Author's Notes: Thank you guys for the reviews! Truly, at this point, they're what keep me writing, because my life has been too darned crazy lately! This chapter is just a very ridiculous breather, but it fits with the story plot-wise (for what plot there is), so I kept it here although part of me had plans to make it a story in itself.
The concept of a magic settee (at least from a muggle standpoint) is not mine. It belongs to Colin Bateman, author of the screenplay and novel "Divorcing Jack."
Disclaimer: These characters are not in my legal custody, but they come over to play from time to time, and I try to treat them well and send them home with no injury. (big smile)
This chapter begins immediately where the previous one left off.
Gash or Gold
Chapter 5: "How Cupid of Me!"
8:00 AM
"Sirius, Tonks just left! She and Professor Lupin are going to Diagon Alley together!" Harry practically beamed. "Maybe they won't need our help after all."
Sirius fidgeted with a very large and very beautiful chess set as Harry sat down to pick up one of the ornate pieces. It nipped him soundly before he dropped it to the table with a thud.
"Harry…I can safely say that due to obstinance on the part of my subject, Plan 1, also known as the heart-to-heart with Uncle Remus, was a total failure. Now, Plan 2, the plan of forced cohabitative proximity, inadvertently might have managed some headway, no pun intended."
The look in Harry's eyes suggested that he didn't get the joke, and Sirius' naughty side considered explaining the pun when Dumbledore appeared at the door.
"Hello, Sirius."
"Good morning, Headmaster! Always good to see the main man."
"I've brought some assignment papers for The Order. We have much work to do over the next few months."
Sirius nodded, knowingly, and Dumbledore paused in thought then allowed himself a small smile. "You might also like to know that both Nymphadora Tonks and R.J. Lupin may feel a slight reprieve today from things that have been…troubling them."
Sirius laughed. "Word gets around, does it?"
"I like to keep on top of things."
"Well, I appreciate it, Professor. It may be a lost cause but it's our cause." He clapped Harry on the shoulder.
"Always willing to support a worthy battle." The three gauged each other in a comfortable silence before Dumbledore nodded and made to take his leave. "Good to see you both. Behave yourselves," he added with a sly curve to his consonants.
"We will," Harry promised then turned to Sirius with a puzzled look on his face. "What did he mean about Professor Lupin and Tonks? Everything should be fine now. I mean…they went to spend their day off together."
"Well, it's magic, Harry. And magic is not always a panacea….but perhaps it can provide the impetus..." Sirius picked up a black and a white knight piece from either side of the board and put them together. The black knight shoved the white one down and moved away, perturbed. Sirius looked at the figures pensively then smiled and gave Harry a sneaky look. "Dumbledore may be on to something. Maybe we can wade into magical waters, ferret out some of cupid's best tricks so to speak. It couldn't hurt."
"Of course," Harry said slowly, already thinking of the possibilities before a big grin spread across his face. "And I know just who to ask for help."
11:15 AM
Cold morning coffee swirled down the kitchen sink as Ron drained the contents of a readily handy mug and spooned viscous love potion into it. Hermoine sagely watched and seemed happy with the results.
"Wait here. I'll go get something to cut it with." She walked to the pantry and looked for something strong enough to subdue the bitter taste of the potion they had just concocted as Ron sat down with an air of confidence and beamed at Harry. "It's bound to work! But which one of them should we sneak it on?"
"Well, one party can take it, but both is better." Harry paused to read more from the potions manual. "And mixing it with alcohol makes it even more potent."
"We should use alcohol then, Hermoine," Ron mused. "You know I love butterbeer and hot chocolate, but if alcohol makes it kick in faster…" He tapered off with a slight blush.
She pulled out a dusty bottle of something green then decided against it. "Alcohol works MUCH faster. Candy is dandy, but liqueur is quicker, so they say. Hmm, a chocolate liqueur would really get it going."
"What about the brandy in the sitting room? I've seen them both pour small drinks from that in the evenings."
"That's a perfect idea, Harry! We'll just pour it in the carafe." The three clamored off to procure the translucent caramel colored fluid but stumbled in their tracks when they found Mrs. Weasley standing in the doorway, perusing the new Hogwarts schedule.
"Where are you three going?"
"Nowhere," Ron blurted defensively. "Just to the sitting room."
She passed them and headed into the kitchen, a bit absentminded.
Harry held the bottle up at eye level and sloshed the brandy. "It has to be mixed while the potion is still warm, but it only lasts five hours after it's combined. Do you think they'll be home in time?"
Hermoine looked lost in thought for a moment. "If it begins to wane, we'll make a second batch and pour in some more."
Across the hall, Sirius walked into the kitchen with a frenetic, restless energy and meandered over to the counter where Molly Weasley stood, still looking over the lists of books and classes.
"Molly."
"Sirius."
In one fell swoop he picked up the coffee mug half full of potion and drained it. After all, it was his mug. He was very possessive about his coffee mug. He was…..blech! …..ohhhh YEAH….hell, yeah!...
The sugary vibes of heavy love unfolded throughout the kitchen like a luxurious velvet carpet. Sirius glanced down at Molly with his right eyebrow hitched up and his lips pursed.
"How YOU doing, Molly?"
"Yes, good afternoon, Sirius, could you—"
"You are looking soooo." Sirius moved in a bit. "Sooooo SCRUMPTIOUS today."
At the sharp scream, the three returned to the kitchen and immediately gauged the situation. Ron turned to Harry with an expression he hadn't seen on his red-headed friend since that slug-eating hex backfired in the worst of ways.
"Haarryyyy……."
"It's reversible, Ron, don't worry!" Hermoine exclaimed with a bit of panic in her voice. "Aestuo restinguo!"
Molly slapped Sirius hard across the face and gasped - a caricature of horror plastered across her features, free hand on her chest.
"Mr. BLACK!"
"What?" Sirius said innocently? "Did I just do that?" He looked confused. "You kissed ME! I wouldn't kiss you, for Merlin's sake."
"Sirius, you drank the potion!" Harry blurted.
"Oh.." Sirius looked simultaneously shifty and embarrassed. "Well, that was good for a feel. Sorry, Hermoine."
"Sorry, Hermoine!" Molly screeched indignantly.
"No harm done, Molly?"
"Quite…"
The best thing at this point seemed to fill her in, so they did just that. Luckily, not only did she approve but wanted to lend support whenever and wherever possible. That didn't keep her from steering clear of Sirius, though, and taking the long way out of the kitchen.
And Sirius made it quite clear that no one had dibs on his personal coffee mug for anything. It didn't say "Warning: Dog Germs" on the side for nothing.
4:30 PM
By the time Remus came home at 4:00 pm, Tonks still hadn't returned and the love potion's magical powers had waned severely. But the teens' time wasn't all for naught. Ron and Hermoine, in a moment of nubile affection, drained two cups and shared a chaste but fervent kiss in the hallway before the sound of Grimmauld's many clandestine door locks shifting sent them scrambling upstairs with laughter.
6:45 PM
Plan two could have worked! With better enunciation. A different wand. A more benign clock! Ron put a cupid's arrow spell on the hallway grandfather clock but instead of emanating the airy inspiration of love, something went horribly wrong and caused the timekeeper to spew its own nuts and bolts.
Harry thought it ironic that in trying to help Professor Lupin, the poor man ended up spending an evening helping them repair the clock. When it finally functioned normally again, Lupin looked at it with a professor's eye. "It appears that someone put a spell on it, but for what I'm not sure as the culprit totally bungled the original intent."
Harry looked at Ron with amusement in his eyes but found none.
8:00 PM
With an easy flick of the wrist, Sirius apparated a large and lovely velvet couch of sorts into the sitting room. There it sat, ensconced in its own luxury and looking very sittable. The scrolled, art noveau extravagance of the wood melded beautifully with the dark maroon velvet seat, as deep as the ocean in its textures.
"So what exactly does it do?"
"THIS, Ronald, is a magic settee. If two people sit on it at the same time, they're guaranteed to end up making love within the hour. I rediscovered it in the attic. Apparently, Kreacher has been….You know what, I don't even want to speculate on what Kreacher has been doing with this item. But it has been used and I implement the word "used" only in the worst of connotations…..Personally, though, this thing provided me with the few good memories I've had in this house."
Sirius jumped an eyebrow at Harry, who raised his and kept them there, slightly unnerved at the thought.
"Sirius, we haven't had much luck with any of these ideas. I don't think this one has much of a chance, either."
"Nonsense, Harry. We just need to make sure the right people sit on it. I'll take the first watch and you can relieve me at 9:00. Remus is upstairs trying to clean the doxies and dust devils out of that corner bedroom. At least he was…"
Sirius glanced up at the ceiling then suddenly heard a very high decibel screech and a thud. "Hm, yes, he's still up there. And Tonks should be back soon, unless they put her schedule into overdrive again."
10:00 PM
After an hour of sheer boredom in the sitting room, Harry closed his "History of Quidditch" book and glanced at Ron snoring loudly on the fireside couch. Where was Hermoine?
"Ron, watch the settee."
"Hmmmm 'kay," Ron grumbled and rolled over.
Harry shuffled out to look for her and passed Mad Eye Moody in the hallway, walking heavily with his walnut pegleg thudding against the throw rugs.
Hermoine walked down the stairs then suddenly registered alarm at something behind Harry, who turned around to see Lupin casually cross the hallway from the kitchen to the sitting room, looking all the world like a moving target in a carnival game. Why was this turning out to be so hard?
He began to panic. "Moody's in there!"
"AH! There you are, Lupin," Moody groused. "I've got papers here for you. Orders for next week, and quite an assignment I might add."
"Very well…What are you sitting on there, Mad Eye? That wasn't in here this morning."
Moody looked as if he were seeing the maroon velvet settee for the first time. "Oh, just a big comfy chair of sorts….You should sit on it, Lupin. It's quite luxurious, if you're interested in that sort of thing. Luxury, I mean," Moody added for manly effect.
"And it's quite large. We should move it over by the fire to accommodate people for meetings," he said absentmindedly as he walked towards Moody with a sideways glance, already focused on the papers for The Order.
Harry burst through the sitting room door just in time.
"Professor, no!" Harry screeched and tackled him around the middle. "Professor! Uh, Professor Lupin it's really good to see you," Harry stammered and then hugged Remus tightly. Remus held his hands up away from himself, unsure what was going on but knowing very well there was an ulterior motive. He looked around the room with a stunned expression, trying to figure out what he wasn't supposed to do and rested a hand on Harry's head.
"Um…Harry, I just helped you fix the hallway clock a few hours ago."
Ron woke with a ragged snort, blanched at the view, then quickly bolted over to reinforce the barrier between Lupin and Moody. "Professor, there's something we need to do! Uhhhhhhh, YOU need to do!"
"In the other room!" Harry added, gesturing toward this door with his head, arms still wrapped around Lupin's torso.
Ron grabbed at Lupin's elbow in an attempt to pull him towards the door, but Remus was well-grounded.
"Can it wait? I need to go over some Order business with Moody before he leaves."
"NO!" Harry and Ron yelled simultaneously. Harry broke his death grip on Remus to push on him with both hands, and Lupin tottered back a step. "No, it CAN'T wait! NOW!"
Hermoine rolled her eyes at the ridiculous view before her. Why did she always have to be the calm one?
"Professor, Sirius told us to come get you at once," she said adamantly.
"ALRIGHT, you three. Moody, I'll be back in a moment."
"Take your time, Remus. But not too much time," he yelled a bit louder as the three kids wrangled Remus out the door and into the hallway. Now a safe distance away from the settee, the teens looked relieved until they realized they still had to come up with a destination.
"Okay, where's the fire?" Remus said quietly with a smile.
The three looked at each other blankly.
"It's Buckbeak. He's looking rather…." Harry trailed off.
"Peaky," offered Hermoine.
"Yes, Peaky! Beaky is um…peaky. He's looking peaky. Peaky Beaky… And Sirius wants you to take a look at him and see if we should call Hagrid."
"Are you sure? He looked fine yesterday."
"He ate um,..too much…chocolate! George gave it to him. You should know all about eating too much chocolate."
"Not all overdoses are bad, Ron," Lupin said with his eyes dancing. "But I think chocolate only affects dogs adversely. Sirius can eat pounds of it, but even he gets sick if he eats it in Padfoot form."
When they arrived upstairs, Sirius was feeding Buckbeak from a string of ferrets that Moody had brought, and the hippogriff heartily snapped up each one and worked them down his gullet with a healthy gusto.
"Well, he's looking quite perky to me. Sirius, has Buckbeak fallen ill?"
"What, are you kidding? Look at him go! He's an animal, Remus!"
"I see……well, it looks like he's experienced a miraculous recovery." The lilt in Remus' voice barely contained that he knew something was up and that he was okay with it. "I'm upstairs now. And Buckbeak's fine. Can…" Lupin lowered his head with a small, smile. "Can I go downstairs now, Harry? Is there ANY reason at all why I should not go downstairs?"
Harry sighed and looked a bit sullen. "Don't….don't sit on the settee."
"Unless…" Ron added. "Well, unless there's a girl on it…except for my MUM!"
"Or me!" added Hermoine defensively, looking at Ron a bit hurt.
"Yeah, or Hermoine. Or Ginny!"
"I see. Well, that would leave….Nymphadora, would it not? Is it alright for me to sit on the settee with Nymphadora, you three?" Remus said, realizing what they had done and feeling his heart melt for what they had tried to accomplish, although he kept his light smile and demeanor.
Harry broke out into a sheepish grin. "Yes, only with Tonks."
"Brilliant, Harry. Just brilliant. I'm glad none of this has been for a grade, or we'd be failing."
Remus cleared his throat lightly. "Well, it has been a magical evening, but I still have to talk to Moody about an assignment. Perhaps that nice chair by the fire…" Remus said as he walked down the stairwell, chuckling to himself.
The four returned to the sitting room only to find…..Cornelius Fudge sitting on the magic settee with Mad Eye, pouring over the file Moody had. Or rather Cornelius attempted to pour, his lower lip twitching and his legs tightly crossed, absorbed in pretending to read the documents even though they were upside down. Moody just stared at the little man, his jaw slightly ajar, his magical eye bulging out and pounding with desire.
When he saw his audience staring dumbfounded from the doorway, Moody bellowed, "I can't Get UP! This settee is spelled! I know dark magic when I see it! I mean..feel it! I mean…Run, Cornelius! Get out my sight, you randy curmudgeon! There'll be a death by snogging if you don't, man! I mean it, Fudge, nothing but teeth and a chin bone. I'll eat your pants off!
Cornelius balked at him in utter terror. "I can't! I can't get off, either! I mean, I got OFF! Bubu-but I can't extricate myself!"
Remus came to first and lightly waved his wand at the sex-inducing settee and said, "Calidus solvi"
Cornelius stood up stiffly and let out a small squeak before he fled the building, panting in terror. Mad Eye just shook his head violently and gauged Remus and the teens as if nothing had happened.
"Remus, we still need to go over these orders, so why don't we sit over here by the fire. Or I'll sit over here. YOU sit over there!" He pointed to a recess in the far corner of the room. "At least 'til I calm down and get a hold of myself. Or rather, stop thinking about getting a hold of myself."
Ron snickered loudly.
"You three get out of here! NOW! Haven't you wreaked enough havoc for one day!"growled Moody.
"Oh, more than enough," Harry agreed as they filed out, admitting defeat in the midst of several well-intended ideas that went awry on this lazy summer's day.
12:00 AM
The rest of the night (what little there was) went by smoothly, mostly because the four had abandoned all hope of making any headway through light magic and novelty furniture. Perhaps things would have to unfold on their own or not at all. But Harry had hope. And a strong belief in the power of fate and connection.
Sirius and Harry reapparated the deadly weapon also known as the magic settee from the sitting room to a very dark corner of the attic then stayed awake to talk and play a lazy game of chess.
In two days, Harry would leave for Hogwarts to begin his fifth year. He anticipated the event yet felt an impending dread when he thought of leaving austere, moldy Grimmauld Place. Sure, he'd have Ron and Hermoine with him at Hogwarts. But Sirius, Remus, and Tonks would feel so far away. For the first time, he had real family away from school, and the longing to see them during that projected separation had already begun before it started.
From the hallway, door locks whirred and moaned and a very sleepy Nymphadora Tonks wandered into the sitting room with her eyes half shut and her mouth gaping in a huge yawn. "NOW she comes back, "Harry murmured softly to Sirius, and felt sorry for the auror despite his exasperation at her late arrival. She sat down beside Sirius, who ruffled her ear length lavender hair.
"Tonks, they had you work 'til the wee hours again?" She yawned and looked wearily at both of them with a smile. Sirius touched one of the dark circles under her eyes and quipped, "Poor girl, you look like a raccoon."
"Duty before beauty, cousin."
"Hm, Remus got that corner bedroom cleaned out so you have a place of your own now…. By the way, he was complaining about his shoulder earlier. You want to take some of that potion you got from Pomfrey to him before he goes to sleep?"
"You know, I forgot about that. It's in my clothes bag." She headed up the stairs, obviously energized by the thought of seeing Remus.
Harry and Sirius shared a small smile as they wrapped up their game in ten moves and began to pad quietly upstairs. At the stairwell, Sirius stopped with a start and whispered, "THAT would have been the place to hide the love potion! In his medication bottles! Well, it's too late now."
"I don't know, I sort of liked it in your coffee cup."
Sirius lightly pushed Harry and shook his head, laughing quietly. "If Molly Weasley didn't think I was a scoundrel before, she's got plenty of ammunition now."
It was then they heard the screaming from Remus' open door and, even more specifically, from his bathroom.
"Nymphadora, get OUT of here!"
"WHAT did you call me!"
"Please…TONKS…would you please get out!"
He threw a washrag at her from around the shower curtain and she screamed in horror and ducked out the way, sloshing potion from the cup in her hand.
"Alright, you're throwing things now, so I'm leaving!"
Sirius and Harry met her head on as she stormed out but couldn't fail to note the huge grin on her face as Tonks handed her cousin the cup.
Sirius swung back the shower curtain (Geez, only Moony would close the shower curtain to take a bath) and used his friend's head as leverage as he sat on the edge of the tub. As soon as he plopped down, Remus batted his hand away angrily then covered his eyes with the same hand. Sirius lowered his head to try and see Remus' face, but Moony wouldn't budge. He just slumped miserably in the tub, dripping with water, a submerged towel over his privates and his head pressed into the wall in embarrassment.
"What? Oh, I see. A beautiful woman whom you just happen to have a crush on almost saw you naked. Or did she? Did she see you totally naked, Remus?"
"Sirius, please!"
Sirius threw a huge grin at Harry and with an evil giggle blurted, "MMMMMmmmm close enough!"
"And I don't have a crush on your cousin…"
After a heavy moment of silence, Remus finally looked up at his friend and saw a mild, knowing glance. But it was a nonjudgmental, caring expression, enough so that Remus let his guard down. He then saw Harry looking at him, anticipating an answer, as well, Hadn't the boy been privy to enough humiliating situations in Remus' life for one week?
"Alright…maybe a small one." He gave a small glance up then attempted to rotate his sore shoulder. "But I've already told you….nothing will come of it."
Sirius looked up the ceiling, a bit exasperated. "Alright, we're not going to talk about this now while you're in the tub, but this game stops today. You hear me? No more games! On ALL sides!"
Lupin looked up at him, wondering what exactly his friend was up to, but Sirius was now studying the black and blue welt running from Remus' collarbone midway to his elbow. Last week's moon had left him sore and wounded.
"How's your shoulder?"
"Better."
"Good…Here, drink this. Tonks had Pomfrey whip up a batch for sore muscles and bruising. Since I knew you were bathing, I told her to take it upstairs to you at this very moment."
"Thank you, Sirius!" Lupin said pointedly with his eyes wide and his face blank. But he took the cup and murmured, "Please tell her thank you for me. For the potion, I mean."
Sirius splashed a bit of water in Remus' direction and laughed as he stood up. "You can tell her yourself, mate."
As Sirius walked out the bathroom door, Harry sat down against the wall, his arms wrapped around drawn-up knees.
Lupin drained the potion cup and pensively sat it on the edge of the tub as Harry looked at the jagged scars that streaked across Lupin's upper torso and down his arms. They weren't so bad...in fact, they looked kinda cool, just like the two long scars cutting across his face did.
When Lupin had come to Hogwarts, the scars had startled him, but not one student had dared ask the DADA professor how he came upon those injuries. Seamus had whispered, almost in awe, "I can right imagine he's been up against the lot of dark creatures. Maybe even a werewolf!" Harry allowed himself a little smile remembering that now. Poor professor Lupin had been battling the most terrifying of dark creatures – one that lived within himself. Suddenly, Harry felt a surge of admiration for his former dark arts teacher. If he could just get through these dark times with as much courage…
Remus caught Harry studying him furtively and felt relieved to see nothing but light curiosity in the boy's face. Whether Harry realized it or not, few people had seen his scar-raked torso, but despite some discomfort at feeling bared and studied, Remus could tell that Harry had something to impart and wouldn't leave until he said it.
"Harry," he nodded. "Whatever you need to talk about…."
"It's….Well, I'd just like to tell you something. And I don't think it should wait 'til tomorrow."
"Alright…"
"When you were at Hogwarts, I learned so much from you and you were always there for me. Looking out for me…And when you came with the others to Privet, I knew that even though I hadn't seen you for a while, you had not forgotten me. You've always made an effort for me….. Even….even when there is so much to keep me miserable, you and Sirius…and the Weasleys, too…You've always wanted me to be happy."
Lupin gave him a tender but lightly incredulous look. "Of course. You deserve that, Harry. Everyone does. We loved your parents and we love you, as well….What happened to them makes us fight even harder to help you have a good life. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you don't deserve that."
"I know. But…Professor Lupin, you deserve that, too. If…if you really like Tonks, you should tell her."
Lupin looked slightly stunned. My god, he was getting love advice from a 15-year-old child….Well, he thought, with a bit of chagrin, Harry probably had as much experience dating as he did, if not more. The thought was suddenly horrifying.
"We're just. You know, all the things we've done? We're just making an effort for your happiness, just like you've done for us."
Lupin's eyes narrowed a bit as he scavenged through some of the day's stranger occurrences.
"Was that a cupid's arrow spell on the clock?"
Harry's flushed furiously and let out a strangled giggle in spite of himself.
"Almost but not quite."
"Let me guess, Ron's wand?"
Harry nodded and the two shared a laugh. When Remus finally spoke again, his voice was quiet and sincere.
"Thank you, Harry."
The boy awkwardly looked around the bathroom then gave Remus a nervous smile.
"You're welcome. Well, I'll let you finish your bath and uh…should I lock the door behind me?"
"YES! Yes, that would be a good idea," Remus said with a wary smile.
Harry bolted out of the bathroom with his eyes hyper-averted from the tub, an act that made his former professor laugh, as well. As the door shut, Remus heard Harry spell lock the closed door before he walked out and shut Remus' bedroom door behind him.
It wasn't as simple as people wanted to make it, but…..for every aspect of Remus' life that Harry did not understand, he took away a very perceptive empathy for something else in his world. As did Sirius. Maybe….maybe he did deserve certain things, like love. But only if he could include Tonks in his life more fully without endangering her or making her life more difficult than it already was.
Remus suddenly became very aware of the tepid bath water and instead of topping it off with warmth opted to get out. As he dried off and wrapped the towel around him, he caught his reflection in the mirror and paused to look at the tightly wound muscles pulled close to his bones, the scattered cacophony of sharp and angry scars criss-crossing his chest. His paleness and the recent retreat from the warm bathwater made them run deeper and redder. What did she see in him? What could she accept?
For everyone else, it might appear a plausible match. For Remus, though, it seemed an insurmountable challenge. But risk, some say, is the price we pay for opportunity. And it appeared that opportunity now knocked at his door harder than it ever had…and probably ever would. And the lovely thing (or the most brutal thing, depending on his frame of mind) was how desperately he wanted to answer.
"Risk is the price we pay for opportunity," he said aloud, his mind and heart racing.
Remus looked at the clock. 12:45 AM. Awfully late, he thought. Nevertheless, Remus dressed and left the safety of his cold and lonely room to go find the woman he loved.
tbc
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