Never a Normal Relationship…

By Lady Cleo

All Disclaimers Apply.

While setting down on Jayne's home world things go from messed up to screwed up for Jayne, River and the crew of Serenity. (Jayne River, Post Objects in Space.)

Chapter Six: The Wrong Circumstances

Mal frowned; there was something distinctively different about Jayne. Something he couldn't quite figure out yet as he watched the man trudge across the yard towards the barn in the early morning light. And then there was River, who sat forlornly on Serenity's ramp watching the mercenary disappear into the barn.

Mal's frown deepened. Wasn't it just yesterday that he'd watched his hired weapon hold the small girl as if he'd never let go. And wasn't it just yesterday that his mercenary had gone into cardiac arrest? The man probably shouldn't have been walking about like nothin' had happened. No, he defiantly shouldn't have been. Or at least that had been the impression Simon had given Mal after learning about Jayne storming off into the horizon last night.

None of it made any sense anymore. Not that his life ever really had…

Mal shook his head as he walked slowly down the ramp to take a seat next to River. "Your brother's gonna throw a conniption if you don't get that…" What exactly was Jayne to her? Crewmate, ape man, husband, or that man-she'd-shared-three-years-of-fake-memories-with?

"Legally bound through matrimony; husband." She answered him without a pause.

"Sure." Mal nodded his head, still mighty uncomfortable with her whole slightly freaky reading abilities. "Well, your brother is gonna throw a fit if you don't get that husband of yours off his feet. Not right that he should be up much less doin' farm labor after dying for a second."

"Can't; the boy is afraid of the girl again, won't let her near, won't let her in. Just keeps running away. Can't fix the connection cuz he's locked her out." River turned to look at the captain for a second, then let her gaze fall towards the barn again.

"Right," Mal nodded his head, although not exactly sure what she meant he got the gist of it. Jayne wasn't talking to her anymore, probably having something to do with age old butcher's knife incident. "He's a stubborn man. How exactly did you get him to agree to this marriage, I mean in the memories that you…" What word would suit the situation best? "that you created?"

"He purposed matrimony."

"Huh, really, never would've figured." Mal muttered shaking his head. "Well don't know how you'd connect to somebody, but I don't suppose you could just knock him over the head and fix it that way?" River rolled her eyes at him, "Right, that'd probably give him another heart attack. Well, what about just talking sense to him, you're a smart girl, you can probably find the right words and all."

"Can't see what you don't wanna see, can't understand what you don't want to understand." She explained, she kicked her feet out from underneath her and shook her head. "Can't talk to the running river, it moves to quickly."

"What do you see in that man anyway? That is sides' the fact that he's a self centered tyrannical maniac and your brother thinks he's like a trained ape man without the training."

"Girl was broken, boy was only cracked. When combined they made whole, brother can't understand that yet." Mal started to open his mouth to make a comment but she beat him to it, "How can cracked and broken mend each other? Is simple mathematics, fit the broken one into the cracks and you have a semblance of a whole. But now both are broken."

"You ever thought about just givin' straight answers?" Mal questioned. "It would be a might bit helpful." He added turning his head to stare at the smaller girl. "Brother giving you any trouble?"

"Simon's not the problem. Boy's the problem, locked the girl out."

"May not be a problem much longer, probably gonna give himself another heart attack, or whatever your brother called it."

"Syrchenz's Cardiomyopathy."

"That's the one." Mal nodded, he sat silently for a second before deciding that he would get nowhere with the girl and pushed himself to his feet. "Well suppose I could take a gander over and talk to your, uh, husband. Least get him to come back and satisfy your brother before the boy paces a new hole in my boat." That said he started down the ramp towards the barn.

"You're an idiot boy!" Daniel huffed as he tossed a bundle of hay down from the loft. "Ain't supposed to be on your feet, I ain't no doctor and I know that." Daniel looked over at Jayne, watching the boy working at his side. "Jayne, you listening to me at all?"

"Nope." The mercenary answered tossing down another bundle of hay.

"Figured." Daniel muttered and then started to climb down the ladder back to the ground floor. "Where'd you go last night? Near about gave your mother a heart attack of her own when you didn't come home last night?"

"Nowhere."

"What did ya do?"

"Nothin'."

"Where'd you sleep?"

"Ground."

"Boy!" Daniel declared with a huff as his son climbed down, "I've spent a lifetime sacrificing for you. The least you could do is give more than two words for my questions. I ain't gonna beat your ass cuz I figured with you stressing out that heart of yours like you're doin, it'd be liable to kill ya." Daniel walked over to glare at his son.

Jayne nodded but didn't answer; instead he lifted up a bundle and carried it over to the stalls. Daniel groaned, fighting back the urge to cuff his son on the head. Longing for the good old days when he could have whipped his son's ass, the days when all he had to worry about was Jayne coming home on time for dinner. Suddenly feeling old and tired Daniel turned and walked out of the barn, deciding that if his son wanted to kill himself doing the chores, well, that was his choice.

Jayne looked up when he heard the barn door shut and promptly dropped to the nearest available seat, in this case an older barrel, clutching at the center of his chest. He closed his eyes and focused in on the pain, it was easier then thinking about River.

"Whoa there, you ain't gonna have another one of those heart attack thingies?" Jayne opened his eyes to see Mal standing over him. He immediately pushed off the pain and stood walking back over to the stalls to finish feeding the horses. "Wanna tell me why you're avoiding your wife?"

"Ain't my wife." Jayne grunted tossing another bundle of hay into the stalls.

"Funny, just the other day you near about shot my head off when I said the same thing."

"Near about? I would've if there hadn't been a crowd mulling around. Bullet could've gone through you and hit somebody I knew." Jayne answered truthfully. Moving across the barn he started on another chore.

"Now, why you avoiding your wife?" Jayne didn't answer the captain, just continued working. "I asked you a question, and I'm expecting an answer."

"Ain't none of your ruttin' business."

"If you're bringin' it on my boat then it's my business." Mal answered back angrily. "And what they hell you think you're doin'? Trying to kill yourself? Doc ain't stopped bitching about your behavior last night, you had half your family bout to ride out looking for you and I don't think anyone of them got a wink of sleep last night waiting for you to come home."

"Leave it be Mal, they're my problems and I gotta work them out for myself." The mercenary spoke softly, turning to face his captain for a moment.

Mal's frown deepened for a moment, this job of being all knowing Captain, the one who was supposed to have all the answers, was weighing down on his shoulders. "Don't much look like you're facing them, just like you're turning tail and running."

"Gorram it Mal, I ain't used to this touchy feely crap." Jayne bit back angrily. "You can't just expect me to turn around and accept it when I ain't never before felt this sorta thing. I don't understand half of what it means, nor why in ruttin hell it happened with a gorram moonbrained child that I sold out to the Alliance couple months back. It don't help that I got three years worth of memories that say I had plenty of time to get accustomed to her and whatever the hell I'm feeling. And it don't help that I got this sorta primal fear that's holding so tightly to my gorram heart that I'm ruttin amazed I can still breathe."

"That might be the cardiac thingy."

Jayne ignored the comment and continued, "I've been told one thing, believed another and remembered something entirely different. It don't make no sense why I should be feeling like this. Much less why I should be feeling this for a gorram crazy girl. Nor why I'm even still entertain thoughts that I might still have these ruttin feelings for that little girl. Worst of all, suddenly I'm thinking that maybe they were there before and I just didn't give a damn and wondering if that thought's even possible. Wondering how could I even think about her like I've been doing for the past week, how could I …" He stopped talking suddenly, angrily kicking at the nearest pail. "I'm sick of these gorram confusing feelings and thoughts and I wish to god that we never landed on this gou cao de rock."

Mal waited a second, watching Jayne curse and swear enough to make a sailor bush. "I ain't gonna pretend that I understand what you're going through. And I ain't gonna go giving you some uplifting speech that'll solve all your troubles." Jayne frowned as he turned around to glare at his captain. "But I ain't gonna let you drag this mess on my ship and into our lives. Now, the way I figure it, we're blasting off this rock tomorrow morning. So, all I say is you'd best straighten out your thoughts and fix the mess you got between you, yourself and the missus. Fix yourself up and go talk to the little wife. That's the only way I see you straighten out what needs to be straightened." His peace spoken Mal turned and quietly left the barn, leaving Jayne alone in the shadows beside the stall.

"Don't intend to drag it on the ship, Mal."

River looked up at the sound of hoof beats and watched silently as Jayne led a saddled horse from the stable. Fear jumped into her heart as her stomach sank, her chest heaving as she tired to focus on her breathing. She watched him swing into the saddle despite the burning sensation of tears behind her eyes.

Jayne's head turned in her direction and he paused for a second, his eyes boring into hers. A look flashed across his face; one of pain, one of anger, one of confusion. He opened his mouth as though to say something. But she caught the sound of Simon's footsteps behind her and watched as Jayne's eyes flashed to her brother's face then back to hers. There was a hint of desperation, a hint of fear, a hint of emotion behind Jayne's mask. He closed his mouth before anything came out and kicked the horse into a hard gallop, riding off into the distance.

Simon stepped down beside River and watched the rider disappear with his own sigh of frustration. "He's going to kill himself! How am I supposed to help him if he keeps disappearing into the horizon?" He turned to his sister and knelt down beside her, worry suddenly overcoming his features as he watched the tears slip down her cheek. "River, are you…" He started to ask, reaching out to her.

"It's all wrong." She yelled pulling away from his touch. "The rock is floating down the river, the girl is lost." Jumping to her feet she darted into Serenity, ducking past Inara and Kaylee as they started down the ramp.

"What's going on? What's wrong with River? Something happen?" Kaylee questioned the young doctor as she came to halt beside him.

"I…" Simon tugged on his ear nervously, looked in the direction that Jayne had ridden off. "I don't know."

"Trouble in lover's paradise is all." Mal declared as he stepped down off the house porch where he'd been silently watching the entire scene play out. "Don't worry too much, Doc!" he added walking over to Serenity's ramp. "Had a talk with both of them, it'll be fixed by tomorrow." He said it confidently enough, but Inara caught a glimpse of doubt in his eyes.

"How?" Simon demanded. "How can anything be fixed when she's gone to go hide in her room and he's ridden off to god knows where in an attempt to kill himself?"

"Relax Doc." Mal declared walking up the ramp he paused to look the young doctor in the eyes. "Either Jayne will kill himself taxing his heart out in the boondocks or River will talk some sense into him. Either way it'll be fixed by tomorrow or one of them ain't getting on my boat." Mal didn't mean it seriously, but he had an unsettling feeling that he was gonna be right on one of those accounts. "Either way, I suggest you make the best of real food, Mrs. Cobb cooked up a feast for ya'll inside. And as we're getting off this rock tomorrow morning this may be your last chance." Turning away from the three Mal started into Serenity to find the rest of his crew.

"Did I or did I not say that I wanted to be leaving today?" Mal questioned as he entered the cockpit.

Zoe looked up from her position perched on the edge of a console as Wash spun in his chair. "Can't sir." She answered bluntly.

"We're missing our resident genius and our big stick expert." Wash explained.

"Zao gao! Right, I'm gonna go round up the stray cattle; you get this boat prepped and ready to go. Bout time we got moving." Heading down the stairs he moved easily through the ship and down into the cargo bay. But as he reached the bottom stair he paused for a second, taking note of Jayne's pa as the man quietly walked up the ramp.

"Heard you was going, River's following after, just saying bye to all the young ones." He paused, looking down at his feet for a moment, "Captain, my boy wants to speak to ya bout something important, he's over by the corral." Mal nodded stepping aside to let the older man climb up the cargo bay stairs.

Walking down the ramp Mal quickly rounded the house, pausing as he came into view of the corral. Jayne stood there, watching the horses move easily around their pen. "Bout time we got of this rock, don't ya think?" Mal asked coming to a halt beside the man. He took a moment to examine his hired gun and once again saw the changes that had affected Jayne. The mercenary almost looked older, tired as he gazed out across the corral.

Jayne grunted, restlessly kicking at the dirt beneath his feet, he stared out at the horizon for a second, eyes clouded with thoughts before he spoke. "I can't get back on that boat, Mal."

Mal had always expected a very different version of those words. He'd always imagined that when Jayne left it would involve a burst of gunfire and some form of death. Never expected events to take this turn, to be losing the mercenary because of an emotional attachment gone wrong. "That's your choice to make."

"There are too many dead memories floating around that boat. Things my head tells me ain't never happened, but everything else screams did." Kicking at a piece of grass the mercenary groaned. "I been through lots Mal, seen lost of things I didn't wanna see, done lots of things my ma wouldn't be proud of. But I never thought I could be as happy as in the past week. And I can't Mal, it's like Karma, fate, whatever you wanna call it, gave me this second chance then swooped down and stole it from under my feet. Don't make no sense Mal."

"Life don't usually."

"I can't seem to find balance 'tween both lives. I look at her and I see two Rivers. There's the one I married; the loopy girl, my wife. And the one that slashed my chest open, the one that I sold to the Alliance. Gorram it, Mal, I wanna grab her, pin her down and kiss her like I did before. But it ain't the same girl. Aw hell, I wouldn't know how she'd react, could slash my chest again or could kiss me back."

Mal furrowed his eyebrows, "Would've thought that would've still been the case before we showed up and crashed the party."

"Na, we had some kind of ruttin connection. Lost it, don't think I could get it back either seeing as I don't know how I got it in the first place" Jayne went pensive again, his gaze staring off into the distance. "How do you do it Mal, stand next to 'Nara everyday knowing you can't have her?" Jayne finally asked, shifting his gaze to his captain for a moment. Mal couldn't honestly answer the man as he didn't know himself how he did.

"I can't look at River everyday, watch as that gorram brother of hers pumps her full of new drugs and not remember them three years that never existed. I can't not wanna touch her like I did before, but I'm…" Afraid was the word he wanted to use.

Jayne turned away from the corral. Leaning back against the bars, he watched the house quietly. "But I can't touch her Mal. And I can't just forget about everything and go back to the old way either, mind won't let me. Can't find a balance, can't choose one or the other. I only got one choice."

"You'll stay here then?"

Jayne laughed gruffly, "Na, she's here too, sides nothing for me to do here."

"I get the feeling anywhere you go she's gonna be." Mal answered truthfully, the mercenary seemed to just ignore him. "How will you get off this rock? Ain't many transports leaving from this place."

Jayne shrugged, "Got off once, I'll manage again."

"Well if you ever change you mind," Mal started to say, pushing off from the corral.

"Won't." Jayne interrupted turning back around to lean over the corral he kicked at another piece of grass.

"All the same, you know how to find us." Turning away Mal started off back towards the house and Serenity.

"Hey, Mal!" Jayne called out, stopping the Captain in his footsteps, "Thanks anyway, for giving me my own bunk and all."

"We all ready, Kaylee?" Mal asked walking quietly up Serenity's ramp.

The engineer looked up from her preparations, "Just about cap, just missing Jayne."

The captain continued past her, shaking his head at the slowly gathering crew, "No, we ain't." As he spoke Daniel descended the cargo bay stairs slowly. In each hand he carried a large duffel bag, heavy and packed full, bulky as though filled with ammunition and weapons.

"Captain?" Kaylee whispered her voice cracking as she watched Jayne's father reach the cargo bay floor.

Daniel proceeded past the group walking quietly over to where River stood beside Simon. He set the two heavy bags on the floor and let his gaze meet River's as he reached out lifting her into a tight hug. "You say goodbye to all the young ones and Marie?" He asked setting her back down on the floor. River nodded quietly, her hands lingering on his arms as her eyes pleaded with him. It almost broke Daniel's heart, but it wasn't his choice and he didn't think anything could get through to his stubborn boy.

"Don't you forget you can come back anytime, always a home for you here." His smile was sad as he bent forward and kissed her forehead just as his son had done a thousand times over the past week. "Take good care of yourself, you hear? Don't get into too much trouble, as I ain't likely gonna be able to come to your rescue and all."

River nodded; avoiding his gaze she dropped her eyes to the floor. "Can't fly with clipped wings." She whispered, almost more to herself then to Daniel.

"Ain't clipped honey, only wounded a little!" Reaching forward he pulled her into another tight hug, "They'll heal with time." Releasing her he bent down, grabbed a hold of the bags and headed back down the ramp, turning round to smile at the group one last time. "Take care now." He called, before heading back across the yard towards the house.

Mal walked over to the ramp, slamming his fist down on the red button that closed the doors a might bit harder then usual.

"He ain't even gonna say goodbye?" Kaylee asked quietly in a wounded manner as she stared out the closing doors.

The captain turned away from her, "He's a changed man Kaylee, ain't the same anymore. Don't think even the old Jayne would have said goodbye anyway. Wash; get this damn boat in the air."

Kaylee turned away from the doors, walking dejectedly after her captain and the pilot. Simon turned to look at Book for a second before stepping forward to take his sister's arm, "River, why don't we go make some lunch?"

She abruptly pulled her arm from his as though wounded by his words, "The darkness is coming, the girl is drowning," she whispered, "getting too crowded in here." Turning she fled from her brother.

"River!" Simon called out worriedly, starting after his sister.

"Leave her be for now, son." Book declared as he reached out and pulled Simon to a gentle halt. "She's hurting and needs time to figure out what happened."

Jayne looked up at the sound of Serenity's engines, watching silently as the firefly ship lifted off and disappeared into the clouds with a trail of green light.

"Stupid gorram fool." He cursed under his breath. "You just kissed your only chance at being happy goodbye cuz you're a ruttin coward." Turning away from Serenity's trail he started off towards the barn, still trying to get away from the haunting image of River in his mind.

Notes...

Sorry this one's rather short, it was kind of difficult to write and I know it's still sad but things have to get worse before they can get better. No need to apologize Twitchy Louie ; ) … and thanks to everybody else who reviewed.

Chinese Translations

"Zao gao!" Means "Damn it!"

"Gou cao de" means "dog fucking