CHAPTER SIX

Can you tell me what you want
Cause I've got no idea what I need
Is this where we both get off
Can you tell me what you see
Cause I'm not sure what I believe

Fragile - Brother

Buffy woke to the sound of a soft murmuring in her ear. An arm was thrown carelessly over her. Last night filtered in, bringing with it some of the guilt. Willow had lost another girlfriend and what did Buffy do? She had done something desperate and knew she should regret it. However, Buffy didn't feel regret. Yes, there was a bit of guilt but she had needed last night.

Buffy squirmed a bit to get out from under Connor's arm. He murmured louder. Was he having a dream? She rolled onto one elbow, watching him. She knew he had watched her sleeping last night, having woken up just briefly while he was studying her. She studied him, trying to figure out what she had found attractive about him. He wasn't her type, not really.

In sleep, he looked so innocent, so young. His lips were parted, moving slightly. He was whispering something in his slumber. She did like his lips, full, mobile and not without talent but it was probably those sad blue eyes that captured her. Buffy was a sucker for eyes. Angel's had been so dark and broody; Riley's innocent and wholesome; Spike's betrayed his every emotion. Connor's eyes seemed too old for him and now closed, that air of being ancient and haunted, gone, he seemed to be little more than a child.

Of course, last night proved he was anything but a boy. He handled the Soul Eater so deftly she had felt superfluous. Behind closed doors, he made her the most important person in the room. Whatever she wanted, he gave to her. She wasn't used to that. Yes, she had beaten Spike around and taken what she needed but that was different. With Angel she hadn't even really known what she was doing and with Riley things had been so, well, normal. She hadn't ever been with someone so eager to please.

She stroked his neck and he reached for her, still asleep. She caught that hand, remembering the blush of rose that had come over him as they made love, the warmth of him. It had been a while since she had had that. Would she miss Connor when he left after his class was done? Yes, she just might.

Connor started kicking in his sleep, moaning and mumbling almost incoherently. All Buffy caught was 'no, Father, don't.' She knew a bad dream when she saw one. Remembering his warning about hitting, she grabbed both his hands and called his name at the same time. His eyes popped open and in that moment Buffy knew he wasn't seeing her. Connor shuddered and she relaxed her grip on him. Connor shook his head as if to clear it.

"Sorry." he muttered. "Did I wake you up?"

"No." She stroked his shoulder. "You okay?"

He nodded, dragging a hand over his face as he settled back down against the bed. He smiled at her, reaching up a hand to caress her neck. "I'm fine. You're cute in the morning."

She smiled, knowing her hair was a mess and she probably had remnants of make up on her face. "You lie and I thank you for it." She swung her legs off the bed, sitting up. She looked over her shoulder at him. "Connor, about last night, I don't think we should tell-"

"What?" he snapped, sitting bolt upright. His eyes turned a dangerous stormy blue. Buffy saw that wicked temper she suspected he had. "Why?"

She put a hand on his slender chest, feeling it heaving. "Connor...I...okay, I phrased that badly. I just meant that I need to think about Willow right now and all our friends coming in for the funeral. I didn't want to muddy the waters with my personal stuff."

"That's not what I thought you were going to say," he grumbled, giving her a mistrusting look. "If you think last night was a mistake tell me now."

"That's not what I was going to say, honestly. I don't think it was a mistake...the timing maybe." Buffy cupped his chin, reading the sheer amount of pain in his eyes. "Someone hurt you bad, didn't they? Used you?"

His eyes went so incredibly sad, Buffy felt like crying herself. "Yeah. Sorry. I didn't mean to overreact. It's just...it happened kinda like before, a really bad night then sex then I got kicked to the curb because it was a 'mistake' and it hurt."

She slid an arm around him. "I know. It's happened to me, too," she said, thinking of Parker. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was reminded it had happened with Angel, too. She fought that thought back down. It hadn't been Angel's fault.

"Sorry." He stroked her hair back out of her face. "That it happened to you, too, and for me being so defensive."

"It's okay. I shouldn't have hit you with that just as you were waking up out of a nightmare." She caught his hand. "You want to talk about it?"

He shook his head. "Don't really remember it other than it was scary. And as to your friends, even if Willow hadn't just lost her lover, I wouldn't have been planning to tell anyone our business. It's not like I was gonna go through the house waving your panties over my head."

Her nose wrinkled. "Okay, eww. Where did that thought come from?"

"Life in my frat house." He shrugged. "You won't believe the weirdness that can go on."

Buffy smiled, thinking of Riley again. "Oh, I've seen what can go on in a frat house. It makes me wonder if I'll ever understand men."

He laughed. "We are a strange bunch."

"Finally, a man who'll admit it," she said, a hint of smugness in her voice.

He snaked his arms around her. "Generally, I try to avoid the more extreme weirdness that can be found in a frat house. I'll confess to some monumentally stupid stunts born of keg parties, just in case you should ever come across any letters, photos or emails of an incriminating nature."

She laughed, kissing him. "I'll take that as a warning. And I'll be happy if my sister doesn't embarrass me once she gets here."

He pulled her on top of him. "Now I know the keeper of the secrets."

"No fair. It's not like I have a shot at questioning your frat brothers." She ran her hands down his sides, feeling the sharp angularity of him.

"Or worse my sister," he said, smoothing a hand over the small of her back and buttocks. "The advantage is currently mine."

"I need to go," she said, feeling the hardness of him pressing into her thigh. He mumbled something that might have been an affirmative. It was hard to tell with his lips pressed against her neck. She rolled off him onto the mattress. "Do all men wake up frisky?"

"Maybe you're just inspirational," he said.

Buffy laughed.

He moved up, propping himself over her, and whispered, "Trovommi Amor del tutto disarmato et aperta la via per gli occhi al core, che di lagrime son fatti uscio et varco."

"My Italian's not good enough to translate that," she pouted. "I thought I heard the word love."

"It's one of Petraca's love sonnets." Connor brushed his lips over hers. "'Love found me all disarmed and found the way was clear to reach my heart down through the eyes, which have become the halls and doors of tears'."

"That was very sweet," she said, trying not to think of the other men who used to quote poetry to her. Buffy gave in to need over reason.

This time their love making was slower, more tender, less demanding than the night before. Afterwards, Buffy left Connor with a kiss and headed into her master bath. The hot water helped lift her spirits even more than good morning sex had. Connor wasn't in bed when she came out. She assumed he had gone to his room or to the main bathroom down the hall.

The smell of breakfast lured her into the kitchen. Her stomach growled loudly. Concetta was busy with making the morning meal while Giles fixed a pot of tea.

"Morning, Buffy," he said. "Tea or coffee?"

"Tea, thanks. Italian coffee can dissolve a stomach. Sorry, 'Cet." Buffy sank down at the table.

The young Slayer smiled, setting down a huge plate of spaghetti frittata in front of Buffy before the elder Slayer could protest. "No offense taken."

"Have you seen Willow yet?" Buffy dug into her breakfast.

Giles shook his head. "No and I'm torn between letting her sleep or..."

"Being afraid she's not sleeping and we need to prepare for an onslaught," Buffy said, feeling queasy. She should have been considering that possibility and not enjoying herself, getting lost in her own need to escape.

Giles nodded and Concetta gave them a curious look. Buffy didn't explain the past to the girl. She shoveled in a few more mouthfuls of food and excused herself. She rapped lightly on the door and thought she heard a muffled 'come in.'

Willow was awake fully dressed and curled up in the bed, hugging Kennedy's pillow. There were no signs of black hair or eyes, no veiny-ness.

"I know you probably don't feel like eating but Concetta has a nice breakfast waiting," Buffy said lamely.

Willow nodded. "Figured."

"Want to talk?"

Willow shrugged and Buffy sat on the edge of the bed. "It feels different, you know?"

"What does?" Buffy asked.

"Kennedy's death." Willow's face crumbled. "I hate feeling it. I hate saying it."

"But your world isn't ending, not like it did when Tara died and you feel like you must have loved Kennedy less or something," Buffy filled in the blanks. She took Willow's hand. "Then you feel like the worst person in the world for even thinking it."

Willow nodded. "It's horrible."

"I know. I felt entirely differently about sending Angel to hell compared to selecting Spike to die wearing that amulet. I loved them both but I loved them differently. My grief was different." Buffy made a face. "Which wasn't the best example, I guess, since they both came back."

"No, it's okay." Willow squeezed her hand. "I get what you're saying. It helps...knowing I'm not the only one to feel like this." She brushed her hand across her eyes, wiping away tears. "We've all lost so much, all of us. Where does it end?"

Buffy looked away. "I'm not sure that it does, not in this kind of life. Willow, I should have been dead two times over."

"Slayers don't live long. I knew that starting out with Kennedy but knowing it and facing the reality is so different," Willow said, sounding as fragile as the porcelain flower vase on the dresser.

Buffy wished there was something she could do to help. She felt so inadequate at the moment. Her life was about dealing death, not dealing with the aftermath. "Is there anything I can get for you, Willow? Anything I can do?"

"I'll be all right," Willow said unconvincingly as she got up. "Maybe a little coffee or something."

Buffy held out a hand and Willow took it. "Anything you need, let me know."

"I will." Willow sucked in her bottom lip. "I don't want you to worry. It's not like before."

Buffy kept the look of relief off her face. "I'm here for you, Willow, anything you need."

Willow managed a fragile smile. "Thanks, I appreciate it, Buffy."

Giles was gone from the kitchen when they arrived but Connor was there being mothered by Concetta, who was encouraging him to eat a mound of food that Buffy couldn't imagine him being able to fit inside his slender form. They both hushed as Willow came into the room and sat down at the table.

"Can I get you anything, Willow?" Concetta asked tentatively.

"Just coffee," Willow mumbled.

Concetta poured her some and gave her some biscotti as well.

"Willow, if there's anything you need, let me know," Connor said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She almost managed a smile for him. "Thanks."

"And I'm sorry I wasn't faster," he said again. Buffy could see the guilt in his eyes.

Willow tapped his fingers. "I know you tried."

He nodded. "Giles went to get your friends and family from the airport. He'll be gone for a while since everyone's coming in from all over."

"The only room in this house was Alcina's. I could redo it for the guests or they could all stay over with Giles and Andrew," Concetta said, with the fretful tone of someone at loose ends trying to find purpose.

"I can move over with the guys so at least one of the girls can stay here with you," Connor said. "Or actually go back to my dorm room where I belong."

"We'll figure it out later. We've still got work to do." Buffy said apologetically. Willow nodded her consent for a change of topic, looking grateful for it. "Concetta, you and Giles saw another Soul Eater across the city from where Kennedy was attacked."

Concetta nodded. "Giles and I were going to go back today and see what we could find out but..."

"I could go with Concetta," Connor offered, eager to help.

"Your nose will certainly come in handy," Buffy said, wrinkling her nose. "And that sounded so gross."

"Go with them, Buffy," Willow put in.

Buffy turned to her, looking at her friend as if she had suddenly turned purple and grown another head. "I can't just leave you alone here."

"Andrew's here, right? I won't be alone," Willow replied. "Buffy, I'll be fine. You have my word, no bad magic."

Buffy didn't want Willow to think that she didn't trust her and it hurt that she obviously did. The truth was Buffy wasn't sure about Willow's stability and that hurt worse. It was always in the back of her mind, what could happen if Willow lost control. There was a rift in their friendship, unspoken, unwanted, but there nonetheless. "Are you sure about this, Willow? Andrew can be a bit annoying at the best of times."

"I'll be fine. Andrew will probably fuss over me until you get back. I might just look through Giles' books. I don't think I can just sit here and do nothing. Work will take my mind off of everything. Working's good," Willow assured her, trying to put on her resolve face. It almost looked convincing.

"Okay, if you think so."

"I do."

Buffy reluctantly let Willow have her way, while she, Connor and Concetta went to backtrack the area the second Soul Eater had been hunting in. Buffy was only half interested in the work. She was too concerned about Willow. She tried to drag her attention back to the job at hand. She watched as Connor and Concetta prowled along, Connor taking directions from Concetta as the young Slayer pointed out where they had spotted the demon. Something clicked in Buffy's brain.

"'Cet, are you sure it was here by the church?"

Concetta pushed her dark curly hair back off her face. "Yes, why?"

"The one that killed Kennedy was at a church as well," Buffy replied.

"Didn't you say some of the other victims were parishioners of a specific church?" Connor asked.

Buffy's lips pursed. "Yes, it's not far from here, right, Concetta?"

She nodded. "Father Gabrielle's church is just a few blocks away. Do you think it's important?"

"I'm not much on coincidence," Buffy rumbled.

"Can souls be enriched?" Connor asked. "We talk about them being impoverished. Could a deep faith in something, regardless of religious affiliation add a special flavor to the soul?"

"That's a Giles question," Buffy said with a helpless shrug. She wished she were better with all the details of a thousand demons than she was. "But it would make sense as to why we seem to be finding these things close to churches."

"That doesn't exactly narrow the search, not in Rome," Concetta said wryly.

Buffy sighed. Concetta had a good point. There were probably more Catholic churches in Rome than in all of California and then there were all the other faiths to consider. "So now what?"

"Why not talk to the priest again, Father Gabrielle? We know one of his parishioners went missing along with several others in this area. That's the one place we know the Soul Eaters have struck multiple times. Coincidence, maybe but I'm with you on that subject," Connor said.

"Think we can talk to Father Gabrielle, Concetta?" Buffy asked.

"We'd probably need an appointment but we can try and maybe at least get an idea of what the parish is like from his assistants," the younger Slayer answered.

She wasn't wrong. Father Gabrielle wasn't available. One of the older priest's assistants set up an appointment for them to talk to the priest for them. Buffy watched the younger priest's expressions as Concetta chatted amiably with him in Italian. The priest seemed somehow nervous. Connor was busy stalking the church, looking for what Buffy wasn't sure. Maybe that's what had the priest concerned, a stranger just roaming around.

She tapped Concetta's shoulder and whispered, "Ask him what Father Gabrielle's like."

Concetta nodded and Buffy watched as the priest's expression became more nervous. Something was wrong. She wished she had her sister's gift for languages or at least a little patience to try to learn Italian. She did understand Concetta was thanking him and getting up as if to go. Obviously the man was either busy or didn't want to talk about his superior.

Concetta signaled for Buffy to follow her, not looking like she wanted to speak where she might be overheard. "I saw Connor go into the sacristy. We should round him up then go," the younger girl said.

Buffy followed her, not really sure what a sacristy was. Concetta led the way to a small room off the front of the church, not that far from the altar. Connor was staring at a marble baptismal font that looked like it had been shunted aside and forgotten in a corner. She put a hand on her lover's shoulder. "Is something wrong?"

He shook his head but his eyes said something different. He was apparently on Concetta's wavelength, not comfortable with talking in the church. They went outside and he turned to Concetta. "How far to the catacombs from here? Where we went in is pretty close, right?"

"Not far at all," she confirmed.

"Okay, you two, spill," Buffy ordered. "What's going on? That priest seemed a little nervous and Connor, you look like you know something."

"Father Girardi is nervous," Concetta said. "I think we should go back to the house and talk this over with Giles. Father Girardi saidFather Gabrielle is rather stern, very concerned about the amount of sin in his parish, almost obsessed by it."

"Well, wouldn't most priests be like that? Isn't that like their job?" Buffy asked, having no real close relationships to any church or priests, ever.

Concetta glanced up at the stained glass. "I think it's more than that. Father Girardi seemed to think Father Gabrielle believed that his flock was beyond hope. That's not at all normal."

"That might explain what my nose was telling me," Connor said.

"Which was...," Buffy encouraged.

"I thought maybe I had caught a whiff of the Soul Eater inside the church. That might make sense since we know it's taken someone from here once and went into the catacombs," Connor replied. "What didn't make sense was the smell clinging to that baptismal font. It should have no real smell at all. I mean, holy water's just water that's had prayers said over it. There's no unusual smell. Maybe a little holy oil might get mixed in but that wasn't the scent. It didn't smell like church, you know, no myrrh and frankincense."

"What are you saying? That someone used that font to conjure up something?" Buffy asked uneasily.

Connor shuddered. "Yeah, I am. I don't know what. I can't identify the smell but there's something there. I think Concetta's right. We should talk to Giles. Maybe he's back from the airport by now. I don't know enough to be more helpful. I can't sort out the scent."

"Let's go back. I want to know more before we go blundering around in the church or into the catacombs." Buffy glanced back at the ancient stones of the building. "I don't want to alert anyone if one of those priests or some parishioner here called those things up."

They headed back for the homes. Giles' car was back. Buffy didn't get two steps inside when she found herself with an arm full of little sister. Dawn pressed herself close and when she stepped back Buffy could see her eyes were red-rimmed from crying.

She patted Dawn's arm. "You look good, Dawn. I've missed you so much."

Dawn forced a smile. "Same here." Her eyes slid over to Connor, curiosity gleaming in them.

"Dawn, this is Connor, my...friend," Buffy said, acutely aware of the blush creeping up her cheeks. "Connor, my sister, Dawn."

He smiled and held out his hand. "Nice to meet you. Sorry it had to be under these circumstances."

"Same here. Buffy's told me a little about you," Dawn said, her eyes taking careful stock of him.

"You taken to trolling the high schools for dates, B?" Faith's voice boomed through the living room as she came in. "He's a little...little for you." She made a downward gesture to indicate Connor's definite lack of height.

Buffy saw the stricken look in Connor's eyes as her uncouth sister Slayer flayed him. She didn't blame him, but it seemed like more than merely offense at being called little and young, almost as if he knew her and was deeply affronted. "Faith, honestly, could you be more rude? Connor, this is Faith, another Slayer."

He managed to find a smile for her. "Hello, Faith."

She raised her eyebrows and turned to Buffy. "We're not going with secret identities?"

"Connor already knew what Slayers were when I met him. He comes from a family of demon hunters," Buffy said, not entirely sure it was true but it sounded good. "He helped me kill that Soul Eater last night. Where's Giles?"

"In the library with Andrew, Xander, and Willow. They weren't doing much beyond the comforting thing." Faith hunched her shoulders in. "I'm no good at that."

"You might want to hear what we've got to say," Buffy said. "We might have a break."

Faith looked relieved to hear that there might be something she could help with. "Good."

They all went into the library. Xander was sitting next to Willow, an arm wrapped around her. He was looking somehow older, Buffy thought, tanned from the African sun. He was still sporting the eye patch even though he had talked about getting a glass eye. It struck her suddenly how lonely he looked. Some of that burned away when he saw her. Xander smiled broadly, leaving Willow, albeit gently.

Xander hugged her without words. When he finally let her go, he asked, "How are you holding up?"

"Good," she replied. "You?"

"Wish this wasn't the reason we're all back together but I like the feel of being in the same hemisphere for a change," he answered.

Buffy nodded. She knew exactly what he meant. "Xander, this is Connor. He's helping us out. Connor, this is Xander, Willow's oldest friend. He's been doing the Watcher thing in Africa."

To her surprise and horror, neither of them held out a friendly hand. They were staring at each other with barely disguised alpha male challenge looks.

Finally Connor, not breaking eye contact, said, "Nice to meet you."

"Same here," Xander said in a tone that suggested just the opposite. "Andrew's told me about you."

Buffy watched Connor's eyes flick over to the other man and knew Andrew would be dead if Connor could kill with a glance. She didn't blame him. She could only imagine what kind of skewed version of events Andrew had shared with Xander, who would probably be receptive. He never liked her boyfriends with the possible exception of Riley.

"Do you think Giles could spare us a minute or does Willow need him?" Connor asked Xander, sounding stiff and formal to Buffy.

"We can talk," Giles said, obviously keeping his eye on things.

They all sat down and brought everyone up to speed on their suspicions about the church and the baptismal font. Giles seemed suitably impressed.

"And you'll be meeting with Father Gabrielle tomorrow?" he asked.

Buffy nodded. "Maybe you should go with Concetta. You'd know better what to ask. Me, Connor, and Faith can kick around the church, maybe sneak into the catacombs or something, if we don't track down the Soul Eater tonight."

"Or even if we do. We know this is the second of them. There could be more," Connor said.

"Way to be optimistic," Andrew said, and Connor curled his lip at him.

"No, Connor's right. We have no idea how many deaths there's been and how many Soul Eaters there might be," Buffy said, not out of defense for her lover but because she knew he had a point and didn't want any officiousness and territorial squabbling from Andrew tonight.

"What do we do while you're doing that?" Dawn asked, waving a hand to indicate herself, Xander, and Andrew.

"You can look through the death records for any kind of suspicious but natural deaths all through the city and especially in the areas we know the Soul Eaters were," Buffy said. "Xander and Andrew can be looking to see what's needed to conjure up one of those things, especially stinky herbs. Let's see if we can match it to the smell of the baptismal font...and you can be here to do whatever Willow might need."

Willow smiled faintly. "I'll give them a hand with all of that and with..." She swallowed hard. "The funeral preparations." She looked up at Xander as he put a hand on her arm.

"If you want one of us to do that, Will, just say so. I know you wanted to but if it's too hard, one of us can take care of everything," Buffy offered.

Willow shook her head. "I want to do it and I have help." She glanced at Xander and Dawn. "You do what you need to to stop these things and we'll do our part."

Buffy knew Willow was putting on a brave front and she also understood the need to work. She had felt the same thing when her mom was sick. Buffy knew that wasn't exactly the same thing but it was close enough. "Thanks, Willow and anything you need, just ask. Faith, you up for patrolling tonight?"

"I'm a little jet lagged," the dark-haired Slayer admitted begrudgingly. "But if I can get a nap in I'll be fine."

Buffy nodded. "Do that. You'll be with Concetta tonight. I'll take Connor. I want us all to concentrate on the area of the second Soul Eater until we hear about activity elsewhere."

Buffy just hoped she was making the right call in concentrating their efforts, but Rome was so big and they were so few. She had to trust her instincts. She just hoped talking to the priest tomorrow would shed light on the problem. More importantly, she hoped Willow really would be all right. She didn't have the heart to face down her friend again.