Vega- Hello everyone! It's us again the wonderful muses known as Vega Moon Star. Today we bring you a story of pain...

Tally- Of hope!

Melody- Of sadness!

Elfa5- Of trust

Allana- Of deception

Toxic- holds up sign that reads: Of love

Vega- Of- is cut off by Ice

Ice- Oh dear God! The damn things about a girl who grew up with out the love of her family and doesn't find a point in life and so has a severe death wish and the only thing that has kept her from killing herself is her fear and Heero ,while trying to find his humanity and his place in life, meets her and being responsible for sooo many deaths feels the need to help her and the story is Heero trying to show Erin (the girl) the reasons why she should stay alive and that she does have a place in life and the irony is Heero himself is searching for the same things, so the two struggle together in search of the answers and salvation they seek, one has a problem with trust and the other is oblivious to their feelings. takes a deep breathe

Tally- HEEEEEY! I was about to say that!

Melody- oh boy

Tally- LINE STEALER!

Ice- oh shut up you couldn't remember your lines so we switched it.

Tally- WHAT?

Elfa5- Both of you shut up.

Allana- AHEM We are in the middle of something here...

Vega- sweat drops yeah um what ever Ice said and a few more things...uh...Toxic hands her a piece of paper Wha? Uh
"This story is rated R for language, violence, sexual situations, and for being just plan morbid. There fore you are all warned! Though nothing TOO serious has happened YET there will be eventually. We are still debating on weather or not this will be an 1/OC or 1/R. It might be for the first one and switch for the sequel...it's still too early to tell but we plan on basing the choice on what you ,the readers, say in reviews so please do review and tell us what you think. DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GW or anything associated with it HOWEVER that may change. The brainstorm of which this story is a product of also rained down a few interesting ideas on world domination! So ya never know...Again flames are welcome ideas too. Any way there isn't much paper left so we'll just end it here. Enjoy To Be Alive
Signed VEGA MOON STAR AND CO." Looooong pause Vega- oh... turns and leaves with others

'...' thought

"..." speech

(...) authoress trying to lighten the mood...but failing.

To Be Alive

Chapter One-

Fear; Life or Death.

I shivered under the feel of the cold metal blade. It was a delightful shiver. A shiver that I welcomed with open arms. It felt so right to have the knife slice through my skin like butter. The physical pain wasn't that bad. It was nothing compared to the pains of my emotional state. This was what?

The 10th time?

Or maybe the 11th. What does it matter? It would all be over soon. Soon all my worries and cares would disappear and the hold this world had on me would let go. I'd be free. I didn't care where I ended up in death.

Heaven or Hell.

It didn't matter. Just as long as I was away from here. This place was neither a heaven nor a hell. It was Earth. This stupid planet of which I am exiled to misery. I really must have pissed some one off in a past life. But as I said it didn't matter anymore. Soon it would all disappear. Soon I'd be dead...and happy. All I had to do was thrust the knife into my heart. I'd make it quick and painless.

Painless...heh...does that even exist? Oh well. Doesn't matter now. As long as I get the quick part.

I raised the knife in both hands and angled it towards my chest. I could feel the warm blood run down my arms from the slices in my wrists. I am so close! I took a deep breath and counted to three.

'One...two...three!'

Nothing.

'Damn it! Why can't I do this?'

'You know why.' It was that stupid voice again. She was always right. I knew why I couldn't kill myself. The same reason I couldn't do it before.

Fear.

I was afraid of death. Afraid of the unknown. Once I tried jumping off a building. I couldn't do it. I'd start to fall but then suddenly grab the ledge. It's stupid I know. The thing I wish for more than anything is the thing I fear most. Talk about irony.

"Damn it!"

I throw the knife under my mattress and walk into my bathroom to wrap my wrists. My room was a mess. Just the way I like it. The walls are green with a bunch of junk hanging on them and the ceiling is black. I had clothes everywhere on the ground along with some scattered papers. One wall was completely covered by a book case and my bathroom door. Another had my balcony door, closet, my desk (which isn't too clean either), a futon and bean bag chairs to cover the rest. The third wall had my bed. It was a loft bed. Under it was a mini desk with my computer and computer equipment. A mini fridge, a microwave, and a toaster sat in the corner. (:P)

Then finally there is the fourth wall. This is MY WALL! It's occupied by a big screen TV (with cable), DVD/VCR, 2 large speakers (with 2 more spread out for efficient surround sound use.), and a kick ass stereo system. (o.O) I think it is safe to say my room is the best and only good thing in my life. I designed it so I'd never have a reason to leave it. Unfortunately though there is one thing that forces me out of my room every morning.

School.

Which judging by the clock on my wall starts in about 4 hours. So after cleaning up with a shower, I pull off my boy's boxers and overly large tank top which serve as my pjs, and begin getting dressed. Some underwear, a bra, a pair of baggy green cargo pants, a black sleeveless shirt, and a green sleeveless vest to go over it. Green is my favorite color, in case you haven't noticed. I especially like it's darker shades.

I put on a pair of socks and walk over to my food pantry and grab a pack of pop tarts.(pop tarts away!) I put them in the toaster and begin the tireless task of brushing my hair. (I Love My Toaster!) My hair is brunette and down to my shoulder blades with green tips. My bangs partly cover my eyes which are yes green... ...naturally. (XP) For today I'd have my hair down however just for the hell of it I wrap a bandana around my head a fix my hair so that all you can see of the piece of clothe are the parts covering my forehead. The bandana is green with little punk heads on it and the words "School Of Hard Knocks" written everywhere.

I casually pull my glasses off and clean them before turning to the full-length mirror on my bathroom door. My face was freckled spotted. I hated freckles. I didn't bother with make up. I couldn't find a point in the stuff so never wore any. Not even lip-gloss. I didn't have a single piercing so the only jewelry I wore would be an occasional necklace. A quick glance at the clock told me to hurry. I grabbed my backpack and shoved my books into it with my CDs and CD player. I placed the headphones on my head and threw the bag onto my back. To cover my scars I pulled on a pair of biking gloves. I grabbed my pop tarts and stuck one in my mouth. And with that I left the sanctuary that is my room.

I took quick glances down the hallway. It was quiet and dark. The rest of the houses occupants were still asleep. I crept towards the stairs and silently climbed down them. I reached the first platform which angled the stairs right and ended in the kitchen. I crept to the front door through the family room and pulled my shoes on. Carefully I opened the door and walked outside. It was still dark out for it was only 4:15 in the morning. The sun had yet to rise. Calmly I walked through what was supposed to be the front yard. It was only a very large patch of dirt with a walk way let led though it towards the street. A drive way sat next to it filled with cars. Ignoring them I walked though the metal fence and unchained my bike from it and got on. I turned on my music and began the trip to my high school. School started at 8 so I had about four hours to bike the 3 ½ hour trip. As I biked I saw the city in which I lived come alive again for another day. By 5 the streets were already filled with cars taking their drivers to work. It was a fairly normal fall morning. I reached my school early. How is beyond me. I just did.

My school is Helena High School or as it is more lovingly called Hell High. It was big with six stories. It had to be to fit the cities growing population of teens. I parked and chained my bike and headed to the front doors. The parking lot was already filling with students. After passing the vigorous security inspections of bomb sniffing dogs, metal detector, and pat downs, (o.O) I headed to the freshman hallway where my locker resided.

It was about a month into the school year and all the freshmen were paranoid about Homecoming. The closer it got to home coming the more the seniors initiate the freshmen. Yep! That's right! Initiation AKA hazing. It's actually against school policy for hazing to take place, but hey! All the more reason to do it. Besides it's not like the teachers do anything to stop it. No matter how violent or "inhuman" it gets.

After finding my locker and winning the fight with my lock I pull off my backpack and make sure only the books for the first half of the day are in there. To avoid seniors I find that staying as far from my locker as often as I can helps. The rest of my books I place in my locker and change my CD. All the while I am oblivious to the group of seniors who spotted me and are now heading in my direction. ( plays Jaw's theme song) I didn't notice them until one slammed my locker shut. Sighing I pull down my headphones and calmly turn around. Not surprisingly I find them all to be guys.

"Well well...would you looky here. It's a Frosh." Says the first guy. (goon 1)

"So it is." Says another (goon 2)

"What ya wanna do to her?" asks a third (goon 3)

"I know! How about we stick her in the J Room." Suggests goon 1. Ah…yes…The J Room AkA Janitors Closet. It's supposed to be a dark musty and disgusting room with no door knob in the inside. One kid died in there and three more got severe breathing defects.

"That sounds good." Says goon 3.

"Alright. The J Room it is!" Says a fourth. (goon 4) I glare death at them. Daring them to touch me. Two grab my arms and hold me. I fight them. I'm not scared. Why should I be. You see the seniors have a little pattern with initiating freshmen. The guys do the initiating where as the girls serve as spies. Pretty clever except all guys have one common weakness. I smirk as I kick one guy in the groin and he collapses in pain on the floor. See. A common weakness. I manage to get an arm loose and elbow another in the gut...hard. A third pushes me up against the lockers pinning me there. I could feel his body press hard against mine in an effort to hold me. The fourth lets go of my arm and moves to help his buddies still on the ground. The one restraining me grinned perversely.

"Perhaps you want a different type of initiation." I felt him rub his groin against me. (o.O uh oh) I glare cold death at him. He was dead. D-E- A-D. Dead!

"Dream on" I say just before kneeing him in the gut. He pulls back slightly. Big mistake. I pull back my fist and deck the bastard right in the face. A sickening crack is heard as the bones in his nose brake. He falls to the ground holding his face and yelling threats at me. (heh heh heh evil)

"You try that again and I'll brake more than just your nose." I turn to the final senior. A look of shock on his face. He looks at me frightened. He should be. I didn't grow up in this city with out picking up some pointers on street fighting. It's not like this was my first time using it anyway. Seeing that he wasn't going to try and "avenge his fallen comrades" I put my headphones back on and walk away. Fellow freshmen who had seen the little event cheered me all the way to my first class. I knew that by 2nd period the whole school would know. Then the real "fun" begins. After hearing of a challenge seniors will focus all their energy on initiating me. 'oh well...I guess today's going to be very...eventful' I think just as I reach my first period class...Art.

Sooooooooo...waja think? Do I continue or don't I? Come on! I wanna know! Review Damn it! Hey...first reviewer gets a cookie:P