"Ow! Shit, Daniel, are you trying to kill me?"
"Sorry, Sam," small pause. "Oops."
"Oops! Oops! You drop a boulder on someone's leg and all you can say is oops!"
"Calm down. Relax. Jack and Teal'c will be here soon."
"Calm down. The man drops a giant rock on my leg and wants me to calm down?"
"You're awfully cranky today, Sam. You sure it isn't that time of the month?" There was a long disbelieving silence.
"You did not just say that. You are so dead it's not even funny. Really, Daniel, drop a boulder a girl's leg and then suggest they're PMSing! No wonder all the princess' like you! You're just sooo goddamn charming! Tell me, did you damage Shyla's leg as well?"
"You seem to be fixated on the boulder thing. I would like to mention that the inscriptions said nothing about earthquakes and rockfalls if you pushed the panel."
"Why thank you, Daniel, that was profound. Almost as good as my ramblings after a coupla bottles of Jack."
"Jack?" His voice was strangely high.
Sam rolled her eyes. "Jack Daniels."
"Oh. Right."
"I really am sorry, Sam. I seriously never mea–"he cut himself off abruptly as he realized that he had not been interrupted by a snarky astrophysicist.
"Sam?"
"SAM"
"WHAT?
"I thought you'd died. Jesus, I guess that answers the question of whether you can produce an echo in a small cave."
"Bite me, Jackson"
"Seriously, Sam. You need to stay conscious."
"Okay, fine. Talk to me."
"Talk?"
"It's either that or tap dance. And personally, the tap dancing is something I could do without seeing a second time."
"A second time. When–never mind, I don't want to know at which drunken party that occurred."
"They're not drunken parties, they're 'holy-shit-it's-Friday-and-we're-still-alive' get togethers."
"There's a difference?"
"No. Talk to me."
"Uh, okay, um, how's your day going?"
"Me? Oh my day is wonderful, Daniel. Walking around a supposedly safe cave, my teammate pushes the wrong panel-button thing an–"
"Panel-button th –"
"Shut-up Daniel, I'm ranting here." His mouth snapped shut faster than a turtle at human fingers. "Right. So my teammate pushes the wrong damn panel-button thingy and now I'm pinned under a force shield, which I could deactivate were it not for the fact that a boulder would crush all the bones in my leg. How's your day?"
"Okay, okay. So that was a stupid question. I know! How was your last date?"
"On second thought, Daniel, shut the fuck up."
"Right."
"Sam. How's the pain?"
"Okay. The force field is keeping most of the weight off my leg, but I'm definitely going to be hobbling around next mission."
"Well if you're going to be hobbling around maybe you should stay home next mission and take it ea–ahem, get some rest." Thinking he'd gone too far, he backtracked immediately. "Not that I think you work to hard, or anything, just…ah well it's difficult to sneak around a planet when you're…hobbling around."
"Daniel, we're going to a deserted planet with deserted ruins that have all been deserted for thousands of years," Unspoken 'dumbass'.
He flushed. "Ah. Right."
"Of course I can see why you wouldn't want the plant life to know we're coming."
"Oh, shut it."
They'd been sitting quietly for some time when the radio suddenly crackled to life. "Daniel? Carter? We're nearing your position, ETA two minutes, max."
"Okay, Jack, we're here."
"Well it's not like I'm going anywhere," the muttered comment made it to Daniel's ears, but as he suspected it was meant to, he didn't reply. She continued to mutter, and he caught 'anthropuppy', 'sarc hopper' and other phrases that were, well… less than flattering. Soon Daniel heard the dull sounds of footsteps on the cave's rock-dirt floor.
"Hey, Jack, Teal'c."
"DanielJackson, CaptainCarter."
"Alright." Jack surveyed the scene. "So, Carter, if we can get the rock off your leg, you'll be able to deactivate the…uh..."
"Barrier, sir?" At his nod, she continued, "Yes sir, I believe I can."
"Okay, then. Let's go. Daniel, Teal'c. 1, 2, 3, and…lift." With a small grunt of effort the three men shifted the boulder to the ground.
"Do your magic, Carter." Within a few moments she barrier disappeared and she was struggling to her feet, wincing. Spotting something he hadn't noticed earlier, Daniel leaned forward to take one last look at the inscriptions.
"Oh, you know what?" Daniel asked, laughing nervously and hoping that no one was noticing how he was edging to hide behind Teal'c.
"What, Daniel?" asked Sam warily, now in a slightly better mood now that she wasn't trapped.
"This doesn't say press to undergo a geology lesson, it says press to undergo the test of rocks," he abandoned all pretense and leapt behind Teal'c's bulk. "Teal'c, save me!"
"I will not. DanielJackson. I will, however, inform you that it would be most advisable to begin your retreat at this time."
"Ah. He, he, Sam. Ah it was just a simple misunderstanding, really," backing up he almost tripped over his own feet, but managed to keep his balance.
"Jack? Help? Please?" Colonel O'Neill had taught Carter most of the ways she knew how to kill people with her bare hands in less than twenty seconds, after all. Daniel looked over only to discover that said Colonel was laughing his ass off in a corner. He looked back and jumped three feet in the air to discover that a very pissed off Air Force Captain who could shoot a fly of a Jaffa's forehead and easily kick his ass while at the same time doing higher math calculations in her head.
"Now, Sam, it was…AHHHHHHHHHHH Jack! Teal'c! Someone! Help!"
Finis