Landing in London IX

NC-17

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When the night falls in around me
I don't think I'll make it through
I'll use your light to guide the way
'Cause all I think about is you
"Landing in London" - Three Doors Down

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Now
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The light was dim in the hospital waiting room. At least that's the way it looked to John McBain. His legs had long ago given out so now he sat on a chair and stared unseeing at the wall. His left hand was clenched, his right dangling uselessly at his side.

Across the room sat the Buchanans, the Balsoms, the Vegas, the Walsh's, the Mannings and everyone else who cared about Natalie and John. The only one who dared to bridge the gap between the sides of the room were Antonio, Rex and John's brother Michael, but even they were unable to get him to focus for more than a few moments.

Skimming the surface of John's brain were idle thoughts. Thoughts about how amazed and embarassed Natalie would be about all the people who had come together to pray for her to pull through. Thoughts about the ugly pictures that hung on the wall that reminded him of the cheaper hotels back home in AC. The terrible coffee that Natalie would have dumped right on the spot and masterfully replaced with a special brew. How she would have laughed at Roxy's comments, which were clearly intended to be encouraging but were actually funny.

These thoughts barely covered the dark terror that held his body and mind in its grasp. Thoughts of the blood that had seemed to flood from Natalie's body as she was lifted onto a gurney and rushed into the ambulance. The image fear and pain that mutated her beautiful face. The possibility that Natalie might not pull through and yet the Earth would continue to spin.

And underneath that were fractured bits of guilt trying to slip through. The guilt that protected him and let him run. He wanted to do nothing but run. Hide. Stay away. Become numb again.

But she deserved better this time.

So did their son. If he believed in God he might pray for a trade. He'd give up his son for her. He hated himself for the thought.

"John." Michael's voice startled him.

John looked up at his brother hovering above him. He couldn't speak, but his eyes demanded answers. Was she all right? Can I see her? Can I touch her?

Michael kneeled down.

John flinched away. Kneeling was bad.

Michael grabbed John's left hand and pried his fist open. With a harshly released breath Michael took the diamond ring that John had been grasping. It was the ring Eve had sent him to give to Natalie, but hadn't fit because her fingers had swelled as her due date neared. She had worn it on her neck. The nurse had handed it to him hours ago and he hadn't let it go since.

"John. The doctor is here to speak to us."

John looked away. He didn't want to hear. He didn't want to know. Not yet. He took the ring back and closed his eyes.

He and Natalie were on another of their doctor prescribed dates. This time they were sitting in his hotel room. They had been playing with the slot maching Natalie had given him. She was leaning up against his body, enclosed by his arms and they were taking turns pulling the one-armed bandit. She had just scored a jackpot and was laughing with delight. He was laughing too, but not looking at the machine. He only had eyes for her. His red-haired beauty.

He knew she felt fat and unattractive. He knew she was beginning to feel uncomfortable and hindered in her movements. She couldn't see her own glow. Her lush sexiness. But he could and it made him breathless and hard. He pressed himself against her, letting her feel what she would not believe.

He felt, rather than heard, her breath hitch as she felt him. With a dreamy smile John slid his hands from her stomach to her swollen breasts. He knew they were aching and beginning to fill in preparation for birth. He had seen her lift and massage them when she thought he wasn't looking – she didn't know he always was. Now, he mimicked those actions to give her comfort and because he needed to touch her.

They had only made love once. Almost made love another time. Their kisses he could count on both hands, not even.

He felt like he had never been with anyone else.

He ached for her. He knew he would never have enough.

"John." Her whisper made him throb. He nibbled on her ear.

"I love you."

He didn't know he was the one who said it.

"John."

"Marry me." This wasn't how he'd planned to ask, yet he the moment would never be more perfect. His child moved in her belly even as they move restlessly against each other. "I have a ring. My mother's ring."

"Yes." Natalie turned in his arm and put her arms around his neck.

"John." This time it was Michael's voice.

"No!" John stood up and walked away.

It was Vicki who settled him with a look. With his hand in hers he went to listen to the doctor.

She was so pale. Almost as white as the pillow case on which her head rested. She had lost a lot of blood the doctor said.

But she would be all right.

As would their son.

"John."

Tears pricked his eyes as he heard the voice he feared he'd never hear again. He kneeled down and pressed his face close to hers.

"I love you." This time he knew he had said it. He promised he would never stop saying it.

"I love you too." Natalie clasped his hand tighter when she saw the tears staining his stubbled cheeks.

"Don't ever leave me."

"Our son is all right."

"I know." John breathed in her breath. He ran his fingers through her hair.

"I really need a shower."

John laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"I love you."

Natalie just looked at him quizzically.

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Later
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Now it's all making sense
Forever's in the present tense
I know it all begins
With you
And so this story goes
I am yours to have and hold
And I can't wait to grow old
With you, yeah
"With You" - Lila McCann
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Of course she wouldn't wear white at her own wedding.

John smiled along with everyone else in the garden at Llanfair as she walked down the flower-strewn aisle towards him.

The lavender color she had chosen was perfect. It brought out the blue in her eyes and the creamy perfection of her skin. She was even more beautiful now than ever.

"Hey," she whispered after Clint handed her hand to him.

"Hey, beautiful." He loved how she blushed when he called her that. He made sure he did it often.

Joey cleared his throat and they just giggled along with everyone present as they stopped staring at each other and looked at him.

The ceremony passed in a blur. Soon enough they were sharing their first married kiss, which Joey had to interrupt again as it didn't seem to ever be ending.

Rex handed Natalie their son, John Cristian, after his father and her ex-husband, and together the three of them walked down the aisle towards the tents in which they would he celebrating their new family.

Just before they entered Natalie stopped.

"I meant everything I said." She looked up at him over the head of their baby.

"I know. Me too."

"There's one thing I wanted to say to you, to both of you, in private."

John waited for her to continue.

"I trust you."

John smiled and pressed his forehead against hers. He knew what a long road it was for her to say that to him again. He slid one hand on the bare head of their son and the other into her silky red hair, which at his behest she had worn loose adorned only with gardenias.

"Mrs. McBain. May I have this dance?"

Their blue eyes connected, as they had since the first moment they had met.

End! Really, this time.