Elizabeth walked into the lounge looking for coffee. Her shift was almost
over, but she had an evening with an overactive toddler ahead of her. When
she pushed the door open, Luka and Susan stopped their argument to look
over at her. Then they separated and sat in silence in opposite corners of
the couch.
« End of round one ? » joked Elizabeth drily without really looking at them.
« Susan thinks Romano needs to be checked into a locked ward. I think we've seen his first signs of sanity, » Luka summarized. Before Elizabeth could ask, his pager went off and he got up to leave.
Elizabeth looked after him for a second, shrugged, and then finished pouring her coffee. When she sat down at the table, Susan started in. « You're not even going to ask ? » she prodded.
Elizabeth sighed. The looking directly at Susan she decided to set the record straight. « Look, Susan. Everyone here seems to think that Dr Romano and I have this 'special relationship.' I don't know how you all got that idea, but.. »
Susan interrupted, « Maybe it's because you do. There's a connection there, Elizabeth. » When Elizabeth started to protest, Susan continued, « I'm not saying that you should get together, but he could maybe use a friend, you know ? »
« Why can't someone else befriend him ? » Elizabeth asked annoyed. « Alright. What happened ? » she aksed finally taking the bait.
Susan smiled as if she'd won, but then her expression tightened as she remembered Romano's reaction to the trauma.
« 20 year old girl. MVA. Paramedic said that she had gasped something about organ donation just before they lost her. She was too messed up, though. Romano knew. He just took her hand and waved the team away. He just watched her die. He put his head down, but we could see that he was crying. Just weeping really quietly. But for a long time. Elizabeth. Romano was crying. » Susan weighed the last words to make sure Elizabeth got the full impact.
« I see, » she said evenly. « Well, maybe he just felt sad. »
« Elizabeth ! » Susan exclaimed in exasperation.
« Alright, Susan. I've got it. He's a little bit unstable right now. » And she thought to herself : Definitely NOT the best time for me to get involved.
Then more patiently to Susan. « Susan. I am concerned. But he needs to work through this. He needs to figure it out for himself. We can't tell Robert that he needs to take a vacation or see a shrink. He doesn't listen. Why should I talk to him ? »
« He listens to you. » Susan felt her pager throb and decided she'd had enough of the conversation anyway. **
As Elizabeth started for home with Ella flailing in the car seat, she flipped on the radio. « Crying over you » was playing. Depressing she thought as she pushed the button. « Tracks of my tears » was on the next preset. Good god, she griped. The next one was not about crying, it was happy, she thought, until she got to the chorus : « You've got a friend. » Fine ! she muttered, turning the wheel to head to Romano's.
**
When she got to the door with Ella squirming in her arms, she somehow coaxed the little girl to ring the bell. But once the game was started, it was out of control. When Elizabeth pulled Ella away, she screamed to ring it again. When she let her, Ella pushed the bell hard and the chimes sounded for the third time. « Enough, Ella, » she scolded impatiently, but Ella wailed for one more time.
At the third ring, the door opened and a pretty blonde girl grinned at them. Elizabeth ws stunned for a moment and then came up with, « If this is a bad time, um. »
Just then Romano rounded the corner from the kitchen, wearing an apron, an oven mitt on his good hand and a slightly annoyed expression which turned to quick surprise when he saw Elizabeth.
« Robert, I, um, I should have called, um, I'll see you. » she started to turn, but Ella slipped from her arms and ran to Robert. « Cook ? » she piped. « Hmhm, » Robert nodded with amusement. « Cook ! Cook ! » Ella jumped up and down in excitement. Ella loved the rare times when Elizabeth would spend the afternoon with her in the kitchen, playing with cookie dough or cupcake icing.
The blonde's smile widened as she reached for Ella's hand. « Do you want to lick the bowl with me ? » she asked. Ella grabbed the hand to go, but then guiltily looked over one shoulder at her all-but-forgotten mother still standing in the doorway.
« Robert, » Elizabeth hesitated.
« It's alright. » Robert smiled. « If she likes chocolate chips. » Elizabeth nodded and then looked at Ella. « Okay, sweetie,' and then at the blonde, « Just a spoonful, okay. She hasn't had dinner. » The girl nodded and smiled and then looked down at Ella. « Let's go ! »
When Ella and her new friend had disappeared into the kitchen, Elizabeth caught her breath. « Robert. I'm so sorry to disturb you at home. » She coughed. What to say about the girl. « Especially since you have, um, company, and.. »
« Tess isn't company, » he replied. « She lives here. »
« Oh, » choked Elizabeth. So much for him being sad and alone. Dammit, Susan, she thought. He's shacked up with a twenty-year-old.
« Oh Robert ! Oh Uncle Bobby ! » a teasing voice called from the kitchen. When Robert and the suddenly shamefaced Elizabeth walked into the kitchen, they saw both Tess, Ella, the cupboards and the counter tops covered in powdery white confectioners sugar. As Elizabeth's faced wrinkled in consternation, Ella's face wrinkled in fear of a scolding and turned red. She suddenly started to wail.
« Hey ! » Robert, reacted quickly kneeling to comfort her. « It's okay. You just made it snow inside, that's all. » And he reached out his hand still covered with the oven mitt and patted her head. « There, there, » he awkwardly soothed her. Ella wanted a little more reassurance and teetered towards him until she had her head under his chin. Robert couldn't help but hug her and then lift her up with one arm and set her on the stool. He flipped off the mitt and traced his finger through the powder on the counter and then tasted it. « Not bad for snow, » he explained to Ella. She imitated his move, thoughtfully licking her own finger tip. « Yum ! » she smiled through her tears.
« Alright Ella, » Elizabeth intervened. « I think that's enough for now, » she said scooping her up. « Robert. I'm sorry. I should have warned you that she's going through a destructive phase. It's like bringing a time bomb to your home. »
Robert laughed and shook his head. « It's okay. For an explosion, this one's alright. Kind of sweet, really, » he added as he picked up a fork covered in sugar, licked it off, and tossed it into the sink.
« I just couldn't keep my hands on her and her hands away from the bag. Sorry, » Tess explained with an embarrassed shrug.
« It's a good thing that you're on clean up tonight, » Robert reminded.
« Hey. That's not fair. » Tess protested laughingly.
Elizabeth wanted to get out of there, but she didn't want to interrupt.
« If you get it done now, you may consider the meal I've made for you your little reward. I mean after your creation of salsa-spiked kraft dinner last night.. » Robert teased.
Tess rolled her eyes. « Yes master of all things culinary, I bow to you. I humbly clean your kitchen for the hope of tasting your amazing creations. I will now take sponge in hand to work toward the reward of eating the awesome feast with which you honor me. » Then changing her attitude, she retorted, « What is it again ? Chicken ? »
Robert swatted her playfully and grabbed a sponge to help. Then turned back to Elizabeth. « Oh hey, want to stay for dinner ? »
« N-no, » Elizabeth stuttered. « But we should probably help with the cleaning, I mean. ..»
« Look, » objected Tess, « they sort of go together in this house, « even though I somehow seem to get stuck with more of the cleaning than he does. I mean, what's the housekeeper paid for anyway ? Besides putting on that French maid's outfit..»
« Tess. » Robert corrected her. « What ? » she teased. « Brat ! » he joked back.
Elizabeth seemed at a loss, just watching Robert and Tess clean the counter when the oven timer went off. « Done ! » he exclaimed. « Lizzie ! » he belted. « Set the table ! » and he gestured with his head towards some cabinets. « Ella ! » he teased, « come with me. » And he absconded with a sticky-handed toddler to the washroom.
Elizabeth turned to Tess. She was pulling a roasting pan from the oven and gorgeous smells were wafting out with it. « You won't regret it. Especially the dessert ! » Tess promised with dancing eyes.
Elizabeth found herself, a few minutes later, setting a huge table already laid with a white cloth. A big mistake with Ella around she thought. In a few minutes, Robert was back with Ella by the hand. He pulled her with him to the living room from which they reemerged with some sofa cushions. « So she can reach the table, » he explained to Elizabeth.
« Really, Robert, » Elizabeth pleaded. « We weren't invited. »
« Yes you were. By me. Just now. » He cut her off.
« And besides, » he smiled, « Ella told me that she hasn't had a decent meal in ages. »
Elizabeth was about to scold Ella when she realized that the speech act to which Robert alluded was completely fabricated to annoy her.
« Alright. » She gave up, sitting down in a chair and pulling another toward her for Ella. « What's on the menu ? »
**
The dinner was delicious, she had to admit to herself. Roasted chicken, potatoes and veggies, spinach cooked with some sort of Italian ham, fresh rolls, and then these amazingly sweet and crunchy cannoli for dessert. Elizabeth didn't know how Robert had managed pastry with one arm, but she wasn't going to ask.
When it was all over, Ella was sleepy and so was Elizabeth, filled with good food, a glass of wine and happiness. Robert's niece was a sweet girl, an art student interning at the Institute this semester. Robert obviously adored her. And with her around, he was so different. Well, still sarcastic, teasing, bossy, but in a way that just barely hid a sort of unexpected sweetness. Hmm, thought Elizabeth, licking the last of the powdered sugar off of her lips.
Ella's little body sagged against her, and she was about to pick her up and begin their goodbyes, when Tess pulled the child into her arms and walked her into the living room. « We'll just enjoy the fire for a minute while you and Uncle Rob talk blood and guts. »
Oh thought Elizabeth. Back to business.
Robert looked at her carefully. He knew that she hadn't come by to have dinner with him. He had tricked her into staying. And he had tried to avoid hearing whatever it was she wanted to say to him.. Sure to be unpleasant. She seemed the spokesperson always elected by the staff to transmit grievances. She was the bearer of bad news from below but also above. Oh God, he thought, was Kerry firing him ? Again. Well, he rationalized, she would want to do it herself. Oh no, he thought, she'd know it would hurt most coming from Elizabeth. His eyes turned down. He just waited. At least Tess was here. Not that he wanted to be humiliated in front of his niece. But her happy presence comforted him. Made him think that there was something else besides pain, death, failure.
Elizabeth could see his mind working and she realized that he was probably imagining something much worse than what she was going to say : The staff is concerned about your emotional wellbeing. Then she thought, I should be. I should be concerned about you. I should speak for myself. But you seem to be doing so well tonight. Happy. Warm. Hmmm.
Silence.
She just reached over and took his hand. « Thanks for dinner , » she said softly and with a smile.
When she went to collect Ella, the child was awake and playing hide and seek with Tess behind the ample array of pillows thrown around the room. « Oh no, » thought Elizabeth.
« I like this new decorative scheme we have going, Tessie. Chromatic chaos, let's call it. » Robert laughed. « Alright Hurricane Ella, time for you to go home. » Ella's face wrinkled in protest again. She clung to Tess. « Tessie ! » « Well, » reasoned Robert pointing at Tess, « if you want, I suppose you could take her with you. »
Tess looked mildly irritated and explained to Ella. « Listen Ella, it's time for bed for everyone, but if your mom says it's okay, I'd like to play with you again soon. » Tess looked up, « I babysit, » she mouthed.
« She works cheap, » Robert joked.
« Come on, » he motioned as Tess picked up Ella. They all walked out to the car and when Elizabeth pulled away, Tess and Robert waved, her arm wrapped around him to huddle for warmth against the cold autumn air.
**
A few nights later, Elizabeth was pacing. She had just looked at her watch for the tenth time. Where was Kris ? She was never late. Elizabeth was meeting Edward in an hour.
Then her phone rang. Kris. Car trouble. Two hours outside of the city. Something about pumpkins. « It's okay, » Elizabeth murmured as tears clouded her eyes. She had really been looking forward to getting out. She was so tired of nights spent in front of the cartoon channel. She loved her daughter, but she needed a grown up in her life too. A man. And Dorsett had conveniently materialized. And now she'd have to cancel. Again. Unless.
And witout thinking too hard, she dialed Robert's number, programmed into her cell phone. « Hi. Tess. It's Elizabeth. Ella's mother. . »
Half an hour later Tess rolled up the drive in her uncle's jaguar. She bounded up the walk and greeted Ella with a big smile. Ella obviously remembered her and squeeled excitedly. « Okay, Ella, okay, » said Elizabeth, holding onto her shirt so that she wouldn't run out without shoes on.
Elizabeth was nervous about leaving Ella with a new person for the first time, but she still had a few minutes to go over the house rules before she really had to go. Twenty minutes later, after writing lists of numbers, demonstrating the microwave and fretting, Elizabeth kissed Ella good bye and got into her minivan to meet her date. She smiled. Dating. Hmmm.
After waiting for half and hour in the restaurant, alone, her phone rang. Dorsett caught in surgery. Cancelling. Well, thought Elizabeth, finishing her glass of wine, Tess might still be in one piece if I go home now. And she did. And she was.
Tess and Ella were painting with water colors, lying flat on the kitchen floor working together on a large sheet of brown paper. « Hey you two ! » Elizabeth crooned, happy to see Ella behaving so well as she quietly concentrated on the brown of a tree trunk.
« Shh, » joked Tess, « the artist is at work. » Then she curled into a sitting posture. « Is this a spot check ? »
« No, » Elizabeth explained, « just an early night. Sorry. I'll still pay you for the whole evening. » Tess shrugged. « I'm not here for the money. Just to spy for my uncle, » Tess grinned mischievously. When she saw Elizabeth wasn't laughing she quickly corrected, « I was joking. Really. He told me to be good and to go easy on your refrigerator. He complains that I eat him out of house and home »
Elizabeth laughed then. She imagined the affectionate jibes that niece and uncle shared. Ella looked up at her mother's unaccustomed laugh and smiled. « Mommy. Pretty. »
Elizabeth didn't know if she meant her or the painting, so she just nodded.
« Well, » Tess added, « I'll just surprise uncle Rob with an early return, I guess. Maybe I'll catch him with his hand in the cookie jar. » Elizabeth handed her a twenty and Tess crumpled it into her jeans pocket and fished out car keys from the other. She hugged Ella who was still absorbed in her painting and tiptoed out the door to avoid a long goodbye.
Twenty minutes later she knocked. « Elizabeth. I'm so sorry. Can I call my uncle ? The car won't start. » « Uh-oh, » Elizabeth teased. « Sure. Come back inside. »
After a few minutes on the phone, Tess put down the receiver and ran outside to look at something. She came back in looking worried. « I'm so sorry, Uncle Rob. I thought that if I.. » Robert obviously cut her off. She nodded, smiled and said goodbye.
« I forgot to have the oil changed. I've burned out the engine. On his JAG. » Tess lowered her head into her hands in despair. « Is he furious ? » Elizabeth asked, « Because if you want to stay.. » Tess looked up in surprise, « No. He's totally cool. I just feel really rotten. He trusted me to be responsible, and I blew it. He told me to call a cab for now and he'd call the tow truck in the morning. »
« Look » reasoned Elizabeth, «I'll drive you home. It's still early. And you'll wait an hour for a cab. And I'll never get Ella to bed if you're still here. » She felt sorry for the girl, who looked positively miserable. Even if Robert hadn't laid into her on the phone, maybe Elizabeth should run some sort of interference at home, she thought.
When they got to Robert's place, Tess thanked Elizabeth and said goodbye again. When she got to the door, Elizabeth waited for a minute. Robert opened on the first ring and she could see his face in the bright light. He was smiling and held out a steaming mug of something to Tess. She took it and as she did he kissed her on the forehead and then hugged her.
Elizabeth shook her head. If a colleague at work had broken Robert's ball point pen, he would have read them the riot act. When his niece destroyed his car, he hugged her. But, Elizabeth realized, Tess already seemed to get the lesson : trust, responsibility, were the words she'd used. She was so sad to have let him down. And there he was, not letting her down. As Elizabeth pondered this quietly with Ella dozing in the car seat, she heard a knock on the window. Which startled her and awakened Ella. It was Robert.
« Is car trouble contagious ? » he asked. Elizabeth shook her head. « Well, thanks for driving her, » he added. Then he quirked an eyebrow and asked, « Any ideas on making her feel less miserable ? »
Elizabeth smiled. « She killed your car. You don't have to cheer her up. »
Robert smiled back. « I'll remember that the next time a med student kills a patient. Well, I guess I'll just follow my instincts. »
« Which are ? » laughed Elizabeth.
« Hot chocolate, » he replied. « Chocolate, » begged Ella from the back seat. « Tessie ! »
And somehow Elizabeth found herself a few minutes later on Robert's couch, drinking hot cocoa while Ella played with Tess and Robert played with the fireplace. It was only about 9 on a Saturday night. Past Ella's bedtime, but not close to hers. Robert didn't ask her about her canceled plans, just if she was hungry. When she nodded, he asked : « Popcorn, Pretzels, Pound cake ? » « What happened to roasted chicken ? » she asked. « All gone, » I'm afraid. But I did make the cake tonight. Elizabeth nodded and went to help him. « Is baking part of your occupational therapy ? » she joked. « No, » he answered, « I just like to do it when Tess is here. Just makes me feel like I'm taking care of her, I guess.»
When Elizabeth and Robert returned from the kitchen with think slices of cake and a heaping bowl of strawberries, Ella was asleep in front of the fire in a nest of sofa cushions and Tess curled up next to her enraptured by the first scenes of an old black and white movie starting on TV.
Elizabeth and Robert sat down quietly on the couch, smiling at the cosy scene and started watching the movie, too. Elizabeth thought about leaving when she was done eating her cake, but somehting about the warmth of the fire made her limbs feel weak, as if they had melted into the sofa. Robert was sitting quietly in his corner, watching the movie, and every so often smiling a little when the sight of the two blonde heads sharing a pillow in front of the fire caught his eye. Elizabeth had to admit to herself that this was one of the most relaxing evenings she'd spent in a while and sighed as she changed her position on the couch. Oh no, she thought as Robert looked over, but he just smiled and offered her a blanket, wanting her to be comfortable, wondering if she'd stay.
A moment later, at the commercial, Tess softly stood up to go to the washroom, but not silently enough. Ella woke up and looked around, confused and grumpy. Before Elizabeth could twist herself out of the blanket, Robert patted the spot on the couch between them and Ella clambered up. Then, instead of snuggling with her mom, she decided that Robert's red sweater seemed softer and cuddled against him, smiled happily, and dropped right back off to sleep. Elizabeth looked surprised but Robert just whispered with a mischievous little smile, « Blondes. They always go for me ! »
As Tess returned from behind the couch, she heard the comment and playfully prodded her uncle's shoulder. He looked at her and whispered still grinning, « You know it's true. » Tess grinned back and nodded, sliding onto the couch between Elizabeth and Ella, so that the toddler was curled up between herself and her uncle. Robert kissed both blonde heads and looked totally satisfied with his evening, making Elizabeth wonder about all she had never discovered about him. She just shook her head and turned back to the movie.
When it was done, she stood up, stretched, and finally extricated Ella who protested only feebly. « Past both of our bedtimes, now, sweet pea, » Elizabeth whispered to her daughter. She smiled at Robert over her daughter's head. « Thanks for tonight. We had fun. » He shrugged. « I'll work on the menu for next time, » he joked.
As Elizabeth was about to say something about not bothering him again, no need for a next time, she caught herself. Why hurt his feelings ? And why couldn't there be a next time ? He hadn't tried to make the evening anything more than what it was. He had seemed more interested in the kids than in her. But he had shown her a sort of sweet attentiveness, nonetheless : the cake, the blanket, the smile. She felt so warm all of the sudden, thinking of that smile, wondering how warm it would be if, like Ella, she had curled up against Robert on the couch. She blinked the image away.
« Lizzie, » he reached out with concern and she instinctively stepped back. He dropped his hand suddenly, stepped back too. « Are you okay to drive ? » he asked. « Drink too much hot chocolate ? » he joked trying to make the stupid awkwardness go unnoticed, even though he was fully aware that Tess had seen Elizabeth's obvious rejection of his smallest move towards her.
« A little sleepy, but I'll be fine as soon as I take a breath of night air. We should go. » she reiterated reaching for Ella's coat. « You'll wake her, » interrupted Tess, and just draped a blanket around Ella and helped Elizabeth carry her things out to the car. Robert stayed behind, feeling the warmth of the evening slowly cool as the door opened and the night blew in, as the fire died, as Elizabeth left. When Tess came back in, he was clearing up cups and plates and pillows. She touched his shoulder gently to get his attention, but had to almost grab it to make him look at her.
« Uncle Rob ? » she started, not knowing what she was allowed to ask.
He smiled sadly. « It's complicated, » was all he said and just went on cleaning up the coffee table.
**
A couple of weeks later, after two dates with Edward, Elizabeth was spending an evening off at home alone. She made a snack for herself and Ella and curled up on the couch to read while Ella drowsed. Suddenly she was paged, and after a few calls, she found herself calling Tess again.
Once the emergency surgeries were over and Elizabeth was back home, she paid Tess and walked her to the door. As the girl stood on the porch, she turned back, her big, brown eyes reminding Elizabeth very much of Robert's. « Elizabeth ? » she began. « Yes, ? » Elizabeth replied. « Nothing. » Tess shook her head, walked back to the ar, and drove away.
**
It was Halloween. And Elizabeth wasn't supposed to be called in. But she was. After calling down her list, she got to Tess again but hesitated. She remembered the weird moment last time. Tess was about to ask her about her and Robert. She knew that. She wasn't sure just what the girl knew or wanted to know. But somehow Elizabeth knew that Robert hadn't said anything. All Tess knew was what she'd sensed. And seen. That when Robert moved towards her, Elizabeth moved away.
As the minutes ticked on and Ella was more and more fidgety in her cat in the hat costume, Elizabeth had to make a decision. Alright. One last time. She would ask Tess to watch Ella. But at the end of the evening, she would sit down with the girl and explain that that would have to be the last time. That things between Robert and herself were complicated. That . she was dialing and thinking at the same time and was startled when Robert picked up.
« Robert, it's Elizabeth, » she rushed, « Is Tess there by any chance ? » « Not right now, but I expect her for dinner. Should I have her call you ? » he said in a brisk, professional tone. Elizabeth froze. Why had she expected the girl to be there every time she needed her ? Elizabeth sighed a little loudly. « Lizzie ? » Robert prompted. « Well, it was actually a sort of babysitting emergency, but that's alright.. » « She'll be home soon, » Robert attempted. « No, it's okay, um, it's fine, maybe another time» Elizabeth responded despondently. « So what are you going to do, take Ella in with you ? » Robert demanded. « Look Robert, » Elizabeth was about to tell him off, to tell him that it wasn't any of his business, but she was the one who had called him and really his voice sounded more worried than anything else. « We both know what tonigth will be like at County, » Robert continued. « Just drop her off here, Elizabeth. Tess will be back soon. It's fine. » « But, » Elizabeth began, but her pager went off again and Robert cut in, « I heard that ! Come on Lizzie, I promise no scary movies and no poisoned candy at this house. » He stopped. « Maybe you think I'm too scary.. » « Oh no, Robert ! » she quickly spluttered. « It's just, I don't want to cause you any trouble. » Elizabeth hesitated. « Just bring me your daughter. She's a lot less trouble than you. » Robert countered and hung up.
**
When Elizabeth arrived at Robert's she was surprised to see pumpkins and Halloween decorations in front of the house. She quickly pulled Ella from the car, deciding to move fast before she changed her mind about this whole plan. Ella ran for the house without hesitation, repeating : « Punkin, punkin, » and making straight for the jack-o-lanterns.
Robert opened the door with a laugh. « Who's in my pumpkin patch ? » he teased. Ella giggled and Elizabeth's brow smoothed as she thought that this might work for at least a little while. As she was about to give Robert further instructions, her pager beeped madly and he waved her away, as he crouched down next to Ella to show her the different faces he and Tess had carved into the pumpkins. Hadn't had that much fun with a scalpel in ages, he thought to himself.
Later that night, Elizabeth finally made it out to the hospital garage and started her car. She had avoided calling Robert's place during the shift, afraid of what she might find out. Now she had to go face him. Hopefully Tess had taken over and Robert didn't have to run after her toddler all evening.
At around one a.m. she pulled up his drive. The lights were on. Good sign. She knocked softly and he opened the door. « I'm out of candy, » he joked. She was too tired to retort and just slumped a bit. « Elizabeth ! « He encouraged. « Come in ! » She did and looked around. A fire, soft music, a cinnamon smell in the air. She relaxed a little and smiled. « Bit by the baking bug again ? » she asked him. « Not tonight. It's just hot cider. Want some ? » But as she was protesting, he disappeared to get her a mug, and she stretched and sat down on the now familiar couch, looking around for signs of Tess. Or Ella. But she was too tired to move.
« Ella's sleeping in the guestroom, » Robert nodded towards a half-open door. « Oh, I hope she was good for you tonight. For Tess, I mean.,» Elizabeth answered. « She was, » smiled Robert. Then, the front door opened, and Tess came in. Elizabeth shot Robert a puzzled look. « She got invited to a Halloween party, so I took over the babysitting job. I charge a little more, but I'm worth it. Ask Ella. »
Elizabeth buried her face in her hands in embarrassment. She had dumped Ella off on her senior colleague for a full evening. What had he done with her ? What had she done to his beautiful home ?
Robert laughed. « I's okay. We had a good time. We trick or treated for a while, but Ella had more fun just answering my door and handing out candy to the other kids. Tis better to give than to receive, I guess. Anyway, she went down around 9 :30. »
« Oh, Robert ! » Elizabeth breathed, grateful, exhausted. « I'm so. »
« Tired, » Robert finished. « Look, it's late. You could stay with her in the guest room. » He paused and added. « I have an early shift, so I'd be gone when you wake up.. »
« Oh no. I couldn't, » Elizabeth started to feel really embarrassed. Tess had noticed the tension between them and was waiting to see what was going on.
« Okay, » Robert agreed. « Well, her things are all packed up in a bag next to the bed.. »
Elizabeth put down her mug, stood and walked towards the guestroom, Tess stood too, said, « Well, good-night, » and walked upstairs. Robert stood and just waited for Elizabeth to come out with Ella so that he could walk them to the door. When she didn't come back right away, though, he followed her into the guestroom.
Elizabeth was sitting on the bed stroking Ella's cheek. Stroking the faded marks of makeup from where cat whiskers had been drawn on and washed off. And crying quietly. Robert cleared his throat. She didn't look up but whispered. « Second Halloween in a row. That I've missed. I don't even like Halloween. » Elizabeth gulped back a sob, « I hate my life sometimes. » « Hey, » Robert sat down on the big bed near her but not too near. She felt his weight just behind her, his chest close to her back. And she closed her eyes and leaned against him.
Robert did nothing. Just sat there. Still. Waiting. And suddenly Elizabeth turned and wrapped her arms around him, burying her head in his shoulder. Robert hesitated then moved his arm around her back and pressed her gently to him. « Shhh. It's okay. You're just tired. You'll feel fine in the morning.» he reassured her. « Stay here tonight. » And she nodded. He separated himself from her and stood up. « Goodnight Elizabeth, » he whispered.
**
The next day Tess knocked softly and brought in coffee for Elizabeth. Ella had been up for hours and was playing with her cheerios in the kitchen and singing a soft little song. « Uncle Rob said you were on at ten, » Tess explained. « Thank you, » Elizabeth yawned.
As Tess turned to go, Elizabeth asked her to stay for a minute. « Tess, » she began, « I don't know how to explain to you why I can't be with him, but I just can't, » she offered. « I know it's not easy to understand. » She propped herself into a seated position, wrapped in one of Robert's robes. Tess tried to stop before things got too weird, but Elizabeth continued, « Sometimes, I don't even understand why myself, » she mused. « But we have this past, and. » Hearing her mother's voice, Ella had toddled in to say hello. Elizabeth reached for her, and Tess managed to slip out during the diversion. Probably a good thing since Elizabeth didn't know what more to say.
**
November. Cold, grey, depressing. Elizabeth had lost a series of patients and was feling frustrated by her inability to just move on. She found herself morosely rereading their files, trying to find her mistake even though their infections or complications were not her fault at all.
She decided to put herself on call in the ER for a week. Masochism, she wondered ? Punishment ? Just because then she couldn't blame herself. Most of the cases were lost causes when they came in, and there wasn't much time to think about them anyway.
After a few hours down in the ER, she started to notice that things were somehow different. Robert wasn't just off but he'd been away for several days. Elizabeth wanted to know more, but she found herself embarrassed to ask. When she got a break, she impetuously called his home number but just got voice mail. Was he alright ? Was he sick ? Was he depressed ? Perhaps he wasn't coping as well as she thought.
After work, she even drove by his house, but it was dark and she didn't stop.
The next morning though, she heard his voice and a strange wave of relief washed over her. He's okay, she thought. He's here.
Later, when they worked on a simple case together, she noticed that he was almost friendly to the patient, although he remained perfectly professional to her. They left the room together and in a spontaneous gesture, she grabbed his arm. Robert froze and then carefully turned toward her, waiting for her to explain this uncharacteristic action. « Um, » she started, « you were um, not down here yesterday. » Robert smiled. « Took some time. I never took much leave last year, despite everything, and I had some days to use » he explained without really explaining. « Oh. » Elizabeth answered, letting him go.
She looked down, disappointed tht he hadn't told her more. Both of their pageres started to beep just then and she shook herself out of it and shrugged. As they started in opposite directions, he called back over his shoulder. « I took Tess to Rome. We'll give you a slide show if you want. Call me. » And with a sort of cocky grin he turned and headed down the hall.
« End of round one ? » joked Elizabeth drily without really looking at them.
« Susan thinks Romano needs to be checked into a locked ward. I think we've seen his first signs of sanity, » Luka summarized. Before Elizabeth could ask, his pager went off and he got up to leave.
Elizabeth looked after him for a second, shrugged, and then finished pouring her coffee. When she sat down at the table, Susan started in. « You're not even going to ask ? » she prodded.
Elizabeth sighed. The looking directly at Susan she decided to set the record straight. « Look, Susan. Everyone here seems to think that Dr Romano and I have this 'special relationship.' I don't know how you all got that idea, but.. »
Susan interrupted, « Maybe it's because you do. There's a connection there, Elizabeth. » When Elizabeth started to protest, Susan continued, « I'm not saying that you should get together, but he could maybe use a friend, you know ? »
« Why can't someone else befriend him ? » Elizabeth asked annoyed. « Alright. What happened ? » she aksed finally taking the bait.
Susan smiled as if she'd won, but then her expression tightened as she remembered Romano's reaction to the trauma.
« 20 year old girl. MVA. Paramedic said that she had gasped something about organ donation just before they lost her. She was too messed up, though. Romano knew. He just took her hand and waved the team away. He just watched her die. He put his head down, but we could see that he was crying. Just weeping really quietly. But for a long time. Elizabeth. Romano was crying. » Susan weighed the last words to make sure Elizabeth got the full impact.
« I see, » she said evenly. « Well, maybe he just felt sad. »
« Elizabeth ! » Susan exclaimed in exasperation.
« Alright, Susan. I've got it. He's a little bit unstable right now. » And she thought to herself : Definitely NOT the best time for me to get involved.
Then more patiently to Susan. « Susan. I am concerned. But he needs to work through this. He needs to figure it out for himself. We can't tell Robert that he needs to take a vacation or see a shrink. He doesn't listen. Why should I talk to him ? »
« He listens to you. » Susan felt her pager throb and decided she'd had enough of the conversation anyway. **
As Elizabeth started for home with Ella flailing in the car seat, she flipped on the radio. « Crying over you » was playing. Depressing she thought as she pushed the button. « Tracks of my tears » was on the next preset. Good god, she griped. The next one was not about crying, it was happy, she thought, until she got to the chorus : « You've got a friend. » Fine ! she muttered, turning the wheel to head to Romano's.
**
When she got to the door with Ella squirming in her arms, she somehow coaxed the little girl to ring the bell. But once the game was started, it was out of control. When Elizabeth pulled Ella away, she screamed to ring it again. When she let her, Ella pushed the bell hard and the chimes sounded for the third time. « Enough, Ella, » she scolded impatiently, but Ella wailed for one more time.
At the third ring, the door opened and a pretty blonde girl grinned at them. Elizabeth ws stunned for a moment and then came up with, « If this is a bad time, um. »
Just then Romano rounded the corner from the kitchen, wearing an apron, an oven mitt on his good hand and a slightly annoyed expression which turned to quick surprise when he saw Elizabeth.
« Robert, I, um, I should have called, um, I'll see you. » she started to turn, but Ella slipped from her arms and ran to Robert. « Cook ? » she piped. « Hmhm, » Robert nodded with amusement. « Cook ! Cook ! » Ella jumped up and down in excitement. Ella loved the rare times when Elizabeth would spend the afternoon with her in the kitchen, playing with cookie dough or cupcake icing.
The blonde's smile widened as she reached for Ella's hand. « Do you want to lick the bowl with me ? » she asked. Ella grabbed the hand to go, but then guiltily looked over one shoulder at her all-but-forgotten mother still standing in the doorway.
« Robert, » Elizabeth hesitated.
« It's alright. » Robert smiled. « If she likes chocolate chips. » Elizabeth nodded and then looked at Ella. « Okay, sweetie,' and then at the blonde, « Just a spoonful, okay. She hasn't had dinner. » The girl nodded and smiled and then looked down at Ella. « Let's go ! »
When Ella and her new friend had disappeared into the kitchen, Elizabeth caught her breath. « Robert. I'm so sorry to disturb you at home. » She coughed. What to say about the girl. « Especially since you have, um, company, and.. »
« Tess isn't company, » he replied. « She lives here. »
« Oh, » choked Elizabeth. So much for him being sad and alone. Dammit, Susan, she thought. He's shacked up with a twenty-year-old.
« Oh Robert ! Oh Uncle Bobby ! » a teasing voice called from the kitchen. When Robert and the suddenly shamefaced Elizabeth walked into the kitchen, they saw both Tess, Ella, the cupboards and the counter tops covered in powdery white confectioners sugar. As Elizabeth's faced wrinkled in consternation, Ella's face wrinkled in fear of a scolding and turned red. She suddenly started to wail.
« Hey ! » Robert, reacted quickly kneeling to comfort her. « It's okay. You just made it snow inside, that's all. » And he reached out his hand still covered with the oven mitt and patted her head. « There, there, » he awkwardly soothed her. Ella wanted a little more reassurance and teetered towards him until she had her head under his chin. Robert couldn't help but hug her and then lift her up with one arm and set her on the stool. He flipped off the mitt and traced his finger through the powder on the counter and then tasted it. « Not bad for snow, » he explained to Ella. She imitated his move, thoughtfully licking her own finger tip. « Yum ! » she smiled through her tears.
« Alright Ella, » Elizabeth intervened. « I think that's enough for now, » she said scooping her up. « Robert. I'm sorry. I should have warned you that she's going through a destructive phase. It's like bringing a time bomb to your home. »
Robert laughed and shook his head. « It's okay. For an explosion, this one's alright. Kind of sweet, really, » he added as he picked up a fork covered in sugar, licked it off, and tossed it into the sink.
« I just couldn't keep my hands on her and her hands away from the bag. Sorry, » Tess explained with an embarrassed shrug.
« It's a good thing that you're on clean up tonight, » Robert reminded.
« Hey. That's not fair. » Tess protested laughingly.
Elizabeth wanted to get out of there, but she didn't want to interrupt.
« If you get it done now, you may consider the meal I've made for you your little reward. I mean after your creation of salsa-spiked kraft dinner last night.. » Robert teased.
Tess rolled her eyes. « Yes master of all things culinary, I bow to you. I humbly clean your kitchen for the hope of tasting your amazing creations. I will now take sponge in hand to work toward the reward of eating the awesome feast with which you honor me. » Then changing her attitude, she retorted, « What is it again ? Chicken ? »
Robert swatted her playfully and grabbed a sponge to help. Then turned back to Elizabeth. « Oh hey, want to stay for dinner ? »
« N-no, » Elizabeth stuttered. « But we should probably help with the cleaning, I mean. ..»
« Look, » objected Tess, « they sort of go together in this house, « even though I somehow seem to get stuck with more of the cleaning than he does. I mean, what's the housekeeper paid for anyway ? Besides putting on that French maid's outfit..»
« Tess. » Robert corrected her. « What ? » she teased. « Brat ! » he joked back.
Elizabeth seemed at a loss, just watching Robert and Tess clean the counter when the oven timer went off. « Done ! » he exclaimed. « Lizzie ! » he belted. « Set the table ! » and he gestured with his head towards some cabinets. « Ella ! » he teased, « come with me. » And he absconded with a sticky-handed toddler to the washroom.
Elizabeth turned to Tess. She was pulling a roasting pan from the oven and gorgeous smells were wafting out with it. « You won't regret it. Especially the dessert ! » Tess promised with dancing eyes.
Elizabeth found herself, a few minutes later, setting a huge table already laid with a white cloth. A big mistake with Ella around she thought. In a few minutes, Robert was back with Ella by the hand. He pulled her with him to the living room from which they reemerged with some sofa cushions. « So she can reach the table, » he explained to Elizabeth.
« Really, Robert, » Elizabeth pleaded. « We weren't invited. »
« Yes you were. By me. Just now. » He cut her off.
« And besides, » he smiled, « Ella told me that she hasn't had a decent meal in ages. »
Elizabeth was about to scold Ella when she realized that the speech act to which Robert alluded was completely fabricated to annoy her.
« Alright. » She gave up, sitting down in a chair and pulling another toward her for Ella. « What's on the menu ? »
**
The dinner was delicious, she had to admit to herself. Roasted chicken, potatoes and veggies, spinach cooked with some sort of Italian ham, fresh rolls, and then these amazingly sweet and crunchy cannoli for dessert. Elizabeth didn't know how Robert had managed pastry with one arm, but she wasn't going to ask.
When it was all over, Ella was sleepy and so was Elizabeth, filled with good food, a glass of wine and happiness. Robert's niece was a sweet girl, an art student interning at the Institute this semester. Robert obviously adored her. And with her around, he was so different. Well, still sarcastic, teasing, bossy, but in a way that just barely hid a sort of unexpected sweetness. Hmm, thought Elizabeth, licking the last of the powdered sugar off of her lips.
Ella's little body sagged against her, and she was about to pick her up and begin their goodbyes, when Tess pulled the child into her arms and walked her into the living room. « We'll just enjoy the fire for a minute while you and Uncle Rob talk blood and guts. »
Oh thought Elizabeth. Back to business.
Robert looked at her carefully. He knew that she hadn't come by to have dinner with him. He had tricked her into staying. And he had tried to avoid hearing whatever it was she wanted to say to him.. Sure to be unpleasant. She seemed the spokesperson always elected by the staff to transmit grievances. She was the bearer of bad news from below but also above. Oh God, he thought, was Kerry firing him ? Again. Well, he rationalized, she would want to do it herself. Oh no, he thought, she'd know it would hurt most coming from Elizabeth. His eyes turned down. He just waited. At least Tess was here. Not that he wanted to be humiliated in front of his niece. But her happy presence comforted him. Made him think that there was something else besides pain, death, failure.
Elizabeth could see his mind working and she realized that he was probably imagining something much worse than what she was going to say : The staff is concerned about your emotional wellbeing. Then she thought, I should be. I should be concerned about you. I should speak for myself. But you seem to be doing so well tonight. Happy. Warm. Hmmm.
Silence.
She just reached over and took his hand. « Thanks for dinner , » she said softly and with a smile.
When she went to collect Ella, the child was awake and playing hide and seek with Tess behind the ample array of pillows thrown around the room. « Oh no, » thought Elizabeth.
« I like this new decorative scheme we have going, Tessie. Chromatic chaos, let's call it. » Robert laughed. « Alright Hurricane Ella, time for you to go home. » Ella's face wrinkled in protest again. She clung to Tess. « Tessie ! » « Well, » reasoned Robert pointing at Tess, « if you want, I suppose you could take her with you. »
Tess looked mildly irritated and explained to Ella. « Listen Ella, it's time for bed for everyone, but if your mom says it's okay, I'd like to play with you again soon. » Tess looked up, « I babysit, » she mouthed.
« She works cheap, » Robert joked.
« Come on, » he motioned as Tess picked up Ella. They all walked out to the car and when Elizabeth pulled away, Tess and Robert waved, her arm wrapped around him to huddle for warmth against the cold autumn air.
**
A few nights later, Elizabeth was pacing. She had just looked at her watch for the tenth time. Where was Kris ? She was never late. Elizabeth was meeting Edward in an hour.
Then her phone rang. Kris. Car trouble. Two hours outside of the city. Something about pumpkins. « It's okay, » Elizabeth murmured as tears clouded her eyes. She had really been looking forward to getting out. She was so tired of nights spent in front of the cartoon channel. She loved her daughter, but she needed a grown up in her life too. A man. And Dorsett had conveniently materialized. And now she'd have to cancel. Again. Unless.
And witout thinking too hard, she dialed Robert's number, programmed into her cell phone. « Hi. Tess. It's Elizabeth. Ella's mother. . »
Half an hour later Tess rolled up the drive in her uncle's jaguar. She bounded up the walk and greeted Ella with a big smile. Ella obviously remembered her and squeeled excitedly. « Okay, Ella, okay, » said Elizabeth, holding onto her shirt so that she wouldn't run out without shoes on.
Elizabeth was nervous about leaving Ella with a new person for the first time, but she still had a few minutes to go over the house rules before she really had to go. Twenty minutes later, after writing lists of numbers, demonstrating the microwave and fretting, Elizabeth kissed Ella good bye and got into her minivan to meet her date. She smiled. Dating. Hmmm.
After waiting for half and hour in the restaurant, alone, her phone rang. Dorsett caught in surgery. Cancelling. Well, thought Elizabeth, finishing her glass of wine, Tess might still be in one piece if I go home now. And she did. And she was.
Tess and Ella were painting with water colors, lying flat on the kitchen floor working together on a large sheet of brown paper. « Hey you two ! » Elizabeth crooned, happy to see Ella behaving so well as she quietly concentrated on the brown of a tree trunk.
« Shh, » joked Tess, « the artist is at work. » Then she curled into a sitting posture. « Is this a spot check ? »
« No, » Elizabeth explained, « just an early night. Sorry. I'll still pay you for the whole evening. » Tess shrugged. « I'm not here for the money. Just to spy for my uncle, » Tess grinned mischievously. When she saw Elizabeth wasn't laughing she quickly corrected, « I was joking. Really. He told me to be good and to go easy on your refrigerator. He complains that I eat him out of house and home »
Elizabeth laughed then. She imagined the affectionate jibes that niece and uncle shared. Ella looked up at her mother's unaccustomed laugh and smiled. « Mommy. Pretty. »
Elizabeth didn't know if she meant her or the painting, so she just nodded.
« Well, » Tess added, « I'll just surprise uncle Rob with an early return, I guess. Maybe I'll catch him with his hand in the cookie jar. » Elizabeth handed her a twenty and Tess crumpled it into her jeans pocket and fished out car keys from the other. She hugged Ella who was still absorbed in her painting and tiptoed out the door to avoid a long goodbye.
Twenty minutes later she knocked. « Elizabeth. I'm so sorry. Can I call my uncle ? The car won't start. » « Uh-oh, » Elizabeth teased. « Sure. Come back inside. »
After a few minutes on the phone, Tess put down the receiver and ran outside to look at something. She came back in looking worried. « I'm so sorry, Uncle Rob. I thought that if I.. » Robert obviously cut her off. She nodded, smiled and said goodbye.
« I forgot to have the oil changed. I've burned out the engine. On his JAG. » Tess lowered her head into her hands in despair. « Is he furious ? » Elizabeth asked, « Because if you want to stay.. » Tess looked up in surprise, « No. He's totally cool. I just feel really rotten. He trusted me to be responsible, and I blew it. He told me to call a cab for now and he'd call the tow truck in the morning. »
« Look » reasoned Elizabeth, «I'll drive you home. It's still early. And you'll wait an hour for a cab. And I'll never get Ella to bed if you're still here. » She felt sorry for the girl, who looked positively miserable. Even if Robert hadn't laid into her on the phone, maybe Elizabeth should run some sort of interference at home, she thought.
When they got to Robert's place, Tess thanked Elizabeth and said goodbye again. When she got to the door, Elizabeth waited for a minute. Robert opened on the first ring and she could see his face in the bright light. He was smiling and held out a steaming mug of something to Tess. She took it and as she did he kissed her on the forehead and then hugged her.
Elizabeth shook her head. If a colleague at work had broken Robert's ball point pen, he would have read them the riot act. When his niece destroyed his car, he hugged her. But, Elizabeth realized, Tess already seemed to get the lesson : trust, responsibility, were the words she'd used. She was so sad to have let him down. And there he was, not letting her down. As Elizabeth pondered this quietly with Ella dozing in the car seat, she heard a knock on the window. Which startled her and awakened Ella. It was Robert.
« Is car trouble contagious ? » he asked. Elizabeth shook her head. « Well, thanks for driving her, » he added. Then he quirked an eyebrow and asked, « Any ideas on making her feel less miserable ? »
Elizabeth smiled. « She killed your car. You don't have to cheer her up. »
Robert smiled back. « I'll remember that the next time a med student kills a patient. Well, I guess I'll just follow my instincts. »
« Which are ? » laughed Elizabeth.
« Hot chocolate, » he replied. « Chocolate, » begged Ella from the back seat. « Tessie ! »
And somehow Elizabeth found herself a few minutes later on Robert's couch, drinking hot cocoa while Ella played with Tess and Robert played with the fireplace. It was only about 9 on a Saturday night. Past Ella's bedtime, but not close to hers. Robert didn't ask her about her canceled plans, just if she was hungry. When she nodded, he asked : « Popcorn, Pretzels, Pound cake ? » « What happened to roasted chicken ? » she asked. « All gone, » I'm afraid. But I did make the cake tonight. Elizabeth nodded and went to help him. « Is baking part of your occupational therapy ? » she joked. « No, » he answered, « I just like to do it when Tess is here. Just makes me feel like I'm taking care of her, I guess.»
When Elizabeth and Robert returned from the kitchen with think slices of cake and a heaping bowl of strawberries, Ella was asleep in front of the fire in a nest of sofa cushions and Tess curled up next to her enraptured by the first scenes of an old black and white movie starting on TV.
Elizabeth and Robert sat down quietly on the couch, smiling at the cosy scene and started watching the movie, too. Elizabeth thought about leaving when she was done eating her cake, but somehting about the warmth of the fire made her limbs feel weak, as if they had melted into the sofa. Robert was sitting quietly in his corner, watching the movie, and every so often smiling a little when the sight of the two blonde heads sharing a pillow in front of the fire caught his eye. Elizabeth had to admit to herself that this was one of the most relaxing evenings she'd spent in a while and sighed as she changed her position on the couch. Oh no, she thought as Robert looked over, but he just smiled and offered her a blanket, wanting her to be comfortable, wondering if she'd stay.
A moment later, at the commercial, Tess softly stood up to go to the washroom, but not silently enough. Ella woke up and looked around, confused and grumpy. Before Elizabeth could twist herself out of the blanket, Robert patted the spot on the couch between them and Ella clambered up. Then, instead of snuggling with her mom, she decided that Robert's red sweater seemed softer and cuddled against him, smiled happily, and dropped right back off to sleep. Elizabeth looked surprised but Robert just whispered with a mischievous little smile, « Blondes. They always go for me ! »
As Tess returned from behind the couch, she heard the comment and playfully prodded her uncle's shoulder. He looked at her and whispered still grinning, « You know it's true. » Tess grinned back and nodded, sliding onto the couch between Elizabeth and Ella, so that the toddler was curled up between herself and her uncle. Robert kissed both blonde heads and looked totally satisfied with his evening, making Elizabeth wonder about all she had never discovered about him. She just shook her head and turned back to the movie.
When it was done, she stood up, stretched, and finally extricated Ella who protested only feebly. « Past both of our bedtimes, now, sweet pea, » Elizabeth whispered to her daughter. She smiled at Robert over her daughter's head. « Thanks for tonight. We had fun. » He shrugged. « I'll work on the menu for next time, » he joked.
As Elizabeth was about to say something about not bothering him again, no need for a next time, she caught herself. Why hurt his feelings ? And why couldn't there be a next time ? He hadn't tried to make the evening anything more than what it was. He had seemed more interested in the kids than in her. But he had shown her a sort of sweet attentiveness, nonetheless : the cake, the blanket, the smile. She felt so warm all of the sudden, thinking of that smile, wondering how warm it would be if, like Ella, she had curled up against Robert on the couch. She blinked the image away.
« Lizzie, » he reached out with concern and she instinctively stepped back. He dropped his hand suddenly, stepped back too. « Are you okay to drive ? » he asked. « Drink too much hot chocolate ? » he joked trying to make the stupid awkwardness go unnoticed, even though he was fully aware that Tess had seen Elizabeth's obvious rejection of his smallest move towards her.
« A little sleepy, but I'll be fine as soon as I take a breath of night air. We should go. » she reiterated reaching for Ella's coat. « You'll wake her, » interrupted Tess, and just draped a blanket around Ella and helped Elizabeth carry her things out to the car. Robert stayed behind, feeling the warmth of the evening slowly cool as the door opened and the night blew in, as the fire died, as Elizabeth left. When Tess came back in, he was clearing up cups and plates and pillows. She touched his shoulder gently to get his attention, but had to almost grab it to make him look at her.
« Uncle Rob ? » she started, not knowing what she was allowed to ask.
He smiled sadly. « It's complicated, » was all he said and just went on cleaning up the coffee table.
**
A couple of weeks later, after two dates with Edward, Elizabeth was spending an evening off at home alone. She made a snack for herself and Ella and curled up on the couch to read while Ella drowsed. Suddenly she was paged, and after a few calls, she found herself calling Tess again.
Once the emergency surgeries were over and Elizabeth was back home, she paid Tess and walked her to the door. As the girl stood on the porch, she turned back, her big, brown eyes reminding Elizabeth very much of Robert's. « Elizabeth ? » she began. « Yes, ? » Elizabeth replied. « Nothing. » Tess shook her head, walked back to the ar, and drove away.
**
It was Halloween. And Elizabeth wasn't supposed to be called in. But she was. After calling down her list, she got to Tess again but hesitated. She remembered the weird moment last time. Tess was about to ask her about her and Robert. She knew that. She wasn't sure just what the girl knew or wanted to know. But somehow Elizabeth knew that Robert hadn't said anything. All Tess knew was what she'd sensed. And seen. That when Robert moved towards her, Elizabeth moved away.
As the minutes ticked on and Ella was more and more fidgety in her cat in the hat costume, Elizabeth had to make a decision. Alright. One last time. She would ask Tess to watch Ella. But at the end of the evening, she would sit down with the girl and explain that that would have to be the last time. That things between Robert and herself were complicated. That . she was dialing and thinking at the same time and was startled when Robert picked up.
« Robert, it's Elizabeth, » she rushed, « Is Tess there by any chance ? » « Not right now, but I expect her for dinner. Should I have her call you ? » he said in a brisk, professional tone. Elizabeth froze. Why had she expected the girl to be there every time she needed her ? Elizabeth sighed a little loudly. « Lizzie ? » Robert prompted. « Well, it was actually a sort of babysitting emergency, but that's alright.. » « She'll be home soon, » Robert attempted. « No, it's okay, um, it's fine, maybe another time» Elizabeth responded despondently. « So what are you going to do, take Ella in with you ? » Robert demanded. « Look Robert, » Elizabeth was about to tell him off, to tell him that it wasn't any of his business, but she was the one who had called him and really his voice sounded more worried than anything else. « We both know what tonigth will be like at County, » Robert continued. « Just drop her off here, Elizabeth. Tess will be back soon. It's fine. » « But, » Elizabeth began, but her pager went off again and Robert cut in, « I heard that ! Come on Lizzie, I promise no scary movies and no poisoned candy at this house. » He stopped. « Maybe you think I'm too scary.. » « Oh no, Robert ! » she quickly spluttered. « It's just, I don't want to cause you any trouble. » Elizabeth hesitated. « Just bring me your daughter. She's a lot less trouble than you. » Robert countered and hung up.
**
When Elizabeth arrived at Robert's she was surprised to see pumpkins and Halloween decorations in front of the house. She quickly pulled Ella from the car, deciding to move fast before she changed her mind about this whole plan. Ella ran for the house without hesitation, repeating : « Punkin, punkin, » and making straight for the jack-o-lanterns.
Robert opened the door with a laugh. « Who's in my pumpkin patch ? » he teased. Ella giggled and Elizabeth's brow smoothed as she thought that this might work for at least a little while. As she was about to give Robert further instructions, her pager beeped madly and he waved her away, as he crouched down next to Ella to show her the different faces he and Tess had carved into the pumpkins. Hadn't had that much fun with a scalpel in ages, he thought to himself.
Later that night, Elizabeth finally made it out to the hospital garage and started her car. She had avoided calling Robert's place during the shift, afraid of what she might find out. Now she had to go face him. Hopefully Tess had taken over and Robert didn't have to run after her toddler all evening.
At around one a.m. she pulled up his drive. The lights were on. Good sign. She knocked softly and he opened the door. « I'm out of candy, » he joked. She was too tired to retort and just slumped a bit. « Elizabeth ! « He encouraged. « Come in ! » She did and looked around. A fire, soft music, a cinnamon smell in the air. She relaxed a little and smiled. « Bit by the baking bug again ? » she asked him. « Not tonight. It's just hot cider. Want some ? » But as she was protesting, he disappeared to get her a mug, and she stretched and sat down on the now familiar couch, looking around for signs of Tess. Or Ella. But she was too tired to move.
« Ella's sleeping in the guestroom, » Robert nodded towards a half-open door. « Oh, I hope she was good for you tonight. For Tess, I mean.,» Elizabeth answered. « She was, » smiled Robert. Then, the front door opened, and Tess came in. Elizabeth shot Robert a puzzled look. « She got invited to a Halloween party, so I took over the babysitting job. I charge a little more, but I'm worth it. Ask Ella. »
Elizabeth buried her face in her hands in embarrassment. She had dumped Ella off on her senior colleague for a full evening. What had he done with her ? What had she done to his beautiful home ?
Robert laughed. « I's okay. We had a good time. We trick or treated for a while, but Ella had more fun just answering my door and handing out candy to the other kids. Tis better to give than to receive, I guess. Anyway, she went down around 9 :30. »
« Oh, Robert ! » Elizabeth breathed, grateful, exhausted. « I'm so. »
« Tired, » Robert finished. « Look, it's late. You could stay with her in the guest room. » He paused and added. « I have an early shift, so I'd be gone when you wake up.. »
« Oh no. I couldn't, » Elizabeth started to feel really embarrassed. Tess had noticed the tension between them and was waiting to see what was going on.
« Okay, » Robert agreed. « Well, her things are all packed up in a bag next to the bed.. »
Elizabeth put down her mug, stood and walked towards the guestroom, Tess stood too, said, « Well, good-night, » and walked upstairs. Robert stood and just waited for Elizabeth to come out with Ella so that he could walk them to the door. When she didn't come back right away, though, he followed her into the guestroom.
Elizabeth was sitting on the bed stroking Ella's cheek. Stroking the faded marks of makeup from where cat whiskers had been drawn on and washed off. And crying quietly. Robert cleared his throat. She didn't look up but whispered. « Second Halloween in a row. That I've missed. I don't even like Halloween. » Elizabeth gulped back a sob, « I hate my life sometimes. » « Hey, » Robert sat down on the big bed near her but not too near. She felt his weight just behind her, his chest close to her back. And she closed her eyes and leaned against him.
Robert did nothing. Just sat there. Still. Waiting. And suddenly Elizabeth turned and wrapped her arms around him, burying her head in his shoulder. Robert hesitated then moved his arm around her back and pressed her gently to him. « Shhh. It's okay. You're just tired. You'll feel fine in the morning.» he reassured her. « Stay here tonight. » And she nodded. He separated himself from her and stood up. « Goodnight Elizabeth, » he whispered.
**
The next day Tess knocked softly and brought in coffee for Elizabeth. Ella had been up for hours and was playing with her cheerios in the kitchen and singing a soft little song. « Uncle Rob said you were on at ten, » Tess explained. « Thank you, » Elizabeth yawned.
As Tess turned to go, Elizabeth asked her to stay for a minute. « Tess, » she began, « I don't know how to explain to you why I can't be with him, but I just can't, » she offered. « I know it's not easy to understand. » She propped herself into a seated position, wrapped in one of Robert's robes. Tess tried to stop before things got too weird, but Elizabeth continued, « Sometimes, I don't even understand why myself, » she mused. « But we have this past, and. » Hearing her mother's voice, Ella had toddled in to say hello. Elizabeth reached for her, and Tess managed to slip out during the diversion. Probably a good thing since Elizabeth didn't know what more to say.
**
November. Cold, grey, depressing. Elizabeth had lost a series of patients and was feling frustrated by her inability to just move on. She found herself morosely rereading their files, trying to find her mistake even though their infections or complications were not her fault at all.
She decided to put herself on call in the ER for a week. Masochism, she wondered ? Punishment ? Just because then she couldn't blame herself. Most of the cases were lost causes when they came in, and there wasn't much time to think about them anyway.
After a few hours down in the ER, she started to notice that things were somehow different. Robert wasn't just off but he'd been away for several days. Elizabeth wanted to know more, but she found herself embarrassed to ask. When she got a break, she impetuously called his home number but just got voice mail. Was he alright ? Was he sick ? Was he depressed ? Perhaps he wasn't coping as well as she thought.
After work, she even drove by his house, but it was dark and she didn't stop.
The next morning though, she heard his voice and a strange wave of relief washed over her. He's okay, she thought. He's here.
Later, when they worked on a simple case together, she noticed that he was almost friendly to the patient, although he remained perfectly professional to her. They left the room together and in a spontaneous gesture, she grabbed his arm. Robert froze and then carefully turned toward her, waiting for her to explain this uncharacteristic action. « Um, » she started, « you were um, not down here yesterday. » Robert smiled. « Took some time. I never took much leave last year, despite everything, and I had some days to use » he explained without really explaining. « Oh. » Elizabeth answered, letting him go.
She looked down, disappointed tht he hadn't told her more. Both of their pageres started to beep just then and she shook herself out of it and shrugged. As they started in opposite directions, he called back over his shoulder. « I took Tess to Rome. We'll give you a slide show if you want. Call me. » And with a sort of cocky grin he turned and headed down the hall.