the door in his face, and the chortling Elf belatedly relayed Glorfindel's message to the advisor.

Since there was nobody around to see, Erestor blushed.

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Erestor was plotting. Today, he was not plotting Glorfindel's downfall -- that would come in due time. Nor was he plotting Revenge upon the one who -- he assumed it was either Elladan or Elrohir -- had left a bright red painted frog in his bed. Not even the one who -- he supposed Lindir -- was responsible for tacking a note on the inside of his door which said Glorfindel's Bathing Schedule in big, bold letters. He had, of course, taken it down immediately and filed it away in his reference notebook under 'EVIL', but Lindir wasn't to know that.

No, today he was plotting to take an unchallenged and undisturbed bath. He was fairly certain that none would challenge him, but disturbing him was another matter. Before the operation commenced, he investigated all of his soap bottles, and discovered two that were filled with hair dye (red and orange). He also installed a lock on his door, and laid a bow and arrow, as well as a sword next to his bathtub. He had no illusions concerning all overgrown elflings' abilities to pick said lock, but it was better then nothing. At least it would give him time to hurriedly get out and wrap a towel around himself if it came to that.

Erestor decided that lunch would be the best time to take his bath. That would be the time everyone was too busy stuffing their faces to notice his absence. Which wouldn't be all that strange due to his staying away for days after the infamous elfling encounter. He had also taken to dining occasionally among the lower members of the household in disguise.

This decided, he had only to wait until lunch.

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Midday. A time filled with many opportunities.

Erestor was forced to once again decline Elrond's offer to eat lunch with them.

"Erestor, I am almost positive they will have forgotten about . . . you know." This was a blatant lie, and both knew it.

"By the time the gossips of Imladris forget the day that an efling asked your chief counselor what color his blush is, three hundred years and another kinslaying will have passed," he told him.

The corner of Elrond's mouth twitched. "What is the excuse I shall make to the table this meal, my friend?"

Erestor glowered. "You shall tell them nothing, but I am taking a bath." And with that dramatic statement, he left to collect several towels.

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Erestor decided that whichever of the Valar -- he had a feeling it was Ulmo-- who had come up with the idea of bathing, was his new favorite deity.

The bath had gone wonderfully, with no interruptions, and feeling much better, he dressed and brushed out his long black hair, which was now rather clean. For that supper, he actually appeared at the high table, since half of the unmarried maidens at the other tables were staring at him. Erestor studiously ignored them, and fled to his rooms as soon as the meal was over with.

Lindir glanced at Glorfindel, who also seemed to be staring, his fork half out of his mouth. Lindir smirked, and Glorfindel seemed to come back to himself and set his utensil down, tipping back his chair onto its back feet.

"He has changed," he remarked thoughtfully. Lindir shrugged and swallowed his bite of tripe.

"Humility is good for him," he told the older Elf loftily, who shook his head sadly.

Next to Glorfindel, Elrond was busily deflecting questions about Erestor's spotty meal attendance record to Lothvaen. "But -- if he found it in himself to attend tonight, where was he at lunch?" the young councilor queried with a furrowed brow. "I do not understand." It was common knowledge that Lothvaen was very much in awe of the older Advisor, and was always trying to psycho-analyze his behavior -- with very little recent success. He didn't need to know it was considered old news, however. Lothvaen was very proud of his skill in the art of concealment. He was admittedly, very good -- but a trifle obvious where Erestor was concerned.

"Maybe he was finally taking a bath," Elladan said, grinning. Elrohir nudged Glorfindel in the ribs under the table. Glorfindel sprayed miruvor all over his plate and glared at the other Elf, who had unwittingly poked the Seneschal in an extremely ticklish spot. Elrohir pretended extreme innocence.

Glorfindel gave a humph, and turned away.

"I'm certain Erestor wouldn't mind knowing your ticklish spots," Lindir said soothingly to Glorfindel, "especially now that --" Glorfindel cuffed him soundly on the back of his head while sputtering.

"That is quite enough out of you," he said in his most dangerous voice. He was quite sure that Lindir and at least one of his accomplices had been eavesdropping on the fateful Interruption, but it really did not need to become public knowledge. Even though, sooner or later, it was bound to be.

Even Lindir was intimidated by the Balrog-stare, and the rest of the meal was consumed in silence.

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Emboldened by his incredible success the day before, Erestor decided to be brash and bathe again the next day at a more normal time. He timed it an hour after supper, and even stayed till the end of the meal. He was very proud of himself, and felt like he was quickly regaining his normal, unflappable personality. He had briefly considered bathing at midday again, but you MUST NOT be predictable. That's what they'll expect.

He told himself firmly that he was not developing a borderline paranoid personality disorder, and decided that a midmorning bath would be acceptable.

Alas for Erestor, the worst did indeed happen.

The bath started out like any other. Unfortunately, it did not end that way. Elrond (curse his name) decided that he absolutely must have Erestor at that particular moment, to assist with translations of Khuzdul manuscripts.

Erestor was rather good at the obscure language of Dwarves, as Elrond remembered.

Glorfindel, recalling the insults that had been thrown at him earlier that week, did not argue when Elrond requested that he track the other down.

Glorfindel slowly wandered the corridors over to Erestor's end of the wing. He was a little concerned about Erestor, who was usually awake and working for the past four hours by this time. He reached Erestor's door, and knocked.

There was no answer.

Glorfindel had never been inside Erestor's chambers, so he was unsure of how to proceed. Trying for the obvious, he knocked again.

Once again, there was no answer.

Glorfindel tried the door. To his surprise, it opened quite easily. Glorfindel peered inside. "Erestor?" he called.

Silence.

Glorfindel shrugged his shoulders, and walked through what appeared to be Erestor's other study. Either that, or a small library. It was filled to the brim with books, scrolls and manuscripts, in any case. The next chamber was obviously where Erestor spent his nights. Glorfindel raised his eyebrow at the meticulously neat bed and surrounding area.

There was another door. Glorfindel tried it, and was surprised to see that it was locked.

"Erestor? Are you in there?" he called.

Inside of his bath chamber, Advisor Erestor inhaled a large amount of water in surprise. He came up sputtering and coughing. On the other end of the door, Glorfindel became even more concerned.

"Erestor, are you well?" he asked with a sense of alarm.

There was more coughing, and Glorfindel wondered if perhaps Erestor was drowning. He was now considering breaking down the door or picking the lock.

"Erestor, should I come in there?" he questioned through the door.

Erestor was recovered enough to shout -- very loudly -- "No!"

Glorfindel was confused. What is Erestor doing in there? He raised his voice, "Are you sure?"

"Yes! Positive! For the Valar's sake please don't open the door! I'll be out in a moment!"

Glorfindel could hear splashes and the sounds of muttered Dwarvish curses. "Exactly the reason I need you now," he informed the other.

After a moment, Erestor emerged from the other room, with a towel wrapped hastily around his waist, his black hair dripping water on the clean floor.

"What do you want?" he asked wearily. He glanced at Glorfindel, whose eyes were rather larger than usual, and most definitely not fixed on Erestor's face. They were instead busy roaming over Erestor's chest. Glorfindel swallowed.

"When did you ever have time to develop muscles like that?" he blurted out.

Oops.

"I said-- what did you just ask me?"

Then something momentous happened. Glorfindel blushed.

Erestor's eyes widened, and then he actually smirked. "Go on, Seneschal."

"I . . . nothing. I was merely coming to ask- I mean to tell you that you- I mean that Elrond wanted to tell you that . . . Ai, Valar," he closed his eyes, and tried to speak rationally. "Elrond wants you to translate something Dwarvish," he said trying to keep all his nouns straight.

"Well then, could he not have waited for a few minutes? I was trying to take a bath," Erestor said, a little irritated.

"Yes, well . . . ." Glorfindel made the mistake of opening his eyes. He was immediately tongue-tied. Well, then I would have missed this lovely sight, he thought to himself. He was fairly certain he didn't say it loud, and if he did, Erestor choose to ignore it.

"Fine," he said shortly. "Let me dress, and I will be there presently. Wait for me in the next room," he ordered Glorfindel.

Glorfindel nodded weakly, and stumbled into the first room he had entered, where he slowly sat down upon a chair, with his head in his hands.

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Eithelien's Author's Note: Hope the between-update time was satisfactory! Would be nice to get another one out next week, and we shall try to do so. Can't keep poor Glorfindel waiting out there too long . . . and stay tuned for more Evil!Lindir!

Narthoron's Author's Note: We are so proud of ourselves for actually updating . . . I may have to cry.

Or just read slash instead. Either one works. Hmmm . . . . thereputic slash? Interesting idea . . .

Anyway.

Thanks for all the reviews and we're wonderfully happy that you people seem to be enjoying our labours of matchmaking such lovely elves.