Disclaimer: If JAG was a pair of size 7 tan Bloch jazz boots, then yes, I would happily own them… but I think we all have eyes, so no, I do not own JAG.
A/N: so, how are we all? Good I hope! Well, nothing much really to say, but have a nice week! Thanks for the reviews!
I actually was going to post this yesterday, but something was up with and it wouldn't let me log in! How sad :(
Go nuts :)
Minorcadence
Robyn Hensey was a short, round woman with frizzy dyed blonde hair, a formidable glare, and very jade eye shadow. She may not have beenthattall, but what she lacked in height, she made up in acrylic fingernails.
Whilst Analese went up to her mother to introduce them, Harm and Mac stood in the doorway and looked at each other.
"Does she look… scary to you?" Mac muttered to Harm, suddenly not so at ease, this woman, she looked… well… mean.
Harm was once again amused with Mac, "Oh come on Mac, it's nothing we can't handle, she can't be any worse than a drill sergeant" He gave her a little smile.
"Famous last words Harm, remember the last time you said that; you ended up on your six! I'm just being on my guard."
"Mac, she's teaching us Ballet! Not programming a nuclear missile! It'll be fine." He looked again at Robyn in her pale pink t-shirt and black Lycra tights, and hoped to God he was right.
Their whispered conversation was ended as Analese made with the intros.
"Mum, this is Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, Mac, Robyn my mum." Analese gestured to Mac, and Mac shook hands with Robyn; trying to avoid being impaled by her nails.
"Wonderful to meet you Sarah. You have wonderful arm structure - absolutely no technique though…" And her brow furrowed as she stared at Mac, clearly lost in thought.
"Mum, this is Commander Harmon Rabb. Harm, mum." And with that, Analese high-tailed it out of there as fast as she could without being rude, clearly extremely glad that her part was over; she didn't want to be around when the class began. Poor Harm and Mac. They had no idea.
"That is an unusual name, Harmon." Robyn commented, as she shook hands with him.
"I am named after my father, but please ma'am, call me Harm."
"Very well, Harm. But if you call me Ma'am again, I will make you do thirty pas de chat du pas de bourrès, mm hmm?" Robyn let go of his hand, gave him a 'is that clear?' look, and walked around to the back of him with her hands on her hips. Mac turned to see what she was doing, and a look of shock crossed her face.
Harm's eyes widened as he realized that this woman was checking out his six. He jumped as he felt her squeeze his bum, and the look on his face was priceless. "Stay still Harm" She reprimanded him in annoyance, rather like the way one would reprimand a three year old child.
"Good, good" She muttered under her breath. And then began thoroughly inspecting them both. She prodded tummies, squeezed arms, felt legs, thighs, ankles, and by the time she was finished, Mac and Harm were seriously contemplating running far, far away.
"Now." She said, standing up and staring at them full in the face. "We will start with basic positions of the arms and feet. You both have shocking muscle development, extremely bad posture, and we will have to work very hard." She said all of this briskly, and without any emotion. It wasn't criticism, it was business; there wasn't the time nor did she have any inclination for unnecessary pleasantries.
"Watch and follow me."
For the next half an hour, Analese turned her program music up as loud as it would go, to try and drown out the noise from the room where they were doing ballet - but to no avail.
"WHERE ARE YOUR ARMS? ARMS! ARMS! GIRL, I WANT TO SEE YOUR ARMS! Harmon, KEEP YOUR ELBOWS IN! IN! CANT YOU HEAR ME? AM I SPEAKING CHINESE? DON'T STOP! THIS ISNT PLAY TIME, AND YOU DON'T GET BREAKS. KEEP GOING. SARAH, WHERE ARE YOUR ARMS? AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, POINT YOUR TOES! NO, NO, LIKE THIS!"
Lise did feel sorry for them, non-dancers didn't handle her mother too comfortably, but if you wanted to do ballet there was really no other way to learn - and all ballet teachers were the same. So she skated around, and revised the compulsory dances for bronze and silver and level.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WE WENT OVER THIS 50 TIMES! BEND YOUR KNEES, AND USE YOUR HEAD! LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!
KEEP WITH THE BEAT! 1, 2, 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. COUNT IT! PETTE JETÈ, PAS DE CHAT, PETTE JETÈ - HEADS!"
Harm and Mac were not fine.
But for once, it had nothing to do with one another. This woman was an obsessive perfectionist - albeit, they were making spectacular progress under her somewhat crass tutorage, but if Harm or Mac had a gun… lets just say that maybe having JAG contacts would come in definite handy.
They were both stressed, sweating profusely, and majorly pissed off at this woman, who could ALWAYS find things that they were doing wrong. She was impossible, and all they could do was keep dancing - heaven couldn't even help one of them if they ever said anything back!
'OH MY GOD!' Mac seethed. 'This is ridiculous! This woman is manic. For Christ sakes, if she tells me to lift my head one more time…' Mac lifted her arm with the music, and turned her head to the right like she was supposed to - her eyes locked in a permanent death glare.
Harm was worse. He was struggling to keep up, and it seemed to him that Robyn took pleasure in yelling at him to 'BEND YOUR KNEES BOY, YOU LOOK LIKE A DEMENTED SCARECROW - I WILL NOT HAVE SCARECROWS DANCING NEAR ME!'
'Well,' he thought bitterly 'please go away!' He didn't know how much more of this torture he could take. Everything was aching, and Robyn was making his body do impossible maneuvers - although she did do ALL of them as well.
"Ok, now we'll try some basic pas de deux. Harm, stand behind Sarah, and put your hands on her waist, we'll see if you can lift her."
Harm did as he was told.
"Now, on my count, both of you bend, and Sarah does a little jump whilst Harm lifts her as far as he can - preferably so he can lock his arms… but we're not expecting miracles just yet."
She clapped her hands; "One, two, Bend, LIFT!" She watched in pleasant surprise as Harm lifted Mac all the way up, and held her there for a little while.
"Ah! Whoa! Ehhh… woo! Ahaa!" Mac was wobbling a lot, she just couldn't keep her balance. "Mac, stay still!"
"I'm trying!" Mac said, trying to stay stiff.
"Sarah, keep your body locked! Lift your arms up into fifth! Stretch and extend your legs, point your toes and tuck your ankles behind one another! POINT THEM! Good Harm."
He slowly lowered Mac, and silently thanked God that he still kept his upper body strength up to scratch - he was going to need it on this assignment!
They spent the rest of the lesson learning about lines, good technique, and what foods to eat and avoid for maximum performance.
At 8:00 on the dot Analese came and rescued them, saying that it was time for their on-ice training; which it was.
She took one look at them, both disgruntled, sweaty and in major pain and fought the urge to say 'I told you so!'
They walked in silence over to the dressing room, none of them needing to say anything, and when they were getting their skates on, Analese promised the two that she would go easy on them just this once.
"Now" She said when they were sitting on the long bench putting their skates on, "you guys did really well today; I could hear that you got up to pas de deux already, which is fantastic! You worked hard. So today, we are going to concentrate on control. I know you only learnt how to skate yesterday, but that just means that you will learn faster because you have no other bad habits that actual figure skaters might"
"Lise, could you help me out with something?" Mac asked, "What is the difference between ice dancing and figure skating? Why are they so different? Besides the obvious, I mean."
"Ok, I should have explained everything to you yesterday, sorry. Well how it works is, in figure skating, there are lots of different disciplines - like in normal dance; you can have jazz dancing, tap dancing, ballet dancing, belly dancing, etcetera.
"In Figure skating, you can have free skating, ice dancing synchronized skating, pairs skating, etc. Free skating is what everyone thinks of when someone says ice skating - it is the jumps, and the spins and stuff.
"Ice dancing is with a man and a woman, and is primarily based on edge control; it's basically ballroom dancing on ice. It concentrates on the lines and technique of the dance, and ice dancing doesn't have jumps in it. There are dance spins and lifts, though, but we'll learn them later."
She finished explaining it to them and they nodded in understanding. "So," Harm asked "we don't have to do those big jumps?"
Analese smiled "No, Harm, you don't have to do those big jumps. But you're not off the hook yet! Ice dancing can be much harder than free skating believe me!"
oh, yay.
"And did you say that you were only coaching us to fill in for someone?" Mac enquired.
"Yes, Jo and Brad. They are going to be your actual coaches, but they are on vacation at the moment. When that net guy… what's his name?"
"Webb."
"Oh, yeah… well, when he rang Jo to ask her to teach you, she referred him to me until she gets back next Wednesday. Then they will take it from there."
"Uh, Analese, Webb didn't happen to tell you anything about why we are doing this, did he?" Harm asked, worried that she could possibly be in danger, and also a liability to their mission.
"Nope, don't worry. I don't even know who the hell he is. But since you guys are in the military, I figure the fewer questions I ask, the better. My job is to teach you how to skate, and that's all I'll do. Now get your skates on, we've had enough of a breather." She watched them get their skates on, and shakily stand up - moving out of the way as she remembered what happened yesterday.
Luckily, Mac did her skates up properly this time - not too tight - so they didn't have to test the domino theory again, and she walked towards the door to go skating.
"Now," Analese began once they had stepped on the ice, and she made sure that Harm wasn't going to attach himself to the barrier, "Lets warm up."
"Warm up? We just did two hours of dance class! I think we're pretty warm!" Harm was skeptical; why did they need more warming up?
"No you're not! Let's go!" And she swiftly skated off, leaving Mac and Harm to catch up.
"Wait, I can't go that fast!" Mac began, "Slow down!" But her words fell of deaf ears, as Analese continued on her way, curving and turning across the ice.
With a sigh, Mac pushed off on her toe pick and skated after her, motioning for Harm to follow. Harm resigned himself and followed on, tracing the pattern that Analese and Mac skated before him.
After five laps of attempted inside edges, forward cross-overs, some tries at going backwards, chasses, swing rolls and Mohawks, Harm and Mac were absolutely exhausted.
"I thought she was going to go easy on us" Harm groaned to Mac between breaths, "Yeah," She replied "and that was just the warm up! I don't feel bird-like at all - I feel like a brick."
They were gasping for breath as Analese came up to them and told them their schedule for the session, which - according to Harm and Mac - did not sound remotely like anything associated with the words 'going easy'.
At least if they got shot in a combat zone, they could die quickly…
No such chance with this one.
Meanwhile, back at JAG…
"Jen, I could you please give these to the General for me? They are Colonel Mackenzie and Commander Rabb's reports for the Kigler case. He asked me to give them to him as they wouldn't be in until tomorrow. Do you know if they are out on an assignment?"
"No Harriet, sorry but I have no idea where they are. They are not sick, the General would be grumbling more if they were, and I don't think they are on an investigation, because usually I have to file the paperwork. I wonder what's going on?"
"Yeah. Thanks, Jen, have a nice day" The very pregnant Harriet said with her usual bright smile. She turned on her heel, and headed for her desk - where she saw Bud waiting for her.
"Oh, hey honey, how are you?" She greeted him, "Listen, I was just talking with Jen, and she doesn't have any clue where the Colonel and Commander are either. It's so weird. Usually someone would know, or they'd tell us themselves if they were going on an investigation, but no one knows anything."
Bud tilted his head to the side as he listened to Harriet. He was also a little concerned about the whereabouts of Harm and Mac, especially since Jen didn't know anything, but he was sure that everything was ok.
"Hon, I'm sure that there is nothing going on" he told his wife, "Really, it's probably nothing to be concerned about at all."
"But remember what Lieutenant Vukovic said yesterday? About them ice skating? Since when does the Commander and the Colonel that we know go ice skating? The Colonel and the Commander wouldn't be caught dead anywhere near an ice rink. Something is up, Bud."
"Harriet, it's nothing" Bud tried to assure her, even though he wasn't entirely sure himself, "Maybe Lieutenant Vukovic misunderstood something, or maybe they are on a case near a rink? Don't let it get you worried, dear. Can I get you anything?"
"No thanks, hon. My back is killing me though, I cant wait for next week when I go on maternity leave, carrying twins is exhausting!"
Bud smiled at his wife, and discreetly kissed her hand before heading towards his own desk.
'What are they up to?' Harriet shook her head and tried to concentrate on her paperwork - all the while formulating a plan to find out just what in the world was going on…
Whaddidya reckon?
If you have any suggestions for leotard designs/colours for mac & Harm, beep me :)
And sorry, I didn't know what the ice dance test levels were in America… in Oz, they are elementary 1, 2, Primary, Novice, Junior, Senior. But the old system is Bronze, silver, gold, which are the U.S levels i think… so I don't know… just use your imagination :)