Disclaimer: HEY, TAK WHADDAYA SAY? WE ALL WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU DISCLAIM TODAY! HURRY UP SO WE CAN STOP TYPING IN CAPS, NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE ANIME KID AND CHAOS GIRL DO NOT OWN CODE LYOKO.
TAK: Wow. That was retarded.
CG: So is everything you say.
TAK: So. Anyway, I'm answering reviews now! (I'm still not doing the awards show because I'm lazy.)
Why does Ulrich like panties? Because the authors felt like adding a really random ending to a sentence. It means absolutely nothing, except Odd now knows a secret that he can blackmail him over.
Why blow up the boiler room? Once again, blame Ulrich. Everything wrong in the world is his fault.
CG: Those were only two answers… ;
Cat: And that's where kittens come from!
Chapter 5 The QuestYumi appeared on screen in a really tacky anchorwoman outfit.
"This just in," she said, stacking papers together down onto the table in front of her. "Our generous employers want to inform you that this chapter's title has absolutely nothing to do with the Teen Titans episode The Quest. If you want to see us dressed up like Robin, go somewhere else. Or, bribe TAK with ridiculously large amounts of Arizona Iced Tea with Lemon. That's ARIZONA Iced Tea. With Lemon. Now back to your regularly scheduled chapter." The screen fuzzed and the scene changed to the group of teens standing outside the school gate.
"OH MY GOD!" Ulrich shouted. "You look so luscious in a suit, Yumi! Let's make out!"
"Ulrich, please. Not now. Someone might video tape us and threaten to take us to court for underage passionate sequences during a French anime-themed fanfic."
"Aww."
Yumi felt sorry for him so she pulled up her shirt and flashed him, and then Ulrich fell over, dead.
"NOO! I killed Ulrich with my incredibly sexy boobs! WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME! WHY!"
Just then, Ulrich walked up from down the street.
"Oh, I see you met my dummy. I made him myself! Don't you just love his super kung-fu dying action?"
"So… you don't think I look luscious in a suit?"
"Of course I do! I just don't want to admit it in public because people would find out my true feelings for you, and then our ratings would go down for doing it too early," he replied. Jeremie, Odd, and Aelita were standing by the gate, getting angry because they hadn't had any lines yet.
"HELLO! We're important too you know!" Odd complained.
"JEREMIE!" Aelita shouted, tapping her foot. Jeremie turned towards her.
"Yes, Aelita?"
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"
"…What? What did I do?"
"You little bastard! Don't you play dumb with me!"
Tears welled up at Jeremie's eyes.
"But… Aelita!"
"Don't talk to me!" she said, turning away from him. Odd came up to Jeremie.
"Don't mind her. She's just having some… girl problems right now."
"…How do you know! HAVE YOU BEEN SPYING ON HER?"
"NO! You know that I only have eyes for Yumi!"
"WHAT!" Ulrich shouted.
"WHAT!" Samantha shouted even louder, who had suddenly appeared again, sans apron.
"D-Did I say Yumi? I meant… uh… KIWI! Yes, my favoritest doggie in the whole wide world! I have to watch him all the time, so that's why I said I only have eyes for him!" explained Odd nervously. Kiwi looked up at him. He had been there all along, it's just that nobody looked down so they didn't notice him.
"Liar," he said.
"YOU CAN TALK!"
"Of course I can! Don't you know by the millions of other CL fanfics that say I can? And according to the Laws of Franime, If over 20,000 fan fictions have one common element, then that common element must be incorporated into the show, and thus every other fanfic. Whether or not the production companies choose to implement it is their decision. Now I'm off to Harvard to take classes in Quantum Mechanics, Advanced Trigonometry VIII, and Barking The ABC's."
He hopped off holding a bag in his mouth full of textbooks.
"Ok. That was weird. Whatever, let's go to McDonald's." Jeremie said.
"OH! I SEE HOW IT IS! You'll go to McDonalds because of your stupid starvation, but you won't get me no ice! What kind of man are you? I SHOULD BE BLINGIN! I SAVED THE FRICKIN WORLD 26 TIMES IN A FRICKIN ROW! Oh yeah, and about that hunger of yours! I lived in Lyoko my whole frickin life and I never ate! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HUNGER IS!" Aelita yelled. Suddenly, a gang of men with black ski masks pulled over their heads appeared. They all looked menacing.
"How are you? Would you like to buy some gingerbread?" one of them asked.
"…No. We've spent four chapters trying to get to McDonald's so far and we're not giving up on those Big Macs now!" Ulrich said.
"I'll buy some!" Odd volunteered. The man smirked.
"Too bad!" He said, and they all hit everybody in the head with bricks. Everything went black. They woke up in a very fancy, lavish palace throne room. There was an old man with a crown sitting on a thrown that was not only made of pure diamond, it had bars of gold embedded in it. And neon disco lights flashing inside to make it look pretty.
"Ah," the old man said. "I see you have awakened."
"Where… where are we? Are you my mommy?" asked Yumi.
"No, you ugly whore." he replied. Ulrich jumped up.
"HEY! DON'T CALL MY MUTUALLY CRUSHED UPON BUT NOT OFFICIAL GIRLFRIEND YET AN UGLY WHORE!"
Jeremie was next to speak.
"What happened?"
"You have been kidnapped by the government of Moo. We needed to enlist the aid of a New Zealander, a Japanese girl, a German kid, a geeky French boy, and a girl that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere."
"…Moo? I've never heard of that."
"WE'RE A NEW COUNTRY OKAY!" the old man said.
"Why do you need us?"
"We have very, very specific spiritual advisors. But that's not the point. We need you to go out into the land and find the sacred GOLDEN TOOTHBRUSH! The journey will be perilous, and you will face many dangers, impossible situations, and drunk hookers."
"And what if we don't want to?" asked Aelita, folding her arms.
"If you don't, we will go to war with your country and you'll never see tomorrow. May I point out that we have the world's fastest nuclear weapons pointed straight towards your rooms?" the old man pressed a button on a remote and a screen descended from the ceiling that showed 100 nuclear missiles pointed exactly towards their very rooms.
"Okay, you've persuaded us." Aelita said with her eyes wide open. "How would we find this golden toothbrush? Where?"
"How the hell am I supposed to know! That's why we had to ask you to find it for us! It's gold, and it's a toothbrush! Go on, snap to it!"
They were quickly rushed out the door.
"Well. That wasn't very nice." Odd commented.
"Don't you get it? Nobody is ever nice to us! That's what they're paid for," Ulrich said.
"But… that's not fair!"
"The world isn't fair."
"I HATE THIS!"
"So does everybody else."
"SHUT THE HELL UP!"
"You're just mad because you got that big ol' osh-kosh-b'gosh head."
"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"Uh-huh. Or what? You'll hit me with that piece of corn sticking out of your scalp?"
"I HATE YOU ALL I'M GONNA GO KILL MYSELF WAAAH!" Odd said, running around in random circles until he fell out.
"Wow. That was effective. So, uh, how are we supposed to find that stupid golden toothbrush thing?" Yumi asked, while Ulrich was rolling around on the ground laughing.
Meanwhile, back in the throne room, the old man sat watching them from one of the screens, laughing menacingly. He took off a mask and… dun dun DUN! It was the Evil Jeremie spiked head of XANA! Big surprise.
"But that's the thing, my dear," he said, now in his EJ voice. "You can't! I brought you here so you could spend endless days searching for something that doesn't exist so you can't go to McDonald's and you'll starve! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"
"We can hear you again!" Aelita shouted into the sky.
"DAMN IT!" Click.
"Well, what do we do now?" asked Jeremie. Everybody ONE-TWO STEP! I mean, Everybody looked at him.
"You're the smart one!" Ulrich said.
"But you're the criminal mastermind!"
"Since when did trying to figure out to get back to France when you're in the middle of who-knows-where have to do with having a criminal mind?"
"Since now."
"UGH! Don't look at me, I'm out of ideas anyway."
"Well, with our luck, we'd might as well go look for the toothbrush anyway." Jeremie began to walk, with Aelita following close behind, mumbling about how he'd look for oral hygiene products but he wouldn't buy her a new skirt. And lo, the five embarked on a long and perilous journey. We join our heroes as they encounter a giant brick wall that stretched out over the land as far as the eye could see.
"Oh, great. A brick wall," Yumi said.
"Don't worry, we'll just climb over it." Ulrich began to climb up the wall. Odd, who had said nothing for a while, was so angry at everything that he kicked a giant hole in the wall that he just walked through. Jeremie was such a geek that he and Aelita had to sit in front of his laptop for four hours, trying to figure out what to do. Finally, his program came up with a solution.
"Just walk through the hole Odd kicked, you imbecile," the laptop said in a computer-ish voice. Now, everyone but Yumi was on the other side.
"Come on, Yumi!" Ulrich called.
"I can't!" she replied. "I might break a nail!"
So, because Yumi was suddenly concerned about the preservation of her nails, Ulrich had to climb back over the wall (although he knew there was a hole there, he just wanted to look strong and heroic), pick her up, and carry her over the wall. She was still in a standing position under his arm when they landed on the other side and he put her down.
"Wow, Ulrich! You're sooo strong!" Yumi swooned. "How about we play some Uno sometime soon?"
She winked and Ulrich blushed. Jeremie started laughing again, and Aelita was confused again. She got mad because she was confused, and started randomly finding flowers in the grass and stomping up and down on them. They trekked onward. They went for days, with no sign of the golden toothbrush or any indication of where in the world the country of "Moo" was. Finally, Odd reached the peak of his frustration.
"I AM SO TIRED OF STUPID WALKING, AND WALKING, AND WALKING!" he shouted. He ran around wildly, whipping his arms everywhere. And then he stopped.
"Wait a minute," Odd said. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a shiny, glimmering gold-laden toothbrush! "It was in my back pocket the whole time! So that's how XANA did it! He knew I would never look back there!"
They heard random curse words being spewed out echoing across the sky. They knew it was XANA, yet another of his plans foiled.
"Well, you may have stopped me from blowing up France," he said. "But you're still in the middle of nowhere and you're going to starve! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
As if on cue, a team of helicopters flew in, and a ladder descended from the biggest one. To Ulrich and Yumi's horror and everyone else's relief, Sissi came down the ladder.
"OH, ULRICH DEAR!" she cried, throwing her arms around him. "I forced daddy to get me a fleet of helicopters as soon as I heard you were kidnapped! Now we can go back to France and go to McDonald's together!"
Yumi growled angrily, and so did Herb from up in the helicopter. They reluctantly climbed up and flew back to France, which was only two feet away.
9587495734957
TAK: YAY! THAT WAS CHAPTER FIVE! REVIEW!
Cat: And then review one more time and let me have the cookie!
TAK: Oh yeah, and one more thing, to the reviewer "Amy"—You're just mad because you don't know what an osh-kosh-b'gosh head is.
Amy:explodes: