Never a Normal Relationship…
By Lady Cleo
All Disclaimers Apply.
While setting down on Jayne's home world things go from messed up to screwed up for Jayne, River and the crew of Serenity. (Jayne River, Post Objects in Space.)
Chapter Nine: The Right Timing
Serenity landed quietly just behind the fed shuttle. Smirking Mal stepped out from behind his chosen cover, the last Alliance solider dropping dead at the foot of the Fleet shuttle. "Well wasn't that exhilaratin'?" He questioned Zoe and Book as they immerged from their own cover. Serenity's ramp dropped down and the rest of crew immerged slowly, Wash leading the way with Simon and his med bag following behind.
"Looks like you had some fun!" Wash commented, walking over to sweep his wife into his arms and planting an eager kiss on her lips, always glad to see her blood free after one of these exciting little adventures.
Simon frowned suddenly and glanced about. "What's wrong?" Kaylee questioned him.
"Where'd River go, she was right here just a second ago?"
Kaylee smiled, looping her arm with his "Aw, she probably just ran off to go find Jayne." She assured leading him forward.
"Think it's about time we got our thanks." Mal declared stepping over a body he headed towards the house. The door suddenly kicked open and a mighty pissed off Jayne immerged from the house, gun still held ready in his arms.
"See, I knew we forgot something!" Wash declared enthusiastically pointing towards the very pissed Jayne.
"What in hell do you think you're doing here?"
Mal frowned, "Well that ain't the reception we was expecting for saving your behind."
"I was handling the ruttin situation just fine." Jayne declared angrily from the porch, watching as Mal approached him, the rest of the crew following behind. "Ta ma de hun dan. Fleet's bound to come by when they don't get an answer from the Feds, may as well just have handed her over to the ruttin tian sha de e mo that did this to her in the first place."
Mal opened his mouth to clarify a point, but paused. Was that a frying pan looming behind the mercenary's head? He titled his head to the side for a better look, but before he could clarify the black object came down knocking the still seething Jayne unconscious.
"River!" Simon yelled racing forward to the prone form of Jayne. He looked up at his sister in shock, trying to formulate a question and ask her why she would do such a thing, but nothing came out of his mouth.
"Was his idea!" River answered her brother's silent question by pointing at Mal with the frying pan that she still clutched in one hand.
"What?" Mal demanded, suddenly shocked out of his stupor. "It wasn't my idea… well okay, maybe it was, but I made that suggestion days ago, and I didn't say use a frying pan, nor did I think you'd take me seriously." He defended walking over to where the Doc examined the unconscious Jayne. "And if you were gonna take me up on it why didn't you do it back then instead of wasting gas on a return trip?"
River titled her head innocently, setting the frying pan down she moved forward to crouch beside her husband and Simon. "Heart was too weak, too high of a risk of inducing shock into the system and triggering relapse." She closed her eyes for a second, balancing there quietly. A smile crept along her lips and her eyes flashed open to meet Simon's then Mal's, "Worked, doors are unlocked."
"Damn right they are! He probably don't have any doors to lock anymore, what with you knocking all the sense out of his head." Mal declared, kneeling down he hooked his arms under the mercenary's and turned to Simon, "Help me carry him onto the ship, rest of you clean up this mess, we gotta figure out how to keep the feds from stompin' down on the town when they come lookin' for the shuttle." Together the two men hoisted the body off the ground and started towards Serenity, River trailing after them.
Damn he was back to sittin' in the dark again. Jayne groaned, hands coming up to cover his face. What the hell had happened anyway? Last thing he could recall he was standing there, talking, stupid Mal endangering the girl, pain in his head and then darkness.
He knew he wasn't dead, that was for damn sure, death would feel different and this was the same as before. Uncovering his face he looked up and nearly jumped back in shock, River sat just across from him, grinning. "What the hell you doin' here, get." Jayne ordered, trying to mentally shove her out.
River's grin only grew larger. "Can't lock her out anymore," she laughed gleefully, "You're in a state of induced unconsciousness."
Jayne frowned for a second, "How come it works when I'm sleepin' then?"
"Locks where in place when going into the state of oblivion, but the girl snuck up when the locks were down and induced sleep with a frying pan." River explained as she titled her head, examining him through the waves of brown.
"What in ruttin hell? You knocked me out?" Jayne demanded angrily. "Gorram it girl, I outta…" He trialed off lacking the proper wording to describe how he wanted to strangle her, he ignored the small thought that the last time he'd tried to do that it had ended in a knee shaking kiss.
River nodded happily, crawling to her knees she started advancing on him. "No more running. Boy belongs to girl now; she marked him for her own long time ago." As she spoke she slowly straddled his lap, watching the shock and confusion play across his face.
It took a second for Jayne to register what was going on, but when he did his hand came up to grip her shoulders with the intent of pushing her off. But at the first touch of her they rebelled against him, rounding over her shoulders to fall down to the small of her back, clutching her closer.
"Ineffectively you've fought it, but haven't lost the battle, won it though you can not see the victory." River explained, her hands coming up to dive into the short locks of his hair. "If the psyche will follow the heart, when he wakes the boy will have it all." Leaning slowly down she pressed her lips gently to his.
Jayne couldn't deny it; he wanted her to be there, no mater how hard he tried to justify her departure, no matter what he told himself… he still wanted her there in the corner of his mind. "Aw, what the hell…" He muttered against her lips, finally giving into the taste of her soul he kissed her back. It wasn't like this was real life… and sides' as soon as he woke up from the black he could probably lock her out again… if'n he wanted to…
Mal and Simon immerged from the Serenity after seeing to it that unconscious Jayne was placed securely in the infirmary with River. There was no way in ruttin' hell that Mal was taking off from the planet without the mercenary. He'd seen what that would get him and a despondent and depressed crew was not something Mal could afford in his line of work. As far as he was concerned, Jayne no longer had a choice.
Simon scurried off towards the house where Inara was tending the wounded. The bodies had been removed, Mal was guessing onto the shuttle as Book was emerging from said shuttle with his bible in hand. Kaylee, Wash and Zoe followed after him lugging spare parts.
"Look Captain," Kaylee called out, "they got a whole bunch of shiny stuff we can use."
"Always good to hear, now what have you got planned, how we gonna get rid of this sucker without doing too much damage to the good folk of Ellsinore?"
"We're gonna blow her into little bitty tiny bits…" Wash declared pinching his fingers together to give his captain an example of how small. "That is after we strip her of all them shiny pieces little Kaylee was talkin' bout."
"We've got it all set up, Capt. Ready when you are." Kaylee beamed up at him as Wash nodded eagerly.
"Just outta curiosity… bein' I'm the captain and all… what's gonna happen?"
"Oh, it's genius, captain." Wash declared, "Went through the logs and found that they reported an engine problem, a minor one."
"But," Kaylee added, "If not taken care of, an explosive one." She bounced eagerly on her toes.
"And that helps us how?"
"Well, they were gonna put into the dry dock and get it fixed Captain… but only after picking up the fugitives that they got word were on Terra Five." Kaylee explained, "Zoe and I fly the ship up into orbit. Wash will take Serenity up, dock with the shuttle, we'll accelerate the problem, get off, go a couple space miles away and blow her at the touch of a button. It'll be fun!"
Mal raised an eyebrow, "Right, sounds good to me, get going, don't wanna stay on this planet longer then I have to." The three moved off to finish preparing and Mal headed over to the house. "Well," He called out walking over to where Marie and Daniel stood talking to Simon, Book and Inara. "Hate to save and run, but there's stuff to be done in the 'Verse. If you like you can come on board and say goodbye to your unconscious son."
Daniel shook his head "That's all right, Jayne ain't very fond of goodbyes, barely gave us one the first time he left. I already loaded up the boy's gear, it's in your cargo bay, he'd never forgive ya if you left without Vera. Oh…" Turning around Daniel picked something up off the ground. "Here you go, think this is yours." He held the frying pan out to Mal.
"Ah, River's… key." Mal took the frying pan, examining it carefully, he half expected it to be bent out of shape, considering how hard Jayne's head was, but the pan remained in good condition.
"Anyway it was a pleasure meeting you Captain." Daniel added and held out a hand to quickly shake the Captain's.
Marie reached out and pulled Mal into a tight hug, "Take care of my boy, and I'd 'appreciate it if you could send him home once in a while. Least so I know he ain't gotten himself killed yet." Mal patted her back awkwardly and the smaller woman finally pulled away, bestowing hugs on Inara, Book and Simon.
"Kay Capt," Wash called out as he immerged from the fleet shuttle and headed towards Serenity, "Ready when you are."
Mal nodded to the couple, "Thanks again for having us." Reaching out he gently pulled Simon from the woman's embrace, handed him River's… key and hooked his arm through Inara's leading them back to the ship, Book only a step behind.
Jayne didn't dare open his eyes, still confused by the goings on. He tried to assess his whereabouts first, deciding it was safer then just trying to sit up. He wasn't on a bed, but stretched out on some kind of chair like thing that felt very familiar, he'd been here before.
"Infirmary…" River's soft voice supplied and Jayne slowly opened his eyes to stare up into the familiar blinding white light. A heavy weight straddled his hips and he atomically assumed that was her. Well, at least she was keeping him from meeting the floor for the third time this week.
Jayne lifted his head and stared down at the small pixie like girl. He groaned as pain lanced through the back of his head and slowly rested his head back down. "What in ruttin' hell do you think you're doing?" He questioned her with a hoarse and gruff voice.
"Fixing what was broken." She supplied. Jayne closed his eyes as pain lanced back through his head. "Reestablished the link from mind to mind, now just have to attach hearts together again with a simple surgical procedure …" He jumped slightly in response to her words and opened his eyes half expecting to find her holding a scalpel. But she only grinned down at him, her hands empty. "Won't hurt silly." She scolded, moving her hands up to rest on his chest, her fingers tapping along the old scar she'd given him on Ariel. "Just accept what you know to be true."
"You can't make all those lies true! What happened over the past week shouldn't have. You're crazy and I'm the mean asshole that turned you in for a couple of credits… it'd never be a normal relationship. Even if your brother did find a way to stabilize you, there's too much history behind it all." Jayne answered her, "Sides' Mal and them, they're okay with it now, but what happens when ya move into my bunk, they'll throw a fit so big it'll blow that little mind of yours and I'm bound to get thrown out the airlock."
"One… not lies… two... destined to be… three... I'll handle them."
Jayne frowned, confused by her words for a second. "Now, wait a minute… they were lies… them memories, and you know it girl. I never rescued you from Ariel and no needles, and we never got married."
"But you did!" River smiled down brightly at him.
"No!" Jayne quickly declared, "I sold you out, I got you caught, didn't do no rescuing!"
"Then I must be insubstantial, not here, back with the needles…" She held her hand up to her face and examined it as though confused.
Recognition flashed over Jayne's face and his eyes went wide, "No, you ain't twisting this around, I didn't ruttin' save you. I turned ya in, remember. It was Mal who rescued ya, he's the one who found us and got us out."
River laughed gleefully, sending a shiver down his spine, "But it was Jayne who fought to release, Jayne who could have left River to return to the blue. It was Jayne who bloodied his hand to keep her from the needles."
"Damn your ruttin logic." Jayne cursed, "That still don't make the marriage true, I wouldn't have willingly married a crazy girl!" One of River's hands slipped around beneath him, digging around his backside in search of something, making the mercenary twitch and jump around as much as he could, "What in ruttin' hell are you doing?"
River pulled her hand out, gently grasping a hold of a small folded piece of paper. Jayne groaned as she gently unfolded it, holding the object close for him to see. He cursed under his breath as the bold writing of the marriage certificate stared him back in the face. So, okay he had married her somewhat willingly, he could have ducked out of that ceremony pretty easily if he'd really wanted to. Not like anybody had been holding a gun to his back. "That don't count, seeing as how I already thought we were married in the first place."
River shook her head, "Jayne Cobb trust the word of a stranger?" she shook her head again. "Jayne Cobb trusts no one, only himself and his gut feelings. See, destined to be! Fate played out to bring together boy and girl. Used a slight of hand and tricked them into acceptance of what she had planned every since the girl was put in the box and delivered to boy's doorstep."
Jayne growled low in his throat, angered and stupefied by her logic and her ability to debunk his arguments. Still he wasn't one to give in easily. "That ain't gonna make the crew accept it none, they ain't gonna just let us…"
"Let the prodigy handle serenity's bunch." She interrupted. "Nothing vestiges to argue bout, all that's remains is acceptance."
"What if'n I don't wanna accept it?" Jayne yelled back, lifting his head to glare back up at her.
River bowed her head in response, taking a shaky breath she sniffled as tears gathered in her eyes.
Jayne's eyes went wide in horror, "Hey now… don't you dare…" She sniffled again, "Gorram it, woman, that's just low down and dirty…" Reaching out he grabbed a hold of her and pulled her roughly into his embrace. On hand holding her firmly to him he let the other gently smooth down the waves of brown, all the while grumping, "Ain't fair, them ain't kosherized rules."
She buried her face against his neck, breathing in the familiar scent of Jayne. "Missed me?" River finally whispered when the seconds had drawn out into minutes of quiet.
"Missed' ya!" Jayne confirmed reluctantly, a hand unconsciously playing along the muscles of her back.
"Love me?" River inquired quietly
"Damn, don't know what else these ruttin' feelings could mean!" He answered without thinking. It took a second for the comprehension of his words to clear through the River induced haze of emotion. Jayne groaned, "Now that ain't fair either, I wasn't thinking clearly." He quickly defended before she could make a case out of what he'd just said.
River giggled quietly, snuggling deeper into his embrace, "Can't take them back once you've said them." She paused for a moment, her hand making lazy circle on his chest. "Nothing to be afraid of…" She whispered, "River can't hurt him, doesn't want to hurt him, hurting him would hurt her. Can't promise that it'll be easy, can't promise that won't be hard, but can promise that she'll love him until the occasion of time suffocating the mixture of nitrogen and oxygen from her respiratory organs."
Shifting slight she lifted her head to stare down into his eyes. "Things will go wrong and things will change, but she'll always be here," She pressed one hand over his heart, "and here." she pressed her other hand over his forehead. "It's not too spectacular to be accurate, silly Jayne, it's factual."
Jayne stared up into her bright eyes, breathing heavily and deeply he watched her face, the earnest pleading expression that danced through her eyes. He still didn't understand it, but he was tired of fighting the feelings, tired of being on the losing end. And as she appeared to be winning he did what any good mercenary would, decided that maybe he ought to switch sides and get the better deal.
Taking another deep and shaky breath he pushed down the fear, past the annoying little voices that warned him not to, and guided his hand to the base of her neck. His heart jumping erratically, he pulled her head down and took that final heart stopping plunge into acceptance, he kissed her.
"Right, Captain," Wash declared from his pilot's seat, "We are undocking."
Serenity slowly pulled away from the small grey shuttle and turned about, floating a safe distance away before Wash turned her about so they could watch the sparks fly. A majority of the crew had gathered to watch the event, leaving only and River and Jayne in the Infirmary and Inara in her shuttle.
"We about ready?" Mal questioned Kaylee.
The mechanic nodded. Simon turned away, heading down the stairs, "Simon," Kaylee called after him, "don't you wanna stay and watch the big ka boom?"
Simon paused and turned around to face the group, "I don't think after today's events it's safe to leave my sister alone with Jayne for longer then necessary. I'm… sure… there'll be other chances to watch you blow things up." That said the doctor smiled and turned back around heading towards the infirmary.
"Kay, Kaylee, lets see this thing light up like a Christmas tree."
"Christmas trees don't explode and burst into flames, captain." Wash declared with a sarcastic grin.
"Obviously you ain't been in a room with a tree and bout twenty drunken ranch hands. Blow her, Kaylee."
Simon looked up as Serenity shook slightly in the after shock and continued down the stairs to the infirmary to check on his unconscious patient. He shook his head in thought, still baffled by his sister's previous actions. Still wondering why she'd chosen to knock out the mercenary he stepped into the infirmary and looked up. His mouth dropped open in horror at the sight that greeted him.
Mercenary and crazy genius were locked in a heated embrace, lips tugging frantically at each other, hands roaming where no brother ought to have witnessed. Simon spun on his heels, facing the other direction he quickly cleared his throat once, and judged it safe to turn around when he caught the sound of his sister's startled gasp.
Simon fought for control of his own facial expressions as Jayne pulled away from River with a comical horrified expression and turned a nice shade of red. River merely sat up and grinned at her brother. Simon was tempted to make a comment, but decided that he didn't want to risk wiping the euphoric expression from his sister's face. He was just gonna have to get used to her… relationship… for the sake of his sister's happiness.
"Sorry for… uh… interrupting you." Simon gulped down hurrying over to the counter, half afraid he would start laughing at Jayne's expression. "How are you feeling?"
"His head hurts!" River supplied for her husband, as he was still too flabbergasted to speak.
"Not surprising considering that she knocked you unconscious with a frying pan. I've got a painkiller that will help with that." Simon answered digging though his drawers for said drug.
The proper color returned to Jayne's face as his gaze darted back over to his wife. "She did what?" Jayne pouted, "Ya had to hit me with a ruttin frying pan? Gorram it, woman! No wonder my head feels bout ready to explode."
River rolled her eyes, "Already told you that up here silly." She declared tapping his forehead. "Needed to induce sudden unconsciousness while the locks were still down," she explained again.
Simon walked over to the pair welding his syringe. "River, I need you to move..." He started to say, but stopped talking when she shot him a potent death glare. Simon watched half stunned as she reached out and took the syringe from him before expertly applying it to one of her husband's veins.
"There, made up for the hurt." Leaning down River kissed Jayne soundly on the lips and clambered down from the bed, skipping off towards her room. Consequently she knowingly left the two men in her life in a very uncomfortable position of silence.
Simon shifted nervously, reached out and picked up the empty syringe from where his sister had dropped it and moved back over to the counter.
"Ya know doc," Jayne suddenly declared, his head was drooping slightly as the drug took a moment to kick in. "I'm pretty sure there's some big ruttin' ugly black book of the 'Verse that says you ain't supposed to like your brother in law… so ya know… no big change there." Jayne spoke up quietly, shocking Simon. "It only means you're entitled to rip my innards out if'n I ever hurt her. And that I'm allowed to tell ya you're makin' a gorram fool of yourself with little Kaylee, hurtin' her every time ya push her away."
His mouth once again gaping open Simon spun on his heels to stare at the mercenary. "What…"
"Course if'n you just let go of 'em boundaries ya put up and let yourself relax a little, it wouldn't be no problem." Jayne turned his gaze to meet Simon's and grinned, "I did the same and look what it got me; that damn fine little number you call sister."
A look of disgust mingled with outright shock over Simon's face, but before he could make a comment in retaliation the mercenary had closed his eyes, lured into sleep by the pain killer. Simon stood fixed in place for a second, his mouth still hanging open.
"You keep gaping like that and you're liable to catch somethin' you don't wanna." Mal commented as he stepped into the infirmary and glanced about in search of River. "How's he doin' and where's your sister?"
Simon finally closed his mouth, "He's back to normal, captain, and River just ran off in the direction of her room." Mal nodded turned on his heals and started off towards the guest quarters, Simon following but a step behind him, "Uh… why do you want to speak to her?"
"Wanna make sure I ain't gonna have any problems 'tween them."
"I don't think you will." Simon assured, but nevertheless the captain continued on.
"Best to get it strait from the source." Mal answered back, but paused as he came to a stop in her doorway. River was scrambling around inside, hurriedly throwing clothes and items onto the bed in no semblance of order.
"River! What are you doing?" Simon questioned, nervously tugging on his ear as he watched her from behind the Captain.
"Wife and husband share abode, can't sleep in separate halves of a whole." Both men stared down at her in confession and the genius sighed in frustration. "Moving to Jayne's quarters."
"Now wait just a minute." Mal declared, "I may not have had a choice with the whole marriage thing but I think I have a say about a little girl like you sharing a bed with the likes of Jayne. Last I checked this was still my boat."
River looked up from her clothes to meet the captain's gaze. "I can kill you with my brain."
It took a second for Mal to recover, "I imagine that's real useful, but I ain't just about to let him…"
"Captain," Simon interrupted gently, "I think she means she can take care of herself." He paused for a second, "Besides, I don't really think we have a say, they are legally married, and she's not exactly a child anymore." Simon turned and watched the Captain frown.
"This is still my boat and I gotta say in all this…" Mal declared stubbornly, his gaze flickering between River and Simon. A moment of silence passed before the captain sighed, "Just keep the noise level down, my bunk's right next to his and don't wanna listen to no… well you know. A man's gotta be able to get some sleep." That said Mal turned on his heels and stormed out mumbling something about forcing Wash and Zoe to switch bunks with him.
Simon turned back to River and found her forcing a bundle of clothes into his arms. "River…" He began slowly, "You do know what you're doing right, I know I… uh… just said. But Jayne's, well, Jayne…." He diverted his gaze down to the floor
"Simon." He lifted his head at the sound of her voice and found his younger sister smiling gleefully up at him. "Simon, don't be such a boob." He furrowed his brow for a second as River walked over; standing on her tip toes she kissed his cheek, took the clothes from him and headed off.
"Right, guess I'll just mind my own business then…"
Jayne took the stairs down into the dining room slowly, a Tam sibling on each elbow ready and waiting to jump forward at a moment's hesitation and consequently annoying the hell out of Jayne. "Will you leave off, I ain't gonna break or nothin', just dizzy in the head's all." Still they hovered around him. One in a medical sense, watching for symptoms or signs of rudimentary damage to the brain, after all River had hit him over the head pretty hard. The other in what Jayne would've called a 'ruttin girly, overbearing, annoying, but cute as hell, loving sense.' He made for a chair and found himself forced to swat her hands away as she attempted to pull it out for him. He quickly took a seat, glaring at them both before addressing the doctor. "If'n I feel like death's knockin' on my door, I'll let ya know." That said he pulled River into the chair beside him.
Simon moved off to pull Kaylee's chair out for her, before taking the seat next to the mechanic. "Where are we headed to next, Captain?"
"Got word about a job couple clicks away from here, some nice crime for a change." Mal answered, picking up the basket of bread he grabbed a roll and started to pass it around the table. "Course it'll probably go wrong and somebody will be put into deadly peril and I'll be forced to come up with some cunningly brilliant rescue plan."
"Well it sure the hell ain't my turn to get captured, tortured, shot or beaten into a blood pulp." Jayne commented in between mouthfuls, drawing the table's attention.
"How you figure that?" Mal voiced the question that seemed to be echoing in everybody's but River's eyes.
"Well, lets see, I got put on the wrong side of the world with a crazy girl," Jayne ignored said girl's glare, "flashed, which if'n you wanna know ain't all daises, had my memory wiped, replaced once, then again, which wasn't no fun neither. Managed to get hitched to said crazy girl," he winced as a boot stomped on his foot, "had a heart attack…"
"Syrchenz's Cardiomyopathy is not a heart attack. While it has similar qualities…"
Jayne glared at the doc, effectively shutting him up. "Got attacked by feds an' knocked out by the woman who claims to be my wife," River rolled her eyes, "so figured I'm outta the loop for least a good cycle of jobs."
Book furrowed his forehead and leaned forward, pressing his hands together, "Intriguing speculation, whose turn is it then?"
"Most likely Mal's or Wash's, seeing as Inara ain't involved in the jobs and ain't one of us would let little Kaylee get hurt. You, shepherd, got such a crap load of knowledge you ain't liable to be caught with your pants down, same with Zoe. And the doc… well he just found out his sister's married to me, figured fate might give him a spell to catch his breath."
"What about little River, why not her?" Wash questioned.
"Hell, she's a gorram genius with her own genuine, personalized, amazin' and astonishin' mercenary to watch her back, ain't nothing happening to her." Jayne grinned down at River, casually throwing his arm over her shoulder he ignored the several glances sent his way, "Ain't that right baby?"
River gave him a curt nod and a loopy smile, "Said the tortoise to the hare." Jayne turned to look at the crew, giving them a smug, happy grin and nod as though her words had confirmed his thoughts.
"What's that mean?" Kaylee inquired.
"Mean's I'm right and smarter then all you."
Mal snorted and turned his glance over to Simon, "You know I think for once you might be wrong doc, as that there is living proof that she must've damaged somethin' in his head." A splattering of protein mush sailed through the air across the table, smacking the captain dead center on the cheek.
"Nice shot, baby."
Chinese translations
"Ta ma de hun dan." means "Mother humping son of a bitch."
"Tian sha de e mo." means "Goddamn monsters."