Actually, no, they didn't have sex, bella. They did some necking and tentative touching, then fell asleep together. Anyway, looking back, I noticed that the London episode shows Joey handing Chandler the video camera just outside the hotel, so please imagine that he didn't do that or else that Chandler was so distracted by Joey's pop-up map of London, that he didn't get a chance to take out the tape from the camera. Hey, if the Friends writers can rewrite and reinterpret London events, so can I.

Now back to the present day, and the aftermath of Chandler's 30th birthday.

Chandler returned to the other apartment, not realizing that Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe still hadn't left yet. He walked right into them just when he felt upset and vulnerable. They asked him what was wrong, but he couldn't face them now and desperately demanded again that they all get out.

Monica said, "Chandler! What's going on?"

Without a word, he stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door, locking it. Then Chandler sank to the floor and cried miserably. This was too much for him to bear. They heard him and kept knocking on the door inquiringly, but he ignored them.

Sitting on the cool tile floor, Chandler shivered and remembered how he had locked himself in the bathroom in London too. It was so long ago now, but seeing the tape had refreshed his memory of those days.

In the hotel, Chandler woke up in bed and felt his head throbbing painfully. He found Joey curled up around him, and they were both partly undressed. Shocked and disturbed, he pushed Joey off him and sat up, but felt instantly queasy.

So Chandler dashed out of bed and into the bathroom, where he vomited for many minutes. Meanwhile, his mind had intermittent flashes of last night's activities, and how they had made out in bed. It terrified him. When Joey called out to him and knocked at the door, Chandler jumped and didn't answer him. Then he was relieved to hear Joey leaving the room, and hoped that he wouldn't be back for a long time.

Once his stomach finally settled, Chandler rose slowly and began to clean up. As he washed his face and glimpsed himself in the mirror, he felt so lost and confused. Then he rinsed out his mouth and drank some water.

Leaving the bathroom at last, Chandler went over and sat upon the neat, unused bed. He stared at the other bed that Joey hadn't bothered to straighten up yet. There, among those bedcovers, they had been tangled up together. There, they had crossed the line from best friends and roommates into something more intimate.

Trembling, Chandler gulped anxiously and tried to rationalize things. He couldn't be gay. Not like his dad. Not after all this time. He told himself that he had just been incredibly drunk last night, like when he had kissed a guy in a bar in Atlantic City, and it didn't mean anything. Chandler told himself that he didn't like kissing Joey at all, that in fact he was so disgusted, he had vomit at the memory. But a nagging part of his brain knew that this wasn't really true; the kisses were amazing, and his sickness came from his hangover. Chandler just covered his face and tried harder to believe in his excuses.

Suddenly, Joey returned to the room and startled him. Chandler wanted to hide, but Joey sat next to him and unnerved him by asking if he wanted to stay in their room today.

"No! No I don't!" Chandler got up and quickly grabbed some clothes to change into; he decided to leave the hotel by himself and try to clear his head by walking.

But evidently Joey misunderstood him, and thought they were going sightseeing together as planned. Chandler would have tried to get out of it, if not for the video camera that Joey brandished.

Blinking, Chandler vaguely recalled that Joey had been recording something in bed last night, and as far as he knew, their kisses might have been taped too. Chandler got scared and almost outright accused Joey of having recorded them in the act.

Joey didn't get his meaning, though, and only mentioned their activities at the pub and the club. In fact, Chandler started to notice Joey's overall oblivious behavior, so maybe Joey didn't even remember making out. If only he couldn't remember either.

Chandler reluctantly followed Joey down to breakfast, still watching him with worry and suspicion, and after they exited the hotel, Chandler tried to convince Joey to give him the camera and let him see the tape, but Joey wouldn't.

That day, they toured many sights of London, all while bickering about Joey being too enthusiastic and Chandler being too grumpy. Finally they fought over Joey buying a touristy hat, and this was the last straw for Chandler, who returned to the hotel to mope.

Back in their room, Chandler didn't even switch on the lights as he entered, and for several moments he just stood staring at the bed that they had slept in. The maid service had clearly tidied up while they were out, leaving both the beds neat and pristine, as if nothing strange had happened at all. But this was only an illusion, and he could still feel the weight of last night in the air.

So Chandler dejectedly walked to the other bed again and sank down on it. Resigned to the idea that sooner or later Joey was going to rewind that tape and discover what had happened, he wondered how Joey would react. Would he get angry or scared? Would he be disgusted and vomit too? Would he even want to move out when they got home?

Dreading a messy, painful confrontation with Joey, Chandler lay down on the bed and moaned unhappily. He huddled under the covers and closed his eyes, wishing that he could somehow turn back time and make things all right again. He hated himself for being so screwed up and so stupid when drunk.

Lying there in the darkness for a long time, Chandler inadvertently fell asleep and had an intimate dream about Joey. He was alone in bed, when Joey came back with a smile and climbed in beside him. Joey kissed him again, as if all was forgiven and everything was fine. Chandler felt surprised, but soon relaxed and responded to his warm laughter. There was no need to worry or be scared about the tape; Joey just repeated, "I want you," in his ear. They embraced each other and began to undress, getting lost in the passion.

Chandler woke with a start and gasped, almost believing that his dream had been real. But no, he was still alone and dressed. Besides, Joey wasn't gay. Joey was just drunk last night and didn't know what he was doing. He didn't even remember.

Troubled by his gay dream, Chandler quickly got out of bed and took a cold shower in the bathroom, not that it did much good. After he had dried off and dressed again, he still struggled with his feelings. Chandler made the bed, then tried to find distraction by watching TV or playing cards, but he remained lonely and preoccupied.

He hoped that there was still a chance to somehow salvage the situation. Maybe when Joey came back, Chandler could say to him, "I'm sorry. I was drunk. It will never happen again. Please forgive me." Maybe they could still be friends and roommates.

When Joey did return that afternoon, though, he remained as oblivious as before. Still angry at Chandler about their fights while sightseeing, Joey showed him and Monica his video of meeting Fergie that day. Then Monica had to leave with Ross to fix a wedding crisis, and they were alone again. Joey continued to boast about other people he had met and other places he had seen in London, as if to say, "I didn't need you. I had a great time."

Chandler was stunned that Joey was still unaware about last night, so when Joey finally paused and left to use the bathroom for a few minutes, Chandler grabbed the camera and frantically rewound the tape to the beginning.

There was no trace of them in bed. He searched throughout the tape, but still discovered nothing incriminating. Apparently Joey had recorded over it already with his sightseeing. Chandler was quite relieved by his luck.

When Joey came out again, he was initially angry to see Chandler messing around with his camera, but Chandler quickly and humbly apologized. He went over to Joey and said he was also very sorry for being so moody and grumpy earlier that day. "I-I guess it was my hangover or something. Can we make up, please?"

Joey was surprised and confused, but he guessed that maybe Chandler had a change of heart after seeing his irritable behavior caught on tape. He seemed sincere, and Joey didn't like fighting, so he shrugged and smiled with forgiveness. "Okay. Come here." He hugged Chandler close.

But this warm embrace made Chandler feel inappropriate desires again, and he abruptly pulled away. Avoiding Joey's eyes, Chandler blushed and coughed, saying that he had to go now.

"What? Where?"

"I-I just have to go... out. I'll see you at the rehearsal dinner." Then he left and nervously went out walking once more. After a while he got onto a double decker bus to brood, silently repeating to himself all his excuses again about why he wasn't and couldn't be gay. Chandler even tried to pick up a girl to prove that he wasn't gay, but as usual, he had no luck with women.

At the rehearsal dinner that evening, things were still awkward with Joey, and to make it worse, no one even laughed at Chandler's best man toast. When Joey started flirting with the bridesmaid named Felicity, Chandler envied both Joey's skill with women and his blissful ignorance about last night.

After more failed attempts to flirt with Englishwomen, Chandler decided to hang out with Monica, who was feeling depressed by her mother's constant criticisms, and by a drunk man mistaking her for Ross's mother. They comforted each other as friends for a while, but eventually Monica got drunk enough that she wanted to have sex and feel good about herself again. She came to his hotel room and kissed him.

Chandler had a twinge of guilt about this, but he also badly needed to get Joey out of his head, so he kissed her back and they spent the night together. It both surprised and reassured Chandler how good the sex turned out to be. Without knowing it, Monica helped him forget about Joey and feel normal again.

Chandler felt far from normal now. He was shaking all over and sobbing fiercely. Oh God. How could Joey have a tape of that first night in London? How? Chandler couldn't understand this, nor cope with it.

Outside the bathroom, Monica and the others were still asking him what was wrong. "Are you upset about the party?"

"It wasn't that bad!"

"We'll get you new presents."

He ignored them and pulled his knees up to his face, to muffle his tears. For so long, Chandler had convinced himself that the London memory wasn't real, that maybe it was all just a drunken dream and didn't actually happen. Maybe it was just like his dream about the strippers, which had suddenly veered off course from a lesbian orgiastic fantasy into a gay nightmare, with a strange man touching him familiarly. He just had to do his best to wake up from it and not think of it ever again.

But the videotape was proof that he couldn't possibly deny. It made the incident felt very close again, like it was only yesterday.

"Chandler, come on! Let us in, or I'll get my tools and take off the doorknob."

Hearing that threat, Chandler came to the door and yelled back, "Go away! I don't wanna see anybody."

"But we're worried about you."

"Yeah, and we're sorry."

Chandler insisted, "I don't wanna talk to you!"

Monica sighed and thought maybe he'd respond better if the others left. So she suggested that they go to Joey's place and see how he was doing, but Chandler overheard this.

He threw open the door and told them, "No! Leave him alone. Why can't you leave anybody alone?"

They didn't understand why he was so defensive. "We just want to know you're all right."

"And Joey too."

"Hey, does this have anything to do with what Joey was crying about at the party?" Ross asked, guessing that their mutual distress must be related somehow. "Did he tell you some bad news or something?"

Phoebe added, "Yeah, what really happened? I don't think Joey was just upset about getting older."

"Go away!" Chandler tried to shut the door again, but they were close enough to block him this time. He pushed past them all and ran to the master bedroom, but Monica followed him inside.

He cried on the bed, while she turned on the light and approached him. "Chandler? It's just me now, okay? Please tell me what's wrong."

He didn't answer her, huddling under the covers. She sat down on the bed and reached to touch him, but he rolled away from her and moaned.

"Chandler, come on. Why are you taking this so hard? Ross and Rachel didn't mean any harm; they're just, you know, caught up in their own crap now, and fighting like they always do. And Phoebe--well, she has no tact, and she writes songs about little black curly hairs! Besides, she's been trying to antagonize both of us since she moved in. If you just can't take it anymore, then maybe we should tell her to move out and go stay with Ross instead. Would that make you feel better?" She reached to pat his head gently, but he again retreated from her touch and continued to sob.

Monica felt rather frustrated at being unable to soothe him at all, and at the same time, her obsessive nature became increasingly irked by the mess he was making of the sheets and pillows. Compulsively, she cleared her throat and offered him a tissue box. "Honey, at least use some Kleenex, okay?"

He took the box from her, but didn't come out from underneath the bedcovers.

She felt better, though, to be regaining some control of the situation, so she decided to tackle another dirty distraction that was annoying her. She pulled back the lower corner of the duvet and grabbed hold of his ankles, while helpfully explaining, "I'm just gonna take off your shoes and put 'em away for you."

When Monica did that, she unfortunately reminded Chandler of something he had just seen in the videotape from London. Joey had Chandler's shirt half unbuttoned, playfully kissing and caressing his nipples while teasing him about the nubbin that had been removed by a doctor. Chandler kicked him lightly, and Joey sat up with a smile, catching hold of his ankle and taking off his shoes. He tossed the shoes and socks onto the floor, then curiously touched and tickled the stub of Chandler's sliced off pinky toe. Chandler whimpered with a mixture of pleasure and pain, grabbing Joey and pulling him near for another hot kiss. Joey eagerly returned to his arms, lying them down flat on the bed, close enough that they could feel their hearts beating. Chandler had never wanted someone so much.

Overcome with misery by this flashback, Chandler sharply pulled his feet away from Monica's grasp and sat up, dropping the tissue box and choking up more fiercely.

"Chandler?" Monica was perplexed by his withdrawal, and she came closer to him.

He shuddered with guilt and realized that, sometimes, when he had sex with Monica, she would unknowingly touch him in places that Joey had explored already. Chandler liked it, but he would not admit this to himself, let alone to her. He always insisted that the only important thing was his current sexual partner, not his fuzzy memories of what could have been merely a Boddington's-induced dream. What a fool he was, living in denial so long! The things he had asked her to do...

Monica remained concerned. "What is it? What's wrong?" She tried to hug him again, but he flinched and huddled behind his knees once more. By now, she was getting very impatient with him. "Chandler, talk to me!"

"I-I can't," he moaned helplessly. "I can't."

"Why? It's some guy thing that I wouldn't understand? Would you rather talk to Ross or--?"

"No."

"Then tell me, all right? Just tell me. Come on, Chandler, we shouldn't have any secrets between us."

That "us" upset him even more, and he felt like an even bigger scumbag for deceiving her and using her. He couldn't go on like this, making excuses.

"I-I-I never told you..." he gulped.

She prompted him to continue, "Yes? What is it, Chandler?"

"In London--me and Joey--we, we..."

"What!" She couldn't stand all this hesitation, and she wondered what did London have to do with today.

He closed his eyes and couldn't say it, not even in a whisper. Still, didn't he owe her the truth? He also couldn't bear the weight of this secret any longer.

Chandler decided that it might be easier to show than tell. "There--there's a videotape, in Joey's room. He found it."

"A tape?"

"It's in his camera." He cried again, then collapsed on the mattress, burrowing under the covers again.

Monica frowned with confusion, but decided to go and find this tape. Maybe it would give her some answers. So she got up from the bed and left Chandler to his sobbing.