AUTHOR'S NOTE: I keep hearing that this story has "potential", whatever you all mean by that. Hopefully I can live up to all of your expectations. Yes, it's short. It will get longer as I get better at writing darkfiction - well, hopefully at least. Yes, it's a little out of character - at least in the anime sense. I find I prefer the character profiles in the mangas rather than the anime - they give me a little more room to work in. For those of you that haven't read the Evangelion manga, Rei becomes a lot more open with Shinji than in the anime, and Shinji is more willing to let his temper show. Oh, and Asuka is physically violent, not just verbally.
Enjoy!
Your loving author,
Sithanas
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Neon Genesis Evangelion: Limits
03: Fears
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a NERV housing complex on the outskirts of Tokyo-3, an adolescent boy tossed and turned in his bed, his dreams - nightmares, actually - filled with images of a red-headed girl...
"I hate you! I HATE EVERYONE!" *SLAP* "Get away from me, Third Child! I don't want your pity! I hate you! I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" They were standing on the balcony of Misato's apartment, with Shinji on the edge and Asuka standing in the doorway. He took a breath and tried to speak.
"Asuka, please-" She cut him off.
"Just LEAVE!" And she balled her hand into a fist and punched and he hit the railing and flipped over it, his hands just missing the edge as he grabbed for purchase, and he was falling and falling towards the ground, the seconds seeming to stretch out as Asuka's angry face peered over the railing at him and then he hit and the world was pain and pain and pain and pain and pain.....
The pounding roar of an Angel alarm blasted Shinji from his slumber. He shot upright, drenched in sweat, sheets tangled around his legs. His cell phone began to ring a moment later and he grabbed it, bringing it to his ear. An operator greeted him on the other end.
"Pilot Ikari, your presence is required at NERV Headquarters immediately. There is an incoming angel." A *click* signified that the line had gone dead. Shinji slumped back against the headboard of the bed, the phone dropping from his nerveless fingers. Clutching his legs to his chest, he began to cry, muttering softly to himself.
"I must not run away, I must not run away, I must not run away..." Covering his face with his hands, Shinji Ikari sobbed, his thoughts of a red-headed girl, and how he just ran away.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Aoba's voice echoed through the bridge level of Command. "Visual confirmation of Angel. This is maximum magnification."
Hyuga was next. "It's not moving from its orbit. Aoba bounced back, like a ping-pong ball.
"It's maintaining a constant distance from our position." Misato broke in, arms crossed under her chest.
"So, does that mean that it's looking for a place to land? Or that it's going to destroy us from up there?" Hyuga returned to the conversation.
"We can't attack it easily from this position." Now he was playing verbal ping-pong with Misato.
"Unless it comes into our range, there's nothing we can do. The Evas can't destroy an enemy that's in orbit. What's Rei's status?" Ibuki fielded the question this time.
"She and Unit 00 are both in good condition."
"Understood. Launch Unit 00. Prepare for extreme long range firing. Unit 02, Asuka, be ready to launch as her backup." Asuka's face on the comm display was one of shock.
"Backup? Me? For Unit 00?!"
"That's right, take the rear guard position."
"You can't be serious. Evangelion Unit 02, launch!" Ritsuko reflexively shouted her name as the rails crackled, but it was too late. Unit 02 was already ascending. Misato showed no surprise - thinking of it, it was to be expected.
"It's okay. Let her take the point if that's what she wants." Hyuga was obviously not as calm about it.
"Major Katsuragi!" Ritsuko leaned towards Ibuki conspiratorially.
"If she fails this time, Asuka won't be allowed to pilot anymore." Ibuki turned so she could glance back at her teacher.
"You mean this is her last chance?" Ritsuko leaned in closer, her voice lowering to a near whisper.
"Let's start preparing to replace Unit 02's pilot, just in case." Ibuki looked troubled at this.
"Yes ma'am." Hyuga turned around to look at Major Katsuragi."Excuse me, but aren't you going to launch Unit 01?"
"It's to remain frozen. Those are Commander Ikari's orders." She frowned slightly, remembering the bloody remains of the 14th Angel. 'After what happened, it's a good idea.'
~~~~~~~~~~~
Asuka's head snapped back as her Eva slammed to a halt at the end of the launch rail. Warning buzzers sounded as a weapons elevator opened in front of her, a positron cannon rising from it. She reached forward and grabbed the rifle, mounting it in the proper position on her Eva's shoulder.
"If I fail this time, they're not going to let me pilot anymore. You can't make any mistakes this time, Asuka." The rain outside damped everything, making it hard to get a lock, not to mention the fact that the damned Angel wasn't coming any closer. She raised the rifle into the sky, frowning as the targeting indicators refused to converge. Aoba's voice sounded in her ears.
"The target is still out of range." She gritted her teeth."Why in the hell are you so slow?! Come on down, you lazy Angel!" She stared at her screen, willing the indicators to converge. And suddenly they did, as a starburst of light appeared in front of her. She only had time for a single gasp before she was enveloped.
Klaxons sounded all over command as the Angel's psychic beam began to erode Asuka's defenses. She whipped the rifle towards the target and fired. It was no use, the Angel was too far away. She pounded on her trigger, emptying the rifle's cartridge at anything at all. Explosions erupted all over the city. She screamed.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Rei squinted into the targeting assembly of her Eva. The Angel was harming a fellow pilot - it had to be stopped. She had to make the shot. Voices echoed in her ears.
"Accelerator synchronization initiated."
"Voltage is increasing. Approaching pressure zone."
"Compulsory focus convergence, activated."
"Correction for the Earth's rotation and gravity, point oh three."
"Pressure in the chamber is at maximum." Hyuga's voice finally made itself heard.
"Release the final safety lock. All personnel, prepare for firing." She squeezed the trigger, gritting her teeth as the recoil blew her Eva backwards. Fire erupted from the barrel of her cannon, and a golden beam of positrons leapt skywards. It hit the AT Field of the Angel, and shattered. Aoba's voice reported the failure.
"No effect! There wasn't enough energy to penetrate it's AT Field from this distance." She ignored other discussion. She had failed in her task. She heard Ikari-kun pleading to be allowed to launch, to help Asuka.
"Rei. Go to Dogma and get the Lance." Commander Ikari's voice snapped her out of her reverie. Once again, she had a purpose. She strode towards an elevator. But a thought nagged her, just barely at the edge of her mind. 'All you are is a doll... without purpose, you are nothing... *nothing*.' She closed her eyes, struggling to banish the voice back to the inner depths of her soul once again.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Asuka reflexivly snapped forward in her chair as the Angel's beam released her. Her breathing was deep and labored as she struggled to cope with the experience she had just had. A single tear, unbidden and uncontrolled, slipped down her cheek. Her lips worked, a nearly silent whisper slipping out.
"That bitch rescued *me*... that bitch rescued *me*..." She pulled her knees to her chest. "Why couldn't I just have died...?" Silent tears began to slip down her cheeks, dissolving into the LCL. She buried her face in her knees. "I wish I was dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm glad you're okay, Asuka." Shinji stood outside the bright yellow caution tape, watching as Asuka clutched her knees to her chest, sitting in a pool of LCL.
"Shut up, Third Child! Who the hell is okay?! That little bitch rescued me! I'd rather have DIED!" She began to silently cry as he looked on, making her feel even more miserable. 'I promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore... I'm so irresolute...'
Shinji watched in silence as Asuka sobbed silently, the only sound being her heaving for air as she cried. He could feel the aching gulf between them. He wanted to do something to help her, to support her, but he had no idea how. He snarled bitterly to himself. 'It's not as if she'd ever like me anyways... no one cares about me, so why do I even bother?' The answer came back to him, as always. 'Because you love her.'
Asuka felt his eyes boring into the back of her head. Picturing his face in her mind, she felt a sudden urge to run to him and just cry in his arms. Not even a second later, she ruthlessly crushed that idea before it could even start to take hold. 'I couldn't possibly love that spineless baka. Kaji-san is more my kind of guy... right?' But her mind was unrelenting. Asuka couldn't just forget about Shinji. 'But after he acted, at the apartment... and what he said... he must hate me now.' Unknown to each other, the two came to the same realization at the same time.
'Why should I even bother to love if getting close to someone will only hurt me?'
~~~~~~~~~~~
==A DAY LATER==
It was after ten p.m. as Shinji slowly approached the apartment where he used to live. In one hand was a bunch of flowers, in the other a card with one word scrawled on it in his worst handwriting. He shook with each step as he approached.
'Should I do this? Asuka hates me... Misato hates me... even Father hates me. I'm worthless to them all now. All they care about is Eva, not me... my only purpose in life is to die anyways... I hope she can forgive me for this.'
Asuka lay face down on her futon, eyes open but unseeing. The events from her sortie kept replaying in her mind, over and over. She felt the pain of the Angel's ray as it violated her mind, combing through her memories in an effort to understand. She saw herself, running through the hallways towards a closed door. The handle turned... and her mother hung from the ceiling, the red doll that Asuka knew was her hanging next to her. Snapping upright, Asuka screamed. She head-butted the wall, shattering the image in her mind, a fresh wave of pain replacing the horrid visions. By looking at the bloodstained wall and the bruised girl, one could tell that she had been at this for several hours. When the doorbell rang, she had almost begun to stare unseeing again. Rising unsteadily, she trudged to the door and punched the opener. There was no one there. Looking down, she spied a bundle of flowers. Picking them up, she looked at them critically.
'Probably a gift from Kaji to Misato... that bastard...' Grabbing the bundle, she separated the card and dropped it on the kitchen counter to read later. She pulled a vase from a closet, filled it, and dropped the flowers in. Still holding the vase, she flipped open the card. Her eyes went wide, the vase dropping from her nerveless fingers as she collapsed to her knees, the tears she had been struggling to hold in streaming freely down her face. The vase shattered on contact with the floor, spraying her with glass. Asuka didn't even notice. The card landed face-up, its one word written in ink red like blood rendered visible to the world.
Sayonara.
When the Section Two agents arrived at Shinji's quarters less than a minute later, they found him collapsed on the floor, a new bottle of sleeping pills near his hand. Before it had been opened, it had contained fifty of the small tablets. It was empty. They grabbed his limp form, rushing to the nearby NERV entrance and the infirmary within. As they ran, Shinji's heart, fluttering weakly, gave one last final beat of defiance - and stopped. Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit 1, the Third Child, and newly fifteen, had finally found the strength to end his life. It had been his birthday. His last breath slipped from his lips, forming one word.
"Asuka..."
But as Shinji Ikari's body shut down in the throes of death, he rushed towards the machinery in the heart of NERV that could save his life. Would he live, or would he die? Only time could tell.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
End Chapter 3
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
End Note: Gomen, gomen, gomen! I said I'd be faster, but I'm pretty sure I actually took longer to get this chapter posted than I did with two. I'm sorry for the wait, but since my school just started back up... well, it's kind of hectic. I'll try to write faster, I swear.
Ha ha, a cliffhanger! Doesn't that just suck? I'm trying to get back into the original darkfiction atmosphere here, and I think I did pretty well. Only my reviews will tell me for sure though.
Anyways, for those of you who haven't read my other fanfiction, NGE: SG, you should. To make it really easy, all you have to do is scroll to the top of the page, click on my author name, and click the other story in my profile. That is, after you review this one. Eheheh. Please?
Please read and review!
Your loving (and exhausted, IBs suck) author,
Sithanas
Enjoy!
Your loving author,
Sithanas
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Neon Genesis Evangelion: Limits
03: Fears
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a NERV housing complex on the outskirts of Tokyo-3, an adolescent boy tossed and turned in his bed, his dreams - nightmares, actually - filled with images of a red-headed girl...
"I hate you! I HATE EVERYONE!" *SLAP* "Get away from me, Third Child! I don't want your pity! I hate you! I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" They were standing on the balcony of Misato's apartment, with Shinji on the edge and Asuka standing in the doorway. He took a breath and tried to speak.
"Asuka, please-" She cut him off.
"Just LEAVE!" And she balled her hand into a fist and punched and he hit the railing and flipped over it, his hands just missing the edge as he grabbed for purchase, and he was falling and falling towards the ground, the seconds seeming to stretch out as Asuka's angry face peered over the railing at him and then he hit and the world was pain and pain and pain and pain and pain.....
The pounding roar of an Angel alarm blasted Shinji from his slumber. He shot upright, drenched in sweat, sheets tangled around his legs. His cell phone began to ring a moment later and he grabbed it, bringing it to his ear. An operator greeted him on the other end.
"Pilot Ikari, your presence is required at NERV Headquarters immediately. There is an incoming angel." A *click* signified that the line had gone dead. Shinji slumped back against the headboard of the bed, the phone dropping from his nerveless fingers. Clutching his legs to his chest, he began to cry, muttering softly to himself.
"I must not run away, I must not run away, I must not run away..." Covering his face with his hands, Shinji Ikari sobbed, his thoughts of a red-headed girl, and how he just ran away.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Aoba's voice echoed through the bridge level of Command. "Visual confirmation of Angel. This is maximum magnification."
Hyuga was next. "It's not moving from its orbit. Aoba bounced back, like a ping-pong ball.
"It's maintaining a constant distance from our position." Misato broke in, arms crossed under her chest.
"So, does that mean that it's looking for a place to land? Or that it's going to destroy us from up there?" Hyuga returned to the conversation.
"We can't attack it easily from this position." Now he was playing verbal ping-pong with Misato.
"Unless it comes into our range, there's nothing we can do. The Evas can't destroy an enemy that's in orbit. What's Rei's status?" Ibuki fielded the question this time.
"She and Unit 00 are both in good condition."
"Understood. Launch Unit 00. Prepare for extreme long range firing. Unit 02, Asuka, be ready to launch as her backup." Asuka's face on the comm display was one of shock.
"Backup? Me? For Unit 00?!"
"That's right, take the rear guard position."
"You can't be serious. Evangelion Unit 02, launch!" Ritsuko reflexively shouted her name as the rails crackled, but it was too late. Unit 02 was already ascending. Misato showed no surprise - thinking of it, it was to be expected.
"It's okay. Let her take the point if that's what she wants." Hyuga was obviously not as calm about it.
"Major Katsuragi!" Ritsuko leaned towards Ibuki conspiratorially.
"If she fails this time, Asuka won't be allowed to pilot anymore." Ibuki turned so she could glance back at her teacher.
"You mean this is her last chance?" Ritsuko leaned in closer, her voice lowering to a near whisper.
"Let's start preparing to replace Unit 02's pilot, just in case." Ibuki looked troubled at this.
"Yes ma'am." Hyuga turned around to look at Major Katsuragi."Excuse me, but aren't you going to launch Unit 01?"
"It's to remain frozen. Those are Commander Ikari's orders." She frowned slightly, remembering the bloody remains of the 14th Angel. 'After what happened, it's a good idea.'
~~~~~~~~~~~
Asuka's head snapped back as her Eva slammed to a halt at the end of the launch rail. Warning buzzers sounded as a weapons elevator opened in front of her, a positron cannon rising from it. She reached forward and grabbed the rifle, mounting it in the proper position on her Eva's shoulder.
"If I fail this time, they're not going to let me pilot anymore. You can't make any mistakes this time, Asuka." The rain outside damped everything, making it hard to get a lock, not to mention the fact that the damned Angel wasn't coming any closer. She raised the rifle into the sky, frowning as the targeting indicators refused to converge. Aoba's voice sounded in her ears.
"The target is still out of range." She gritted her teeth."Why in the hell are you so slow?! Come on down, you lazy Angel!" She stared at her screen, willing the indicators to converge. And suddenly they did, as a starburst of light appeared in front of her. She only had time for a single gasp before she was enveloped.
Klaxons sounded all over command as the Angel's psychic beam began to erode Asuka's defenses. She whipped the rifle towards the target and fired. It was no use, the Angel was too far away. She pounded on her trigger, emptying the rifle's cartridge at anything at all. Explosions erupted all over the city. She screamed.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Rei squinted into the targeting assembly of her Eva. The Angel was harming a fellow pilot - it had to be stopped. She had to make the shot. Voices echoed in her ears.
"Accelerator synchronization initiated."
"Voltage is increasing. Approaching pressure zone."
"Compulsory focus convergence, activated."
"Correction for the Earth's rotation and gravity, point oh three."
"Pressure in the chamber is at maximum." Hyuga's voice finally made itself heard.
"Release the final safety lock. All personnel, prepare for firing." She squeezed the trigger, gritting her teeth as the recoil blew her Eva backwards. Fire erupted from the barrel of her cannon, and a golden beam of positrons leapt skywards. It hit the AT Field of the Angel, and shattered. Aoba's voice reported the failure.
"No effect! There wasn't enough energy to penetrate it's AT Field from this distance." She ignored other discussion. She had failed in her task. She heard Ikari-kun pleading to be allowed to launch, to help Asuka.
"Rei. Go to Dogma and get the Lance." Commander Ikari's voice snapped her out of her reverie. Once again, she had a purpose. She strode towards an elevator. But a thought nagged her, just barely at the edge of her mind. 'All you are is a doll... without purpose, you are nothing... *nothing*.' She closed her eyes, struggling to banish the voice back to the inner depths of her soul once again.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Asuka reflexivly snapped forward in her chair as the Angel's beam released her. Her breathing was deep and labored as she struggled to cope with the experience she had just had. A single tear, unbidden and uncontrolled, slipped down her cheek. Her lips worked, a nearly silent whisper slipping out.
"That bitch rescued *me*... that bitch rescued *me*..." She pulled her knees to her chest. "Why couldn't I just have died...?" Silent tears began to slip down her cheeks, dissolving into the LCL. She buried her face in her knees. "I wish I was dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm glad you're okay, Asuka." Shinji stood outside the bright yellow caution tape, watching as Asuka clutched her knees to her chest, sitting in a pool of LCL.
"Shut up, Third Child! Who the hell is okay?! That little bitch rescued me! I'd rather have DIED!" She began to silently cry as he looked on, making her feel even more miserable. 'I promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore... I'm so irresolute...'
Shinji watched in silence as Asuka sobbed silently, the only sound being her heaving for air as she cried. He could feel the aching gulf between them. He wanted to do something to help her, to support her, but he had no idea how. He snarled bitterly to himself. 'It's not as if she'd ever like me anyways... no one cares about me, so why do I even bother?' The answer came back to him, as always. 'Because you love her.'
Asuka felt his eyes boring into the back of her head. Picturing his face in her mind, she felt a sudden urge to run to him and just cry in his arms. Not even a second later, she ruthlessly crushed that idea before it could even start to take hold. 'I couldn't possibly love that spineless baka. Kaji-san is more my kind of guy... right?' But her mind was unrelenting. Asuka couldn't just forget about Shinji. 'But after he acted, at the apartment... and what he said... he must hate me now.' Unknown to each other, the two came to the same realization at the same time.
'Why should I even bother to love if getting close to someone will only hurt me?'
~~~~~~~~~~~
==A DAY LATER==
It was after ten p.m. as Shinji slowly approached the apartment where he used to live. In one hand was a bunch of flowers, in the other a card with one word scrawled on it in his worst handwriting. He shook with each step as he approached.
'Should I do this? Asuka hates me... Misato hates me... even Father hates me. I'm worthless to them all now. All they care about is Eva, not me... my only purpose in life is to die anyways... I hope she can forgive me for this.'
Asuka lay face down on her futon, eyes open but unseeing. The events from her sortie kept replaying in her mind, over and over. She felt the pain of the Angel's ray as it violated her mind, combing through her memories in an effort to understand. She saw herself, running through the hallways towards a closed door. The handle turned... and her mother hung from the ceiling, the red doll that Asuka knew was her hanging next to her. Snapping upright, Asuka screamed. She head-butted the wall, shattering the image in her mind, a fresh wave of pain replacing the horrid visions. By looking at the bloodstained wall and the bruised girl, one could tell that she had been at this for several hours. When the doorbell rang, she had almost begun to stare unseeing again. Rising unsteadily, she trudged to the door and punched the opener. There was no one there. Looking down, she spied a bundle of flowers. Picking them up, she looked at them critically.
'Probably a gift from Kaji to Misato... that bastard...' Grabbing the bundle, she separated the card and dropped it on the kitchen counter to read later. She pulled a vase from a closet, filled it, and dropped the flowers in. Still holding the vase, she flipped open the card. Her eyes went wide, the vase dropping from her nerveless fingers as she collapsed to her knees, the tears she had been struggling to hold in streaming freely down her face. The vase shattered on contact with the floor, spraying her with glass. Asuka didn't even notice. The card landed face-up, its one word written in ink red like blood rendered visible to the world.
Sayonara.
When the Section Two agents arrived at Shinji's quarters less than a minute later, they found him collapsed on the floor, a new bottle of sleeping pills near his hand. Before it had been opened, it had contained fifty of the small tablets. It was empty. They grabbed his limp form, rushing to the nearby NERV entrance and the infirmary within. As they ran, Shinji's heart, fluttering weakly, gave one last final beat of defiance - and stopped. Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit 1, the Third Child, and newly fifteen, had finally found the strength to end his life. It had been his birthday. His last breath slipped from his lips, forming one word.
"Asuka..."
But as Shinji Ikari's body shut down in the throes of death, he rushed towards the machinery in the heart of NERV that could save his life. Would he live, or would he die? Only time could tell.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
End Chapter 3
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
End Note: Gomen, gomen, gomen! I said I'd be faster, but I'm pretty sure I actually took longer to get this chapter posted than I did with two. I'm sorry for the wait, but since my school just started back up... well, it's kind of hectic. I'll try to write faster, I swear.
Ha ha, a cliffhanger! Doesn't that just suck? I'm trying to get back into the original darkfiction atmosphere here, and I think I did pretty well. Only my reviews will tell me for sure though.
Anyways, for those of you who haven't read my other fanfiction, NGE: SG, you should. To make it really easy, all you have to do is scroll to the top of the page, click on my author name, and click the other story in my profile. That is, after you review this one. Eheheh. Please?
Please read and review!
Your loving (and exhausted, IBs suck) author,
Sithanas