Gash or Gold
Chapter 3: "Ships in the Night"
Padfoot measured the length of his days by a human pattern of waves, ebbs, and flows. People were like the schedules of a tide, coming and going then coming again while he remained the only constant fixture. In the greater scheme of things, he was a limb stuck deeply in the sandy shore, visited and buffered but nevertheless entirely immobile. Merlin, I'm getting funereal.
He had found today particularly tedious and hoped to find something good to eat but the fridge looked fairly vacant, aside from a lovely dessert Molly had made for tomorrow. Scarfing the whole thing down didn't even occur to him. No sirree….He'd leave it for tomorrow….It looked so…..Suddenly, the kitchen door swung open and Padfoot's head smashed on the freezer as a very tired Nymphadora Tonks barged in and collapsed into a chair. Sirius looked like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar as he rubbed the emerging knot on his skull.
"Tonks! Do you have any food on you? Those Weasley boys are bottomless pits, and there's not an edible leftover in this house."
"Are you really desperate enough to eat something that I'll cook, cousin?"
"No, I'm just trying to pass the time with a snack, Tonks, I'm not trying to commit suicide." He threw her a light glare to show he meant the question. "No food on you?"
She shook her head and he sat down at the table with a miniscule sliver of buttermilk pie and a small glass of pumpkin juice. Two bites later, the nosh had disappeared and he eyed Tonks, waiting for the inevitable question.
"Have you seen Remus?"
"For a bit, but he had duty tonight."
"I see….you..um….he didn't say anything to you about last night, did he?"
"No. He came and went. This place is a madhouse of comings and goings, and I seem to be the only one who doesn't do any going."
"I know," Tonks said sullenly.
Sirius had enough trouble dealing with his own moods, and the sight of his effervescent, perpetually-upbeat cousin looking this mournful was just one too many emotional irons in the fire.
"Oh no no no, PLEASE no moping! I'm can't deal with that face tonight."
"Sorry," she murmured, looking at the tabletop.
"Look, the weather is nasty out. Why don't you stay here tonight? You can have Moony's room…I'll sleep on the couch and lock my bedroom door with an impenetrable spell. Unless he wants to sleep on the floor, he'll be forced to share body heat with you ALL NIGHT LONG!"
A small smile tugged at Tonk's lips, but she said nothing.
"…I'm sorry, but I've been tortuously bored today, and you two are my only form of pure entertainment…..You're fun to observe, actually. It's like watching the mating dance of two terrified hippogriffs. The reason there are so few is the dance alone takes several weeks. If they start it too late in the game, the season is over before the mating even begins."
Tonks gave him a much needed laugh and rubbed her tired eyes.
"Okay, you're sober and either wondering what you said last night or regretting what you remember."
"Let's just say that I passed St. Mungo's earlier and seriously considered visiting Lockhart for one of his famous memory charms."
"You were drunk, Tonks, and Remus knew it. Moony is Mister hyper-rational, and he's not going to take anything you said in a drunken fit personally….. I think I know him well enough to say that he's not upset with you."
Tonks recalled the gentle glance he gave her in the hallway that morning.
"No. I know he's not. But I still owe him an apology." She left the chair to apparate back to her flat. "And as much as I'd love to share a room with Remus Lupin tonight, I can already imagine the 3 AM argument if he got home to find Goldilocks in his bed and all his chocolate gone."
Sirius laughed. "I was just teasing about the body heat. He's not expected back 'til the morning, so go ahead and stay. Besides, I ate all his chocolate this evening. You might as well steal the bed."
Remus returned to Grimmauld place during the middle of the night and walked tiredly through the entryway hall.
"SUB-HUMAN HALF-BREED FREAK OF NATURE!" bellowed Mrs. Black through a peeping crack in the curtain that hid her painted demeanor from pedestrian traffic.
"There you are, Mrs. Black! Careful now, you could charm the pants off me with that kind of talk." He pushed the curtain closed and continued through the hall, nearly drunk with sleepiness. Halfway to the kitchen, he finally laughed at his own joke.
Remus felt too tired to sleep and rummaged through the cabinets to make a concoction of half tea/half sleeping potion. After full moons, he slept like the dead yet rarely felt rested. These days, his topsy-turvy schedule left him with bright afternoons to nap and nights to work and sometimes vice versa. A little sleeping potion did wonders for manipulating the normal patterns of the body.
As he headed upstairs, potion in hand, Moony saw firelight emanating from the sitting room and peeked in to find Sirius sitting in front of the dyeing embers, obviously on the depressed side of his post-incarceration manic depression. He stood in the doorway for a moment and considered his friend--- surviving twelve years of tortuous imprisonment in a place where only the depths of despair proffered, only to escape and now face self-exile in this house where his worst childhood memories took place…He had to come up with some good plans to entertain him.
For now, he sat down by Sirius and held the cup of doctored tea in front of Padfoot's hands.
"Here…Zagwart free and guaranteed to help you sleep."
But Padfoot sat frozen, gazing into the remains of the fire. Remus sat down the cup and hooked his arm around Padfoot's neck and gave him a squeeze. When he caught Sirius beginning to smile, he pulled him closer and began to heavily muss his friend's hair.
"Never a hair out of place. Used to drive me crazy!" Sirius laughed and pushed him away, which began a short mock scuffle before they both laughed and called it even.
"Hell of a day you missed here, Moony. Just non-stop excitement….."
"Your mother just filled me in."
"Oh, did she now?" Sirius leaned forward to pick up the cup. After a large sip, he pulled out his wand and kicked up the fire a notch.
"Tonks came by to look for you earlier."
"Mm…did she go home or is she staying here tonight?"
"No, she went back to her flat." Sirius shot Remus a short, bizarre glance then looked back at the fire.
Remus raised his eyebrows and smiled curiously.
"What was that?"
"Well, I think she wanted to apologize for putting you on the spot last night."
Remain remained silent for a moment before answering, "Nymphadora has nothing to apologize for. If anything, she has a point."
"Of course she has a point! But that's not the point. The point is that she doesn't want you upset with her."
"She was inebriated….And for that matter, she could have said the same thing while sober and I would still not be upset with her. There's no shame in pointing out truths, really, even those that people tend to avoid for the sake of prudence."
"Well, don't tell me that. Tell her. I feel like a port for two ships passing in the night. I need to get you two back at the same dock."
"I'm sure I'll see her over the next few days…..Arthur realized I just had a full moon and lightened my duty schedule a bit."
"The sooner, the better. I tell you she's practically maudlin about this."
"I find that hard to believe."
"Maudlin, Remus. I'm telling you, the sooner, the better."
"Well, I have to visit Diagon Alley tomorrow. I had enough wolfsbane for this moon, but I'm out now and haven't had time to find another potions master."
"Maybe Tonks can go with you tomorrow to find one."
"No, I'll be gone too long."
"She doesn't have to work tomorrow."
"Sirius…," Remus sighed heavily. He could tell where this was leading. "Tonks may think she's attracted to me for some reason but don't support her on this. I'll talk to her tomorrow and let her know that I'm not angry with her….and that I'm not…..I don't know….not…available."
Sirius didn't miss the sullen tone in Remus' voice. He waited a moment, trying to gather his thoughts into the best plan of attack.
"Remus, do you care for Tonks?"
"Of course I care for her. You know I do…..She's one of my dearest friends."
"Then you want what's best for her?"
"I will always want that."
"Then why close the book before you've even finished the first chapter?"
Remus looked almost dangerous when he shook his head. "Sirius, it is unfair for her to expect a relationship from someone who cannot provide her with the world she deserves. My life is too complicated to accommodate anyone."
"Complicated?…..Remus, these days, everyone's life is complicated……"
When Sirius turned a bit on the sofa to face him, Moony looked away and picked at a tattered spot on his shirt sleeve.
"You've spent a lifetime pursuing outcomes that harm you and help others, and for some reason you've found this method brings you some sort of painful resolution that you can live with but in this case, you've failed to notice that the same rules don't apply. Your methods are founded on a world you've predicted for yourself based on the cruelty of some people. But not all people are cruel."
"As close as we are Padfoot, there are some things that you cannot understand about my life."
Sirius looked at him darkly. "You're wrong."
Remus ran his bottom lip over the top one decisively and gave Sirius a light smile. He tried desperately to appear calm and resigned, but the undercurrent in his eyes belied a subtle torment carefully held in check. And Sirius didn't miss it. Tapping into those things was a family trait.
"I understand what you're trying to do and I appreciate it. But I'm not looking to come out of my shell or what have you, Sirius. I live the life I have to live. I have no choice in the matter. And I made peace with that long ago. It's alright. You don't have to look after me about these things…..Think about Tonks."
"I AM thinking about Tonks, Moony. But I'm thinking of you, as well. For all your logic, you can't see the forest for the trees on this one."
"Sirius, I don't need a matchmaker."
"I'm not playing matchmaker, Remus!…….I'm just taking a vested interest in the people whom I love."
Sirius studied his friend with an exasperated glare then found his frustration melting away in the midst of Remus' broken countenance. Poor Moony….
"God.…I can't take another one of these sullen faces today. I'm sorry…Can we just…Do you want to let this go for tonight? For tonight only, I mean?"
"Absolutely."
"Good."
When Remus reached up to rub a weary eye, Sirius noticed his hand shaking slightly. This conversation should have waited for his recovery from the last full moon…or for a moment when he himself didn't feel so disjointed….or for…Was there a good time for talks like these? He slipped an arm behind Moony to give him a small hug then felt the large lump in Lupin's jumper give off a tell-tale crackling sound.
"What's in that pocket? That feels edible! That's why you wear those big sweaters, Moony! You're hiding snacks in them and don't want anyone else mooching! Well, whatever you have in there, hand it over!"
Relieved to let the prior conversation go, Remus pulled out a large, half-eaten bar of Honeydukes' best chocolate. He then stood up with some difficulty and fished in his pants' pocket for several chocolate frogs.
"These might have melted a bit."
"I'm sorry to take all your chocolate, Moony, but if I had had this around 2 AM, I wouldn't have hit rock bottom."
"I'll make sure to always have it on hand, then. It's okay, eat all that. I have some more in my room."
"Don't bet on it."
Remus watched Sirius rip open one of the chocolate frog wrappers. He gave the card a curious glance before throwing it in the fire and stuffing the frog in his mouth.
"Gilderoy Lockhart…Who's THAT?"
"I forget," Remus said coolly, studying the ceiling before he looked back down at Sirius with humor in his eyes. He smiled at the content expression on Padfoot's face as he dove into the Honeydukes bar.
"Make sure you drink that potion, as well. I can't bear to watch you mope an entire night away in front of the fire again."
"Hmmph…I think we both need it." Sirius downed half the cup and handed it to Remus who downed the other half and pulled a face.
"Chamomile and ground grindylow nails – not a good combination."
They both headed down the hall towards their respective beds, but when Remus had disappeared around the corner, Sirius headed back to the sitting room couch and murmured to himself, "You're a hard nut to crack, Moony, but one way or another, I'll get you out of there."
Upstairs, Remus barely had the energy to pull off his clothes and slip into an old pair of Padfoot's long thermal underwear. The dark grey hand-me-downs rode up on his calves and arms, and when he stretched his sore shoulder the fabric gave a bit. But as he collapsed into bed and pulled the covers around him, Remus failed to notice a very unusual addition to his mattress -- nestled alongside him and wearing one of his button-down shirts, Nymphadora Tonks lay fast asleep.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note: Gasp! What will happen next? Fluffy chapter 4 to follow.