Landing in London Chapter 2

By: Athena13 PG-13
Category: Romance, Drama, Jolie
Summary: JOLIE. Takes place after 2/05.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Frankly, I would treat them better if I did. Bring the real John McBain back!

Author Notes: Thanks for all the feedback. This one is thanks to kindredspirits.us and the fantastic videos showing when John McBain wasn't a pod person. Listen to Bad Company "When You Needed Somebody" and 3 Doors Down when you read this. Every story has a soundtrack!

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And all these days I spend away
I'll make up for this I swear
I need your love to hold me up
When its all too much to bear
When the night falls in around me
I don't think I'll make it through
I'll use your light to guide the way
Cause all I think about is you
"Landing in London" by 3 Doors Down
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Now
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John shuffled from one foot to another and jiggled the change in his pocket. He tried to look nonchalant, but he just looked like a sixth grader waiting to be called into the principal's office. Which, in fact, was how he felt. It was his and Natalie's first joint session with her therapist. He had no idea what the hell he was supposed to say. He had already had his own first therapy session and the fifty minutes felt like two hundred hours as he answered the therapist's questions about his past and he told John about his methods. He almost ran out the door when they started talking about goal setting. Goals? What goals? His only goal was to make Natalie happy. Why did he have to talk to do that?

Which was precisely, he sighed to himself, why he was here now. Willing to go through this again. And again. And for as long as Natalie needed. Who knows, he dug his fingers through his hair, maybe it would help him be a better parent to their son. At the thought of the baby a goodfy grin stretched across his face.

"John, why don't you come in," Natalie's therapist held the door open. He hadn't even heard her come out.

"Sure, okay." John cleared his throat and walked past the tall woman into the comfortable looking room. His smile was gone, replaced by a "deer in headlights" expression.

He forced his lips into a brief smile at Natalie and sat down on the couch next to her. He put his palms face down on his thighs to prevent himself from fidgeting

"I understand you're nervous, John. And you're probably not sure why you're here," Kelly said.

She had a therapist's voice, calm and empathetic. John squirmed.

"Natalie, perhaps you should tell him what you told me."

"All of it?" Natalie asked, hesitantly.

"Yes. One of the things that Natalie has said is that there has always been problems between the two of you in the area of communication. I've requested that she communicate with you openly and honestly, even if she's afraid it might hurt your feelings or make her look bad."

"That sucks, huh?" John smiled at Natalie.

"Only if you refuse to do the same." Natalie smiled back at him.

John silently mouthed "Oh," causing Natalie to laugh, then her expression completely sobered.

"Here I go." Natalie took a deep breath. "John, since the day we met there has been one lie or another between us. An agenda. Guilt. Attraction. Grief. I don't think we were ever really friends. And if we're going to be parents together, we need to learn how to do that. We need to learn to trust one another."

"I trust you, Natalie," John said after a moment internalizing what she said.

"I don't trust you, John."

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Then
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John frowned as he closed his office door behind him. He dropped the folder he'd gone to get onto his desk and ran a hand over his stiff neck. He didn't even bother going to sit in his chair. He was too damn jumpy to just sit down. It had been a week since he and Natalie had slept together and things were even more awkward and tense than he could have imagined it could be between them. They couldn't look each other in the eye and their work conversation was stilted and short. He knew that everyone noticed the change and he was sure gossip was running rampant since they had been left alone in Rodi's last Friday. But no one dared to say it to or around him, which was to their advantage since he was just looking for a chance to ram something down someone's throat.

Natalie wasn't anymore comfortable or serene at her desk. For the first time since she had started this job she wished she didn't sit in the middle of the squad room. She felt like she was under a microscope and she wasn't blind to the curious glances or whispers behind her back. She knew that none of it was mean-spirited, people were curious. Especially cops. It was the nature of the beast. Somehow, she and John had to get back onto solid footing, or at least a professional one. One big problem, however, was that John apparently hadn't told Evangeline what had happened.

"Natalie, honey."

"Mom, what are you doing here?" Natalie stood up and gave her mother, Vicki, a hug.

"Why don't you come into Bo's office. I have something for you." Vicki's expression was serious.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Natalie asked.

Vicki just took Natalie's hand and led her into Bo's office. Bo stood up from behind his desk and came to greet his former sister-in-law and niece.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Bo asked.

"This came in the mail today. Natalie, it's for you." Vicki held out an envelope.

With a curious look Natalie took the envelope, it was addressed to Vicki. She looked at the return address, it was a law firm in Harrisburg she'd never heard of, and then up at her mother and uncle. Bo just looked as puzzled as she was and Vicki looked worried. Natalie opened the flap and from inside she pulled a handwritten letter and a typed letter. Before she could open it the typed letter fell to the floor and she was left holding the handwritten letter. She opened the letter and froze.

"Mom?" Natalie's voice sounded shrill in the silent room.

Vicki moved forward and then stopped, waiting.

"Mom, this is Cristian's handwriting." Natalie began to read the letter, visible tremors shaking her body.

Bo looked at Vicki questioningly and saw tears in her eyes. He bent down and picked up the typed letter. He scanned it quickly and shock spread across his face. Hastily he put the letter back down at his desk and moved forward to his niece. He was just in time to catch her as her legs began to collapse under her.

"No!" Natalie wailed.

"Forrester!" Bo called out. In a moment a uniformed officer was at the door. Before he had a chance to satisfy his curiosity Bo was ordered him to get John McBain, immediately.

"Oh, my god, oh my god," Natalie was repeating over and over again. Vicki kneeled down and was trying to calm her daughter while Bo was hugging her to him.

"You wanted..." John was saying when he walked in the office.

"You bastard!" With a burst of strength Natalie pulled free from Bo's embrace and charged at John. She began pounding at his chest and caught him with a good punch in the face. John didn't try to defend himself. Bo grabbed her and pulled her away and she collapsed into tears.

"My husband. My husband. My husband. Cristian," Natalie cried over and over again.

Bo looked at John with a grim expression on his face.

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Now
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"You didn't give me a chance, you ran off with Paul!"

"And you never said another word about it while we were at the hospital. You said you were a cop first."

"All right, I think the point is that both of you were at fault for not getting together. In fact, that neither of you were ready," Kelly interrupted this second therapy session.

"I guess we're making good progress?" Natalie sighed and let out a forced laugh.

"Are you all right?" John asked as he watched, worriedly, Natalie stroking her stomach.

"I'm fine." Natalie's expression softened at his concern.

"Well, that's all for today, but I do have an assignment for both of you," Kelly said.

"Aww, not homework." Natalie screwed her face up, causing everyone to laugh at her immature antics.

"For the next week I want you two to have scheduled time together. Every day if you can work that into your schedule, Lieutenant. During that time, you two are to make a concerted effort to be completely honest with each other. I don't mean hurtful, I don't mean expressing every thought that crossed into your head. Part of this process is learning discretion, but also communicating clearly and completely."

John looked pained, as any guy used to keeping his own counsel would.

"Thank you, Kelly." Natalie stood up and gave her therapist a hug.

John shook her hand and followed Natalie into the waiting room.

"I guess we should sync our schedules," John said slowly, reluctant to end their time together. Natalie had been home for a week and he'd only gotten a chance to see her a few times, two of those at their scheduled therapy sessions.

"Why don't we do that over dinner, now. We're hungry." Natalie rubbed her stomach.

"Yeah?" John asked, his eyes on her pregnant belly.

"Yeah." Natalie grabbed his hand and placed it under hers on her stomach. "You should feed your son."

John's smile was bright and he nodded happily.

"Should we really be feeding our son burgers from Rodi's?" John asked as they sat across from each other at a little table not far from the pool table. In fact, John had thought to himself as they sat down, it was the same table they had sat at the night junior was conceived.

"Just don't tell on me. I've been force fed healthy food for months. I needed this." Natalie bit into her burger and closed her eyes in bliss at the taste of fat and grease.

"You don't want to get too fat," John said.

Natalie put down her burger, her eyes wide and cleared her throat.

"Huh?" John looked up from his fries.

"Do you even listen to yourself before you talk?" she asked.

John ran through his words in his head and then his eyes widened and he began to stutter and back track.

"Chill, John. I'm not taking offense. This time. But if you catch me when my hormones are raging you might end up with a pool cue somewhere uncomfortable." Natalie laughed and grabbed one of John's fries.

"You have your own!" he pointed out, though he didn't really mind.

"I'm eating for two." Natalie shrugged and picked her burger up again.

"Do you have raging hormones? I mean, sure, of course you do, but, like what happens?"

"Scared?" Natalie asked.

"Hell yes!"

"Good. I need some leverage with you," Natalie said.

"Honey, you're pregnant with my son you don't need anymore leverage. You have me in therapy for god's sake," John whispered the last part.

"I sort of demanded that, didn't I? Listen, if you really don't want to you don't have to. I thought...well, whatever I thought I don't have a right to...I'll always let you be a father to your son. I didn't mean it as a threat."

John didn't look her in the eyes and shrugged.

"I didn't want to do this kind of thing at first either. I was too macho and stuff. But for junior I had to do something to de-stress and be a better mother than Roxy was."

"You'd never be a bad mother."

"Well, maybe not like that. But I could have been a bitter and angry one. I don't want my son growing up without a father or with one I hate."

"This therapy stuff, it's not so bad," he mumbled.

"Yeah?" she asked looking pleased and relieved.

"Yeah. So we have this assignment. Sounds to me like dating," John said.

"Kinda does." Natalie blushed and looked down in her lap. "Kind of ridiculous with me six months pregnant."

"We did rather put the cart before the horse," John agreed. "Still, it might be kind of nice."

"Maybe."

"So what do you want to do on our medically ordered dates?" John took a sip of his beer, grinning as he noticed Natalie's yearning expression as she fiddled with her water.

"Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment if you can get off work. We're doing a sonogram, you'd see junior."

"I can't believe you call him junior too. What time?"

"Eleven O'Clock."

"I'll be there. If you tell me where it is."

"Then you can take us for a healthy lunch."

"It's a date." John smiled.

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Then
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"I have to suspend you for lying to this Department," Bo said from across the desk from John.

"I understand, Commissioner," John said.

"Don't Commissioner me, John. I don't approve of what you did, but I can understand you wanting to protect my niece. She may never forgive you, though."

"I know." John looked down at his lap for a moment before looking back up and meeting his boss's eyes.

"I don't understand why you didn't tell me, but at least you told the FBI and the Department of Corrections. If you hadn't I'd have to do more than suspend you. Jail sentence would be more likely."

John nodded.

"Dammit, John. Why the hell did you do it?"

"He asked me to. He didn't want her married to someone who might never get out of prison. If I'd known before the sentencing." John frowned. "It was a stupid decision, but I didn't think it was mine to make."

"God, Bo." John closed his eyes as he remembered Natalie's reaction. First the heartbroken hysteria, then the quiet despair. He felt like his heart was being ripped out right along with hers.

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Natalie sat in the attic at Llanfair. Cristian's paintings were stacked around her, along with her wedding dress and other items representing her and Cristian's too short life together. It had been two weeks since she had found out about John and Cristian's deception. And two hours since she had found out she was pregnant with John's child. She didn't have the energy to be pissed off anymore. What just a few hours ago had seemed like the cruel hand of fate had irrevocably changed. Anger had turned into resentment and fear. And damn it all to hell, love, for her baby.

She hated John. Would be quite happy to hate John for the rest of her life. But now she had something, someone, else to think of her. Her baby. Their baby. She grew up without a father, as had John for the most part, neither of them wished that for their child. But what could she do about it when she wished the same lonely death on John that he had condemned her husband to in Statesville. That Cristian had condemned himself to and, by proxy, had condemned her heart to without her consent.

But now she couldn't just think of herself, or even Cristian. And that knowledge created a breach where logic, sense and other emotions were starting to trickle in. Including the admission that John was a good man who didn't seem to make smart decisions when his emotions were involved, but who would probably be a good father. And regardless of whether Natalie thought he would be a good father or not, he was one and she was not going to make the same mistake he had and keep the truth from him. Reluctantly, Natalie got up and went downstairs to begin the rest of her life.

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"Natalie."

John's gravelly voice saying her name still made shivers go down her spine, it pissed her off.

"Can I come in?" Natalie said pointedly when he didn't invite her in.

"Uh, yeah, of course," John moved out of the way.

"Do you want something to drink?" John asked.

"This isn't exactly a social call," Natalie said, wishing she could have one last beer.

"Then you might as well start telling me off, then" John said.

"If I did that I might not stop. That's not why I'm here now."

John looked at her curiously.

"I have something to tell you. You should sit down, John."

"All right," John drawled out and sat down on the couch.

"Have you told Evangeline about what happened between us a few weeks ago?" Natalie asked.

"Yeah. I figured there were enough secrets rattling around in here," John said, running his hand through his hair.

"Then it won't be such a shock when everyone finds out that I'm pregnant."

John's hand froze where it was massaging the back of his neck. He looked as if he thought he had heard wrong. Then he stood up, stunned and reached out to grab her arm.

"Did you say pregnant?" He held on like he was afraid she was going run away.

"Don't touch me," Natalie said acidly and pulled her arm from his grasp.

"We used protection that night," John said stupidly.

"Yes. And I'm on the pill. Was on the pill. I guess this was supposed to happen."

"Are you sure it's mine and not...Cristian's?"

"Yes," Natalie hissed.

"What...are you...I don't know what to say here. What I have the right to say."

"I'm going to keep the baby and I want it to have a father. I know that much. Beyond that, I don't know what or how to do this."

"Okay. Whatever you want."

"What you did was so despicable, John. I can't see myself forgiving you, but now I have to. So I'm going to go away for a while and try to work this out. To London to stay with my father."

"For how long?" John motioned as if to touch her again, but stopped himself at the last moment.

"I don't know. I'll be back before the baby is born. Don't try to contact me. Don't come to London. I can't even bear to look at you right now." With that, Natalie walked out. Leaving him standing alone and impotent in his empty apartment, the slot machine Natalie had given him once upon a time flashing behind him.

End - for now