Never a Normal Relationship…

By Lady Cleo

All Disclaimers Apply.

While setting down on Jayne's home world things go from messed up to screwed up for Jayne, River and the crew of Serenity. (Jayne River, Post Objects in Space.)

To the reviewers, as always my eternal gratitude goes to you. Thanks Katie Shines and Eliane451 for always reviewing, it makes me all giddy. And thanks for the offer Twitchy Louie, though I don't think my beta likes it, I may just take you up on the offer.

Chapter Five: The Wrong Atmosphere

"JAYNE!"

Simon was the first one of his feet as her loud scream shook the house. Panic and disorder rained down on the occupants of the living room as the young Doctor sprinted for the stairs, Daniel and Mal close on his heels.

Simon guessed at which door to choose, following the sound of her screams. Shoving the light wood door open with his full body weight he skidded to a halt at the sight that greeted him. River's hands gripped Jayne's shirt, holding him half way in a sitting position, tears streaking down her face as she cradled his still form.

Daniel pushed past Simon and pulled the struggling River from his son. He handed her off to the shocked doctor and bent over the unconscious form of his Jayne, checking for a pulse. "He ain't breathing right Doc."

Handing River to the nearest able body Simon raced over, gently pushing Daniel out of the way so that he could check Jayne's vitals. "He's going into Cardiac Arrest, get my bag, now."

Marie immerged from the kitchen as Mal ran through the living room, her gaze flying about the room as organized panic ensued. Lifting her fingers to her lips she watched them scurry about, confused about the goings on. Her gaze flickered to the stairs to see Zoe half carry, half drag the screaming River down. Her motherly instinct kicked in and though Marie didn't have a clue what was happening, she reached out wordlessly for the crying girl and led her away from the disorder.

Guiding the distraught River over to a chair Marie pulled another one for herself close to the girl, wrapping her arm around River's trembling shoulders, "What's wrong hon?"

River looked up into the woman's face. Tears streaking down her face as she answered, "Jayne's drowning!"

Marie let a panicked laugh slip from her lips in a poor effort to mask the fear that River's words had created, "He ain't drowning hon. Jayne knows how to swim real well. He's been through a lot today so maybe he just got turned around a little. All he's gotta do is figure out is which ways up." Marie soothed quietly. She gently rocked the distraught girl, her gaze unconsciously falling to the door way in time to watch the boys carry Jayne out on the stretcher. But she couldn't let the tears fall yet, they would be of no help to the smaller woman in her arms.

"I've lost it." River murmured shaking her head, "Can't find it again, it's all lost. Floated down stream and locked away in a strong box, carried away from the girl's touch. Can't get it back again, it's lost."

Marie shushed her, "Now I know that ain't true hon. I don't think I meet anyone is as clever as you. You and my boy can find whatever's been lost." Closing her eyes Marie pulled the girl closer, "You just give it time and everything will be alright, everything will be just fine."

It was dark and not nearly as peaceful as he'd always thought death would be. But then again, maybe he was going to hell. He hadn't exactly led a saintly life. But then he'd always assumed there'd be flames lickin at his body and all those clichés.

"Ain't dead fool."

Jayne turned and spotted his pa walking up to him from the darkness. "Pa? What in the hell are you doin' here?"

"I'm you're consciousness fool boy. Here to wake you up." The image of Daniel explained. "I told ya never to get flashed boy, cuz these here are the consequences. Hangover from the drugs, that weren't so bad but no fun ride either. Then the memory wiped and replaced, and the proper ones returned. Now that was damn painful. And now to come full circle it damn near killed you. But we ain't dead yet, you can thank your brother-in-law for that one." The image of Daniel frowned, crossing his arms across his chest he glared down at Jayne. "Now why the hell you still here and not out there straightening out the mess you got yourself into?"

"I don't wanna go back, ain't fun no more." Jayne almost pouted, but instead turned it into a scowl. "All these lies I told myself, all these make believe memories, they're better then real life, pa, better then anything I ever had, and now their just hanging around my head, reminded me that the life I got ain't so pretty as I used to think. Reminding me that everything I felt for the feng le girl was a lie pa."

Daniel snorted, glaring down at his son, "Then you're saying for the past week your body and heart have been lying to you, making up everything you felt for the girl? Don't think so boy, they don't lie to ya, they don't make up stuff that ain't already there. Those three years of so called lies just let you realize what you wasn't letting be made clear."

Jayne shook his head angrily, "I do not love the feng le girl. I like the image of her as my wife is all."

"You're just giving yourself more lies boy. If you don't love that girl, either the one you married or the feng le one that slashed your chest open, then I'm a monkey's ass."

"It don't mater anyway," Jayne growled shaking his head, "Even if I did love her it's all messed up, they ain't ever gonna let me keep her."

"Keep who, River?" Daniel demanded, "Don't think it's their right to say anything bout that boy. We'll maybe her brother does, but last I checked he won't be the one sleeping with you."

Jayne moaned burying his face in his hands, "Mal's gonna kill me."

"This ain't about Mal or bout what the crew thinks. This is about you and River and it's bout time you stop thinkin' like some gorram little boy and grow up. Ain't nobody got the right to dictate who you love, you was taught better then that."

"It ain't that simple pa."

"Damn right it is. Life ain't as complicated as you're makin it out to be boy. You tell them how it's gonna be and don't take no for an answer. Ain't that how you got through your life before Mal came along and spoiled ya?" Daniel demanded as he leaned down and glared into Jayne's eyes.

"It ain't that simple pa." Jayne reiterated with an angry glare of his own up at his pa.

The image of Daniel shook his head, "Stop makin excuses. It's about time you started making something of this gorram life and you can't do that staying here and whining." Reaching down he grabbed a hold of Jayne's shirt roughly pulling him to his feet. "Now wake the hell up."

Simon stepped out of the infirmary and paused for a second, his gaze falling to the group of people that waited patently on the couch. River was wrapped securely in Marie Cobb's arms on the couch as Daniel stood at their side, watching them intently. Over on the stairs Mal, Kaylee, and Wash sat quietly while Zoe and Book still lingered behind Simon, watching over Jayne in the Infirmary.

Steeling his shoulders Simon walked quietly over to older couple, feeling the eyes of the rest of the crew following his progress. "Mr. and Mrs. Cobb" He declared quietly, pulling their attention away from the still very distraught River.

"How's my boy?" Daniel demanded, his gaze shifting around the young doctor to glance towards the infirmary.

"He's sleeping peacefully now." Walking around the small coffee table Simon took a seat on the edge of it, "I did a quick glance over the records and it turns out that this is not an uncommon event for someone his age. The chemicals involved in flashing have been known to trigger something called Syrchenz's Cardiomyopathy. It acts like a temporary drug overdose, slowing the heart down until it can't sustain the body. Syrchenz's works faster though, inducing cardiac arrest in the patient, momentarily stopping his heart."

Simon could see the worry building behind their eyes and sought to quickly quell it. "However, his heart is extraordinarily healthy and strong. He should pull through this event with flying colors. However, as soon as he wakes up I will take the necessary precautions and do some testing to insure that my theory is correct, but beyond that he appears to be in fine condition. As I said he's sleeping now, but if you like you can go in and see him for yourself."

Jayne woke slowly, disoriented and confused by the bright white light that blinded him. He could vaguely make out voices in the distance, hauntingly familiar as he fought to regain his bearings. His body screamed at him as his mind tumbled thoughts around. He tired to sort thought the frenzy of facts, which ones belonged and which ones didn't, but only confused himself.

And then suddenly he understood what was wrong; River wasn't curled tightly to his side.

Jayne fought through the fog of his mind, pushing against his aching body he tried to sit up. Instead he crashed to the floor, knocking the breath from his lungs as he hit the tile hard. His vision blurred for a moment and the mercenary rolled over to his back pushing himself into a sitting position as he tried to regain control of his breathing.

Something reached out to him and Jayne pushed away. He reached for his gun, any gun, something to solidify his surroundings, something he could control. But his hand grabbed onto nothing and stirred more panic in his already unstable mind. Fighting against the hands that sought to lift him up, he pushed himself away until his back hit a cabinet door.

Nothing was right, everything was wrong.

"What the hell?" Mal demanded as he followed the doc into the med lab, Jayne's parents close behind. The mercenary had backed himself into a corner where Book and Zoe where trying to talk him back to surgery bed, but Jayne didn't seem to be listening to anything or anybody.

Simon hurried over to the cabinets and pulled down a weaker sedative. He expertly and quickly prepared a light dose for his patient and turned; tapping the syringe he quickly started over to the group.

River suddenly pushed past the group in the doorway. Glaring at the group surrounding her husband she gently pulled Simon and his drugs away, and promptly shooed Zoe and Book away. Kneeling before the man she reached out her hand to tentatively touch his shoulder, drawing his attention to her. "Be good Jayne!" He froze almost in fear for a second and then suddenly relaxed. The smaller girl smiled and quietly climbed onto his lap, cuddling to his chest. "Be good Jayne." She repeated, her hand soothing down his hair, her face snuggling into his neck. "Be good Jayne."

"It's kind of… freaky." Mal looked up at the sound of Wash's voice to see his pilot and second mate enter the dinning room. "I mean, sure there was that one time we all speculated, but who would've ever thought the mercenary and the crazy genius would..." He trailed off shaking his head as he sat down at the table.

Zoe followed suit slipping into the seat beside him. "I ain't ever seen that side of Jayne before, and I don't think I ever want to again!" Zoe added with a frown, her gaze switching between her husband and her captain.

Kaylee entered the dinning room, a frown stretched across her cheeks. "You know back in town this afternoon, it was like they was broken by it all, torn to pieces. Never heard River cry like that, never, not in all the times she's woken up screaming from nightmares." She commented before moving into a seat across from Mal, shaking her head.

"You only cry like that when something's died Kaylee." Mal whispered, keeping his gaze fixed on the table he crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "When you lost something that you ain't ever getting back."

"Then what happened to Jayne in the infirmary… it was like she was the only thing that could reach him, something happened while we were lookin' for them. Captain something big happened." Kaylee added, "Almost like…" She trailed off, unwilling to finish the thought.

Book clasped his hands together walking silently into the room, Inara following after him. "The human mind has endless capacities and the ability to do astounding things in short periods of time. They may have only had four or five days, but they probably made three years of memories. And as Mr. Cobb said, those three years revolved around each other. It is possible that they created an emotional bond to each other." Book declared quietly as he took a seat at the table.

"You think that's what happened Shepherd?" Zoe asked leaning back in her chair she exchanged as quick glance with Mal. Her mind skipped quickly over the endless possibilities of what that could imply.

"I do. Based on their breakdown in town and his reaction to her in the infirmary, I'd say that was the only possibility. But, I don't think the bond is the problem." Mal's head shoot up, flying over to the Shepherd's form as the rest of the crew followed his example. "The problem will be how they handle their situation. You might say their going to be faced with double vision. The problem is how we handle supporting the pain they must be feeling. I believe the only way they will come out of this emotional unscarred will be if they remain together."

"All that they have left is each other and we'll have to be very supportive of that." Inara's eyes sought Mal's at once, and then flew to each of the crew's. "I think it's very essential that we don't appear to dispute the relationship, no matter our own personal opinions." Inara added, "What's done is done, there's nothing that we can do to change it and we should all work privately to accept it."

Book nodded his head slowly. "Perhaps, given time, our support and support from each other, they will be able to heal."

"What about Simon?" Kaylee questioned. "It ain't gonna be so easy for him to accept that his sister appears to be attached to a man he don't regard as decent." The table fell into a deep pensive silence.

"He ain't gonna have a choice in the matter Kaylee." Mal finally answered, "I don't think River's gonna let him. Crazy or not the girl knows what she wants and gets what she wants. Think she proved that pretty well when Jubal Early came aboard. All that's left is for Simon to accept it."

"Ain't nothing gonna be the same again, is it Captain?" Kaylee asked, her eyes pleading with him to give some comfort, to assure her that the broken forms of River and Jayne would eventually mend.

"I don't know Kaylee." Mal answered his gaze shifting over to his mechanic. "I honestly don't know."

Simon looked up from his scans as he entered the infirmary. Jayne still lay on the surgery chair sleeping relatively peaceful while River stood over him. She watched his breathing carefully, one hand hovering over his chest, her lips moving rapidly.

"River?" Simon asked cautiously as he approached her. "River what are you…"

"Shush! Counting. Breathing not at optimal efficiency but at acceptable rate when previous stress and trauma are factored into the alacrity required to fabricate restoration of correct rate." Her other hand dropped down to the sleeping man's wrist, finding the pulse pointed she resumed her quiet counting.

Simon frowned stepping around her he walked over to the counter and set down his scans. Glancing over at the wall monitors he checked Jayne's vitals before turning back around to watch his sister.

River released Jayne's wrist, her head coming up to meet Simon's gaze. Assured of her husband's stabilized heartbeat she moved over to the side counter, climbing up onto the counter that could serve as makeshift second bed. Cross her legs beneath her she closed her eyes and resumed her efforts to reestablish the connection between man and wife.

"River…" Simon began, still struggling on how to broach the question that plagued his mind. Though he had little doubt that she probably already knew what he was thinking about, he couldn't find the words that seemed to fit the situation.

"Lost it!" She interrupted her eyes moving rapidly beneath her eyes lids as though searching for something in the dark. "Connection was severed by the moment of drowning. He's locked the girl out. He can do that now because he knows the keys of her mind."

"Connection?" Simon inquired quietly, walking over he came to halt in front of the smaller girl and frowned, "What kind of connection? What was connected?"

Simon was afraid of the answer she would give him. This much she had anticipated. His thoughts would have to be guided to acceptance, "Souls, Minds, Hearts…" her eyes flashed open to meet his, "Bodies."

Simon turned green and took a step back from her as though she had just slapped him. "River did he…" he couldn't finish the question, didn't want to imagine how the strong man had taken advantage of his sister.

"Lies." River's voice shocked Simon out of his thoughts and he turned back to look at his little sister. "Think what you like Simon, only will be telling yourself lies. Husband did not take advantage of wife. Wife took advantage of husband."

She climbed down from the cabinet and circled her brother. "His mind was unwilling, but the girl snuck in, coxed and sang, brought the boy out. Simon forgets that River's just a girl. Wants to be like the others who got to play and test the waters. Wants to feel what the others feel, just like Simon feels for Kaylee." She grinned at his startled jump.

"River knows what he feels for the mechanic, knows how he denies like Mal. Knows that he desires to be as Wash, free to touch, to feel, to grasp in his hands the meaning of joy and to connect. Knows that he is trying to be as Book; satisfied with distance. But Simon is not ethereal, not near as strong as Book. He will need to connect soon or all will be lost. Kaylee will not always wait; she is girl, like River want to be."

"Are you saying that you essentially told him to…" Simon trailed off when he realized that the only words that came to his mind were 'violate you'.

"Think what you like Simon, only will be telling yourself lies." River repeated and turned away form her shocked brother. She walked over to stand by her husband, a hand hovering over his face. "You found her broken Simon." Simon looked up at to her words, watching her quietly. "You sacrificed so much for the girl, but you found her broken. So you must mend her, be paid for all your sacrifices." She met his gaze full on.

"River no. That's not true. I only want to help you."

River's expression softened at the heartbroken look that crossed her brother's face. Momentarily forgetting about Jayne she walked over to Simon and took his hand in hers. "Simon can be of assistance to the girl, he can give the girl a probability. Drugs will not fix her, they will provide a way to distinguish the voices, will help her control the emotions but at he cost of her conciseness. But, Simon has the cure in his lab, only he is blind to it." She led Simon over to Jayne and placed his hand over the slightly rising chest of her sleeping husband. "The cure is here."

"How?"

"Drug is Jayne. Jayne is Drug. No poison ivy, no bits coming back up. Stabilized and calculated dosages, mathematics are simple, physics combined with psychological effects, biology where one plus one equals one."

"You're not making any sense River. I can't understand."

River titled her head and moved her glances between Jayne and Simon. "A strong positive emotion of regard and affection, any object of warm affection or devotion. Beloved, dear, dearest, a beloved person; used as terms of endearment, a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction between two people, a score of zero in tennis."

"Love?" Simon had to stop himself from shouting the word. "That's an emotion, not a cure. How can it replace what you've lost?"

"Not replace, silly Simon. No way to make perfect what has been broken, can only mend it." She smiled up at him for a second, and then gently guided him to the infirmary door. "The girl can see this is hard for Simon, can see this is not something to be taken lightly. Simon should rest; think over what she has shown him. Will not be easy to accept, but she will give you time." Standing on her tiptoes she kissed him quietly on the cheek and all but shoved him out the door.

Simon moved off unwillingly. Her words had made sense, almost perfect sense. He understood her meaning but wasn't sure that he was ready to accept it. It was too much to take in at once. He moved off towards his small alcove, deciding that he needed to rest before he dared try and think about what she'd told him.

Jayne fought off the waves of sleep that sought to keep him in the dark. His bearings were still skewed. Confused, unsure of where he was, he tried to force the fog from his sight and rolled over, crashing once again to the hard floor. "Gorram it, gotta stop doin that!" He groaned recalling another instance of meeting the hard tiled floor. At least the impact had cleared the fog from his head.

"Salutations."

Jayne jumped at the sound of her voice, his reaction slowed by the stress that his body had endured. Slowly pushing himself to his feet he turned to look at the small girl. She sat cross legged on the second bed, her gaze watching him intently.

She frowned for a second when his eyes meet hers. His mental locks were still in place, not budging no matter how hard she pushed. It confused her. Why had he accepted her touch after his first waking, yet still locked her out. The math didn't add up, the calculations were off, and she couldn't find the solution.

Jayne eyed River like she was holding a butcher's knife and ready to take his head off. He started to back away slowly, only stopping when his backside hit the bed and forced him too. "What do you want?" He demanded gruffly.

River climbed down the counter, cautiously reaching out towards him with her hand. "Jayne's lost, the girl wants to show him the way back." He moved away from her hand, but he didn't bolt like she expected. "Be good Jayne." She ordered, reaching out towards him again.

"It's gone, ain't ever coming back, it died when the real stuff came back along." Jayne declared as he backed himself into a corner, almost shaking from fear of her touch. "Gorram it girl, don't you understand? Ain't no way in hell we can get that back, it's gone."

River continued advancing on him slowly, peering at him through the curtain of her hair. "Not gone, lost is all. That which was misplaced can be found again. Sure footing will bring the path into view; steady pacing will ensure the reconnection." She reached out to him, her fingers hovering over his chest. "Release is the key, open the doors and all will return to normal."

"Can't." He whispered unsteadily. "Too much has happened." He was afraid of what he felt for her, afraid of the consequences, afraid to touch her in the ways that a man ought to.

River paused; confused she retracted her hand and listened to the frightened thoughts that slipped past his locks. "Your greed, your desire are kept locked in the closet. You're afraid to release them for fear of Daddy, fear of the looks that may come your way."

"Hell no!" He declared suddenly angry over her actions. "I ain't afraid of anything." But his words and actions contradicted and his eyes widened in fear as she took another step closer.

River reached out with her hands, letting them graze the skin on his arm, watching as he jumped at her touch. "Scared of touching the girl like you did before. Scared of holding her and loving her…" She moved an inch closer and he looked ready to bolt for the door, ready to climb up onto the counter just to avoid touching her. "Jayne's scared!"

Jayne's eyes flashed with anger and his hands suddenly jumped from his sides, circling her neck as though to strangle. And though he stole her breath away it was not in the expected form. Before she could understand he was leaning down to her, lips capturing hers. His hands slip over her shoulder to greedily explore her body, pulling her to him so forcibly that it caused them both to grunt in momentary pain. A hand came up and dove into her hair, fisting into the long brown waves. He angled her head, deepening the kiss, tasting the inside of her mouth. Their bodies pulsed together and she clung to his shirt in a desperate attempt to keep herself steady.

It seemed like he needed to breathe her in. Almost like it would be the last time he ever kissed another woman.

Jayne ended the kiss as he had started it. Suddenly and almost furiously he pushed her away. His eyes met hers for a second before he turned and angrily marched out of the infirmary. Ignoring half the crew's startled looks he stormed through the cargo bay and down the ramp.

He didn't slow down until his feet hit solid earth. He didn't let his breathing resume its proper pacing until he couldn't see Serenity anymore. He didn't stop at all until the house and the ship were distant objects on the horizon. Only then did he let himself think for a second.

His heart pounded but he wasn't sure if it was the stress of recent events or something else. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, taxing his heart after everything it had gone through, but he couldn't help it. He was running away from her, he was refusing to face what he could feel, what he had felt. He was running away like a gorram coward and he knew it. Hell, it felt like the only thing he could admit to himself safely.

Jayne turned around to glare at the distance ship. "Gorram it." He kicked at a nearby rock, sending the small thing flying off into the distance. Turning back around Jayne started off again. Not towards the ship, not towards resolve. Despite the throbbing pain in his chest he just kept on running.

River sank slowly to the floor bringing her knees up to her chest. Slowly burying her face in her arms she let the tears finally start falling, his goodbye still lingering on her lips...
Notes…

Feel free to correct me if I blotched the medical stuff too much, not a expert but I did do some internet research on the subject for this story on Web MD, but since the extent of my science was biology I can't be sure if I used it right. And in case you haven't guessed Syrchenz's Cardiomyopathy is made up.

Yes, I know, Jayne shouldn't have been up and about after all that stress to his heart, but there is a method to my madness…