AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I'm surprised so many of you thought this was actually good. I personally thought it was horrible.
To answer the question about timeframe, there really isn't a specific one. I guess if I had to place it, it would be set around the 14th Angel.
Please read and review!
Your loving author, Sithanas
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Neon Genesis Evangelion: Limits
02: Tears
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"Hai, moshi moshi." Misato Katsuragi's voice was rough, broken, as if she had been crying all day, which she had. So when she picked up the phone, she wasn't sounding at her best. But that changed when she heard the voice on the other end.
"Misato-san...I-" He couldn't finish before she exploded.
"Shinji-kun! Where are you? Are you all right? What's going on!"
"Misato-san, I'm sorry for running away like I did. I need a break. Gomen nasai, Misato-san...I think I'll come back eventually. If you need to find me, you know where I'll be."
"Shinji-kun, wait! Don't go yet!"
"Gomen, Misato-san. Goodbye." The phone Misato was holding went dead. She let it drop limply onto the table. Holding her head in her hands, she let the brimming tears fall from her eyes. "Shinji-kun..."
In Asuka's room, the situation was no brighter. She was lying curled on her futon, clutching her knees to her chest. Tears streamed down her face unchecked, and her voice, bruised already from her battle with Shinji in the morning, was completely broken from crying. Only a single thought ran through her mind.
"He loved me...but I drove him away...I always drive away the ones that are close to me..." She pulled her legs closer. "I hate myself."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Shinji stood at the Tokyo-3 lookout, the same place Misato had taken him to after his battle with the Third. He often came here when he felt like being alone. He looked out thoughtfully over the city that he had so often protected and searched his feelings for some sense of ...pride, almost. All he found was an abyss of sadness and an incredible, aching exhaustion.
"Ikari-kun." Shinji turned, surprised to hear that voice.
"Ayanami. What are you doing here?"
"I came looking for you. Neither you nor Sorhyu showed up for synch tests today. I was...worried." He smiled at her.
"Ayanami...thank you for caring." She colored slightly as he continued. "Asuka...she scares me. No matter what I do, all she does is hurt me. So I- I hurt her back. But I don't feel any better for doing it. I- I just feel so empty inside, like I have nothing... nothing at all..." He collapsed to his knees, tears rolling down his cheeks. He dropped his face, not wanting Ayanami to see his tears. His anguished cries echoed out over the clearing. "Nobody can ever want me...all I ever do is hurt people I care for...it's all my fault. I HATE MYSELF! I HATE M-" Ayanami placed her hand over his mouth, silencing him.
"Ikari-kun... everyone in Tokyo-3 cares for you. We rely on you for our existence. You do not hurt us, you sustain us."
"But it's not really me! All I do is follow orders! That's all I'm good for, following orders! If no one tells me what to do, I just go and fuck up!" Rei drew back slightly, surprised to hear him swear, but he continued. "God, I'm so pathetic! Why do I even exist?! I'm just here to die!" He dropped to his knees, sobbing. Ayanami stepped closer and placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. She drew in a breath and tried again.
"Ikari-kun, everyone at NERV and everyone living in Tokyo-3 relies on you. You cannot give up. We need you here, with us." She took a deep breath, subconsciously realizing that the next topic she had to broach would not be an easy one. "I was told by the commander to ask you a question. Will you continue to pilot EVA?" He looked up at her, the tears still shining in his eyes, and it was instantly obvious that that had been the last thing he had wanted to hear.
"I...I don't know yet. Tell my fath- I mean *the commander* (his words filled with an icy coldness at the mention of his name) that I have not decided, and that he *cannot* force me no matter what he tries." He smiled softly and his voice softened a bit. "You're going back to NERV, aren't you? May I walk with you?" She nodded and looked at him, her face a silent question.
"I need to arrange for separate quarters...I could use some time alone, to think, I guess." He smiled wistfully, but it didn't really extend to his eyes. "Besides, I don't think Asuka wants me to come back home right now..." Ayanami simply nodded and offered him a hand to help him to his feet. Gratefully accepting, he grasped her and rose. Together, they set off to the nearest NERV entrance.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Major Misato Katsuragi stood stiffly at attention in the office of Commander Gendo Ikari. Ikari stared at her from behind her desk, performing the patented steepled-hand-intimidation maneuver. His eyes were hidden behind those ever-present sunglasses, and when combined with the dark, brooding atmosphere of the room, they were causing Misato to sweat nervously just a bit. Finally, the commander spoke.
"I understand that the Third Child has applied for a transfer of residence to a single apartment, and I thought that perhaps you could explain why he would be desirous of living alone. Please do so, Major." Misato suppressed a gasp of surprise. She hadn't known that Shinji wanted to move out. Her voice was shaky and nervous as she tried to formulate a response.
"Asuka and Shinji have been...well, they had a rather violent falling out not to long ago. I don't think Shinji-kun feels very comfortable around her right now, and he probably just wants some time to figure things out, sir. It probably seemed better to him than running away did."
"Why was I not notified of this...altercation sooner?" His voice was deadly cold and sent shivers up and down Misato's spine.
"I only became aware of it a short while ago, and didn't believe it to be major enough to warrant your attention, sir." 'And I was worried that you might have Asuka 'replaced',' she added in her head.
"Let this be a reminder to you, Major Katsuragi, that *everything* causing a change in the pilots warrants my attention. We cannot afford to lose the Third Child. His housing request will be approved. Consider yourself on report, Major. Do not let this happen again." She gritted her teeth and nodded.
"Yes sir." Turning, she strode out of the room. Once she was outside of the room, she turned and kicked a wall hard.
"Why, dammit, why! We had a *family*!" Tears ran down her face. Her voice trailed off. "A family..."
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End Chapter 2
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End Note: Wow, that took an awful lot of rewrites. I'm not really good at this whole darkfiction thing. It's really kind of difficult. The hardest part is maintaining that depressing atmosphere. It's almost painful at times. I keep trying to go for a more lighthearted fic. Ugh, that Rei/Shinji scene was so damn difficult! Rei is tough to write for, and she still ended coming out somewhat OOC. Damn. Oh well, I should improve with time.
I'm going to be on vacation from July 5th to 12th, but I'm taking an old laptop-like device called an eMate 300 (old Apple tech, don't ask) with me so I can continue to write while I'm away. Which means that, hopefully, I should have a chapter or two finished by the time I come back. Hopefully.
Interesting thing to note about reviews: This fic-1 chapter, 1200 words, 21 reviews. My other fic-6 chapters, 11,500 words, 20 reviews. You know what that means? You all need to read my other fic! Pleeeeeeease?
Please read and review!
Your loving author, Sithanas
To answer the question about timeframe, there really isn't a specific one. I guess if I had to place it, it would be set around the 14th Angel.
Please read and review!
Your loving author, Sithanas
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Neon Genesis Evangelion: Limits
02: Tears
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hai, moshi moshi." Misato Katsuragi's voice was rough, broken, as if she had been crying all day, which she had. So when she picked up the phone, she wasn't sounding at her best. But that changed when she heard the voice on the other end.
"Misato-san...I-" He couldn't finish before she exploded.
"Shinji-kun! Where are you? Are you all right? What's going on!"
"Misato-san, I'm sorry for running away like I did. I need a break. Gomen nasai, Misato-san...I think I'll come back eventually. If you need to find me, you know where I'll be."
"Shinji-kun, wait! Don't go yet!"
"Gomen, Misato-san. Goodbye." The phone Misato was holding went dead. She let it drop limply onto the table. Holding her head in her hands, she let the brimming tears fall from her eyes. "Shinji-kun..."
In Asuka's room, the situation was no brighter. She was lying curled on her futon, clutching her knees to her chest. Tears streamed down her face unchecked, and her voice, bruised already from her battle with Shinji in the morning, was completely broken from crying. Only a single thought ran through her mind.
"He loved me...but I drove him away...I always drive away the ones that are close to me..." She pulled her legs closer. "I hate myself."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Shinji stood at the Tokyo-3 lookout, the same place Misato had taken him to after his battle with the Third. He often came here when he felt like being alone. He looked out thoughtfully over the city that he had so often protected and searched his feelings for some sense of ...pride, almost. All he found was an abyss of sadness and an incredible, aching exhaustion.
"Ikari-kun." Shinji turned, surprised to hear that voice.
"Ayanami. What are you doing here?"
"I came looking for you. Neither you nor Sorhyu showed up for synch tests today. I was...worried." He smiled at her.
"Ayanami...thank you for caring." She colored slightly as he continued. "Asuka...she scares me. No matter what I do, all she does is hurt me. So I- I hurt her back. But I don't feel any better for doing it. I- I just feel so empty inside, like I have nothing... nothing at all..." He collapsed to his knees, tears rolling down his cheeks. He dropped his face, not wanting Ayanami to see his tears. His anguished cries echoed out over the clearing. "Nobody can ever want me...all I ever do is hurt people I care for...it's all my fault. I HATE MYSELF! I HATE M-" Ayanami placed her hand over his mouth, silencing him.
"Ikari-kun... everyone in Tokyo-3 cares for you. We rely on you for our existence. You do not hurt us, you sustain us."
"But it's not really me! All I do is follow orders! That's all I'm good for, following orders! If no one tells me what to do, I just go and fuck up!" Rei drew back slightly, surprised to hear him swear, but he continued. "God, I'm so pathetic! Why do I even exist?! I'm just here to die!" He dropped to his knees, sobbing. Ayanami stepped closer and placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. She drew in a breath and tried again.
"Ikari-kun, everyone at NERV and everyone living in Tokyo-3 relies on you. You cannot give up. We need you here, with us." She took a deep breath, subconsciously realizing that the next topic she had to broach would not be an easy one. "I was told by the commander to ask you a question. Will you continue to pilot EVA?" He looked up at her, the tears still shining in his eyes, and it was instantly obvious that that had been the last thing he had wanted to hear.
"I...I don't know yet. Tell my fath- I mean *the commander* (his words filled with an icy coldness at the mention of his name) that I have not decided, and that he *cannot* force me no matter what he tries." He smiled softly and his voice softened a bit. "You're going back to NERV, aren't you? May I walk with you?" She nodded and looked at him, her face a silent question.
"I need to arrange for separate quarters...I could use some time alone, to think, I guess." He smiled wistfully, but it didn't really extend to his eyes. "Besides, I don't think Asuka wants me to come back home right now..." Ayanami simply nodded and offered him a hand to help him to his feet. Gratefully accepting, he grasped her and rose. Together, they set off to the nearest NERV entrance.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Major Misato Katsuragi stood stiffly at attention in the office of Commander Gendo Ikari. Ikari stared at her from behind her desk, performing the patented steepled-hand-intimidation maneuver. His eyes were hidden behind those ever-present sunglasses, and when combined with the dark, brooding atmosphere of the room, they were causing Misato to sweat nervously just a bit. Finally, the commander spoke.
"I understand that the Third Child has applied for a transfer of residence to a single apartment, and I thought that perhaps you could explain why he would be desirous of living alone. Please do so, Major." Misato suppressed a gasp of surprise. She hadn't known that Shinji wanted to move out. Her voice was shaky and nervous as she tried to formulate a response.
"Asuka and Shinji have been...well, they had a rather violent falling out not to long ago. I don't think Shinji-kun feels very comfortable around her right now, and he probably just wants some time to figure things out, sir. It probably seemed better to him than running away did."
"Why was I not notified of this...altercation sooner?" His voice was deadly cold and sent shivers up and down Misato's spine.
"I only became aware of it a short while ago, and didn't believe it to be major enough to warrant your attention, sir." 'And I was worried that you might have Asuka 'replaced',' she added in her head.
"Let this be a reminder to you, Major Katsuragi, that *everything* causing a change in the pilots warrants my attention. We cannot afford to lose the Third Child. His housing request will be approved. Consider yourself on report, Major. Do not let this happen again." She gritted her teeth and nodded.
"Yes sir." Turning, she strode out of the room. Once she was outside of the room, she turned and kicked a wall hard.
"Why, dammit, why! We had a *family*!" Tears ran down her face. Her voice trailed off. "A family..."
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End Chapter 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
End Note: Wow, that took an awful lot of rewrites. I'm not really good at this whole darkfiction thing. It's really kind of difficult. The hardest part is maintaining that depressing atmosphere. It's almost painful at times. I keep trying to go for a more lighthearted fic. Ugh, that Rei/Shinji scene was so damn difficult! Rei is tough to write for, and she still ended coming out somewhat OOC. Damn. Oh well, I should improve with time.
I'm going to be on vacation from July 5th to 12th, but I'm taking an old laptop-like device called an eMate 300 (old Apple tech, don't ask) with me so I can continue to write while I'm away. Which means that, hopefully, I should have a chapter or two finished by the time I come back. Hopefully.
Interesting thing to note about reviews: This fic-1 chapter, 1200 words, 21 reviews. My other fic-6 chapters, 11,500 words, 20 reviews. You know what that means? You all need to read my other fic! Pleeeeeeease?
Please read and review!
Your loving author, Sithanas