Grissom took his glasses off, fiddling with them for a moment while he regained his composure, trying to come up with a suitable response to Agent Scully's statement. He was aware of her watching him, almost as if to challenge him to respond. Grissom raised his eyes to meet her gaze and calmly said;
"As you so aptly put it before, it can he hard to understand the people we are closet with, therefore it must also be hard for them to understand us. Yet I think it can be even more difficult when you are close to someone to admit certain things to them, for various reasons, making working things out difficult as well."
"Talking out the problem can help. Have you tried that?" she countered him.
"Things can be complicated even further if people are stubborn or unsure of where to take the situation," he answered.
Now I've gone and given the whole situation away. Great. If she didn't know before, then she has probably figured the whole situation out by now. Why am I telling her this? Grissom thought to himself. You're letting her in because she's in the same situation. What about her and her partner?
Grissom thought to himself."So are you the stubborn one?" she blurted out.
He gave her an odd look.
"I'm sorry, that was incredibly rude of me," Agent Scully apologized.
He could see she was embarrassed by what she had said, but actually he didn't mind. He had been stubborn before, and so had Sara.
"No, I guess it's a valid question based on my statement," he started.
She gave him a look as if to say, go on.
"I think both Sara and I have been stubborn about things from time to time. I don't think it's one of us more than the other. What about you? Are you the stubborn one?" he challenged.
He saw her play with her napkin, as if to stall for time. She really is an interesting woman, he thought.
"Mulder would say I am the stubborn one, and I guess there are times when I have to agree with him to a certain extent. But then there are cases like this one, where all I want him to do is listen, and it proves that he is just as bad some of the time," she answered.
"So we both want to blame our partners for being stubborn like us. I guess we are in the same boat then," Grissom said.
"We're unsure of where to take the situation," replied Agent Scully.
Grissom stopped. How much had she heard from the office? Or was it that she had figured out what was going on between him and Sara. Well you've basically told her enough, he thought to himself. He had to know if she had overheard everything.
He cleared his throat before saying,
"How much exactly did you hear of the conversation in my office?" he asked quietly.
"Umm….everything. Look, I'm sorry, I really am. I shouldn't have."
"It's not your fault. The door should have been shut…" he trailed off, not knowing whether he wanted to talk about it or avoid the topic.
They sat in silence, now both unsure of where to take this situation. Finally Grissom spoke;
"Well then I have a confession to make as well. I overheard most of your conversation with your partner. So now we're both guilty of eavesdropping if that makes you feel any better."
He watched as she met his gaze and a slow smile spread across her face. He raised an eyebrow at her.
"So I guess we can both speak frankly now," she said slyly.
"About what?" he replied, knowing perfectly well what she was getting at.
"About how we both have feelings for our co-workers, but are to stubborn to admit it."
He saw her blush and he could feel some colour in his cheeks as well. He had suspected that she had heard the conversation with Sara, and that she had figured out their situation, but hadn't expected her to outright tell him, let alone admit that she was in love with her partner.
He was quiet for a few moments, again caught up in thinking of the best response to her statement. There were not a lot of people that could read him, but somehow, after only knowing her for only a few hours, this woman could. So he spoke again, and this time, the truth.
"Yes, I do have feelings for Sara, strong ones. But the truth of the matter is Agent Scully, that even though I want to, I can't bring myself to tell her. If I do, I risk so much. I risk her job and mine, with me being her supervisor and all. I know it seems selfish, but all the years of work I've done and everything she's worked for could all be thrown away if we were to ever be together. I know I am hurting her, pushing her away, but it's because I don't want to hurt her, and I don't want to be hurt."
Actually speaking his thoughts out loud didn't actually scare Grissom the way he thought they would. Lady Heather had said that he feared people knowing him, but he didn't fear this woman. He watched her taking in what he had said, and wondered how she would respond. It was almost as if they were playing a game of mental chess.
"I understand exactly what you are saying Mr. Grissom. As much as Mulder drives me insane, he's also my best friend, and the best relationships are rooted in friendship. The only thing is, there are so many things that could go wrong if we were to be together. Not only could we get into trouble at work, but we have enemies that would surely use it to their advantage. Yet is it worth it? Is it worth the pain of denying yourself love and hurting someone you care about over your career? I ask myself this question all the time. I wonder that if I ever act on my heart's desire instead of my rational mind, that it will be to late…" she trailed off.
Grissom nodded in response, knowing exactly what she was talking about.
"I ask myself the same question, but look at me. I might be too late if I ever decide to take a risk…"
"Then why don't you risk it? If you've denied yourself love for this long, why don't you take the chance?" she cut him off.
He responded quickly,
"Why don't you while you're still young?"
Both starred at each other for a moment, considering the challenge presented by the other.
She is right. I have denied myself love for so long. Why am I still holding onto my fears? He thought to himself. Because you have to be rational. But what if I wasn't for once? Have I ever thrown caution to the wind before? What if this is my last chance with Sara? Grissom pondered his conflicting thoughts.
He thought to himself. Grissom pondered his conflicting thoughts.Like it? Love it? Hate it? My muse is back and I have more to come soon! Hope you like this chapter.
I do however have one simple request: No one has reviewed my other new CSI story called "Bullet-Proof." Its been up for awhile now, and I would love to get some feedback. Its total GSR angst and set post "Butterflied."
A BIG Thank-You goes out to everyone who reviewed "Adventures in Teamwork." You guys rock! I had fun writing it, and I am glad you all enjoyed it! Thanks again! Reviews make me happy! Byes for now, L
P.S And thanks to everyone who have kept up with this story! You guys are the best and so nice to keep coming back, even though I am horrible with keeping it up to date! Thanks again!